Isn't there already a Turd emoticon?
Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser
1300 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2011
Microsoft solicits Clippy comeback – later reveals it had already decided to bring back the peppy paperclip
It had to happen: Microsoft's cloudy Windows 365 desktops are due to land next month
South Korean uni installs lavatory that pays out when you spend a penny
Revealed: Perfect timings for creation of exemplary full English breakfast
Re: Commander Vimes style?
This?
"They don't go in for the fancy or exotic, but stick to conventional food like flightless bird embryos, minced organs in intestine skins, slices of hog flesh and burnt ground grass seeds dipped in animal fats; or, as it is known in their patois, egg, sausage, bacon and a fried slice of toast."
Terry Pratchett, Mort
Criminals prefer to WFH too: Singapore infosec agency says 43% of all crimes in the city-state happened online in 2020
Boffins decide what world really needs is indestructible robot cockroaches
Audacity users stick the knife – and fork – in to strip audio editor of unwanted features
Not for children: Audacity fans drop the f-bomb after privacy agreement changes
Things that needn't be said: Don't plonk a massive Starlink dish on the hood of your car
IBM's 18-month company-wide email system migration has been a disaster, sources say
Scientists identify sleep-like slow waves as responsible for daydreaming and... sorry, what were we talking about again?
'Google is present at almost all levels of the supply chain' for online ads: It's time for a competition probe, says EU
Mayflower, the AI ship sent to sail from the UK to the US with no humans, made it three days before breaking down
Roger Waters tells Facebook CEO to Zuck off after 'huge' song rights request
Today I shall explain how dual monitors work using the medium of interpretive dance
Re: Laptop + Monitor = two computers?
No it ain't.
I did hear a tale once (and if I can find it again I'll post a link) of a luser with a posh, expensive computer getting a new modem card (it was a while back) as his old one was knackered/obsolete/ not supported or something.
"It will take a day or two to arrive and for us to get an engineer to you to fit it." they said.
"What should I do with the old modem?" he asked.
"Chuck it" they said.
Modem arrived with a nice engineer to fit it.
"Where's the computer?" he asked.
"On the desk." Said the customer.
"That's the monitor" said the engineer. "Where's the (very expensive) computer box?"
"Oh, the old modem?" Says the luser. "I chucked it like you said."
.
Help wanted, work from anywhere ... except if you're located in Colorado
UK data regulator fines American Express up to 0.021p per email after opted-out folk spammed 4.1 million times
Audacity's new management hits rewind on telemetry plans following community outrage
Re: Probably not go back
"You can evaluate REAPER in full for 60 days. A REAPER license is affordably priced and DRM-free."
Although I do note our erstwhile commentard above suggests this is an honesty option.
Train operator phlunks phishing test by teasing employees with non-existent COVID bonus
Boot, other phoot
I was working for a large multinational, who should have REALLY known better.
An email circular arrived, completely unannounced, from an outside company.
The email was poorly written and stated that said company was looking after licence information for anyone driving a car on company business. We were asked to complete a form (downloaded from a URL that didn't seem to be applicable to either my employer nor this outside company) and send send a scan of my licence to a URL that was again apparently nothing to do with my employer nor this outside company's.
In short, ALL the hallmarks of a phishing scam.
I flagged the issue with HR, asking if the email was genuine - it was - and pointing out the glaring issues.
A year came and went and it was time for another round of driver verification.
EXACTLY the same happened.
They never learn, yet this was a billion pound international company.
Vietnam’s biggest industrial conglomerate quits smartphones and TV biz, bets on electric cars
Facebook: Nice iOS app of ours you have there, would be a shame if you had to pay for it
Let's make a list of all the advantages of personalised bovine excrement:
Telling me where I can buy more of something I've just bought? Nope.
Telling me about suppliers I have used? Nope.
Telling me about stuff I have already looked like and decided not to buy? Nope.
Telling me about stuff a bit like any of the above but not actually like any of them at all? Nope.
Telling me what other people bought after buying what I just looked at? Nope.
Telling me whats "Trending"? Nope
Telling me that People in (close geographical location) are going mad for (dumb item or product that is so shit it can't sell on its own merit)? Nope.
It goes on and on.
Personalised ads are an utter irrelevance. I repeat: an utter irrelevance.
Dear Zuck
Piss off and die.
Yours with extreme prejudice.
Vodafone building world-girdling hybrid analytics apps capable of slurping 50 terabytes a day
“more quickly offer its customers new, personalised products and services across multiple markets.”
