* Posts by Darrell

30 publicly visible posts • joined 13 Jun 2007

Star Trek tractor beam to save Earth from asteroid Armageddon


Tractor beams pah!

Why not simply build an antimatter cannon, this would obliterate the NEO in a lovely big explosion full of booms and whooshes with an accompanying fireball and finally a white fwoooooooom with a ring of light that will shoot out across the solar system.

CERN could supply an almost endless amount of antimatter material and I'm sure the merkins have some sort of laser cannon that could be modded by er lets say Mr T and the rest of the A team.

If that fails all we need to do is shift the earth out of the way by getting all the cars in the world to accelerate the same way at the same time thus pushing the earth slightly away from the sun. Sorting out global warming! and saving everyone!

Of course while this is going on the team in charge of all of this needs 1 old but experienced engineer with a hot genius daughter, a young muscular physicist to fall in love with said daughter, lose in a misunderstanding and then ultimately win back . A weasely officer who gets killed but only after redeeming himself oh and the token black guy.

Ah and right at the end the politician who didn't want them to go puts a gun in his mouth /gets fired/ gets squashed by the only piece of NEO to make it through (depending on the rating and comedy value needed)

Or we could do something else.

Russian supply ship heads for ISS, space garbage crashes into Pacific


What a waste of waste

They should have crashed the rubbish ship into the moon.

There's at least 2 very good reasons for this

1. less pollution and danger to the puny earthlings. no massive plumes of black smoke, no CO2 and no danger of uncooked rubbish or equipment hitting people.

2. (This is the clincher) A slight increase in the mass of the moon. This will lead to a greater pull on the oceans by the moon and ultimately a lowering in the sea levels!!!!

Bingo 2 problems 1 stone :)

I'll take that nobel prize in blue please

Mozambique menaced by flesh-eating bananas


not so much rise of the machines as rise of the plants

This is Darwins nightmare. Bananas are moving into Triffid territory.

First they learnt to walk, now they're biting back.

I'm buying myself a flamethrower and moving to the isle of wight

New human-brain chip can be adjusted for cannabis effect


errrrrrrr........... giggle.....errr....

nah its gone


Antimatter hangs around at CERN


Simple CERN

Auntie hydrogen? When will this dumbing down stop!!!

'Electronic fags' are useless - US prof's startling claim


Absolute Poppycock

There is no medical evidance that smoking tobacco actually does you any harm!

Its the paper they wrap it up in.

Thats what should be banned

Look at the evidance for evil paper! it gives you cancer when paired with innocent Tobacco, it will cut you up as look at you, Nazi properganda was printed on it, you have to destroy trees to get it, and the most compelling argument. Its 99% of the ingredients used o make the Daily Mail!

What we need is a non paper substitute!

Directgov battles terrorism with report-a-website page


You say tomato, I say pedant.

I was actually refering to the nay sayers regarding the "Grass up your favourite terror site" inititive when I referred to commies (or commys, depending if you went to skool or not).

If it wasn't for the fascists we'd all be friends and eveyone would be happy.

What a terrible thought!

btw I take it you did mean 'Commies [sic] and Liberals' and not Commiys


You say potato, I say spud

Never let the facts get in the way of a good rant. The government doesn't


Black Helicopters

You Red Commy B$%£ards

You should be ashamed of yourselves. It's you lot that have let the commys and Liberals into this country. You'll ruin us all with your wooly thinking

God bless you Mr Brown for protecting us from free speech and our own minds.

We cant be trusted you know! we're all binge drinking, obese, car addicts. If I saw an internet page with extremist views on it. I would probably follow them letter for letter and bomb my own bathroom.

Damn I said bomb!

Damn I said it again.

Prepare the gulag, I'm on my way.

MoD laptop losses expose government data indifference


Although theres no evidence

That any of the lost data has found its way into the hands of the criminal fraternity.

(But they are working on it. )

Just out of interest, why are these people taking laptops full of private data home with them, not enough hours in the working day?

You can have all the security in the world to protect your millions of customers, password protected and encrypted. As soon as it leaves the premises in the hands of a junior office worker, all that security means nothing and the government have to rely on that employee not making copies, sharing it with others (for profit or just to impress his latest girlfriend), unlocking the PC and walking away etc. etc.

Taking a laptop out of the protected, CCTV'd, passcard entry, firewalled office is the same as not bothering with that security in the first place.

You'd never see a bank allowing a cashier to take home a bundle of notes to count at home, so why is this data leaving the premises.

Neil Briscoe said it very clearly. Centralised DBs are the way to go. not decentralised data!

Getting my coat and checking my wallet!

REALbasic for iPhone?

Thumb Up

But its COOL

The iPhone may not be the best PDA, it may not send MMS's or be able to take video. The keyboard is, at best, awkward and It's expensive, £1000 is a lot of money in anyones wallet.

But, here's the clincher, its very very cool. and its going to get cooler with the SDK released!

I drive a diesel estate, its sensible, comfortable, economical and cheap. But its not cool. Just like my phone (A samsung somthing) which takes pictures, recieves email and makes voice calls etc.

A friend has an iphone and i love it, its tactile, looks good, works flawlessly (so far as i can see) and has all the features I use.

(as I never send MMS's, take video or need a 5mp camera). When my current contract is up I will be getting myself a lil' bit of coolness in my life and buying an iPhone.

After all its cheaper than a ferrari!

Academics slam Java


@ oliver jones

"CS graduate comes out of University completely unprepared for the real world"

your post nothing to do with which language they use and everything to do with poor teaching standards and the university curriculum.


@Computer Science vs Computing

Hows the weather up there in your ivory tower?

