Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

OpenAI is still figuring out how to make money, but wants you to believe in it

So it's still

1) Get AI

2) Profit

ATM maintenance tech broke the bank by forgetting to return a key

Re: "all were re-assigned to work at other branches!"

He is a credit to his company.

S Twatter: When text-to-speech goes down the drain

Re: for all those who say "it shouldn't be this difficult". apparently it is.

That reminded me of an early sat nav app for my venerable Treo 600 phone. One needed a separate GPS antenna and the Mapopoilis app. The app did synthesised speech but stumbled a bit over some names. "Saint Georges" was memorably pronounced as Saint G-ee-org-ies, (the G enunciated as in Git).

Even Google Maps stumbles coming north up the A140. Approaching Norwich to turn E on the A47, it tells one to look for the signage "Lowestoft G. T. Yarmouth"

We had a rather pleasant Italian gent working with us. A lot of what we did was in Excel. He would often want to talk about his shits.

Lovely bloke though.

Windows Backup adds second-chance restore at sign-in

respecting users preference

Microsoft has heard of that.

Meta retreats from metaverse after virtual reality check

I had a try at a VR experience a couple of years back, with a trip to the War of the worlds immersive experience.

The thing was a number of set pieces in different rooms, each dramatising key points in the story. There was some fairly good live action scenarios, with special theatrical effects, alternating with VR headset pieces.

Memorably, a boat trip out into the Thames estuary was VR. One sat in a slightly wobbly wooden "boat" that rocked as the headset showed the trip out onto the water and a martian fighting machine striding in. The effect was completed by getting a light spray of water while wearing the headset. It was surprisingly effective. But only the one time round. It's not a thing one would be getting into every other day.

Sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that! PCs refuse to shut down after Microsoft patch

Re: Suggestions?

PP. That's Percussive Patching.

I had something similar happen whilst installing DOS6.

In that case though it was the on/off rocker switch on the PC chassis that had chosen THAT EXACT moment to weld it's contacts shut (it was switching the PC itself and an EGA CRT monitor on the auxiliary mains output from the chassis. I guess it didn't like the monitors degaussing coil.

BOFH: Every computer system eventually serves ads

Re: the Board members says. "That's from Hitchhiker's Guide."

Yeah. You can do things in radio that you cant on video. Like make an office block fly.

Techie banned from client site for outage he didn’t cause

Cheers.

So it's all YOUR FAULT is it. You're banned from El Reg

Google pushing Gemini into Gmail, but you can turn it off

I've been giving serious consideration to getting away from Gmail but the prospect of sheer ballache put me right off. This, however. is beginning to look like the straw that broke the camels back.

What's a good, basic email service that includes decent spam filtering? I'm not really up to running my own server though.

Just checked my Smart "Features" horse shit . As I suspected: turned off yonks ago.

They're still off and I'll be checking every so often.

Trust? I've heard of it.

Welcome to Wendy's! Before your order can be taken, you must first reset this kiosk

Ladies and Gentlemen. The Baconator

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baconator

Sam Altman is willing to pay somebody $555,000 a year to keep ChatGPT in line

Isaac Asimov created the famous Three Laws of Robotics as ethical guidelines for fictional robots. They are:

---

First Law: A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

Second Law: A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

Third Law: A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

Zeroth Law (Later Addition): A robot may not harm humanity, or, by inaction, allow humanity to come to harm (supersedes the other three laws).

----

I'm wondering whether something like that needs to be fundamentally built into AI offerings.

SSL Santa greets London Victoria visitors with a borked update

Re: Roadside billboards

I thought it was illegal to watch a video screen while driving.

BOFH: The Christmas spirit has run dry – time to show some chiller instinct

Mai I be the first to wish everyone a happy Easter

UK prepares to wave goodbye to 3G telecoms as tri-hard tech retires

Re: Emergency services calls

Australia was a complete and utter clusterfuck. I was there in the immediate runup.

Salesforce willing to lose money on AI agent licenses when customers are locked in

Once again, it's

1) get AI

2) profit

Simple innit?

