* Posts by Securitymoose

170 posts • joined 13 Jun 2011


China may be the future for Mercedes-Benz


And when China invades Taiwan?

Will they be given the same treatment as Russia vs Ukraine, and MB lose their deposit?

Short term blinkers by Merc, presumably the same bunch who used to rely on Russia for just about all of their energy?

"Oh dear, we never saw that one coming, Otto," will be engraved on their candles this winter.

Heineken says there’s no free beer, warns of phishing scam


It will only catch lager drinkers anyway

So who really cares? Bring it on.

EV battery can reach full charge in 'less than 10 minutes'


Missing the whole point

People moan about the amount of damage to the environment caused by cryptocurrency, but think on the amount of power needed to charge all the cars in the world (#cars x #total miles travelled x kw/mile.) Where do we get that all that power from? Not from your solar panels when half the world is under cloud.

Electric cars, while a neat idea, are a cul-de-sac technology unless an infinite supply of free electricity can be tapped into.

If you are still using fossil in your vehicle, ignore the fossils who are dictating we all go electric and wait for the development of fuel cells, which can be swapped out without people whittling on about getting an old one in place of new. Here's a glimpse of what might be...


DARPA wants to refuel drones in flight – wirelessly


The should have asked Nikola Tesla

He knew how to do this 100 years ago, but nobody listened.

Cops' Killer Bee stings credential-stealing scammer


Seems an awful lot of effort to put a guy behind bars for 12 months

Perhaps they should keep him in until he's paid off what he owes, or better still, make him legit by giving him a job with our fuel companies.

Coca-Cola probes pro-Kremlin gang's claims of 161GB data theft


What critical data could they possibly have grabbed?

How many people connect to CC and give them all their personal details? Many a bunch of addicts, buying the stuff by the lorry-load, but I can't see it affecting the majority of folks.

Perhaps they have captured internal reports saying how bad the product is for health or the mess its bottles and cans make of the environment. Earth shattering if it gets out... not.

I don't think I'm going to lose any sleep over it.

(At least CC didn't steal Christmas, as rumours would have it. The rotund home invader used to have a green suit, but it wasn't CC who changed it.

https://www.thefactsite.com/how-coca-cola-changed-santa/ )

Pony.ai lassos China's first autonomous taxi license


What could possibly go wrong?

Of course, we will never hear about the number of people mowed down by system failure in such a teeming city. Perhaps they will link everything with 5G to make it doubly entertaining, or perhaps the lockdown will keep everyone off the streets anyway, and the only folks out there using taxis will be exchanging germs like there's no tomorrow (which sadly there may not be for some of them). At least with human taxi drivers, they can disinfect after each fare. Will the self-driving ones do the same, and if so, how much time will they be out of service while they are fumigated?

REvil resurrected? Ransomware crew appears to be back. Keyword: Appears


Cyber warfare

If we could keep the guns off the streets it would be a small price to pay, but it won't be the first case of poacher turned gamekeeper in the cyber world.

Chinese e-commerce giant Alibaba makes 9 datacenter energy patents available


Anything to get us talking

Any olive branch from China will be most welcome in the face of other world affairs.

Elon Musk says he can get $46.5bn to buy Twitter


I wouldn't give a fiver for it

Doesn't the man realise that Twitter is last decade's thing? The yoof have moved to other platforms, leaving us wrinklies adding comments that nobody bothers reading because we aren't in Celebrity Bake Off.

Waste of the money he could otherwise spend on medical research and other desperate charities.

Shanghai lockdown: Chinese tech execs warn of supply-chain chaos


Boo hoo

Amazon seems to get most of its cheap stuff from China, so who's going to mourn? When you order anything from there, they say something like 'Despatched within 3 days'. What they obscure is that your purchase is coming by moose from the Middle Kingdom and can take weeks if not months.

Always check where it is coming from, and buy local for goodness sake.