Bollocks, pure and simple. You don't need umpteen twaddlebytes of data to mindlessly spew meaningless and irrelevant "personalised" advertising.
Let's make a list of all the advantages of personalised bovine excrement:
Telling me where I can buy more of something I've just bought? Nope.
Telling me about suppliers I have used? Nope.
Telling me about stuff I have already looked like and decided not to buy? Nope.
Telling me about stuff a bit like any of the above but not actually like any of them at all? Nope.
Telling me what other people bought after buying what I just looked at? Nope.
Telling me whats "Trending"? Nope
Telling me that People in (close geographical location) are going mad for (dumb item or product that is so shit it can't sell on its own merit)? Nope.
It goes on and on.
Personalised ads are an utter irrelevance. I repeat: an utter irrelevance.
Dear Vodafone
Piss off and die.
Yours with extreme prejudice.
Bank of England ponders minting 'Britcoin' to sit alongside the Pound
We need to talk about criminal adversaries who want you to eat undercooked onion rings
I rarely buy bread these days. Almost all breaded delight is courtesy on a Panasonic bread maker. It is our 4th machine, I think, replacing the last if a succession of cheapo machines that were simply worn out over many years of use.
Can't beat a semi-impromptu lunchtime snack that is half a small loaf of still-warm bread, butter (definitely NOT Marge or spread) and some good, smelly cheese. And a pint.
I do! I have a very elderly Tefal Actifry, inherited from my mum many years ago. It makes a fair fist of potato wedges and roasted spuds, using next to no oil or fat. If it does finally fail irreparably, I am pretty sure there will be a move by The Management to replace it with a current model equivalent- but definitely not a smart one.
Fridges... in... Spaaaaaaace: Engineers book ride on the Vomit Comet to test astro-refrigerator
Prince Philip, inadvertent father of the Computer Misuse Act, dies aged 99
Wouldn't it be lovely
To have a full program devoted to HRH being a real bloke, instead of a "royal"?
It'd need to be complete with ALL the quotes, either as recorded (if available) or suitably voiced, from the one in the article ("it's my wife's effin' water...." to "just take the effin' photo") and all stops in between.
He had a LIFE, so let's CELEBRATE it!
Airline software super-bug: Flight loads miscalculated because women using 'Miss' were treated as children
Post Office awards Fujitsu a £42.5m contract extension for the IT system behind wrongful subpostmaster prosecutions
It's wild the lengths Facebook engineers will go to find new ways to show you inane ads about tat: This time, AR...
BOFH: 7 jars of Marmite, a laptop and a good time
1Password has none, KeePass has none... So why are there seven embedded trackers in the LastPass Android app?
Robots that take out your garbage? Oh What A Feeling, says Toyota as it opens its very own smart city
Robots to take out the trash?
Bollocks. I claim Prior Art
The self ermptying bin had been the subject of discussion no less than 50 - that's FIFTY - years ago, by a select group of clientele convened on a table on the far left in the public bar at the Prince's Arms, Boxmoor, Herts (now sadly long gone).
We had pretty much finished the based design which included, if memory serves me right, a pair of suitably stout gateposts and a quantity of tractor inner tubes.
Not only would the trash be 'taken out' but would be, given a suitably aligned front path, deposited in the general vicinity of the council's refuse depot.
The last I heard was that work was progressing on
a) improving accuracy
b) returning the emptied bin to its home address after any repairs had been completed and
c) minimising collateral damage either through better accuracy or suitable reinforcement of windows in the ballistic flight path.
The wastepaper basket is on the other side of the office – that must be why they put all these slots in the computer
Pizza and beer night out the window, hours trying to sort issue, then a fresh pair of eyes says 'See, the problem is...'
What can the 1944 OSS manual teach us before we all return to sabotage the office?
No amount of Glasgow handshaking will revive this borked kiosk
BOFH: Time for the MMOCC. You know, the Massively Moronic Online Christmas Call
Hong Kong's Hutchison Group, which runs mobile carrier ‘3’, protests as USA puts it on new China ban list
UK firm NOW: Pensions tells some customers a 'service partner' leaked their data all over 'public software forum'
Cats: Not a fan favourite when the critters are draped around an office packed with tech
Slugs don't have fur
Was asked once to look at a relative's fridge, which appeared to have given up the ghost. Investigation turned into stripdown. The thermostat gubbins is s bit if electrickery on a PCB sat underneath the top of the fridge, adorned with pitted trackwork and the remains of a partially copper plated slug*
New fridge time.
*No, the garden pest, not Trump, but I like your train of thought.