Techie 'forgot' to tell boss their cost-saving idea meant a day of gaming

Back in the early 1190s I was working with a small industrial instrumentation outfit. Muggins here was frequently called upon the prepare exhibition equipment and help man the stand during the show or whatever. This one time we were offered space at a trade show in Norway.

The idea was that I'd organise an hotel and a hire van. I'd load up the kit and drive from Luton to Newcastle on Tyne for the ferry to Stavanger. Our rep would fly out from Birmingham and join me for the show, which was over 3 days. He'd fly straight back, while I'd have a few days at leisure till the return ferry.

Then said rep pointed out a couple of things: Living in Norway was bloody expensive, plus he had a significant family event scheduled just before and wasn't keen on leaving his missus behind so soon, so he has a plan.

He'd pay the extra for his missus to go and they'd stay for a week. In the meanwhile I would book a minibus with a couple of back seats taken out for the kit instead of a van, and make sure it had a tow ball. I'd book for me, my wife and the kids in the minibus plus our caravan. I'd book us into a campsite that was about 20 mins walk from the exhibition hall. We'd stock the van with food, have a family holiday and the firm would be several hundred quid better off.

It was hard work, especially for my missus but it was a great free break.for us all.

Electric cars no more likely to flatten you than the noisy ones, study finds

Re: I'd have thought this would be obvious

It's not. All I can hear is the clock ticking in my Rolls Royce

China's reusable rocket makes it to orbit but fails to stick the landing

The mission was an unqualified success. Lithospheric braking worked perfectly.

Cabling survived dungeons and fish factories, until a lazy user took the network down

Re: Things that didn't happen

It's freely available on the net

Re: Things that didn't happen

Still spawns comments though.

Anthropic reduces model misbehavior by endorsing cheating

Re: 2001

Actually, it's a little better described in the 2001 book.

The HAL9000 was given the overriding directive to be as helpful to the meatware as possible. Then the mission profile was revised to include investigation of the environs of Jupiter, following up from the burst of radio transmission aimed that way from the monolith on the moon.

Because the monolith signal investigation was supposed to be ultra hush-hush, the HAL9000 had another directive applied: to keep schtum about the revised mission plan until the last moment.

The conflict between the two directives upset the HAL9000, which eventually decided getting rid of the meatware would resolve the issue. Initially it couldn't manage taking direct action. That came later on.

2001

Is anyone else reminded of the behaviour of the HAL9000 in Arthur C Clarke's 2001: A space odyssey?

Old-school rotary phone dials into online meetings, hangs up when you slam it down

Re: I have some old phones

Oh I can assure you, it did work. And yes, we ARE talking about A, B button call boxes.

So I'm told.

Re: I have some old phones

Bashing the receiver rest to "dial" numbers worked in coin boxes to make phone calls for free.

So I'm told.

Outdated Samsung handset linked to fatal emergency call failure in Australia

Re: Why?

Afaik the requirement is that the phone defaults to VoLTE for emergency calls.

Nothing is stated for ordinary calls.

I still think it's vested interests making a buck.

As far as Australian telephone regs now go, a handset is obliged to default to VoLTE over 4G for emergency calls. Merely being capable of VoLTE isn't enough. It MUST default to VoLTE over 4G for emergency calls.

Handsets not capable of this running are now blocked if using Australian teleco SIMs.

Re: What?

As far as Australian telephone regs now go, a handset is obliged to default to VoLTE over 4G for emergency calls. Merely being capable of VoLTE isn't enough. It MUST default to VoLTE over 4G for emergency calls.

Handsets not capable of this running are now blocked if using Australian teleco SIMs.

Quite why the Australian telecoms regulator decided on an emergency calling regime different to just about every one else on the planet is beyond me.

Unfortunately I travel occasionally to Australia, staying a month or two at a time with family. Up to now, I've simply used an Amaysim (Australian teleco) PAYG SIM in-country. Last time I was there I discovered my relatively modern UK phone would soon be summarily blocked. I've upgraded since then and, once again, checked and found my new UK phone would be summarily blocked.

