* Posts by Securitymoose

209 publicly visible posts • joined 13 Jun 2011

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First rocket launch from UK soil now has... a logo

Securitymoose
WTF?

Britain in space eh? Getting kiddies to design the logo.

I suppose it makes a change from getting kiddies to design websites, mobile phone operating systems and every other tortuous process we have to navigate, where usability and acceptance testing are dirty words. The TV series, Hyperdrive' shows exactly how it will be.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rz1sCzM6axk

(Don't forget to customise and reject all cookies when you view this pilot).

Plans for UK rival to Silicon Valley ditched

Securitymoose
Facepalm

What about Cambridge?

Presumably the Government hasn't heard of this out-of-London powerhouse of technical innovation.

Microsoft: Russia invasion of Ukraine ‘unlawful, unjustified’

Securitymoose
FAIL

What about another service update to Windows for Russia?

That usually completely screws my systems.

Suspected Chinese spies break into cloud accounts of News Corp journalists

Securitymoose
Mushroom

Let's hope World War 3 is fought in Cyberland

It will be a lot less messy than the alternative when Putin invades Ukraine.

Russia's naval exercise near Ireland unlikely to involve cable-tapping shenanigans

Securitymoose
Mushroom

This is not good - welcome to World War 3

In event of everything blowing up in Ukraine and WW3 starting when the West retaliates, cutting communications across the Atlantic would be a neat tactical move. Let's hope he doesn't take down the satellites too. A war is fought on technology and communication.

Comcast fixes broadband cables 'peppered' with holes after Oakland drive-by shooting

Securitymoose
Joke

Argument in favour of gun ownership in the UK?

I wonder how many of our road speed extortion revenue cameras would survive if everyone had a firearm. It's the first benefit I've been able to identify from owning one (apart from shooting people who don't clear up their dog mess that is).

In a first, FTC extracts millions of dollars from online store accused of blocking bad reviews on its website

Securitymoose
Holmes

Like just about every other review on the Internet souks?

I never believe much I read on the 5* reviews anyway. Much more interesting are the 3s. Expect the worst, but hope for the best.

The robots are coming! 12 million jobs lost to automation in Europe by 2040 – analyst

Securitymoose
Megaphone

Hogwash?

"The researchers said that by 2035, about one in four people will be 65 or older, up from one in 13 in 1950; by 2060, this will rise to one in three." Trying to imply that we should all run around panicking about our pensions?

Are they ignoring the number of older people killed by the pandemic, the tide of younger immigrants (illegal or otherwise) and the fact that folks who are past 'retirement' will continue to work in other activities until they drop, because of the increasing cost of living?

This is the sort of scaremongering that seems prevalent these days. Automation helps people to become (usually) more efficient, more productive and have more leisure time in which to spend their hard-earned. This boosts GDP and ultimately (should) make everyone better off, regardless of age.

Tonga takes to radio, satellite, motorboat comms to restore communications after massive volcano blast and tsunami

Securitymoose

They said I were mad t' build undersea cable on top of a volcano

But I built it all the same.

It blew up, fell over and sank...

So I put another cable there (I expect).

Crowdfunding platform Kickstarter planning move to blockchain. How will it work? Your guess is as good as ours

Securitymoose

Just get out all your money in cash...

...and leave it behind the third washbasin along at Kings Cross Station.

I can see this as the very end of Kickstarter.

Facebook may soon reveal new name – we're sure Reg readers will be more creative than Zuck's marketroids

Securitymoose
Mushroom

Barad-dûr

After Sauron's Dark Tower in Mordor with the ever watching eye.

Facebook, Instagram finally end days of uptime by returning to some downtime

Securitymoose

Can't create adverts? They've started sending them out again, even when asked not to.

I managed to avoid adverts until this outage, and now I'm getting random adverts, mostly from Google. Suspicious or what? Seems to me like their recovery is conveniently ignoring people's preferences.

Microfluidic processor brings us one step closer to a future of squishy DNA computing

Securitymoose
Mushroom

Would your computer become senile with natural aging?

I know our current systems wear out eventually, but how would you know, if you were using a DNA machine? Weren't there a couple of sci-fi films exploring this concept? (Dark Star comes to mind)

11-year-old graduate announces plans to achieve immortality by 'replacing body parts with mechanical parts'

Securitymoose

What about the brain?

