* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

936 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

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Two large flightless birds walk into a bar... The pub's owner was not emused *ba-dum tsh*

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Yep, people are leveraging toileting for all they are worth.

USA seeks Moon and Mars nuke power plant designs ready to fly in 2027

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: What are they going to do with the heat?

100 people on a sofa? That's one heck of a group cuddle

If you can read this, your Windows 10 2004 PC really is connected to the internet no matter what the OS claims

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Cortana can't be activated

Every cloud has a silver lining

Is it Patch Blues-day for Outlook? Microsoft's email client breaks worldwide, leaves everyone stumped

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Office 320

And falling

Google employs people to invent colours – and they think their work improves your wellbeing

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Google's corporate colour name

That's Windows 10 you're thinking about there.

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Octarine

The only colour you'll ever need.

>doffs hat to the memory of Sir Pterry<

Baroness Dido Harding lifts the lid on the NHS's manual contact tracing performance: 'We contact them up to 10 times over a 36-hour period'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"up to 10 times"

"Up to" starts at Zero.

Euro police forces infiltrated encrypted phone biz – and now 'criminal' EncroChat users are being rounded up

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: But private ciphers also exist...even if end-to-end encryption is broken.......

Can I have double fries and a banana fritter with that?

NASA mulls going all steam-punk with a fleet of jumping robots to explore Saturn and Jupiter's mysterious moons

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Frosty the Blowman

Beware the fresh Windows XP install: Failure awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Had cause to park my car round the back of a relative's place along the Thames for a month, whilst out of the country on an extended holiday.

Nothing untoward on our return but, some time later, we had issues with a sensor (DPF differential pressure, I think). The actual cause was identified as a not uncommon wiring issue, solved by a small bit of replacement loom, routed away from the problem area.

To do the job, the guy had to physically access the engine management computer, which involved removing the rain scuttle.

Had a call from him: "have you got mice?"

Turns out that while we were away (probably) the little blighters had set up home on top of the EMC. They'd chewed a fair bit of the sound deadening foam under the plastic engine cover and had ago at some of the plastic trunking underneath it as well.

Little blighters.

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Have you tried

Yeah. Gave me Bluetooth.

UK police's face recognition tech breaks human rights laws. Outlaw it, civil rights group urges Court of Appeal

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: What's a "Human Right"?

Your mate gets an S172, which requires him to identify the driver on xx/xx/xx at yy:yy, Its a big fine, 6 points and years of expensive insurance not to oblige.

Only true boffins will be able to grasp Blighty's new legal definitions of the humble metre and kilogram

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"The maximum velocity of a sheep in a vacuum, as defined, is unaffected by the recent changes to the law."

As it jolly well should be!

Wow, Microsoft's Windows 10 always runs Edge on startup? What could cause that? So strange, tut-tuts Microsoft

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Pint

Thanks

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"Oh, I have a .reg file in my Windows 10 'box of tricks' that stops Edge preloading into memory at Windows startup"

Care to share??

Whose side you on, Nominet? Registry floods .co.uk owners with begging emails to renew unwanted .uk domains

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Is this Fraud?

The first, maybe the second and possibly the third being blamed on a "mistake" then maybe. But carrying on and on and on in the full knowledge then yes, that is fraud, pure and simple. The sooner someone takes out a prosecution the better.

Ever felt down after staring at your phone late in bed? It's not just you – mice do too

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

SQUEAK!

Doffs cap to the memory of Sir Pterry

China's Tencent to order ONE MILLION SERVERS as part of $70bn digital infrastructure splurge

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Say 409 watts each. That's 400 megawatts, or the whole output of a decent sized power station, not to mention the power for lighting and cooling, all to keep people able to message twaddle and swap cat photos. Scarcely environmentally friendly is it?

Runaway Latvian drone found meditating in tree after shutting down nation's skies

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

There was no word as to whether a Playmobil figure was at the drone's controls.

Is this - GASP! - the return of Playmobil to El Reg?

Das reboot: That's the only thing to do when the screenshot, er, freezes

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Black and white

A little off topic but you've reminded me of an observation from my oldest grand kiddie.

He was 8 when we'd taken him to the Amberley Museum. We had reached the exhibit about television and radio history. There were loads of elderly CRT sets, wheezing their last, entertaining the punters with generated historical test cards and sundry content. Some if it was in colour but an awful lot of sets were, naturally, monochrome.

Laddie looked thoughtful as we came away. Eventually he asked "When did they invent colour?"

We were some way from the exhibit by then, so his question was a bit out of context. We gently probed to work out what he was really asking.

It turns out he'd seen the monochrome TVs and understood that the pictures were old. He had put two and two together and come to the conclusion that the "Real World" (TM) had once all been monochrome.

Gentle explanation followed. Sweet kid.

