Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Want a free Bosch steam iron? You'll have to TALK TO THE DEAD

Well.....

Ouija believe it?

Misco Shared Services Centre drone brands customer 'insane'

Bloody amateurs.

You want REAL incompetence - try TalkTalk.

Reg LOHAN spaceplane: Punch and Judy show in comedy non-explosive climax

Breast of duck next time

This post contains letters

Tornado-chasing stealth Batmobile set to invade killer vortices

Bloody Merican mutilation of English

Its "tyres" not "tires"

Tyres is wot goes on wheels.

Tires is the effect writing from a yank has on me.

German freemail firms defend AdBlock-nobbling campaign

Re: /sigh

you mean.... like... being honest? from an advertiser?

Japanese boffins build 'earring PC' for hands-free computing

Re: Wot, no pix

+1 - But only if it's PLAYMOBIL!!!!!!!

Unmanned, autonomous ROBOT TRUCK CONVOY 'drives though town'

Re: Military?

So, a bit like a train then?

NASA probe orbiting Moon sights ANOTHER SPACECRAFT

Playmobil

Or it never happened

Do you wear specs? Google Glass offers YOU amazing live HD video

Sausage break?

China's Jade Rabbit moon rover might have DIED in the NIGHT after 'abnormality'

Well.....

KAFRIGGINGBLOODYBOOM!

There.

Better?

HP sticks thumb in Microsoft's eye, extends Windows 7 option for new machines

I'll wait for Windows 9

Or will it be Windows Nein?

Survey: Yoof too COOL for Ferraris, want state-sponsored hybrids

Re: Didn't Some one say....

I got a 32G USB stick hooked into me Passat that I can control perfectly well via the steering wheel mounted knobs and buttons, including skipping around folders and songs, etc. You don't need an iThingy.

Intel ditches McAfee brand: 'THANK GOD' shouts McAfee the man

Re: They all have different personalities

I now have a very odd urge to wash my keyboard

'BILLION-YEAR DISK' to help FUTURE LIFEFORMS study us

Surely there's only one acronym fo rthis?

Silicon

Nitride

On

Tungsten

I'll get my long lived coat.

Microsoft yanks Surface 2 DIM SCREEN of DEATH fix in update snafu

Re: 2000?

Be cheaper for MS to shell out on 2000 iPads and give them to the punters.

Facebook to BLAST the web with AUTO-PLAYING VIDEO ads

Re: But they can't be switched off, either.

Root the phone and rip it out.

You don't "Use" Faecebook

You are the commodity. Advertisers are the ones 'using' Faecebook

Re: Thank you Facebook

Yes. Easy to avoid. Close Faecebook account and don't bother going there again - like most sane people.

Inside IBM's vomit-inducing, noise-free future chip lab

Re: What are you doing tonight Emanuel Loertscher?

PARDON?

DON'T PANIC: No FM Death Date next month, minister confirms

If DAB is the answer

It must have been a fucking stupid question

Think unpatched Win XP hole's not a big deal? Hope you trust your local users

Re: Quote "XP is like 13 years old. Get with the 21st Century."

However, unlike Wrongdows 8.x, a modern car isn't sold with the steering wheel on the roof or the gearshift in the trunk, requiring a trip to the custom workshop to get it sorted.

BBC's 3D blunder BLASTED OUR BRAINS – Doctor Who fans

Re: I've never understood the need for on-screen logos

1) doesn't compute: A watermark/ID could be buried unobtrusively in the datastream or in the image. it doesn't have to be distracting.

2) TV execs can READ?

Build your own WORKING Sonic Screwdriver... for a UNDER A FIVER

But, but, but

Does it:

a) Actually unscrew things?

b) Blow the living shit out of (in)convenient bits of scenery?