All very well replacing faulty heart valves etc., but with Alzheimer and other brain diseases, people get old anyway. Still, there is always the hope that quantum machines will be able to replace brains. Gotta go. My robot butler has just asked me what the meaning of life is.

Chinese web giant Baidu unveils Level 4 robo-taxi that costs $75k to make

Securitymoose
Big Brother

And see this other article - poltergeist attacks self-driving cars

https://www.theregister.com/2021/06/18/poltergeist_autonomous_vehicles/

Yet another cunning plan to reduce the world population?

Stuxnet sibling theory surges after Iran says nuke facility shut down by electrical fault

Securitymoose
Mushroom

Probably just programmer error

Better to blame it on the Israelis, than risk retribution, and of course those worthies would fess up. Easier than actually doing the hacking.

Otherwise, blame it on Covid - every other damn company does, to cover up their own efficiency.

Facebook says dump of 533m accounts is old news. But my date of birth, name, etc haven't changed in years, Zuck

Securitymoose
Happy

Does anyone trust Facebook with their real details?

I have a unique mail account for dealing with Facebook. So far there have been no attempts at scams or anything through that address.

Telephone number? I refused to give it.

Birthday? I lied (I must be their oldest member).

Shoe size? Coco the Clown

Where do I live? I choose the places with the silliest names across the world, and move between them from time to time - current location Tittybong (Australia), but I'm hoping to move to Dildo, Canada, soon.

Yes, they can find out general information from my group memberships and website details, but as I'm an author of satire, that's free publicity isn't it?

Teenage Twitter hijacker gets three years in the clink over celeb Bitcoin scamming

Securitymoose
Angel

He's not the Messiah...

He's just a naughty naughty boy. Surely a clip around the ear would suffice, and then give him a job with one of the internet law agencies.

The laptop you bought in 2020 may stop you buying a car in 2021: Chips are going short

Securitymoose
Paris Hilton

It's a good thing?

If it keeps those 'artistically' designed geriatric ferries off the road.

Australian police suggests app to record consent to sexual activity

Securitymoose
WTF?

You would only need one swipe option

For the do-ee, swipe left for 'no'.

It's then up to the individuals if it goes any further, exactly as it is right now.

I remember the days when you used to get to know someone before leaping into coitus.

China's top chip company speaks of massive silicon shortage felt around the globe

Securitymoose
Devil

Good news

There are more than enough cars around already. Any reduction in numbers of those planet killing electric monstrosities has to be good.

https://www.theguardian.com/news/2020/dec/08/the-curse-of-white-oil-electric-vehicles-dirty-secret-lithium

Breathe deeply, my friends, because tomorrow we choke.

Something fishy is going on in Taiwan as folk change name to include 'salmon' for free sushi

Securitymoose
Unhappy

Greedy people everywhere

This is basically 'theft'. Sadly a reflection of the greed of mankind that is endemic to our species.

Google, Apple sued for failing to give Telegram chat app the Parler put-down treatment

Securitymoose
Big Brother

The real reason of course...

...is that Telegram is a messaging app that prevents all the agencies from spying on the conversations, and therefore can't be controlled. In this world where free speech and 'correctness' are in direct conflict, it is refreshing to be able to say things to friends and colleagues, and retract them if required without ending up in court or worse.

Laptops given to British schools came preloaded with remote-access worm

Securitymoose
Happy

Is Ivan shooting himself in the foot or is it simply a mistake?

Harvesting data from schoolkids who are most likely to be using it to do their schoolwork can't be a matter of national security. All that will be received is a jumble of banality about who is going out with who, and the current trends in angst.

Sounds like it's simply insufficient testing and care on behalf of the distributors. Well done the schools for actually picking this up before giving out the items.

LowKey cool: This web app will tweak your photos to flummox facial-recognition systems, apparently

Securitymoose
Go

Why do people put any personal information on social media that they don't expect to be shared?

People must be aware that everything they post potentially becomes public domain, therefore they must intend that anything they post be shared with the wider world (facial recognition or other data harvesting). Totally free advertising for the 'victim', if truth be told. Thank you, Social Media, from us struggling artists.

Openreach out: UK union asks all of its members to back disgruntled cable engineers

Securitymoose
Facepalm

Unbelievable in these troubled times when people are losing jobs and struggling to survive!