First rocket launch from UK soil now has... a logo


Britain in space eh? Getting kiddies to design the logo.

I suppose it makes a change from getting kiddies to design websites, mobile phone operating systems and every other tortuous process we have to navigate, where usability and acceptance testing are dirty words. The TV series, Hyperdrive' shows exactly how it will be.


(Don't forget to customise and reject all cookies when you view this pilot).

Plans for UK rival to Silicon Valley ditched


What about Cambridge?

Presumably the Government hasn't heard of this out-of-London powerhouse of technical innovation.

Microsoft: Russia invasion of Ukraine ‘unlawful, unjustified’


What about another service update to Windows for Russia?

That usually completely screws my systems.

Suspected Chinese spies break into cloud accounts of News Corp journalists


Let's hope World War 3 is fought in Cyberland

It will be a lot less messy than the alternative when Putin invades Ukraine.

Russia's naval exercise near Ireland unlikely to involve cable-tapping shenanigans


This is not good - welcome to World War 3

In event of everything blowing up in Ukraine and WW3 starting when the West retaliates, cutting communications across the Atlantic would be a neat tactical move. Let's hope he doesn't take down the satellites too. A war is fought on technology and communication.

Comcast fixes broadband cables 'peppered' with holes after Oakland drive-by shooting


Argument in favour of gun ownership in the UK?

I wonder how many of our road speed extortion revenue cameras would survive if everyone had a firearm. It's the first benefit I've been able to identify from owning one (apart from shooting people who don't clear up their dog mess that is).

In a first, FTC extracts millions of dollars from online store accused of blocking bad reviews on its website


Like just about every other review on the Internet souks?

I never believe much I read on the 5* reviews anyway. Much more interesting are the 3s. Expect the worst, but hope for the best.

The robots are coming! 12 million jobs lost to automation in Europe by 2040 – analyst



"The researchers said that by 2035, about one in four people will be 65 or older, up from one in 13 in 1950; by 2060, this will rise to one in three." Trying to imply that we should all run around panicking about our pensions?

Are they ignoring the number of older people killed by the pandemic, the tide of younger immigrants (illegal or otherwise) and the fact that folks who are past 'retirement' will continue to work in other activities until they drop, because of the increasing cost of living?

This is the sort of scaremongering that seems prevalent these days. Automation helps people to become (usually) more efficient, more productive and have more leisure time in which to spend their hard-earned. This boosts GDP and ultimately (should) make everyone better off, regardless of age.

Tonga takes to radio, satellite, motorboat comms to restore communications after massive volcano blast and tsunami


They said I were mad t' build undersea cable on top of a volcano

But I built it all the same.

It blew up, fell over and sank...

So I put another cable there (I expect).

Crowdfunding platform Kickstarter planning move to blockchain. How will it work? Your guess is as good as ours


Just get out all your money in cash...

...and leave it behind the third washbasin along at Kings Cross Station.

I can see this as the very end of Kickstarter.

Facebook may soon reveal new name – we're sure Reg readers will be more creative than Zuck's marketroids



After Sauron's Dark Tower in Mordor with the ever watching eye.

Facebook, Instagram finally end days of uptime by returning to some downtime


Can't create adverts? They've started sending them out again, even when asked not to.

I managed to avoid adverts until this outage, and now I'm getting random adverts, mostly from Google. Suspicious or what? Seems to me like their recovery is conveniently ignoring people's preferences.

Microfluidic processor brings us one step closer to a future of squishy DNA computing


Would your computer become senile with natural aging?

I know our current systems wear out eventually, but how would you know, if you were using a DNA machine? Weren't there a couple of sci-fi films exploring this concept? (Dark Star comes to mind)

11-year-old graduate announces plans to achieve immortality by 'replacing body parts with mechanical parts'


What about the brain?

All very well replacing faulty heart valves etc., but with Alzheimer and other brain diseases, people get old anyway. Still, there is always the hope that quantum machines will be able to replace brains. Gotta go. My robot butler has just asked me what the meaning of life is.

