* Posts by ukgnome

2084 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Fujitsu finance chief says sorry for IT giant's role in Post Office Horizon scandal

ukgnome

Stop hitting yourself

Stop hitting yourself

stop hitting yourself

so sorry but you keep hitting yourself

stop hitting yourself

seems sorry isn't really enough is it

Threads versus Twitter: Shouldn't we be happy the wheels are falling off antisocial social media?

ukgnome

Currently there are no adverts on Threads - How the hell am I gonna get scammed now?

The number’s up for 999. And 911. And 000. And 111

ukgnome

Will 0118 999 881 99 9119 725 3 still work?

California man jailed after manure-to-methane scheme revealed as bull

ukgnome
Coat

Surely you mean Hay

BOFH: We send a user to visit Kelvin – Keeper of the Batteries

ukgnome

When I was a PFY I first worked at the stationery store for a well know frozen foods and biscuit manufacturer - if you didn't fill an RF form you went to the back of the queue and then was generally messed about. Good times

Is Neuralink ready for human brain implants? Allegedly so

ukgnome

Unless they can make it exactly like MACH1 then it's a no from me.

BOFH: I care a lot ... about onion bhajis

ukgnome

You can't say annnythin....henythin....stuff these days

Lockheed Martin demos 50kW anti-aircraft frickin' laser beam

ukgnome

Unless they plan to mount these lasers on a shark I am not interested

Just $10 to create an AI chatbot of a dead loved one

ukgnome
Joke

I love this idea

Should Mrs Gnome shift off this mortal coild I can rejoice in receiving the occasional w anchor text long in to the future

Artist formerly known as Kanye reveals Parler trick: Buying the far-right haven

ukgnome

Super Secure though

I mean quite a few reports on twitter showing that Parler group mailed some of its users but didn't BCC.

Not a great starting point, but then again free speech init

Water pipes hold flood of untapped electricity potential

ukgnome

Great Scott

That's enough energy to take you back to the future

BOFH: Selling the boss on a crypto startup

ukgnome

it depends if you like the 14c or the 15c and if you care for classical correction.

The Wight stuff: Marconi and the island, when working remotely on wireless comms meant something very different

ukgnome

How strange - I have been reading up on the Marconi Beam stations - a fascinating technology that I had no idea existed.

NASA’s getting really good at this flying a helicopter on Mars thing

ukgnome

NASA flies drones much better than I do - althought I doubt they have to contend with trees

Pentagon confirms footage of three strange craft taken by the Navy are UFOs (no, that doesn't mean they're aliens)

ukgnome
Alien

Clearly a flock of seagulls

A flock of alien seagulls that is.

UK on track to miss even its slashed full-fibre gigabit coverage goals, warn MPs

ukgnome

Re: GigaClear

In some cases they can run the fibre up the pole and deliver that way.

Magic! If you have an entry-level iPad, the Combo Touch could make it your workhorse

ukgnome
Trollface

Matthew - you have beautiful nails - that is your hand in the picture right?

Cornish drinkers catch a different kind of buzz as pub installs electric fence at bar

ukgnome

BOFH

Bar Operator From Hell

As a former licensee turned IT bod I approve

What do you call megabucks Microsoft? No really, it's not a joke. El Reg needs you

ukgnome

Ian Patch

Dead Horse Sales

acquisitions incorporated

Stolen Property

India says 'Zoom is a not a safe platform' and bans government users

ukgnome

I hear a lot about how Zoom isn't safe and wonder what other governments use this service?

How long before a serious breach?

BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?

ukgnome

I can relate to this

I have just had an admin drone ask what he needs to do to get into IT - he thinks it will be the path to untold riches.

The only thing I could think of was to ask him if he wanted to become an alcoholic.

Facebook, distributor of deceptive political ads, sues registrar Namecheap over deceptive domain names

ukgnome

More pussy, less arse!

Can anyone remember when social media was just that - social.

All the social media sites have now become billboards.

It would be great to just see pictures of Amy's cat (not a euphemism)

And it would be brilliant to not have dumb donkey videos fake or otherwise.

Come on baby light me on fire: McDonald's to sell 'Quarter Pounder' scented candles

ukgnome
Facepalm

As the world around us either drowns or burns we take no notice because it is much more important making your house stink of hamburgers.

Life in plastic, with a classic: Polymer £20 notes released into wild sporting Turner art

ukgnome

Waiting for the gammon to spout

They are an absolute bugger to wipe your arse on - give me a proper British paper note any day and not one of these foreign feeling wipe clean efforts.

Google product boss cuffed on suspicion of murder after his Microsoft manager wife goes missing, woman's body found, during Hawaii trip

ukgnome

Re: Sad yes, but is this really pat of El Reg's core mission?

You're maybe haven't been here long.

There is a reason the top of the page is red.

And, yes this is newsworthy, yes it is related to tech companies. It might not be a story about the latest windows vulnerability (bad choice of words, my bad) but that doesn't mean it should be on here. Are you only after the stories that are less human?

