Posts by ukgnome

Gather round, friends. Listen close. It's time to list the five biggest lies about 5G

It also won't microwave birds or ready meals, it won't cause cancer and it won't bring about the end of days.

Parents slapped with dress code after turning school grounds into a fashion crime scene

I tend to wear a RHLSTP t-shirt, then again I am one of the cool kids

UK watchdog slaps 'misleading' Voda ad: Gigafast... maybe so – but not for £23

How can broadband providers keep falling into the speed trap - what a bunch of giga-plonkers

iOS 13 leaks suggest Apple is finally about to unleash the iPad as a computer for grownups

except it has mouse support - so does the iPhone

it's finding a mouse that will work that's the issue.

bluetooth is Ok but it's battery sucking

wired works if you have the correct arsenal of cable adapters

Starz, meet the Streisand Effect. Cable telly giant apologizes for demented DMCA Twitter takedown spree

ugh

As a podcaster that pushes out our live stream through youtube I am all to familiar with takedowns.

It's worse when the robots decide I have infringed.

The actual process of getting a design reversed is a proper ball ache.

The way the system works is guilty until proved otherwise.

It is a joke at best and a proper jack booted at worst.

UK pr0n viewers plan to circumvent smut-block measures – survey

I am support the youth.

I have already started to prepare by saving as much as I can to USB drives that I can leave under hedgerows and in bushes.

*Paris because.... well obvs init

Brit Parliament online orifice overwhelmed by Brexit bashers

Jeebus Cripes

Does this mean we will win Eurovision?

It's almost as if people are panicking about the governments ability to deliver

'It's full of beer!' Miracle fridge reveals itself to pals tuckered out from cleaning flooded cabin

Let this sink in

Fortunately, we don't need to wait for a magic fridge – we have beer and cider on tap for free at our shared workspace, allowing us to mostly dodge the exorbitant London prices.

What made a super high-tech home in Victorian England? Hydroelectric witchery, for starters

Any article that mentions the Great Grimsby Dock Tower is always going to be worth a read.

Whilst I miss my old home town I also don't.

Mayors having a right 'mare in Florida: Acting mayor arrested weeks after boss also arrested

Nothing to see here

I mean who hasn't got a bit carried away with things.

Tim Apple. Larry Oracle. Ginni Layoffs: It works so why the heck not?

It's obvious that Trump has stolen this from Richard Herring, but the silly cheeto gammon doesn't understand this only works with Ian's

Prodigy dancer and vocalist Keith Flint found dead aged 49

This sucks

Need a 1TB microSD for your smartmobe? Come April, you can free up storage space in your wallet and buy one

Now you can lose all you data in one easy to swallow wafer.

Pokemon No! Good news: You can now ban the virtual pests, er, pets to stop nerds wandering around your property

Re: Muppet

Which well organised militia do you belong to?

Visited the Grand Canyon since 2000? You'll have great photos – and maybe a teensy bit of unwanted radiation

is it only me?

Is it only me that read that and thought - I wonder what the ore tastes of?

'Occult' text from Buffy The Vampire Slayer ep actually just story about new bus lane in Dublin

Whilst Dublin is one of the friendliest places to have a traffic incident it is also one of the places in which your cursed uttering will raise a demon, such is the language that you will use.

US man and Brit teen convict indicted over school bomb threat spree

Why do they always give themselves such kitsch names

If I was to form a collective of internet mischief makers i would call it

The Bastard Squad

or

Team WankForce

National Enquirer's big Pecker tried to shaft me – and I wouldn't give him an inch, says Jeff Bezos after dick pic leak threat

I wonder which service hosts the national enquirer.......oh

*courtesy of @ryanhuber

Trolling in the Reg's forums... we mean, er, 'working' on the train still rubbish thanks to patchy data coverage

Trolling?

Who Us?

We wouldn't dream of it?

Ca-caw-caw: Pigeon poops on tot's face as tempers fray at siege of Lincoln flats

When we hard brexit we will be issued with pellet guns.

Vermin control was never so tasty.

How did you get a silver badge without understanding bootnotes?

iPhone price cuts are coming, teases Apple CEO. *Bring-bring* Hello, Apple UK? It's El Reg. You free to chat?

I haven't read the article yet, but I just felt the need to applaud the Reg for the correct onomatopoeia

Why do people think phones ring?

