* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

963 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

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Pizza and beer night out the window, hours trying to sort issue, then a fresh pair of eyes says 'See, the problem is...'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: ~/.procmailrc

And there are people out there who WILL believe you.

What can the 1944 OSS manual teach us before we all return to sabotage the office?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: That list!

You. Me. And just about anybody in an organisation with more than one person.

No amount of Glasgow handshaking will revive this borked kiosk

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

Re: At least this Glaswegian kiosk is bang up to date on the operating system

"using a Howitzer while hunting grouse"

Tickled my sense of humour for some reason, hence ------>

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Hey!

It'll only run out slowly through the quayhole

BOFH: Time for the MMOCC. You know, the Massively Moronic Online Christmas Call

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

And so

My Christmas is now complete.

Thank you El Reg for your timely gift.

Hong Kong's Hutchison Group, which runs mobile carrier ‘3’, protests as USA puts it on new China ban list

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Dear World. I'm sorry.

Just when you think you have made something idiot proof, the world shrugs its shoulders and sends along a better idiot

UK firm NOW: Pensions tells some customers a 'service partner' leaked their data all over 'public software forum'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Now pensions - Christmas punnage

I'm all for kicking them in the baubles

Cats: Not a fan favourite when the critters are draped around an office packed with tech

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Slugs don't have fur

Bloody predictive text.

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Slugs don't have fur

Was asked once to look at a relative's fridge, which appeared to have given up the ghost. Investigation turned into stripdown. The thermostat gubbins is s bit if electrickery on a PCB sat underneath the top of the fridge, adorned with pitted trackwork and the remains of a partially copper plated slug*

New fridge time.

*No, the garden pest, not Trump, but I like your train of thought.

About $15m in advertising booked to appear on millions of smart TVs was never seen by anyone, says Oracle

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Naughty step

Agreed but for one thing. From where does that money ultimately come? Yes, the companies buying the as space but from where does their advertising budget come?

US aviation regulator issues safety bulletins over flaws in software updates for Boeing 747, 777, 787 airliners

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: The largest FOD I've read about

Did they take steps to correct the issue?

Pure frustration: What happens when someone uses your email address to sign up for PayPal, car hire, doctors, security systems and more

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

I have a lastname.johnATgmail address. I occasionally get traffic for someone in the USA. A bit if digging uncovered a guy using lastname.jonATgmail (no H) in the States. So far it's been flight confirmations, something about a baby shower and booking confirmation for a swanky New York rooftop venue. I guess he's been quoting his addy verbally in phone calls, which had been wrongly interpreted.

I had a couple of exchanges with the guy and was thanked for my efforts. It's gone quiet now but I guess it's only a question of time.

Wireless screen in estate agent window just begging for someone to fill it with mischief

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Wireless Display

And a haddocking station

Master boot vinyl record: It just gives DOS on my IBM PC a warmer, more authentic tone

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Megaphone

Seeing as this is vinyl we are talking about here with, presumably, the user referred to some kind of disk jockey.

This all leads me to wonder if the Bootstrap should now be referred to as the Jockstrap.

Wicked soundz

EU says Boeing 737 Max won't fly over the Continent just yet: The US can make its own choices over pilot training

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

We're gonna need a bigger brown envelope

Internet Archive to preserve Flash content for posterity with Ruffle emulator

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"Leveraging the safety of the modern browser" Please, "Leverage" is NOT a verb. Using it as one just makes the author look utterly foolish.

Behold, the Ultimately Large Telescope: A revived proposal for a 100-metre liquid-mirror star scanner on the Moon

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: To scale, or not to scale?

I'll tell you one thing. Playmobil he definitely ain't

Test and Trace chief Dido Harding prompted to self-isolate by NHS COVID-19 app

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Can Ms Dodo please be quarantined on another planet? She's there mentally but physical relocation would be nice. One way physical relocation, that is.

Not on your Zoom, not on Teams, not Google Meet, not BlueJeans. WebEx, Skype and Houseparty make us itch. No, not FaceTime, not even Twitch

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Standards are a wonderful thing, people

THAT is why we have so many

HP: That print-free-for-life deal we promised you? Well, now it's pay-per-month to continue using your printer ink

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Carlill vs. Carbolic Smoke Ball Co.

And car bolics to you too

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Carlill vs. Carbolic Smoke Ball Co.

I think I might just lay in some popcorn for this one. At face value it's almost a dead ringer for Carlill vs. Carbolic Smoke Ball Co, which is one of the cornerstone cases for contractual law

https://www.e-lawresources.co.uk/Carlill-v-Carbolic-Smoke-Ball-Co.php

Supermassive black hole turns unlucky star into spaghetti

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

This IS El Reg, after all. Shouldn't it be called Linguinification?

UK ISP TalkTalk confirms it will MullMull go-private takeover offer valuing it at £1.1bn

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Buying TalkTalk must be asking for paying to have a swim in a septic tank.

Was he sent on a spool's errand or something? Library staffer accused of stealing, reselling $1.3m of printer toner

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Will he end up with a black mark on his record?

Hydrogen-powered train tested on Britain's railway tracks as diesel alternative

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Wasn't there that first trainspotter at the time of the first steam trains? He fell in front of one and ended up chuffed to bits

Microsoft claims to love open source – this alleged leak of Windows XP code is probably not what it had in mind, tho

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

time to migrate to pastures new is well overdue.