Paris Hilton

if only java didnt have a GUI

"Students found it hard to write programs that did not have a graphic interface"

If someone could find a way of writing a Java program without the need of a graphic interface, students could learn how to program properly. Hang on... I already do program in java and NEVER use the GUI interface.

Its no different to using Visual C++ to build a form based program.

Edsger Dijkstra described those exposed to Basic as "mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration"'.

As far as Beginners All Purpose Instruction Code goes, I thought that it was supposed to be simple and easy to learn as a first step on the ladder to programming? Should every 13 year old computer studies student wanting to write their first "Hello World" program jump straight into C ?

I started on LOGO, then BASIC then Pascal and finally C and C++ before learning Java. so does that make me mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration?


The Paris tag is to show what a real mentally mutilated person beyond hope of regeneration really looks like.

Although I wouldn't kick her out of bed!


@Sort-of agree

Fair point, but surely this comes down to programming ability not the language.


the String vs StringBuffer methods in java.

if you append a String to a String then a new String object is created for every append., StringBuffer only uses the one object thus saving (potentially) shed loads of memory.

You can write a poorly running, resource heavy, inefficient program in any language.

(well the ones i have experience with, I know, I've done it!)


Java was originally designed to be run on embedded systems (back in the old Oak days). So saying that Java is a web based only language is just plain wrong!

Drunk US man asks drunk son to take the wheel


@Anonymous Coward

So all chavs are alcoholics and drunk drivers now?

Hey I have an idea lets imprison all the working classes and unemployed, that way we can start blaming the middle classes for all the wrong doing in the country!


TV villain talks into wrong end of iPhone

Paris Hilton

Looks a bit like simon pegg!

He may have the phone upside down, but with the iPhones appalling aerial it woudn't matter if it was the right way up as it would have dropped the call before he could say "Invisible woman? I can't see it myself"

How long till we see Paris doing he same? (using the phone upside down not, unfortunately, disappearing)

World's most gullible supermarket chain falls victim to online scam


Is no one asking the question

why is Supervalu buying 10 million dollars worth of doritos and greeting cards a week!

AI egghead: Human-robot humping, marriage by 2050


1 word for the sceptics

Bi-Centennial Man! (well alright 2)

Robin Williams fell in love the the film and died and all the other stuff that made him almost human.

Why cant there be others?

I've already chucked the missus out in favour of a lady bot with its 'N.A.G.' Chip removed.

I just need to upgrade the Mammary!


I'll get my coat

US demands air passengers ask its permission to fly


Great Idea

.. As no self respecting terrorist would use a false identity when traveling would they?

Gore wins Nobel Peace Prize


Now I've seen it all

Al Gore gets a nobel peace prize. Whos next Michael Moore?

The whole worlds gone mad!

Hackers hit back at iPhone update


C1 Hack

Where can I download the Citron C1 to Cadillac SRX4 Hack?

I don't mind about it invalidating my warranty as I plan to apply it to a cheap second hand model.

Also is anyone working on a C3 to Hummer Hack?

That would be cool!

Mystery radio bursts from the depths of the universe



"more of these bursts could be happening everyday," but they cant find them!

Ha They should've fitted RDS to the telescopes. I have it in my car and I very rarely lose a radio signal. Except for a stretch of 2 miles on my way home from work but that RIGHT out in the sticks, so its to be expected.

Space makes germs more deadly



Why not send the hippies into space to see if the micro gravity has the same super growth reaction to the bits of their brains that control logic!

Maybe they'll come back reasonable human beings instead of beardy, gibbering, rodent worrying, grave robbers with nothing better to do than complain about the people that help to keep them disease and B.O. free!

The bloody fools. I'd rather have the death of a hundred pesky mice on my hands than a nasty caustic burning sensation from untested products.


@I microgravity the real culprit?

"increased radiation in space (a much more likely candidate)"

Don't be silly Michael everyone knows that space radiation makes things grow monstrously bigger and more aggressive, or it gives you super powers (a'la fantastic four) not multiply faster.

Legal threat to 'Green nuke' consultation


Bloody Hippies

Typical! the Hippies start complaining and progress halts!

What does greenpeace suggest as an alternative?

We all love our Computers, DVD players, Xboxes and TV's more than we love 'Nature'. and anyone who says different is either a fool or a lier!

Toshiba to tempt Matrix buffs with freebie HD DVD player


HD My Arse

ITs a bloody swizz, its Gordon bloody Brown trying to get more money out of me.

ooooooo the lazy get!

'Portable' CD player puts MP3 into a spin



It should have a quick release button so you can shoot the cds out of the player, kinda like a cross between those helicopter rotor toys we had as kids and a ninja star :)

iPhone contract charges unveiled


Not really that expensive

£1000 over 2 years?

that works out to be £41.60 per month

So its not any more expensive than most middle of the range contracts in this country at the moment. Especially when you consider that theres basically a ipod nano thrown in for free.

Try getting an all singing all dancing Nokia on a monthly contract and you'll be looking at that sort of figure anyway, if not more.

Personally though I'll stick with my free sony phone and my 30gig Ipod. After all I've got 2 pockets, I might as well use them :)

Cornish separatists menace Jamie Oliver


Good on 'em

Its about time these jumped up cooks were put in their place.

Personally I think theres no way that these type of restaurants, either Olivers ASBO laden '15' or Steins over priced fish bar, could survive if it relied on the locals.

The southwest has the largest gap between wages and house prices in the country!

Stein and Oliver need the London second and third homers to keep them in designer flats and patronising sea food programmes.

Cornwall has beautiful countryside, amazing beaches and a deep history, but all people from outside the South West know of Cornwall is that its where that fat tongued cockney t**t keeps his juvenile delinquents and where Stein likes to pretend to go fishing!

Get back to London and take your second homers with you, Cornwall doesn't need your false pretentious over priced menus.