Chinese web giant Baidu unveils Level 4 robo-taxi that costs $75k to make

Big Brother

And see this other article - poltergeist attacks self-driving cars


Yet another cunning plan to reduce the world population?

Stuxnet sibling theory surges after Iran says nuke facility shut down by electrical fault


Probably just programmer error

Better to blame it on the Israelis, than risk retribution, and of course those worthies would fess up. Easier than actually doing the hacking.

Otherwise, blame it on Covid - every other damn company does, to cover up their own efficiency.

Facebook says dump of 533m accounts is old news. But my date of birth, name, etc haven't changed in years, Zuck


Does anyone trust Facebook with their real details?

I have a unique mail account for dealing with Facebook. So far there have been no attempts at scams or anything through that address.

Telephone number? I refused to give it.

Birthday? I lied (I must be their oldest member).

Shoe size? Coco the Clown

Where do I live? I choose the places with the silliest names across the world, and move between them from time to time - current location Tittybong (Australia), but I'm hoping to move to Dildo, Canada, soon.

Yes, they can find out general information from my group memberships and website details, but as I'm an author of satire, that's free publicity isn't it?

Teenage Twitter hijacker gets three years in the clink over celeb Bitcoin scamming


He's not the Messiah...

He's just a naughty naughty boy. Surely a clip around the ear would suffice, and then give him a job with one of the internet law agencies.

The laptop you bought in 2020 may stop you buying a car in 2021: Chips are going short

Paris Hilton

It's a good thing?

If it keeps those 'artistically' designed geriatric ferries off the road.

Australian police suggests app to record consent to sexual activity


You would only need one swipe option

For the do-ee, swipe left for 'no'.

It's then up to the individuals if it goes any further, exactly as it is right now.

I remember the days when you used to get to know someone before leaping into coitus.

China's top chip company speaks of massive silicon shortage felt around the globe


Good news

There are more than enough cars around already. Any reduction in numbers of those planet killing electric monstrosities has to be good.


Breathe deeply, my friends, because tomorrow we choke.

Something fishy is going on in Taiwan as folk change name to include 'salmon' for free sushi


Greedy people everywhere

This is basically 'theft'. Sadly a reflection of the greed of mankind that is endemic to our species.

Google, Apple sued for failing to give Telegram chat app the Parler put-down treatment

Big Brother

The real reason of course...

...is that Telegram is a messaging app that prevents all the agencies from spying on the conversations, and therefore can't be controlled. In this world where free speech and 'correctness' are in direct conflict, it is refreshing to be able to say things to friends and colleagues, and retract them if required without ending up in court or worse.

Laptops given to British schools came preloaded with remote-access worm


Is Ivan shooting himself in the foot or is it simply a mistake?

Harvesting data from schoolkids who are most likely to be using it to do their schoolwork can't be a matter of national security. All that will be received is a jumble of banality about who is going out with who, and the current trends in angst.

Sounds like it's simply insufficient testing and care on behalf of the distributors. Well done the schools for actually picking this up before giving out the items.

LowKey cool: This web app will tweak your photos to flummox facial-recognition systems, apparently


Why do people put any personal information on social media that they don't expect to be shared?

People must be aware that everything they post potentially becomes public domain, therefore they must intend that anything they post be shared with the wider world (facial recognition or other data harvesting). Totally free advertising for the 'victim', if truth be told. Thank you, Social Media, from us struggling artists.

Openreach out: UK union asks all of its members to back disgruntled cable engineers


Unbelievable in these troubled times when people are losing jobs and struggling to survive!

Have we time-slipped back to the Seventies?

I did dedicate my latest satire to "2020, the year that Time went forwards and backwards simultaneously," I suppose.


