* Posts by jestersbro

57 publicly visible posts • joined 8 Jun 2011


Creepy battery-operated teddy bear sex toy..,sadly, this is for real


The wife's thoughts on this...

"That'll just get sticky and smell."

Sony Xperia Z Ultra: The quad-core 2.2GHz MEGA SCREEN PHONDLESLAB


Bigger is not necessarily better...

... as I keep telling my wife. I, personally think it's a waste and is too big to handle comfortably.

Thing is, she'd kill for more than 6 inches!

US Ambassador plays Game of Thrones with pirates


A Lannister always pays his debts

and sleeps with his sister.

Dubai splurges on 700hp, 217mph Lamborghini police cruiser


Humberside Police use THE best cars...

from a speeding point of view the recent sight of a Humberside Police cruiser on the M180 gave me pause for thought about my speed. It was a Proton Impian!

When I stopped laughing I ignored it and carried on unconcerned.

As you would.

Bottomless, unsatisfied Xbox widow cuffed after boyf flees nookie


Hayes "began to slap and punch him about the head and back...

...bit him on the left forearm, and grabbed his testicles and began to twist them",

It would appear that far from being a completely abnormal bloke Mr Zuber not only found solace from his slightly nutsoid Crocodilomuntopig by playing online with his mates, he was also not aroused by having the crap kicked out of him.

She on, the other hand explained "it was because she was anticipating having sex, and that she didn't want to go upstairs and put on pants before following Zuber to the convenience store".

Good grief. Thank Gods I got a divorce from mine. They all start out okay you know, then one day... POOF!!

Farewell, Reg: This hack is hanging up her Apple jacket



I pity the next poor sod that gets thrown into the fanboi/fandroid fight.

Judge slashes Apple's pile o' cash Samsung judgment


Doesn't Samsung supply Apple with A6 processors?

Wasn't it reported that Samsung raised the price of those very same processors to a figure that would cover the cost of a potential $1bn lawsuit?

If that's so then Apple is a net loser in this.


Wikileaker Bradley Manning pleads not guilty to 'aiding the enemy'

Big Brother

What a wonderful nation the US is.

This entire court case is fair and reasonable. It is as it should be. After all, this type of courtroom drama is only fitting for a great, fair and noble nation.

It will stand up as a shining light for all friendly nations to copy.

Tim Cook: Apple to manufacture Macs in US in 2013



It used to be the case that anything built in the US had lots of really cool goodies and extras attached but the quality was poor (The UK with its' one-time union riven, quality damaged industry managed to shrug off that image and become renowned as a quality cottage industry specialist.). You can argue that isn't the case now but the mercs that are built in the US went through a phase of causing real concern to MB as to poor quality finish and that was very well publicised.

Whether or not it is still the case the US factories produce poor quality materials, it has remained in the collective memory. All it will take is one report of quality failures and you can bet that the competition will use that historical fact to taint the waters.

P.S. In British military parlance US is still used to mean unservicable.

Ready for ANOTHER patent war? Apple 'invents' wireless charging


Wirelessly Charging Mobile Devices!


If only electric car makers had thought of using induction charging for cars we, wouldn't need all these stupid cables and charging points from our houses and in the streets.

On a serious note, will your Apple i(nduction)Phone be alright in these car (et al) charging areas or will we see a spate of overcharged fanbois catching fire and exploding?

Ten... PC games you may have missed


I Am Alive

Tension, emotion and a lack of resources for the character to use really made this one hell of a way to spend a weekend. It was very short but I had to go back twice just to relive it and gain the achievments I'd previously missed.

The shattered environment of the city is awful and compelling and you do wonder why the hell anyone would be there, safety in numbers and shelter aside. The lack of any meaningful resources makes every decision you take critcal and the strategic decisions you are forced into making really bite hard when you get it wrong. You absolutely know you need to go back and try something different. Every step you take, every climb attempted and every bad situation avoided has such a deliterious effect on your character that you do start wondering how in hells' teeth you are going to complete this. Thankfully you do get smart very quickly. It's still a challenge though and you have no choice but to go back and do it all over again.

I do so hope the story is continued. PLEASE UBISOFT!

Apple is granted a patent on the rectangle. No, really


Re: It's called a DESIGN patent for a reason...

