* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

1063 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011


Microsoft rolls out Files On-Demand with tighter macOS integration – but it defaults to 'on' and can't be disabled

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: All your documents are belong to us

"makes me think it's a ruse to get you to cough up money,"

Shirley not!

Software guy smashes through the Somebody Else's Problem field to save the day

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: It's a sad day for this IT rag...

Agreed. The book and the radio versions were far better. You can make an office block fly in a book and on radio far better than any CGI

To err is human. To really screw things up requires a wayward screwdriver

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Rather boring in contrast, but not so long ago...

I do recall seeing a scrap PC motherboard at our local enthusiasts shop, many years ago. There was a huge scorch mark cross the bottom, radiating in a manner reminiscent ot Tyco crater on the moon, away from the spot where had lain the discarded screw, down onto which said motherboard had been tightened. And then switched on....

Oddly I have been a little cautious over dropped screws since seeing that.

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Ho ho ho. Me too.

Many years sinceupon I began work replacing the central heating system in our old house. First to go was the elderly Baxi room heater fire (yech) with back boiler and its attendant central heating pump. Power was fed from a dedicated switched fused wall plate in the kitchen, which was on the other side of the wall.

I very carefully dropped out the fusebox breaker and returned to the kitchen, armed with a nice pair of wirecutters and applied them to the feed cable (you can see where this is going).

Cue dirty great flash and the sudden need for a change of underwear. Apparently the central heating wasnt on THAT fusebox position. I do still have those cutters somewhere, some 45 years or so later. I have had new underwear sine then, though.

You wood not believe what a Japanese logging company and university want to use to build a small satellite

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Wood is a great structural material


Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Oh dear

No. It'll just become Ash, Yew understand.

SlimPay fined €180k after 12 million customers' bank data publicly accessible for 5 years

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Another useless fine.

Yes, it's pathetic. 0.2p per person per year is probably less than the interest on the money down the back of the sofa.

A moment of tension as the James Webb Space Telescope stretches sunshield on way to L2 destination

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: In space

In space no-one can hear you screen.

A time when cabling was not so much 'structured' than 'survival of the fittest'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser


Workplace chum of mine had a previous existence working with some shopfitters. On one job hie had been tasked to drill a hole into the bottom of the display window, carefully avoiding the 440V 3 phase cable underneath which was very clearly shown on the authoritative site drawings.

Unfortunately the site drawings didn't actually

reflect reality.

Apparently he was still smoking as he was stretchered to the ambulance.

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Shocks

I did hear one of our service guys, long ago, bemoaning having to replace several multichannel I/O modules. Apparently the site working grunts had taken it on themselves to do a full on job and Megger out all the I/O wiring they'd put in.

After the midule hardware had been installed.

Killed a lot of kit very dead.

Predictive Dirty Dozen: What will and won't happen in 2022 (unless it doesn’t/does)

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: "All office chairs are gaming chairs"

There was a BOFH along that line.

It involved a gas lift chair with a dodgy strut and a waiting rectum. Can't find it though.

Please pay for parking – CMOS batteries don't buy themselves

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

"The advice about ignoring them is completely wrong."

Dead right. It hands them a default win on a plate and you end up with a CCJ, which torpedoes your credit rating for years unless it is paid in full within 30 days

Too busy feasting on meatballs, Windows struggles to update itself in IKEA

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Good news, bad news.

Good news:

Last month Sweden elected the CEO of IKEA as its new president

Bad news:

He is still assembling his cabinet.

Wi-Fi not working? It's time to consult the lovely people on those fine Linux forums

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

A chum of mine, now sadly no longer in this existence, once had the honesty to admit that he had the lights go out and numerous things stop, due to a power cut. His initial concern was to actually get across his kitchen to the door. "Aha" thought he. "I'll just open the fridge and use the light from that."

The realised:

a) the futility of that strategy and

b) there was noone else around he could blame

Humanity has officially touched the Sun (or, at least, one of its probes has)

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

And to think, they never have done that if they went at night.

Is VPOTUS Bluetooth-phobic or sensible? The answer's pretty clear

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Ulll- aaah

Intel's mystery Linux muckabout is a dangerous ploy at a dangerous time

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Footnote

Is it Friday already?

Nearly time tomput the sprouts on for Christmas.

Better CEO is 'taking time off' after firing 900 staff on Zoom

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Nice that he's so lightly loaded he can take time off.

Virgin Media fined £50,000 after spamming 451,000 who didn't want marketing emails

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

So a shade over 11p a time. Cheap and still worth while.

When will the ICO impose penalties that are actually meaningful?

China's Yutu rover spots 'mysterious hut' on far side of the Moon

Inventor of the Marmite Laser


Monty Pythons Flying Cir-cus

Pension cold-calling financial services biz cops largest ever fine from UK data watchdog

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Wouldn't something in the same order as RHEIR financials make more sense? Say £750 per call.

Desktop bust and custom iPhone 13 Pro made from melted-down Tesla car for the Elon Musk dork in your life

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

No. It is a lot sick and cringy. An awful lot.

If taste were a person, it would have probably been sectioned by now.

A lightbulb moment comes too late to save a mainframe engineer's blushes

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

AKA the Mrs Miggins test.

BOFH: You drive me crazy... and I can't help myself

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

A problem shared is a problem that's rapidly becoming someone else's problem.

FYI: If the latest Windows 11 really wants to use Edge, it will use Edge no matter what

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

That on its own is enough for me to make my next box a Unix one.

