* Posts by Securitymoose

147 posts • joined 13 Jun 2011


Microfluidic processor brings us one step closer to a future of squishy DNA computing


Would your computer become senile with natural aging?

I know our current systems wear out eventually, but how would you know, if you were using a DNA machine? Weren't there a couple of sci-fi films exploring this concept? (Dark Star comes to mind)

11-year-old graduate announces plans to achieve immortality by 'replacing body parts with mechanical parts'


What about the brain?

All very well replacing faulty heart valves etc., but with Alzheimer and other brain diseases, people get old anyway. Still, there is always the hope that quantum machines will be able to replace brains. Gotta go. My robot butler has just asked me what the meaning of life is.

Chinese web giant Baidu unveils Level 4 robo-taxi that costs $75k to make

Big Brother

And see this other article - poltergeist attacks self-driving cars


Yet another cunning plan to reduce the world population?

Stuxnet sibling theory surges after Iran says nuke facility shut down by electrical fault


Probably just programmer error

Better to blame it on the Israelis, than risk retribution, and of course those worthies would fess up. Easier than actually doing the hacking.

Otherwise, blame it on Covid - every other damn company does, to cover up their own efficiency.

Facebook says dump of 533m accounts is old news. But my date of birth, name, etc haven't changed in years, Zuck


Does anyone trust Facebook with their real details?

I have a unique mail account for dealing with Facebook. So far there have been no attempts at scams or anything through that address.

Telephone number? I refused to give it.

Birthday? I lied (I must be their oldest member).

Shoe size? Coco the Clown

Where do I live? I choose the places with the silliest names across the world, and move between them from time to time - current location Tittybong (Australia), but I'm hoping to move to Dildo, Canada, soon.

Yes, they can find out general information from my group memberships and website details, but as I'm an author of satire, that's free publicity isn't it?

Teenage Twitter hijacker gets three years in the clink over celeb Bitcoin scamming


He's not the Messiah...

He's just a naughty naughty boy. Surely a clip around the ear would suffice, and then give him a job with one of the internet law agencies.

The laptop you bought in 2020 may stop you buying a car in 2021: Chips are going short

Paris Hilton

It's a good thing?

If it keeps those 'artistically' designed geriatric ferries off the road.

Australian police suggests app to record consent to sexual activity


You would only need one swipe option

For the do-ee, swipe left for 'no'.

It's then up to the individuals if it goes any further, exactly as it is right now.

I remember the days when you used to get to know someone before leaping into coitus.

China's top chip company speaks of massive silicon shortage felt around the globe


Good news

There are more than enough cars around already. Any reduction in numbers of those planet killing electric monstrosities has to be good.


Breathe deeply, my friends, because tomorrow we choke.

Something fishy is going on in Taiwan as folk change name to include 'salmon' for free sushi


Greedy people everywhere

This is basically 'theft'. Sadly a reflection of the greed of mankind that is endemic to our species.

Google, Apple sued for failing to give Telegram chat app the Parler put-down treatment

Big Brother

The real reason of course...

...is that Telegram is a messaging app that prevents all the agencies from spying on the conversations, and therefore can't be controlled. In this world where free speech and 'correctness' are in direct conflict, it is refreshing to be able to say things to friends and colleagues, and retract them if required without ending up in court or worse.

Laptops given to British schools came preloaded with remote-access worm


Is Ivan shooting himself in the foot or is it simply a mistake?

Harvesting data from schoolkids who are most likely to be using it to do their schoolwork can't be a matter of national security. All that will be received is a jumble of banality about who is going out with who, and the current trends in angst.

Sounds like it's simply insufficient testing and care on behalf of the distributors. Well done the schools for actually picking this up before giving out the items.

LowKey cool: This web app will tweak your photos to flummox facial-recognition systems, apparently


Why do people put any personal information on social media that they don't expect to be shared?

People must be aware that everything they post potentially becomes public domain, therefore they must intend that anything they post be shared with the wider world (facial recognition or other data harvesting). Totally free advertising for the 'victim', if truth be told. Thank you, Social Media, from us struggling artists.