Don't see no defined measurements here:- http://www.scribd.com/doc/66467658/USD627777S1

Maybe someone else could find the design patent with said measurements and demonstrate to us that they exist and therefore create validity?


Do... Fucking... WHAT!!!

Hey America! Do the world a favour and drown your Patent Clerks, they're making you look like dicks!

Naughty-step Apple buries court-ordered apology with JavaScript


Re: Contempt yet?


Been doing a little light lunch time reading and cross refrencing the appeal (http://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWCA/Civ/2012/1339.html) with Judge Birss' judgement (http://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/Patents/2012/2049.html).

This may get boring if I go too far but in a nutshell read para 85 and para 88 of the final appeal and para 4 and para 57 of Judge Birss' judgement.

Please read both and let me know what YOU think should really have happened this weekend and what, if anything, should be done now and if there is in fact any other variation I wasn't aware of.


Re: Contempt yet?

It has to be now. Whilst they (Apple) have complied by at least posting the apology, they haven't held to the spirit of the ruling and they have also made a deliberate attempt at obfuscation. Compare/contrast the 2 websites.

Apple are really pissing a whole load of people off by this behaviour. Wifey has declared that when her MacBook Pro dies she wan't a PC laptop instead simply because she feels that Apple have become so blatantly unethical.

Mexico to Apple: You WILL NOT use the name 'iPhone' here


Re: Geography

When I was at school Mexico was the most northerly nation in Central America. That's plate tectonics for you.

Oh yeah,


British judge: Say you're sorry Apple... this time like you MEAN it


Re: Court of Appeal ruling in Samsung v Apple

Sorry, forgot the link :-D



Court of Appeal ruling in Samsung v Apple

Just looked at the decision by the CoA and paragraphs 85 - 87 make interesting reading. These paragraphs lay out the nature of the publicity order. Apple has, so far, failed to comply with the order. Look on their website and you will see that quite clearly.

Also, paragraph 78 is equally interesting as it deals with the EU wide actions and agreements that Apple had made in respect but had failed to follow through.

I'm expecting yet more downvotes but the truth is the truth.


Re: "Here's to a contempt of court charge."

So you say "Consider, too, that the original case was over Samsung devices running the 1.x and 2.x Android releases, not the current releases of that OS. Only a blind imbecile could claim that Android, back then, wasn't basically a flagrant knock-off of iOS"

About Apple Wikipedia says "The iPhone, iPod Touch and iPad run an operating system known as iOS (formerly iPhone OS). It is a variant of the same Darwin operating system core that is found in Mac OS X. Also included is the "Core Animation" software component from Mac OS X v10.5 Leopard. Together with the PowerVR hardware (and on the iPhone 3GS, OpenGL ES 2.0), it is responsible for the interface's motion graphics."

About Android Wikipedia says "Android consists of a kernel based on the Linux kernel 2.6 and Linux Kernel 3.x (Android 4.0 onwards), with middleware, libraries and APIs written in C and application software running on an application framework which includes Java-compatible libraries based on Apache Harmony. Android uses the Dalvik virtual machine with just-in-time compilation to run Dalvik dex-code (Dalvik Executable), which is usually translated from Java bytecode."

About you I say, see my earlier comment about Fanbois. Emotionally tainted by your attachment.

P.S. I do own a MacBook Pro and it is wonderful! However, I'm not blind to the charms of others and as a result I have a Samsung NP700 and it is wonderful! So, I have a foot in both camps. It's called balance.


Seriously Apple, You don't learn do you?

Final paragraph of the Apple/Samsung ruling on Apples' own website. F*ckwits! They are sooo gonna get the Judges backs up!

"However, in a case tried in Germany regarding the same patent, the court found that Samsung engaged in unfair competition by copying the iPad design. A U.S. jury also found Samsung guilty of infringing on Apple's design and utility patents, awarding over one billion U.S. dollars in damages to Apple Inc. So while the U.K. court did not find Samsung guilty of infringement, other courts have recognized that in the course of creating its Galaxy tablet, Samsung willfully copied Apple's far more popular iPad."

Here's to a contempt of court charge.

Fanbois need not bother to reply. Your points are tainted by your emotional attachment. Sorry.

The new Mac mini eviscerated with ease


Well Done Reg!

WTF! Describing colours using names of birds, flowers and building materials! How in Hells' teeth is a normal man supposed to make head nor tail of that!