The Great British anti-5G fruitcake Bakeoff: Group hugs, no guns, and David Icke

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Income

As one illustrious commentard on these hallowed pages recently opined, such drivel is:

clickbait bullshit designed to get eyeballs for their advertisers, and axe grinding opinion pieces with statistics so abused that if the stats were kids the police would raid the premises immediately

Which rather neatly sums it up.

As Brit cyber-spies drop 'whitelist' and 'blacklist', tech boss says: If you’re thinking about getting in touch saying this is political correctness gone mad, don’t bother

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

So long as I'm still allowed to order black tea.

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

So will THAT book be republished with a new name, something like " Fifty shades of an indeterminate monochrome colour"

Resistance is futile: Some Cisco security appliances are ticking time bombs of fail thanks to faulty resistors

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Resistance is not futile

It started out Siemens so simple

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Resistance is not futile

Volt on earth amp you going ohm about?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Have a euphemism on us.

Now you're taking the piss

The ultimate 4-wheel-drive: How ESA's keeping XMM-Newton alive after 20 years and beyond

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Pint

Cheers to all the guys. A richly deserved Beerday glass or three.

Florida man might just stick it to HP for injecting sneaky DRM update into his printers that rejected non-HP ink

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

HP never appears on my list of printers for exactly that kind of shenanigans

From attacked engineers to a crypto-loving preacher with a questionable CV: Yep, it's still very much 5G silly season

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

There's also the story doing the rounds that Cannabis is due for "convenient" legalisation as soon as the gene edited stuff that makes the plant produce a mind-altering "obedience drug" as well as the high and that some countries are already pushing it through high volume dealers.

Spyware maker NSO can't claim immunity, Facebook lawyers insist – it's time to face the music

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

To misquote a Mad Magazine feature:

Spyware vs. Spyware

Want to put a satellite into orbit for US comms? Whoa, says Uncle Sam: Where's your space crash risk assessment?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Commentards are right onto this one.

He'll never get there. Pai is a number without end, after all.

We're in a timeline where Dettol maker has to beg folks not to inject cleaning fluid into their veins. Thanks, Trump

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Cortana, why are you still here? Microsoft makes the long-suffering assistant chattier for more countries with new Windows 10 build

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Did you ask it "how can I remove Cortana?"

Baby, I swear it's déjà vu: TalkTalk customers unable to opt out of ISP's ad-jacking DNS – just like six years ago

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Based on previous experience of the incompetent customer indifference halfwits* at WankWank, they will tell you they can't help over the problem with your email service. After a pause if about 6 months you will get a call from some nebulous twat "following up" about your "problem with email" and asking how WankWank did.

*Sorry, but I am bigging WankWank up to an unreasonable degree with that choice of words however a proper expression of my real contempt would damage your screen.

From Brit telly presenter Eamonn Holmes to burning 5G towers in the Netherlands: Stupid week turns into stupid fortnight for radio standard

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Thumb Up

Lovely turn of phrase

" clickbait bullshit designed to get eyeballs for their advertisers, and axe grinding opinion pieces with statistics so abused that if the stats were kids the police would raid the premises immediately"

You can wipe those smiley faces off: Unicode technical website is going to be out for 'a couple of weeks'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

We need a PROPER comedian

Someone like Glyph Rhys Jones

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Hieroglyphics

Hier today and hone tomorrow

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Hieroglyphics

I! don't! have! anything! to! do! with! Yahoo!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Hieroglyphics

They're quite capable of blowing their own horn

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Joke

Re: Hieroglyphics

Yes, I for one would be happy with Loweroglyphics

Astroboffins suspect twin-star smash may be the culprit for most biggest and brightest supernova yet spotted

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Pulsational Pair

Fnaaar fnaaar

Hi, Google Duplex here, trying to book a haircut for a socially inept human. Sorry, 'COVID-19'?... DOES NOT COMPUTE

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/04/11/cab_innit/

NASA mulls restoring Saturn V to service as SLS delays and costs mount

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"We live in strange times, when actual reality (TM) is riddled with absurdity"

You mean Trump might ACTUALLY be a real US president?

Hunting for IT staff? Lost your job during the pandemic? Sysadmin vacancies – and a free job ads offer – inside

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Pint

Cheers m'dears.

What a load of bollards! Object of bloke's street furniture romp run over

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

I love this mag

Short of tech talent to deal with novel coronavirus surge? Let us help – with free job ads on The Register

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Gizzajob

Oh I dont know. Theres planty of banks running Win7 powered devices

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Yes, yes...

Oh come on! It has got to be Reg's List, innit?

The only even half viable alternative would be Verity Stobbs' List

Announcing the official Reg-approved measure of social distancing: The Osman

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Short and simple distance estimate:

OOK

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Shouldnt it be a Bargepole? As in: I wouldnt touch him wiv a Bargepole in case hes got a dose.

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