Openreach out: UK union asks all of its members to back disgruntled cable engineers


Unbelievable in these troubled times when people are losing jobs and struggling to survive!

Have we time-slipped back to the Seventies?

I did dedicate my latest satire to "2020, the year that Time went forwards and backwards simultaneously," I suppose.


Fujitsu opens door, invites '200 to 250' staff from UK Delivery team to walk out


A great way to reduce your overall experience and performance

Volunteers with 5 years experience will probably be those who can be quickly reemployed elsewhere, and will jump at the chance. Those who remain will likely be rookies or dead wood. Nice idea, but in practice it will come back to bite them. Surely a better way would to be to look at performance details and ask those who are in the lower quartile to take the bribe?

What’s that in CES heaven, is it a star? Or is it that damned elusive flying car?


Gerry Anderson predicted this in 1961


Again, where is Science when you need it?

Boffins store text message inside E. coli bacteria using electromagnetic signal – and you'll never guess what it says


I predicted this four years ago

I wrote a satirical sci-fi about it. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Fifth-Correction-Provocations-Continue-Book-ebook/dp/B00XTIENDK

Wake up Science, you're a bit slow!

Amazon Web Services launches appeal after losing $12m AWS trademark war in China to local biz Actionsoft


Maybe Amazon will think twice about peddling so many Chinese products in future

It's really tricky to buy anything off Amazon that wasn't made in China.

Think on that, Mao Tse-Bezos

UK coronavirus tier postcode-searching tool yanked offline as desperate Britons hunt for latest lockdown details


A coloured map perhaps would have been just as good

Why do people always insist on making things complicated?

If you're on the border between zones, use your discretion - nanny state, stop telling us how to think.

Uncle Sam's legal eagles hope to get their claws on $1bn in Bitcoin 'stolen by hacker' from dark-web souk Silk Road


1 billion? Worth diddly squat

It is only worth that much if you are going to spend it. What are the DoJ going to buy with it? Arms, drugs, new desks? Or should they flog it off cheap and take the bottom out of the market? Otherwise it's just load of big numbers that cost nothing to make (if you already had the hardware).

When Huawei leaves, the UK doesn't lead in 5G, says new report commissioned by... er... Huawei


You've got to have 5G!

Like you've got to have bypasses and a control chip in your head. Yeah right.

The Wrath of Amazon: JEDI wars rage on after US Department of Defense affirms Microsoft contract


Amazon should perhaps source less of their stuff from China?

Maybe this is the underlying reason. Think about that, Jie-fu Bezos.

Bunch of mugs keep risking life and limb to 'crockery bomb' sad little roundabout


Crime of the Century?

must be that Highways England have no sense of humour.

And yet they can allow big signs advertising, for example, Joe Scumbag's Holistic Facemask Emporium, because Joe has bunged them a couple of quid.

Perhaps they should better spend their time on keeping the traffic moving and repairing our pothole-scarred road surfaces?

Capita: We were juuust about to generate revenue growth and sustainable cash flow – then pandemic stuffed it up


Another 'blame it on covid' excuse for poor management?

If you can't thrive in IT when everyone is being forced to rely on it, what hope is there?

I found a puddle in my garden this morning. I might as well blame that on covid as well.

VMware to stop describing hardware as ‘male’ and ‘female’ in new terminology guide


My name is Jack Socket

I take umbrage to all this renaming nonsense. Stone me, I'm going to pull down a statue!

After banning Chinese comms bogeyman, UK asks: Huawei in this mess? It was a failure of capitalism, MPs told


WTF do we need 5G anyway?

So the authorities can spy on us and control every movement? So that cities can be automated and therefore a perfect target for terrorism disruption? So that our kids can spend more time with their faces attached to their screens. So we can be under even more restrictions than posed by Coronaphobia?

I say scrap the whole thing and spend the savings on something useful, like child protection, the hospitals, saving the environment (and a hit squad for anyone leaving litter behind).

UK smacks Huawei with banhammer: Buying firm's 5G gear illegal from year's end, mobile networks ordered to rip out all next-gen kit by 2027

Black Helicopters

You have to have 5G

Like you have to build bypasses, (and the rail link to Birmingham, just when people are shunning public transport big time.)