Q. China just landed on its far side, the US woz there 50 years ago – now Europe wants to mine it? A. It's the Moon

Something small hit the moon

How do you like them space apples

Struggling with GDPR compliance? Don't waste money on legal advice: Buy a shredder

Psssst hey you - yes you

wanna buy some GDPR compliant notebooks?

The same as am ordinary note book but they have their own envelope.

Starship bloopers: In touching tribute to Tesla shares, Musk proto-craft tumbles – as Bezos' Blue Origin rocket lifts off

Meh - play thing for the rich.

*I wish I was rich

'Nun' drops goat head on pavement outside Cheltenham 'Spoons

Now that's taking veganuary to a whole new level.

Happy new year, readers. Yes, we have threaded comments, an image-lite mode, and more...

Re: Pulled the plug...

"Most read" and the like are just aping the print red-tops.

I have checked the very top of this website and it appears to be a red top - are you new here?

Re: security ?

"Securing your towel, not so much."

You've never been to Great Yarmouth have you.

holograraphic love dungeon layout

It glitches like a bugger, can you get the devs to oil it?

More nodding dogs green-light terrible UK.gov pr0n age verification plans

All you need is......

Just one youth with borrowed access and a printer.

Soon the hedgerows will be alive again with naked ladies and men, although video is a bit harder.

Re: Credit cards for those under 18

Pre-Pay cards would not work - you need to look a bit closer at sites that already ask for verification.

So problem not solved - sorry :-(

Can't unlock an Android phone? No problem, just take a Skype call: App allows passcode bypass

insecure or unsecure

surely not - I guess this is what happens when the 2 best tech companies work together.

Pewdiepie fanboi printer, Chromecast haxxx0r retreats, says they're 'afraid of being caught'

So what you are saying is it's actually 3 wazzocks in this story - got it!

Um, I'm not that Gary, American man tells Ryanair after being sent other Gary's flight itinerary

If not follow through.

How will shitting his pants help?

Found yet another plastic nostalgia knock-off under the tree? You, sir, need an emulator

only ever needed 2 games

C64 - Last ninja - apparently they are remaking it for modern consoles.....

Am - Nuclear War

The Great British Curry: Put down the takeaway, you're cooking tonight

That is pretty much a standard recipe in my house.

We always have jars of some such paste.

I prefer cooking this in a wok rather than a large fry pan, I find you can fix it together better.

An upset tummy and a sphincter-loosening blackout: Lunar spaceflight is all glamour

Awe inspiring

Even after a sticky end they continued

Dutch boyband hopes to reverse Brexit through the power of music

The very hardest Brexit NOW!

I was a remainer until I heard that - now all I want is the hardest brexit ever

A few reasons why cops didn't immediately shoot down London Gatwick airport drone menace

Fricken Laser

Time to release the sharks.

Boffins don't give a sh!t, slap Trump's face on a turd in science journal

Looks like Trump

Tastes like Trump

ugh why do i know what Trumps tastes like

Roll a diplomacy check to win the election: Vote tie resolved by a D20

I thought rolling the ol' D20 resulted in satanic worship.

Virgin Galactic test flight reaches space for the first time, lugging NASA cargo in place of tourists

Now all we have to do is send the bearded prick up, setting the controls for the heart of the sun.

Doom: The FPS that wowed players, gummed up servers, and enraged admins

My Fave level is...

Well it's actually Grimsby Towns old precinct shopping centre. You see one of my mates was handy with all that fiddly programming malarky.

He painstakingly created our town centre shopping area to such a detail that you could tell which shop was Wimpy, which one was Boots. Truly inspiring.

Dine crime: Chippy sells deep fried Xmas dinner

The chippy on Norwich Market sells battered sprouts - apparently it's an improvement.

Canuck couple returns home after night on tiles to gaggle of randomers hanging out in their flat

Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

Calm down Jake, no one is coming to take your pencils.

Although I couldn't find any mortality statistics on pencils, but it does seem that guns kill quite a lot of people.

See how silly you're being now?

Sounds like a nightmAir BnB

Technical foul: Amazon suffers data snafu days before Black Friday, emails world+dog

Ooh what a bitter cynic, can't you just let me have my joy for once?

For once I haven't been included in a breach.

Huzzah

Court doc typo 'reveals' Julian Assange may have been charged in US

Fingers crossed we can get shot of this pound shop bond villain wannabe