Researchers trick Tesla into massively breaking the speed limit by sticking a 2-inch piece of electrical tape on a sign

ukgnome

Well that explains the road signs in rural Norfolk

ha, just kidding, they don't have any road signs in rural Norfolk

Assange lawyer: Trump offered WikiLeaker a pardon in exchange for denying Russia hacked Democrats' email

ukgnome

I am not an Assange fan

But, I am pleased he won't dance to Trump's fiddle.

It's a Bing thing: Microsoft drops plans to shove unloved search engine down throats of unsuspecting enterprises

ukgnome

What the flop

Didn't read the article as the headline triggered me.

Why mention the bunny at all.

Super-leaker Snowden punts free PDF* of tell-all NSA book with censored parts about China restored, underlined

ukgnome

Amateur

I have this book but became paranoid so scanned the text and then converted it to binary, haven't read it all yet - currently on page 01100101 01110000 01110011 01110100 01100101 01101001 01101110 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100100 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01101011 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101000 01101001 01101101 01110011 01100101 01101100 01100110

The Foot of Cupid emits final burst of flatulence in honour of fallen Python Terry Jones

ukgnome

All these comments and not one mentioning Starship Titanic

Beware the trainee with time on his hands and an Acorn manual on his desk

ukgnome

Ahhh happy days - I am a fellow product of a YTS from the Grimsby ITEC

Royal Navy seeks missile-moving robots for dockyard drudgery

ukgnome

What it needs is a Silo Helping Integrated Track and Task Expanding Robot

Full of beans? Sadly not as fellow cracks open tin at dinner to find just one

ukgnome

This is the sort of thing that would make Barry Kirk shudder

Who is Barry Kirk? He is the secret identity of an earth bound half baked super hero.

I couldn't possibly tell you the computer's ID over the phone, I've been on A Course™

ukgnome

I wish my users protected data like this efficient PA

If the IT department had a decent asset list this wouldn't happen - I guess Mike feels that admin isn't part of his job.

All he had to say to the PA is - could you call me back on the IT number.

Seriously it's people like Mike that give HellDesks a bad name

Pokémon Red and Blue-era trading cards just made their owner a load of green: Complete set sells at auction for $107k

ukgnome

I am surprised Team Rocket didn't try a half arsed attempt at stealing these before they went to market.

BOFH: Oh, go on, let's flush all that legacy tech down the toilet

ukgnome

Ahhhh This sounds like the implementation of the new HR system, just with less shit.

Braking bad? Van with £112m worth of crystal meth in back hits cop car at police station

ukgnome

Shirley this is more DeliverRoo

Bonkers British MPs rant: 5G signals cause cancer

ukgnome
Coat

It's all bullshit - We have had 2G and 3G for a while - together that is 5G and it's only a problem now. - it makes no sense

IT pro screwed out of unused vacation pay, bonus by HPE after judge rules: The law is a mess but it's still the law

ukgnome

HP are run by Vogons

Gonna be so cool when we finally get into space, float among the stars, work out every day, inject testosterone...

ukgnome

How long before screenplay writers use this as a sci-fi trope

And NO, Doom doesn't count.

Introducing 'freedom gas' – a bit like the 2003 deep-fried potato variety, only even worse for you

ukgnome

In other news - Sunlight should now be referred to as Freedom Photons

*not my words, credit goes to th3j35t3r

Egg on North Face: Wikipedia furious after glamp-wear giant swaps article pics for sneaky ad shots – and even brags about it in a video

ukgnome

So wikipedia don't like it when you don't play by the rules?

Tell that to the selfie taking monkey.

Ofcom to Openreach: Thou shalt prise open thy network for firms targeting biz customers

ukgnome

So nice to see....

.....that BT will finally be able to use the cable ducts that Virgin use.

I mean that's how it will work right? You use ours we use yours?

If poking about Doctor Who's TARDIS in VR sounds like fun to you, better luck next time

ukgnome

Sounds more like Dr No!

Wine? No, posh noshery in high spirits despite giving away £4,500 bottle of Bordeaux

ukgnome

Re: Wine is wine

@M. Poolman

Speaking as an ex-bar manager that has been on extensive courses for this sort of thing, nope. The average person couldn't tell the difference. And some sommeliers would have issues too.

The price on a bottle doesn't reflect the quality of the product (which is wholly subjective anyway)

Veteran vulture Andrew Orlowski is offski after 19 years at The Register

ukgnome

You might of caused a few comment storms (when we was allowed to comment on your articles)

You might even be missed, then again us IT lot are not renowned for our throwing arms.

But above all else you will never dance to this kind of tune

Now get out!

Julian Assange jailed for 50 weeks over Ecuador embassy bail-jumping

ukgnome

Place your bets

That Ol Stinky will continue the trend of excrement smearing just to lengthen his sentence

Huawei, Huawei. Huawei, Huawei. Feeling hot, hot, hot: US threatens to cut UK from intel sharing over Chinese tech giant

ukgnome

So basically the USA want the spying rights?

BOFH: It's not just an awesome app, it'll look great on my Insta. . a. a. AAAARRRRRGGH

ukgnome

Gotta Feel sorry for the Dev

They are only as good as......ah who am I kidding - developers need a swift kick every now and then

Gather round, friends. Listen close. It's time to list the five biggest lies about 5G

ukgnome

It also won't microwave birds or ready meals, it won't cause cancer and it won't bring about the end of days.