Have we time-slipped back to the Seventies?

I did dedicate my latest satire to "2020, the year that Time went forwards and backwards simultaneously," I suppose.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Inn-Sixth-Dan-Provocations-Book-ebook/dp/B08MBCTV35

Fujitsu opens door, invites '200 to 250' staff from UK Delivery team to walk out

Securitymoose

A great way to reduce your overall experience and performance

Volunteers with 5 years experience will probably be those who can be quickly reemployed elsewhere, and will jump at the chance. Those who remain will likely be rookies or dead wood. Nice idea, but in practice it will come back to bite them. Surely a better way would to be to look at performance details and ask those who are in the lower quartile to take the bribe?

What’s that in CES heaven, is it a star? Or is it that damned elusive flying car?

Securitymoose

Gerry Anderson predicted this in 1961

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supercar_(TV_series)

Again, where is Science when you need it?

Boffins store text message inside E coli bacteria using electromagnetic signal – and you'll never guess what it says

Securitymoose

I predicted this four years ago

I wrote a satirical sci-fi about it. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Fifth-Correction-Provocations-Continue-Book-ebook/dp/B00XTIENDK

Wake up Science, you're a bit slow!

Amazon Web Services launches appeal after losing $12m AWS trademark war in China to local biz Actionsoft

Securitymoose
Mushroom

Maybe Amazon will think twice about peddling so many Chinese products in future

It's really tricky to buy anything off Amazon that wasn't made in China.

Think on that, Mao Tse-Bezos

UK coronavirus tier postcode-searching tool yanked offline as desperate Britons hunt for latest lockdown details

Securitymoose
Boffin

A coloured map perhaps would have been just as good

Why do people always insist on making things complicated?

If you're on the border between zones, use your discretion - nanny state, stop telling us how to think.

Uncle Sam's legal eagles hope to get their claws on $1bn in Bitcoin 'stolen by hacker' from dark-web souk Silk Road

Securitymoose

1 billion? Worth diddly squat

It is only worth that much if you are going to spend it. What are the DoJ going to buy with it? Arms, drugs, new desks? Or should they flog it off cheap and take the bottom out of the market? Otherwise it's just load of big numbers that cost nothing to make (if you already had the hardware).

When Huawei leaves, the UK doesn't lead in 5G, says new report commissioned by... er... Huawei

Securitymoose

You've got to have 5G!

Like you've got to have bypasses and a control chip in your head. Yeah right.

The Wrath of Amazon: JEDI wars rage on after US Department of Defense affirms Microsoft contract

Securitymoose

Amazon should perhaps source less of their stuff from China?

Maybe this is the underlying reason. Think about that, Jie-fu Bezos.

Bunch of mugs keep risking life and limb to 'crockery bomb' sad little roundabout

Securitymoose

Crime of the Century?

must be that Highways England have no sense of humour.

And yet they can allow big signs advertising, for example, Joe Scumbag's Holistic Facemask Emporium, because Joe has bunged them a couple of quid.

Perhaps they should better spend their time on keeping the traffic moving and repairing our pothole-scarred road surfaces?

Capita: We were juuust about to generate revenue growth and sustainable cash flow – then pandemic stuffed it up

Securitymoose

Another 'blame it on covid' excuse for poor management?

If you can't thrive in IT when everyone is being forced to rely on it, what hope is there?

I found a puddle in my garden this morning. I might as well blame that on covid as well.

VMware to stop describing hardware as ‘male’ and ‘female’ in new terminology guide

Securitymoose
Joke

My name is Jack Socket

I take umbrage to all this renaming nonsense. Stone me, I'm going to pull down a statue!

After banning Chinese comms bogeyman, UK asks: Huawei in this mess? It was a failure of capitalism, MPs told

Securitymoose
Flame

WTF do we need 5G anyway?

So the authorities can spy on us and control every movement? So that cities can be automated and therefore a perfect target for terrorism disruption? So that our kids can spend more time with their faces attached to their screens. So we can be under even more restrictions than posed by Coronaphobia?

I say scrap the whole thing and spend the savings on something useful, like child protection, the hospitals, saving the environment (and a hit squad for anyone leaving litter behind).