Samsung releases pair of jeans that can't do anything except cover your legs and hold a Galaxy Z Flip 3

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

"So we've leveraged Dr Denim's style credentials"

Bollocks of the purest kind.

Renewal chasing as-a-service is now a thing – and vendors love it

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: How does that work with spam filters and fraud prevention?

Good for you. And all power to your bollock bashing boots.

Zuckerberg wants to create a make-believe world in which you can hide from all the damage Facebook has done

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Snark

Just meh, ta.

Facebook may soon reveal new name – we're sure Reg readers will be more creative than Zuck's marketroids

Inventor of the Marmite Laser



Oops, they did it again – rogue Soyuz spurt gave ISS an attitude problem

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

So is Boeing building stuff for the Ruskis?

Scoot on over for a wheely tricky mystery with an electrifying solution

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

One place I worked at hadd an office aroet thatused to build up quite a nice static charge on one's body. It was a favourite trick to pass the desk of someone on the phone at a respectable shuffle and discharge ones statis via a finger onto the top of the victims head.

Made one hell of a crack in the phone earpiece.

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

I worked for a while with a company making mainly signal conditioning equipment - temperature transmitters, trip amplifiers, small scale signal multiplexers etc. They also sold a few thermocouple and resistance thermometer temperature sensing elements.

We had a customer return a resistance thermometer to us as "inaccurate and fluctuating".

Unlikely, we thought. A resistance thermometer is a coil or foil wire sensor that is 100 ohms # 0°C. 138.5 ohms @ 100°C 119.4 ohms @50°C. it inside a mineral support, inside a stainless steel tube which is closed at one end and has four leads coming out of t'other, sealed in with a dob of epoxy snot. The sensor slides into a fabricated pocket that as a big terminal chamber at the top, where the wires across the pant connect. Very simply, nothing to go wrong.

The office guys were scratching their heads. I had a decent amount of experience in the real world and asked what these sensors were monitoring. Turns out it was a cool, humid and generally damp application somewhere on board ship.

The leads coming out were insulated with glass fibre based sleeves (the alternative being PVC or PTFE). That was enough for me to suggest checking for any conductivity between sensing element and probe body. Loads of it.

The damp simply had gotten into the terminal enclosure of the thermowell and wicked down the insulation, obliterating the accuracy of the sensor.

Really simple for someone who's worked in the real world.

Computer scientists at University of Edinburgh contemplate courses without 'Alice' and 'Bob'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: The names hint at role

"science is now conducted in English"

Cultural bloody appropriation if there ever was any. Henceforth all discussion has to be about Arse, Bollock and C*nt and has to be conducted in Esperanto.

Any number figures? They can't be in Arabic numerals of course, nor Roman numerals, come to that, as either would be cultural appropriation. I wouldn't be surprised if we just have to express numbers in columns of dots.

And we'll have to do something about all those Greek characters people have nicked for other things, from alpha to omega

And those Elgin marbles......

Nothing says 'We believe in you' like NASA switching two 'nauts off Boeing's Starliner onto SpaceX's Crew Dragon

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

It's a Boeing. They ain't going.

Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram deplatform themselves: Services down globally

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

The undead riseth again

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: I like

Don't get all in a spin over it. Come clean. It'll all come out in the wash

Inventor of the Marmite Laser








TskTsk: UK ISP TalkTalk told off by regulator over 'misleading' adverts promising fixed price service

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

The universe isn't big enough to get comfortably far away from TalkTalk

Metro Bank techies placed at risk of redundancy, severance terms criticised

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Popcorn time?

What are the odds of the offboarding process to be run by HR droids and miss key stuff - like properly revoking sysadmin access rights.

We're all at sea: Navigation Royal Navy style – with plenty of IT but no GPS

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

"One, we've never lost everything,"

Shit happens. Deal with it.

BT hails hollow-core fibre trials as 'critical advancement' for secure communications

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

"networks are becoming software-driven and prone to attacks."

It's not like BT have Phorm for attacking network traffic.

Power users of Microsoft OneDrive suffer massive inconvenience: Read-only files

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Ah the cloud. Wherein lies cuckoo land.

Bonkers rocket launch sees craft slip sideways, barely climb and tear up terrain

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: It’s just a jump to the left

We missed a line:

Turn the camera on and keep the rocket in si-i-ight

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: It’s just a jump to the left

Lets do the whole launch agaiiiiiiin

Think you can solve the UK's electric vehicle charging point puzzle? The Ordnance Survey wants to hear about it

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

"Apps allow customer acquisitions" Not this one.

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

"the phone app fails with an unhelpful message, the phone app fails because there's no Internet connectivity"

I fail to understand the fucketty fuck why any outfit running charge points uses anything else than a simple contactless debit/credit card for the primary means of payment.

How many petrol pumps expect normal public users to have an app? How many restrict use to subscribers? How many need a special RFID card?

Sure, have preferential rates for subscribers but surely Every. Single. Charger should be primarily contactless payment or free vend. End of.

Start or Please Stop? Power users mourn features lost in Windows 11 'simplification'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Is Windows 11 the new Vista?

Facebook sat on report that reveals most-shared post for months was questionable COVID story

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: A pox on all your houses

Faecebook IS the bin

Microsoft, flush with cash, raises cloud office suite prices for businesses

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

"reflects the increased value we have delivered to our customers over the past 10 years."

They owe me quite a bit of money then.

Trust Facebook to find a way to make video conferencing more miserable and tedious

Inventor of the Marmite Laser

Re: Sucker's bork

Faecebookers don't have thoughts. They get told what to think by Faecebook.



Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2022