Apple's iPad Mini mishap: scratching out the retina screen


Hey Fanbois!!!

Sometimes trolling can be fun but when it's this easy I'll leave it to others to point out that Apple have made a slight miscalculation here.

Apple unveils iPad mini, upgrades its big brother


It looks just like a...

Samsung Galaxy Note, LG Vu, (insert other idenitcal small form factor tablet name here) only better.


I really couldn't careless but I will enjoy telling fanbois that it's sh*t. Always good for me when I'm feeling down.

Samsung Galaxy Note 2 review


All of your posts are pointless!

You lot! Seriously! Every single one of you has missed the most important point in the article! Who really cares that it's huge, plastic, stylus equipped, fast better/not better than an iPhone/tablet/anything else!

Didn't any of you question the most improtant thing? The arms of the man in the video are massively hairy and his hands AREN'T!

Do you think he waxes them?

Fans rap Apple's 'crap' Map app


Where's the "Like" button.

In all seriousness though, did no one at Apple ask the question "Would Steve Jobs accept this?"

I guess not. Ho hum, now the inexorable slide into "hasbeenism".

Hey! They can keep Nokia company!

Work for beer, Neil Gaiman's wife tells musicians


Re: @Sean Baggaley 1

Fair enough on your breakdown of costs. I'm not sure just how accurate they are, especially as she went all the way to Melbourne to record and she's not playing pubs. Still, thanks for the explanation.

As for not paying musicians. So what. She has provided an opportunity for people to get involved and that's their decision. I don't think most people realise the number of freebees that people do just to participate in something that they enjoy. I, for example, have been a very unpaid extra in music vids (for well established names), short films and other "visual" media and I've done it for free. Why? Because it's great fun, I get to meet some interesting people and see the otherside of the business.

I don't have the talent or dedication to make it a career. I would imagine that those joining AFP have very similar drives.

Just in case you're wondering I didn't give anything to her Kickstarter, haven't bought her album and won't be paying to go see her.



I am really amazed at the level of vitriol being directed towards AFP on this forum. I can't understand the hatred towards her. She's not a child molester, she's simply looked at the available business models open to a musician and decided she doesn't like them. Good for her.

There has been some really unpleasant trolling going on here, it's actually worse than the whole Fanboi/Fandroid hatred that has started to spoil the forums.

If she really is funding Scientology then she'll get caught out at some point and she'll never be able to recover from the class action that'll ensue from the Kickstarter donations. Frankly I'm not sure the Scientologists even want her in the first place, she's mad!

As for not paying musicians, would somebody in the music industry (not an AC, let's know who you are) please tell us all how much of $1.2 million she'd be left with once ALL the costs of producing the album, promoting it, filming the music videos, making the merchandise (a lot of specially made "exclusive" merch is going to the donators), organising the tour (not the actual costs of the tour) and any insurances, travel, hotel, venue hire, catering, costume, sets, tech etc. is paid for? I'd not reckon on a whole heap of cash being left over to pay herself and the band that much. In fact, having seen how Iron Maiden looked to cutting costs of a world tour by getting Capt Shorty McDickinson to fly them himself then I'd be happy to believe that they'll not make a huge amount after everything is over and done with. Especially now she's giving the album away.

Oh, Gaiman may well be a Scientologist but after marrying AFP I'd rather doubt that too. They'd never give him permission to marry a mad person.

iPhone spontaneously combusts on CCTV


Re: FAKE!!!!!!1111!!!1121!!!!!

Don't be silly. Until this little episode there was only one phone with a camera in Finland. It has to be fake simply because of that! Tch!

Ten... pieces of tat for Apple fanboys


Oh dear...

I really like my Macbook Pro & I really like my, now 10 year old, Power Mac G4 and I'm kinda drawn to the cufflinks and the earrings in a bad way!

I really need help, don't I!

Oh dear...

Apple silences mute kids' speech app in patent blowup

Thumb Down

Re: For info - statement from Prentke Romich

Does it looks like Prentke Romich Company (PRC) have put their twopenneth in? Anonymous Coward?

HTC handsets hit by grip of death


Mine's fine

That is all :-)

Actually, no it's not. The only problem I'm having is that I can't put the bloody thing down! It's all fast and woosh and cool! No problems here.