Who is going to benefit from the rollout? The spy culture, that's who, keeping track of everyone and everything.

5G going to cost billions? Scrap the idea and spend the money on the NHS and better broadband links instead.

Software biz Advanced set to lay off 6% of its workforce, blames that virus


I blame the pandemic

For having a useless management team, and no forward planning.

There's always a coronavirus angle these days: Honor intros new smartphone with built-in temperature sensor


Or you could buy something useful for everyone

Like an infra-red digital thermometer locally for £22. That means you don't have to change your phone and share your data with everyone else.


Coronavirus lockdown forces UK retailers to shut 382 million square feet of floor space


Clothing shops going out of business? Boo hoo.

Good riddance to those distributors who source their wares from sweatshops. We already have too many clothes, and the fashion culture is mostly hype. Who can afford, or would want to be seen in, some of the stuff they strut about to?

On the normal scale, if you've seen the pollution out east caused by our greed for cheap clothing, including the complete destruction of the Aral Sea, you might think that it's time to return to growing our own materials, weaving and dying locally, and returning to the art of seamstress (or seamster I guess). Clothes will cost more, of course, but we won't be buying so many, and we will be self-sufficient.

But what about the poor folks out of a job, I hear you cry? Could they return to farming, and growing their own food instead, and perhaps collect some of the rubbish they chucked into the sea, to slowly let this poor planet of ours recover for future generations?

All your jobs are belong to us... Amazon is hiring 75,000 people but if you want US home groceries, tough luck


And how much of that comes from China?

Try and buy anything electronic, and if you check the company name, it might look friendly, like Zoeview, but the address will be something like shenzhen

guangdong in China. Amazon don't seem to be regulating any of this. At least the groceries business will be local, unless you order live bats.

Microsoft staff giggle beneath the weight of a 52,000-person Reply-All email storm


2020 and still no automatic filter for 'reply all'?

People have been doing this since email began in nineteen hundred and something, and you still haven't sorted it? Serves you right.

Finally, a technology angle on the coronavirus outbreak: Semiconductor biz stocks slip amid China supply chain fears


Could it arrive here in the mass of goods we get from China?

The Black Death pneumonic plague was transmitted through droplet infection (in one provincial case, via damp linen). Is anyone going to fess up and tell us that the virus only has a short (or indefinite) lifespan? The Black Death killed 1/3 of the population of Europe, and how many more where records were not so extensive?

We are right to be cautious.

Totally Subcontracted Business: TSB to outsource entire IT estate to IBM for a cool $1bn after 2019 meltdown


'Outsource Errington' strikes again.

It seems like the only thing he knows.

You leak our secrets? We'll leak your book sales, speech fees – into our coffers: Uncle Sam wins royalties fight against Edward Snowden


Re: Streisand Effect

I wonder if the pdf will be 'leaked'. One would think he might arrange that out of spite for his homeland's decision.

Found on Mars: Alien insects... or whatever the hell this smudge is supposed to be, anyway


It will be a mosquito

The little blighters get everywhere. The moment we start terraforming will coincide in with the first alien mosquito bite as they revive. It wasn't loss of atmosphere that killed the martians, it was mosquitoes.

Chancers keep buying up dot-UK company name domains: Got a problem? That'll be £750 for Nominet to rule on it


Simple solution to domain squatting

If someone buys up a .uk already in existence as a .co.uk (.com or .eu) with a registered company, Nominet transfer ownership to that company at no charge - after all, its already been paid for. This would stop the squatting, and also show that Nominet is not in it just to milk the punters (unless they are, in which case, shame on them, and let's lobby the next government to being them down.)

Helen Fospero makes yet another Brit telly presenter to win IR35 case against taxman


HMRC, you lost! Get over it and stop wasting any more of our money.

This isn't Brexit, for Phoist's sake!

YouTube thinkfluencer Siraj Raval admits he plagiarized boffins' neural qubit papers – as ESA axes his workshop


When does curating become plagiarism?

Would that be when you don’t fess up to where you got your information?

Plusnet is doing us proud again with early Christmas present for customers: Price hikes


Easy to moan...