Having viewed a lot of the online discussion and official responses to pertinent questions, it seems the situation is either the product of local vested interests looking to sell a swathe of new phones with IMEI numbers allocated to Australia and make a quick buck, or simply an enormous clusterfuck by the telecoms authority. Or possibly a delicate combination of the two.

Whatever, it's increasingly looking like I'll need to buy a new phone in Australia if I want to use a local SIM there and avoid horrendous roaming charges from my incumbent UK provider.

Bastards, possibly incompetent bastards but bastards nevertheless.

How to bluff your way to AI credibility with the right buzzwords

Re: Senior output, junior salary

All very well until the AI produces something subtly but dangerously questionable. Would the inexperienced oik have the necessary depth of experience or understanding to prevent ot at least mitigate the fall out?

Help desk boss fell for ‘Internet Cleaning Day’ prank - then swore he got the joke

Many years sinceupon, I was working as a test bench engineer. A colleague, not renowned for a subtle approach, was struggling with an oscilloscope, proving a particularly recalcitrant fault.

I could see a convenient chunk of wire on a nearby desk - someone's not-yet cleared up offcut. It was a match for the look of his scope probe lead. I snipped off a 6 inch length, folded it into me palm and wandered over, as if being helpful.

"Aha", says I. "You're picking up a lot of crud and hum on that probe aren't you?"

He looked at me blankly.

"I can sort all that pickup. Here-"

In one smooth move I picked up his side cutters with my right hand and the scope probe lead with my left, dexterously deploying a loop of the scrap cable.

"This'll sort it." I said and snipped the loop of cable, apparently to his (very expensive) probe.

The open-mouthed look of "but, but, but - you can't do that " was priceless.

Microsoft: Don't let AI agents near your credit card yet

Don't let AI agents near your credit card EVER

TFTFY

Students using ChatGPT beware: Real learning takes legwork, study finds

Re: Idiocracy - in real life

It ought to be mandatory viewing these days.

It goes all the way back to the old adage: give a man a fish* and you feed him one meal. Teach a man to fish* and you feed him for life.

*Vegan alternatives are available but not very nice.

Robotic lawnmower uses AI to dodge cats, toys

Cheaper alternative

Next time you water your lawn, just add a little alcohol. The grass will come up half cut.

Re: I can't wait...

Be afraid

Be very afraid

There's mushroom for improvement in fungal computing

Never mind button mushrooms. What about touchscreen mushrooms?

OpenAI non-profit will run for-profit that has yet to make a profit

Following the well established board level protocol for AI.

1) Invest in AI

2) Profit.

Frustrated consultant 'went full Hulk' and started smashing hardware

Re: Make a stand

You are Simon the BOFH and I claim my £5

OpenAI goes after Microsoft 365 Copilot's lunch with 'company knowledge' feature

Just yet another thing to avoid.

OpenAI releases bot-tom feeding browser with ChatGPT built in

Re: Seems kinda creepy to me

You missed out "wearing a greasy raincoat"

So the proverbial bloke down the pub, whose half baked opinions have been a constant source of irritation, now has a nice suit and is trying to set up home in your lounge.

Cisco: Most companies don't know what they're doing with AI

They don't NEED to know what they're going. The mantra is simple:

1) Get AI

2) Profit

Simple really.

Microsoft's OneDrive spots your mates, remembers their faces, and won't forget easily

Re: Identifying the faces?

MS: "Who is this person?"

You: "Satya Nadella"

MS: "Who is this person?"

You: "Satya Nadella

MS: "Who is this person?"

You: "Satya Nadella"

MS: "Who is this person?"

You: "Satya Nadella"

... etcetera ;-)

Re: Only naked people

Or suitably comprising

Many employees are using AI to create 'workslop,' Stanford study says

The C suite roadmap

The C suite roadmap for AI reads

1) Get AI

2) Profit

Simple really.

If you can't use AI then it's bye bye, Accenture tells staff

"But if they are in roles that can't be augmented by AI "

So what were those roles existing for in the first place?

Google is very sorry for pulling down COVID misinfo and pledges never to use outside fact-checkers

And any AI being trained on internet content which includes this stuff will be - how reliable?