Crazy Texans dunk servers in DEEP FRYERS


What about...

How much would the volume of oil required for say a "typical" Virgin Media or similar data centre weigh?

You'll still need about the same weight of materials when you take out the cooling bits and add the oil proof boxes and pumps, give or take, but the nice light & fluffy air has been replaced with liquidy, dense & weighty oil. How many data centres are currently half way up a building and would need to be either relocated or reinforced to take the weight? Load bearing structures can only bear so much load.

I smell a cost implication here.


Lovefilm, Netflix 'no competitive constraint' on Sky Movies


It's not just the cost though...

a big part of this problem for those of us who don't want to give $ky & Murdick any money is that Sky have completely sewn up the big Hollowood movies studios with excli$ive deals.

I am an ex-Virgin Media employee and I still get a really good discount on my tv/broadband etc but if I added $ky movies/sport etc then I'd be paying around £100 per month and that is out of reach for me. How far out of reach is it for those of us not on a discount deal?

I do subscribe to Netflix and watch it through the Xbox and it isn't super up to date but it does have a fairly decent back catalogue of films, documentaries and series that I would have otherwise bought. Seems like good value at a fiver a month. It'll be better when the monopoly gets broken as will Love Film, Virgin Media, BT and anyone else trying to give us a good deal.


Microsoft mulls backside display for mobiles


Please explain!

Would someone from a proper patentese legal background please explain to me how so many obviously non-innovative and previously seen ideas manage to get a patent in the US?

I am utterly at a loss as how these things ever get past the patent clerks!

Surely innovation and not prior art should be the driving factor here? How would a UK court be likely to decide on a patent like this? What countries around the world take a more pragmatic view and disallow such obviously floored decisions (ignoring China and the Middle East)?

I'm a wee bit baffled THB.

HTC One X Android smartphone

Thumb Up

Whose moaning?

I got this bad boy on Thursday and it's the biz! Frankly all I see on this forum is people that don't have it bitching about it. That's like slagging off sex when you're a virgin. Take your opinions and shove 'em. Up your virgin holes.

No, really, don't moan about what you don't know about. Don't tell me you don't like blue when you're blind or you don't like Apple when you only use Linux. Frankly you bore me. Grow up.

This damned beasty simply blows you away! I may be biased, I may be seduced but I don't care. I have spent the last 24 hours awake and thrashing the arse of this, running games, AnTuTu benchmarks, Netflix and radio etc. and it just works so well I can't complain. And the screen and camera!

Don't worry about not having expansion slots or a replaceable battery, most of us don't need them. Just try it and see what the next generation of mobile phones can do.

Detractors need not reply. I will ignore you.

Microsoft 'yanked optical drive from Xbox 720'



What in hell's name am I going to do when it comes to replaying my old faves? And, I may be weird but I like the physical, tactile experince of breaking in to a wrapper and getting my hands on that shiny and new smelling product! Thumbing my way through a well written instruction leaflet is one of the joys of discovering a new game world!


Tony Blair closes RSA 2012, denounces WikiLeaks


Tony Blehrrrr!

I really hate that man. Such a bloody hypocrite. Courts the scum of the tabloids and then jokes at their expense. Make very strong statements on topics he freely admits he knows nothing about. I really don't like him at all. Blehrrr!!

The Darkness II


Yes it's horrible...

The plain truth is that as horrible as it is if it's like the first one I'll end up really happy when I get to rip out and devour the still beating heart of some scumbag. The first game was massively flawed and too short but FUN!

Those of us grown up enough to have jobs, families and an outlook on life that doesn't involve hiding from bogey men do enjoy an occaisional bout of controlled terror, even if we're dishing it out :-)

So slap a tracking device on me so you'll know when I'm on my way round to yours to eat your heart and rip your spine out yer bum!

Virgin Media takes itself in hand after punter-package tickle whoopsie


My little sparrow in VM has told me that all DOCSIS 2 modems and those few remaining broadband-through-set-top-boxes will be being recalled in the next year so we'll all go from 20mb to 60mb for no extra cost.

Now, they may want to make us pay for the upgrade then we just need to hang on to our DOCSIS 2 modems until they give in. That's the unofficially official line as I understand it.

Ofcom maps out what 'psychics' are allowed to do on TV


Steve Wright in the Afternoon!