UK smacks Huawei with banhammer: Buying firm's 5G gear illegal from year's end, mobile networks ordered to rip out all next-gen kit by 2027

Securitymoose
Black Helicopters

You have to have 5G

Like you have to build bypasses, (and the rail link to Birmingham, just when people are shunning public transport big time.)

Who is going to benefit from the rollout? The spy culture, that's who, keeping track of everyone and everything.

5G going to cost billions? Scrap the idea and spend the money on the NHS and better broadband links instead.

Software biz Advanced set to lay off 6% of its workforce, blames that virus

Securitymoose
FAIL

I blame the pandemic

For having a useless management team, and no forward planning.

There's always a coronavirus angle these days: Honor intros new smartphone with built-in temperature sensor

Securitymoose

Or you could buy something useful for everyone

Like an infra-red digital thermometer locally for £22. That means you don't have to change your phone and share your data with everyone else.

https://thermometer.co.uk/21-infrared-thermometers

Coronavirus lockdown forces UK retailers to shut 382 million square feet of floor space

Securitymoose
Childcatcher

Clothing shops going out of business? Boo hoo.

Good riddance to those distributors who source their wares from sweatshops. We already have too many clothes, and the fashion culture is mostly hype. Who can afford, or would want to be seen in, some of the stuff they strut about to?

On the normal scale, if you've seen the pollution out east caused by our greed for cheap clothing, including the complete destruction of the Aral Sea, you might think that it's time to return to growing our own materials, weaving and dying locally, and returning to the art of seamstress (or seamster I guess). Clothes will cost more, of course, but we won't be buying so many, and we will be self-sufficient.

But what about the poor folks out of a job, I hear you cry? Could they return to farming, and growing their own food instead, and perhaps collect some of the rubbish they chucked into the sea, to slowly let this poor planet of ours recover for future generations?

All your jobs are belong to us... Amazon is hiring 75,000 people but if you want US home groceries, tough luck

Securitymoose
Mushroom

And how much of that comes from China?

Try and buy anything electronic, and if you check the company name, it might look friendly, like Zoeview, but the address will be something like shenzhen

guangdong in China. Amazon don't seem to be regulating any of this. At least the groceries business will be local, unless you order live bats.

Microsoft staff giggle beneath the weight of a 52,000-person Reply-All email storm

Securitymoose
Mushroom

2020 and still no automatic filter for 'reply all'?

People have been doing this since email began in nineteen hundred and something, and you still haven't sorted it? Serves you right.

Finally, a technology angle on the coronavirus outbreak: Semiconductor biz stocks slip amid China supply chain fears

Securitymoose
Childcatcher

Could it arrive here in the mass of goods we get from China?

The Black Death pneumonic plague was transmitted through droplet infection (in one provincial case, via damp linen). Is anyone going to fess up and tell us that the virus only has a short (or indefinite) lifespan? The Black Death killed 1/3 of the population of Europe, and how many more where records were not so extensive?

We are right to be cautious.

Totally Subcontracted Business: TSB to outsource entire IT estate to IBM for a cool $1bn after 2019 meltdown

Securitymoose

'Outsource Errington' strikes again.

It seems like the only thing he knows.

You leak our secrets? We'll leak your book sales, speech fees – into our coffers: Uncle Sam wins royalties fight against Edward Snowden

Securitymoose

Re: Streisand Effect

I wonder if the pdf will be 'leaked'. One would think he might arrange that out of spite for his homeland's decision.

Found on Mars: Alien insects... or whatever the hell this smudge is supposed to be, anyway

Securitymoose

It will be a mosquito

The little blighters get everywhere. The moment we start terraforming will coincide in with the first alien mosquito bite as they revive. It wasn't loss of atmosphere that killed the martians, it was mosquitoes.

Chancers keep buying up dot-UK company name domains: Got a problem? That'll be £750 for Nominet to rule on it

Securitymoose

Simple solution to domain squatting

If someone buys up a .uk already in existence as a .co.uk (.com or .eu) with a registered company, Nominet transfer ownership to that company at no charge - after all, its already been paid for. This would stop the squatting, and also show that Nominet is not in it just to milk the punters (unless they are, in which case, shame on them, and let's lobby the next government to being them down.)

Helen Fospero makes yet another Brit telly presenter to win IR35 case against taxman

Securitymoose

HMRC, you lost! Get over it and stop wasting any more of our money.

This isn't Brexit, for Phoist's sake!

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