...but I've always had excellent service from them. If they try to hike the price, get on to the UK call centre, and get them to look out a better deal. Usually, they have an offering as good (or better than) what you are losing, as long as you sign up for another year or two - at a fixed price. If not, then's the time to look around.

BTW, this applies to a lot of your suppliers - insurance being the biggest annoyance. Always get on to them and challenge them to find you a better deal (no, you don't need a robot rodent with a foreign accent).

TalkTalk says WalkWalk if you've got a mouldy Tiscali email address, or pay £50 a year to keep it



I dropped them when they went to TalkTalk, and moved to another supplier, but have kept that Tiscali address since. They recently changed the mail system, and I lost reliable mail for several weeks. Their customer service was abominable, and these factors have added together to ensure I never ever deal with them again. I put a redirect on my mail when I got it back and have been advising those I want to know, and am ignoring the spammers.

If you really can't let go of Windows 7, Microsoft will keep things secure for another three years


I'd willing pay a fee...

...to stop those interminable updates borking my Windows 7 almost every time I switch it on. Hurry up and go out of support, so I can get on with my work!

Tesco parking app hauled offline after exposing 10s of millions of Automatic Number Plate Recognition images


Puts me in mind of the Fourteenth Adjustment by Robert Wingfield

A sci-fi satire where a parking junta has taken over the entire world - a quick quote from where the parking executives are discussing how to get more cash in. Some people are refusing to pay...

“Everyone else is paying their parking charges without complaint.”

“Of course they would.” Poordraw rubbed his hands together. “Nobody ever questions parking charges, well, nobody of any consequence, that is.” He looked sideways at his co-director. “An excellent idea of yours, Pietro, identifying everyone over a certain income level, and giving free parking to those people. That way, folks with the money to challenge us will never complain, and they don’t care what happens to the commoners in any case.”

“I take all the credit for that,” said Fairway. “I bought these ‘reality’ glasses from Dearheat Enterprises. They have filters which blank out anyone below a certain income level. I believe they were developed for visitors to the theatres in the Arty District to help them ignore beggars, but they work adequately when worn by our car-park attendants.

Russian spacebot stranded outside the ISS as Soyuz fails to dock


Siberia will be getting a few more visitors after this.

Perhaps we could outsource all our software development to Russia too.

Can't bear to part with that well-worn copy of Windows 7? Microsoft might let you keep it updated an extra year


Thank goodness for that

Won't it be great not to have to wait and watch your system reboot virtually every time you log in? If there are any holes left in W7 after that, at least they will be shared so we can be aware of them, but seriously, what can possibly be left after the gazillion updates MS have issued. If things get too bad,Linux awaits.

Phisherman's blues: Bogus Dell support rep extradited from Kenya, admits he conned US colleges out of $900,000


Training and security

If only these 'victims' would install checks and training, as well as controlling the validation of funds transfer, the scammers would be rendered ineffective.

While there are gullible people in positions of authority, there will always be scams: "Remember, Terry, you only get out of life what you put in, plus a bit extra if you can find a few mugs." Arthur Daley, in 'Minder', as played by the late, great George Cole.

Lancaster Uni cordons off breached systems a week after thousands of folks' data pinched


And the university doesn't have an IT Department?

With all the clever youngsters coming through the ranks,how on earth did the uni leave the doors open? Didn't the sys admins take a course in cyber security? Wait, what's this? https://www.lancaster.ac.uk/study/postgraduate/postgraduate-courses/cyber-security-msc/

Time for the Chancellor to resign from 'Egg-on-Face' University perhaps?

US gives Chinese smuggler 37 months in the slammer for selling knock-off Apple kit


Good point about quality.

I wonder if the battery life and the charging ports were better than the real thing, and that's what's hacked the authorities off.

Giffgaff goody-baddy-bag billing faff: Ofcom fines operator £1.4m for overcharging folks by almost £3m


Run by you?

So we must have ripped ourselves off then? That'll teach us.

Airbus A350 software bug forces airlines to turn planes off and on every 149 hours


I wonder if the software development was outsourced...

...to Musoketeba perhaps. (see 'Into The Fourth Universe' - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/929784)



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