Does this mean that on Radio 2's Steve Wright in the Afternoon show Jonathon Cainer will have to admit he's actually a fraud or will he simply have to turn to his adoring Steve and say " Well Steve, I can see from Uranus that I'm only here for a little fun."

I dunno. I hope so.

Homeland Sec., RIAA Torrent lists published


Total Fake!

I had a look yesterday from the home wifi connected mac and I was clean. Yeah! But today, from my mobile I was dirty. Boo! Dirty to the grand sum of around 20GB.

Apparently in the last month I've downoaded a load of MS software, music from bands that don't even appear on LastFM, movies that I haven't even heard of and lots of pron. That's why I have RSI! Oh, and I'm in Manchester. No.

I also rebouted my phone to find out what it would do and in the 30 secinds it takes to reboot I downloaded another 4GB. Going back one month!

I love this site. I'm sending it to people I know really are torrent users as a chrissy pressy :-)

Vodafone releases Samsung Android 4.0 smartphone


750mb! For a google phone!

The plan they are offering it on is, frankly, sh*te! I use anywhere from 1 -3+ Gb per month on everything from Facebook, twitter, Skype and browsing to tethering. How much extra is it to tether? Voda are taking the p*ss. The same phone is already on sale through 3 and the package is way better. No restrictions on tethering for a start. I hope it burns them and anyone stupid enough to go with them.

Oh, I don't work for 3 by the way, nor am I sponsored. I do use the service, sim free one plan, and do accept they have customer service issues but for what you pay you get so much more. It's all about a well put together cost/benefit analysis in these straightened times.

BUSTED! Secret app on millions of phones logs key taps

Big Brother

Carrier IQ Press Release

Just found this press release from the offending (offensive?) company in question. Take from it what you will when presented with the evidence from the video in the Reg article. I make no opinion either way.


Punters even more dissatisfied by Virgin Media's package


Cost cutting works, doesn't it?

So, having embarked in 2010 on a massive cost cutting excersise that is supposed to streamline the business, make it more efficient and allow it to concentrate on it's customers it would appear that it isn't having the desired effect.

The whole process is part of the 40/40 programme that is supposed to get VM working so well that it's share price increases to $40 (check out the current and long term performance) whilst making a 40% efficiency improvement in operating costs. The principle architecht of this programme is a very famous bean counter who came across from a large retail organisation and is trying to run VM in exactly the same way.

Because supermarkets and tech companies are the same. Aren't they?

Radiation TERROR on Scottish beach! Except it's quite safe


Someone needs to get some priorities right.

But they are allowed to eat, drink and smoke themselves to death?

Next we'll hear that the most unhealthy nation in the UK has now decided that fruit and veg are also to be banned as they have mud on them.


Converge or be damned – Lord Carter’s new world order


In the search for the profit/Prophet?

I didn't know the communications industry was deeply involved in religion...

“The communications industry is infinitely stronger when it is treated as a converged community in the development of a policy in the management of the politics and in the search for the profit,”

Although it does explain why leaders of large media & comms businesses seem to think and behave as if they are holier than thou.

Earth escapes obliteration by comet


Grumpy scientist wants to release a real statement.

I think the statement from Don Yeoman of NASA's NEO Programme Office at JPL could be summed up as "NNNEEEEERRRRRGHHHHH!!!! Will you just f*ck off with your stupidity and let me get back to work!!!"

DVLA tosses Virgin Media £6.7m in 3-year phone deal



Um, what with VM getting rid of call centres, massively downsizing it's CTIO division, axing half of it's risk, insurance, finance and procurement teams (to name but a few), putting huge resources into home products, relocating and centralising staff etc. does anyone think that they'll have the right level of commitment to be able to improve on the current DVLA service? I don't. I know from insiders (I was one) just how much staff are struggling to cope with work loads as it is.

I'm sure someone from VM will be happy to put me wrong though.

Mobile industry fights San Fran 'carcinogen' labelling



I'm a Techno Cowboy, ner ner

Makin' it up of course,

Frightening your old horse*,

San Fransiscans talkin' balls.

Hmm, neither that little ditty nor the actions, beiefs and scaremongery of The City of San Fransisco have been thought through very well.

*San Fransiscan little old ladies who read the San Fransiscan equivalent of the Mail/Express etc.