Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

BOFH: How our Covid ransomware protocol's Y2K blockchain lowered uptime

Re: It's a virus!

Probably a virus

Time Magazine has a separate version of its website with ads only AI can see

The enshittification of the internet continues

See above ^^^

Astronomers find sugar near the creamy center of the Milky Way (no caramel, though)

Mmmmmmmmm

Chocolate

User swore hacker called General Failure had invaded his PC

Re: Linux problem?

Would that make him a Loo-tenant?

Hackers shoveled snow for company, were rewarded with network admin access

Just walk in like you own the joint.

US auto regulators want to kill robotaxi brake pedals

Re: Bah!

If you step into a train for you expect an emergency code or button?

If you are in a commercial building, would you expect manual fire call buttons as well as an automatic detection system?

A lift? Emergency call button?

Health board apologizes for phishing staff with with bogus vacation day

So scammers wouldn't dream of taking advantage of industry shortcomings.

Yeah, pull the other one: it's got bells on.

Bend the beam like Beckham to defeat anti-jamming tech

If a mm radio beam can be bent, can the same be done with a light beam?

Banana not available.

Techie expensed a bag of oranges and then juiced up a stupid security incident

A very appeeling anecdote.

BOFH: Nothing says 'business continuity' like a dry wooden broom

Re: Outages

Uovited for the Sir Pterry reference.

Microsoft's turned Windows into a cesspool, but it wants to do better

Re: What's wrong at Redmond?

Austin, Morris, MG, Rover, Vanden Plas, Riley, Wolsley, Austin Morris, British Leyland, BL. All progressively disappearing up each others exhausts before disappearing completely.

SpaceX rocket set for unintentional Moon landing – well, a piece of it anyway

What? No mention of regolithic braking?

User found the perfect formula to make Excel misbehave

Re: Analogue clocks

It's turnwise and widdershins and don't you forget it!

Clockwise/anticlockwise indeed

Millennium hand and foot, buggerm buggrit

Re: Analogue clocks

Thanks for that.

Amazon unveils a Copilot for all your apps

There was an extensive round of market research which focussed on board level participants of all organisations involved. Almost all were in favour.

The sample is not, however, to be confused by the sentiments of actual customers and users.

Survey says no, American workers are not keen on Microsoft's AI

In other news, mammals with pronounced ursine characteristics have been found to favour defecating in areas of extensive arboreal growth

China blocks Zuck’s acquisition of AI outfit Manus

Send in the clowns

Don't worry. They're here.

Weak security means attackers could disable all of a city's public EV chargers

Re: Lemons?

No, just don't go there.

There will be some YouTube or ThickTock arsehole who will buy (or otherwise appropriate ) a lorry load of lemons, miles of copper and zinc foil and try to run a Tesla on it. You just know it'll happen.

Microsoft gives your Word documents an AI co-author you didn’t ask for

The company is emphasizing visibility and control

So maybe an email or some such that says the AI is available and you have control in that you can decide whether to download and install it or simply ignore it.

Yay. Visibility and control., as opposed to having it rammed down your throat

Waymo's self-driving cars face their toughest test yet: London

London? Pah!

I'll raise you to Delhi

BOFH: If the meatbags can't agree on aircon, AI will decide for them

Re: The only real solution is...

Two films should be required viewing these days: Brazil and Idiocracy.

Go for a walk, man: Sony's drive to create a car parked by partner Honda

I wonder if that will become a Ratner Moment

"The Japanese company also pointed to emerging Chinese EV-makers that it said are delivering better cars than Honda can make and gets them off the drawing board and onto the road faster."

Blimey.

Microsoft: Removing some Copilots will improve Windows 11

Re: I have an idea

Make that Windows 7

CERN eggheads burn AI into silicon to stem data deluge

Yes, yes, yes

But can it run Doom?

Sorry, Amazon, you couldn't pick a worse time to bring a phone to market: IDC analyst

Re: WTF

Every announced feature seems a reason not to want one.

AI still doesn't work very well, businesses are faking it, and a reckoning is coming

Ah. But is it an intelligent human being who dictates that his company shall use AI?

Microsoft adding Xbox mode to Windows 11 – even the Professional edition

The enshittification continues.

Re: So commercial users won't buy that version

Just who are they expecting to buy actually use this exciting new advertising opportunity product?

Brit competition cops warn AI agents may not be 'faithful servants' to consumers

"Autonomous assistants could manipulate choices, push pricier deals, and prioritize their creators"

I thought that was the idea.

Re: In other news

You beat me to it.

Norway's Consumer Council takes aim at enshittification

Enshittification at ISP level

Anyone remember the Phorm debacle?

Re: Brilliant

Stony carpark, surely.

Microsoft HoloLens finds second home in the military after failing battlefield tests

Hi. I'm Clippy

It looks like you're tying something down. Would you like me to tell you how to get knotted?

Engineer held hostage by client who asked for the wrong fix

Re: HSE calculations were correct to within a few meters

With calculations performed in the cloud.

(Don't flame me for the pun)

Burger King turns to AI to flame broil employees who aren't friendly enough

It's been a few years since I was in those parts but tucked away off Manor Royal in Crawley - alongside the building formerly home to Invest, there was a bun truck that did absolutely gorgeous fresh steak sarnies.

You can keep your burgers. My mouth is watering at the thought of that steak. Dunno from where the lass got the meat but it was always top notch.

Hardly anybody bought Samsung's last smartphones for AI. It hopes this year's models change that

Re: Stick with the pre-AI phone you have.

Chocolate.................

Microsoft boffins cook up archival storage using Pyrex glass they say can last over 10,000 years

Re: Eh, it's Microslop

Disk 1 of 6

Qualcomm set to triumph in UK smartphone ‘patent tax’ case

Re: Simple solution

Maybe not on the UK but

https://www.infrastructure.gov.au/emergency-calls

For the person who red arrowed that comment about LTE now being mandatory in Australia.

https://www.infrastructure.gov.au/emergency-calls

Capita taps Microsoft Copilot to dig it out from UK pensions backlog

Problem on a problem

Is that 2x the Problem or is it Problem²

Magician forgets password to his own hand after RFID chip implant

It was a con.

A Lexi con.

We could start an index I suppose.

One might ring a few bells.

You'd have to pinkie promise not to make any awful puns though

If Microsoft made a car... what would it be?

It was the bane of my life whilst working in a corporate environment, on documents that included contributions from several players, many of whom inserted content from various sources, frequently screwing up the formatting.

I probably spent as much time correcting formatting as I did making the damn content read as a coherent hole.

I've never understood why "Paste Without Formatting" was NOT the default in Word.

Amazon-backed X-Energy gets green light for mini reactor fuel production

Re: hydrogen for helium gas

Sounds like hydrogen embrittlement on steroids

Interesting security challenge.

Here in the UK we have the Civil Nuclear Constabulary - all routinely armed.

AI video company arouses fury by boasting about replacing creative jobs

If you think you've found a goldmine

Watch out for the shaft

Firefox makes AI optional, like it probably should have been all along

"Basically, what we are finding is that people hate AI"

In other news, creatures of a ursine persuasion are understood to defecate in areas of arboreal vegetation.