Oooh! My NAUGHTY SKIRT keeps riding up! Hello, INTERNET EXPLORER

Well it's a case of

Bing goes for Bimbo

Google RIPS aside curtain, exposes Nexus 5 phone, KitKat Android 4.4 coupling

Re: Went and ordered one

Absofrikkin'lutely

Capita splashes £57.5m on Eye-of-Sauron car-park watchdog biz

To crapita:

You may think you have discovered a gold mine

Beware of the shaft

Get your mitts greasy with FREE hands-on Windows Azure training

Me too, me too

Me too, me too

Microsoft investors push for Bill Gates defenestration: report

Wonder just how big his payoff will be

640k should be enough for anybody

Rare gold iPhone 5s goes up against 50 caliber high precision rifle

Re: But does it blend?

Shoudnt that be iSplode?

Boffins have constructed a new LIGHT SABRE. Their skills are complete

Re: If I was making a press release like this

Nah. I'd have released it on May 3rd. Then I could sign off with "May the fourth be with you"

Google's boffins branded 'unacceptably ineffective' at tackling web piracy

Re: Ask one back

Messrs Kruger & Dunning will bear you out.

Microsoft: Surface is DEAD. Long live the Surface 2!

Actually, unlike your comment, it's not a knee jerk reaction; it's a conisdered opinion after giving Win8 something of a try.

I do not like it at all. Possibly with Classic Shell but, there again, why should I tonk around making it usable? I didn't have to run around customising my new car whan I bought it, just to make it possible to drive, so why should I be expected to do that with what is suposed to be a finished and polished OS?

Lets see: Windows 8. No thanks. Definitely no, thanks. No, no, no, no.

Price: no thanks

Launchpads, catapults... what a load of - WAIT, there's £15m for grabs?

Wellingtons needed

Knee deep in bullshit

THE TRUTH about beaver arse milk in your cakes: There's nothing vanilla about vanilla

Had Beaver Tail in Canada, once.

Bought it from a street stall. Jolly nice too, it was.

BBC releases MYSTERY RIDDLE poster for Doctor Who anniversary episode

Only one 'merican SciFi programme was anywhere near good

and that was Third Rock - and I bet even that had some sizeable input from a brit or two

Windows 8.1: Microsoft's reluctant upgrade has a split-screen personality

You can't polish a turd

Only roll it in glitter

Dyson takes Samsung to court in UK over vacuum cleaner

Re: Bah!

"Re: Bah!

I did want to try to fix the switch but it was a tricky slide arrangement with some sort of chip or transistor block or chip incorporated - outside my skills and the repair shop quoted more than I could stomach. Fortunately I was offered a second hand Dyson upright for a ridiculously cheap sum."

You do realise that Dyson do fixed price servicing including parts? Had our DC07 almost rebuilt a few years back: New motor, beater bar clutch, belt, cyclone, post motor filter, etc., for about sixty quid.

Ballmer's emotional farewell to Redmond: I LOVE THIS COMPANY

Yes, and Pot

A Crack Pot

Google Glass is high fashion in September Vogue magazine

If it wasn't stone dead before

It sure is now.

Facebook reassures adland: We've got s**tloads of users

Facebook reassures adland: We've got s**tloads of users

Facebook reassures adland: We've got s**tloads of Lusers

There: Fixed it for them

This weekend: Watch HOT STARS shower! Moon won't interfere

You can bet your sweet biddy

It will be PI55ING down

Posh potty owners flushed by dodgy Bluetooth password

Re: The My Satis application

Shouldn't that be "Shitter and Faecebook posts"?

So, who here LURVES Windows Phone? Put your hands up, Brits

Re: Quick and dirty survey created

Results here:

http://tolu.na/18MjZ9e

Davros liable to criticism for huge STRAW DALEK he never built

PLAYMOBIL!

Or it never happened

IN Dalek Farm, how can you tell the Dalek artificial inseminator?

He's the one shouting "Eggs-sperminate!"

STEVE BALLMER KILLS WINDOWS

Re: Ballmer kills Windows?

It did. Balmer is now just stamping on the bits

Big Beardie is watching you: Lord Sugar gets into facial recognition

Now, Faecial recognition is another thing entirely.

Can I contribute?

My face; my copyright

You want to take pics of me for commercial purposes? £500 per picture or frame.

That's per picture or frame. I bet you are running video feeds at, say, 10-25 frames per second