Remember: the grass is always greener close to the septic tank

Help! My printer won't print no matter how much I shout at it!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: rather than slap the user around the head with an empty paper packet

Red currant jelly eigh? Just try some Quince Jelly. Or Sloe jelly (but only if you have made sloe gin and then sloe infused red wine from the sloes first)

Two large flightless birds walk into a bar... The pub's owner was not emused *ba-dum tsh*

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Yep, people are leveraging toileting for all they are worth.

USA seeks Moon and Mars nuke power plant designs ready to fly in 2027

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: What are they going to do with the heat?

100 people on a sofa? That's one heck of a group cuddle

If you can read this, your Windows 10 2004 PC really is connected to the internet no matter what the OS claims

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Cortana can't be activated

Every cloud has a silver lining

Is it Patch Blues-day for Outlook? Microsoft's email client breaks worldwide, leaves everyone stumped

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Office 320

And falling

Google employs people to invent colours – and they think their work improves your wellbeing

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Google's corporate colour name

That's Windows 10 you're thinking about there.

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Octarine

The only colour you'll ever need.

>doffs hat to the memory of Sir Pterry<

Baroness Dido Harding lifts the lid on the NHS's manual contact tracing performance: 'We contact them up to 10 times over a 36-hour period'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"up to 10 times"

"Up to" starts at Zero.

Euro police forces infiltrated encrypted phone biz – and now 'criminal' EncroChat users are being rounded up

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: But private ciphers also exist...even if end-to-end encryption is broken.......

Can I have double fries and a banana fritter with that?

NASA mulls going all steam-punk with a fleet of jumping robots to explore Saturn and Jupiter's mysterious moons

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Frosty the Blowman

Beware the fresh Windows XP install: Failure awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Had cause to park my car round the back of a relative's place along the Thames for a month, whilst out of the country on an extended holiday.

Nothing untoward on our return but, some time later, we had issues with a sensor (DPF differential pressure, I think). The actual cause was identified as a not uncommon wiring issue, solved by a small bit of replacement loom, routed away from the problem area.

To do the job, the guy had to physically access the engine management computer, which involved removing the rain scuttle.

Had a call from him: "have you got mice?"

Turns out that while we were away (probably) the little blighters had set up home on top of the EMC. They'd chewed a fair bit of the sound deadening foam under the plastic engine cover and had ago at some of the plastic trunking underneath it as well.

Little blighters.

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Have you tried

Yeah. Gave me Bluetooth.

UK police's face recognition tech breaks human rights laws. Outlaw it, civil rights group urges Court of Appeal

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: What's a "Human Right"?

Your mate gets an S172, which requires him to identify the driver on xx/xx/xx at yy:yy, Its a big fine, 6 points and years of expensive insurance not to oblige.

Only true boffins will be able to grasp Blighty's new legal definitions of the humble metre and kilogram

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"The maximum velocity of a sheep in a vacuum, as defined, is unaffected by the recent changes to the law."

As it jolly well should be!

Wow, Microsoft's Windows 10 always runs Edge on startup? What could cause that? So strange, tut-tuts Microsoft

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Pint

Thanks

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"Oh, I have a .reg file in my Windows 10 'box of tricks' that stops Edge preloading into memory at Windows startup"

Care to share??

Whose side you on, Nominet? Registry floods .co.uk owners with begging emails to renew unwanted .uk domains

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Is this Fraud?

The first, maybe the second and possibly the third being blamed on a "mistake" then maybe. But carrying on and on and on in the full knowledge then yes, that is fraud, pure and simple. The sooner someone takes out a prosecution the better.

Ever felt down after staring at your phone late in bed? It's not just you – mice do too

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

SQUEAK!

Doffs cap to the memory of Sir Pterry

China's Tencent to order ONE MILLION SERVERS as part of $70bn digital infrastructure splurge

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Say 409 watts each. That's 400 megawatts, or the whole output of a decent sized power station, not to mention the power for lighting and cooling, all to keep people able to message twaddle and swap cat photos. Scarcely environmentally friendly is it?

Runaway Latvian drone found meditating in tree after shutting down nation's skies

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

There was no word as to whether a Playmobil figure was at the drone's controls.

Is this - GASP! - the return of Playmobil to El Reg?

Das reboot: That's the only thing to do when the screenshot, er, freezes

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Black and white

A little off topic but you've reminded me of an observation from my oldest grand kiddie.

He was 8 when we'd taken him to the Amberley Museum. We had reached the exhibit about television and radio history. There were loads of elderly CRT sets, wheezing their last, entertaining the punters with generated historical test cards and sundry content. Some if it was in colour but an awful lot of sets were, naturally, monochrome.

Laddie looked thoughtful as we came away. Eventually he asked "When did they invent colour?"

We were some way from the exhibit by then, so his question was a bit out of context. We gently probed to work out what he was really asking.

It turns out he'd seen the monochrome TVs and understood that the pictures were old. He had put two and two together and come to the conclusion that the "Real World" (TM) had once all been monochrome.

Gentle explanation followed. Sweet kid.

The Great British anti-5G fruitcake Bakeoff: Group hugs, no guns, and David Icke

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Income

As one illustrious commentard on these hallowed pages recently opined, such drivel is:

clickbait bullshit designed to get eyeballs for their advertisers, and axe grinding opinion pieces with statistics so abused that if the stats were kids the police would raid the premises immediately

Which rather neatly sums it up.

As Brit cyber-spies drop 'whitelist' and 'blacklist', tech boss says: If you’re thinking about getting in touch saying this is political correctness gone mad, don’t bother

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

So long as I'm still allowed to order black tea.

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