Fujitsu opens door, invites '200 to 250' staff from UK Delivery team to walk out


A great way to reduce your overall experience and performance

Volunteers with 5 years experience will probably be those who can be quickly reemployed elsewhere, and will jump at the chance. Those who remain will likely be rookies or dead wood. Nice idea, but in practice it will come back to bite them. Surely a better way would to be to look at performance details and ask those who are in the lower quartile to take the bribe?

What’s that in CES heaven, is it a star? Or is it that damned elusive flying car?


Gerry Anderson predicted this in 1961


Again, where is Science when you need it?

Boffins store text message inside E coli bacteria using electromagnetic signal – and you'll never guess what it says


I predicted this four years ago

I wrote a satirical sci-fi about it. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Fifth-Correction-Provocations-Continue-Book-ebook/dp/B00XTIENDK

Wake up Science, you're a bit slow!

Amazon Web Services launches appeal after losing $12m AWS trademark war in China to local biz Actionsoft


Maybe Amazon will think twice about peddling so many Chinese products in future

It's really tricky to buy anything off Amazon that wasn't made in China.

Think on that, Mao Tse-Bezos

UK coronavirus tier postcode-searching tool yanked offline as desperate Britons hunt for latest lockdown details


A coloured map perhaps would have been just as good

Why do people always insist on making things complicated?

If you're on the border between zones, use your discretion - nanny state, stop telling us how to think.

Uncle Sam's legal eagles hope to get their claws on $1bn in Bitcoin 'stolen by hacker' from dark-web souk Silk Road


1 billion? Worth diddly squat

It is only worth that much if you are going to spend it. What are the DoJ going to buy with it? Arms, drugs, new desks? Or should they flog it off cheap and take the bottom out of the market? Otherwise it's just load of big numbers that cost nothing to make (if you already had the hardware).

When Huawei leaves, the UK doesn't lead in 5G, says new report commissioned by... er... Huawei


You've got to have 5G!

Like you've got to have bypasses and a control chip in your head. Yeah right.

The Wrath of Amazon: JEDI wars rage on after US Department of Defense affirms Microsoft contract


Amazon should perhaps source less of their stuff from China?

Maybe this is the underlying reason. Think about that, Jie-fu Bezos.

Bunch of mugs keep risking life and limb to 'crockery bomb' sad little roundabout


Crime of the Century?

must be that Highways England have no sense of humour.

And yet they can allow big signs advertising, for example, Joe Scumbag's Holistic Facemask Emporium, because Joe has bunged them a couple of quid.

Perhaps they should better spend their time on keeping the traffic moving and repairing our pothole-scarred road surfaces?

Capita: We were juuust about to generate revenue growth and sustainable cash flow – then pandemic stuffed it up


Another 'blame it on covid' excuse for poor management?

If you can't thrive in IT when everyone is being forced to rely on it, what hope is there?

I found a puddle in my garden this morning. I might as well blame that on covid as well.

VMware to stop describing hardware as ‘male’ and ‘female’ in new terminology guide


My name is Jack Socket

I take umbrage to all this renaming nonsense. Stone me, I'm going to pull down a statue!

After banning Chinese comms bogeyman, UK asks: Huawei in this mess? It was a failure of capitalism, MPs told


WTF do we need 5G anyway?

So the authorities can spy on us and control every movement? So that cities can be automated and therefore a perfect target for terrorism disruption? So that our kids can spend more time with their faces attached to their screens. So we can be under even more restrictions than posed by Coronaphobia?

I say scrap the whole thing and spend the savings on something useful, like child protection, the hospitals, saving the environment (and a hit squad for anyone leaving litter behind).

UK smacks Huawei with banhammer: Buying firm's 5G gear illegal from year's end, mobile networks ordered to rip out all next-gen kit by 2027

Black Helicopters

You have to have 5G

Like you have to build bypasses, (and the rail link to Birmingham, just when people are shunning public transport big time.)

Who is going to benefit from the rollout? The spy culture, that's who, keeping track of everyone and everything.

5G going to cost billions? Scrap the idea and spend the money on the NHS and better broadband links instead.



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