* Posts by Cyberelic

45 publicly visible posts • joined 2 Jun 2011

Londoners react with horror to Tube Chat initiative


I always walk on the left

I always walk on the left, with my left hand holding the escalator rail. My right hand always carries my stick which I use for support. (and occasionally prodding idiots out of the way)


Uber alles-holes, claims lawsuit: Taxi biz sued by blind passengers


Re: Islam and dogs

I've seen some people lately crossing the road to avoid the dog when walking down the street.

Dunno about taxis, used one twice recently in France and that went well (for the dog).

Meanwhile I often encourage children to play with the dog. Get em young!


Re: Islam and dogs

Yep, that will be it. Good to hear at least one guide dog is allowed into a Mosque. And thank you for a clear explanation.


My dog is Murphy.

There are an awful lot of recent immigrant wierdos, the ones with strange clothes and head coverings. They often refuse to use the lift when the dog is there, and will even dash about and make squarking noises whilst huddling in corners. I find this rather insulting. The dog is a very tame and friendly person, and has as much right as anyone to use the lift. Particularly as he currently has a broken leg.

Greenpeace rejoices after getting huge renewable powerplant cancelled



Sex an' drugs an' rock and roll an' LOTS an' LOTS of tea.

Put kettle on, I'll build another one.

What do you mean I've been here three days? I must get going soon.

What, five days? I've been here five days? I'm going.

GAME ON: Top 10 tellies for a World Cup kicking


Got a new Panasonic 4summat before Xmas.

Excellent toy.

Would have got the Sony if it hadn't had the kinky stand.

I am a great believer in wall mounted stands, and mounted high enough up to avoid heat issues.

Spent time playing with the Sony but could not wall mount it when tilted down to point directly at my sweet spot.

Urinating teen polluted 57 Olympic-sized swimming pools - cops


only poor people drink tap water

A long time ago it was explained to me by a Parisian that only poor people drink tap water. Everyone else buys large bottles of mineral water and keeps that in the fridge for drinking and eating.

Feature-phones aren't dead, Moto – oldsters still need them


What ring tones are available. Can I add my favourite tune?


IBM PCjr STRIPPED BARE: We tear down the machine Big Blue would rather you forgot


Not being a girl, I too have no idea what that ball is like.

Serious FAIL, go back to square one and rewrite the answer for Engish people...


21st Century Elite remake to support Oculus Rift virtual reality rig


Stoned again

Oh dear, here I go again.

I started real computing by playing Elite on a half meg Atari, and went on from there.

I'll never forget that noise.



Oh, shoppin’ HELL: I’m in the supermarket of the DAMNED


I used to thump them

I used to thump them (automated tills) when they didn't work properly. A good hard side of the fist type thump. It didn't make them work any better, far from it, but did attract the attention of the uniformed nazis who threatened to ban me from the shop.

I have since discovered that a good slap can be enough to break the machine properly requiring it to be replaced.

I no longer slap the ones in my favourite local Sainsbury, but I still do so anywhere else I think I can get away with it.

BTW You do know that in Sainsburys you can elect to 'use your own bags' and enter up to 9 'own bags' to gain 9 extra nectar points credit.

I will usually will take a few extra bags whilst they are clean and flat to keep my stocks up with rubbish bags. They are much easier to store before they have been used.

Lighting bods blind designophiles with LED-powered lounge lamps



It always seems to be normal to ignore simple practicality. Who is going to keep junk like that clean and dusted???


Speaking in Tech: 'I'm not a pimp just because I wear a fedora'


Fat idiot

Why that fat idiot looking stupid in a hat?

The Bogey pic is OK, youd even get away with it today, (Nice raincoat btw) but the other one is just stupid.

I take it that The Register does not 'do' taste or style???


iWatch rumours grow as Apple hires Nike fitness guru Jay Blahnik


Tom Lehrer?

Poisoning pigeons in the park - GREAT stuff.


Unreal: Epic’s would-be Doom... er... Quake killer



I have a strong memory of staying at work, playing Doom until late in the night, with all the accompaying joints. Then returning home alone to find the lift shaft lights in our block doing a Doom and flickering.



Tickle my balls, stroke my button and blow the fluff from my crack


dos on the keyboard

I never got on with early MicroShaft stuff, I could never remember all the strings of code, so I only started computing with enthusiasm when I got an Atari, with a mouse.

T'other half was already banging away in WordPerfect (in DOS) and I remember a heated argument when she avowed that she could draw a circle in dos using the keyboard...


Brits' HSBC bank cards, net access goes TITSUP


My local council...

In my neighbourhood office yesterday, I needed to pay for a spare front door key. They would only accept debit cards, no cash!

(We used to be able to pay with cash, or card. Problem started 10 - 15 years ago, when one of the neighbourhood accountantcy blokes got addicted to drugs. The cash reservoir very quickly disapeared and as is typical of local government they promptly stopped everyone paying by cash. For a while they had a really great system where you had to get a chitty from the office, then take it to the post office to pay, then go back for the permit/key/whatever.)


Speech-to-text drives motorists to distraction


Crumbling dope

A good while back I had a series of commutes from S. Wales to London, in the very early Saturday morning. Roads were very very quiet at that time and I was alone.

I found the most difficult part of rolling a joint was the 'crumble'. Surprising how far you can travel without noticing the road! I found the best thing to do was to stradle a white line, then when the car veered to one side, you would be warned by the noise changing.

I don't smoke any longer, nor do I do drugs any more, but I do still remember those few long trips on the motorway.


Impoverished net user slams 'disgusting' quid-a-day hack


Free internet

I've had a free internet connection ever since TalkTalk brought it out back in the days of the original TalkTalk bloke.

I did get a warning about D/L limits when I rebuilt my machine recentish from XP to 64bit Win 7 and there were all those interminable 'updates' plus all the other D/Ls required.

TalkTalk don't seem to have taken account of the bloat caused by recent O/S rebuilds.


Maggie Thatcher: The Iron Lady who saved us from drab Post Office mobes


Post Office

In the early 80's the GPO sold off all their spare hand tools. For a while there were stalls all over Brick Lane and similar markets. I still have several tools, marked GPO. They are excellent quality, Lindstrom and Wilkinson branded, box joint pliars in all sorts of shapes and sizes.

I only recently stopped using my ex-GPO meter, the ones with the solid leather case, for a much smaller but cheap plastic digital one. They had a specialised dry cell battery and they eventually became unavailable.


Reg readers brew up the ultimate cuppa


Not everyone wants builders tea

Now I drink organic earl grey teabags, with 3 sucralose tabs and no milk. It has to be boiling properly, in one of my favourite mugs, and needs stirring and squeezing for a few minutes.

But I now only have about 1/3 of my kidneys left.

Previously I used to drink 'proper' filter coffee, with 2 spoons of demerara and full fat milk.

At my grandmothers house we always used to wake up to weak black tea with a slice of lemon...


FBI-wanted US bank hack suspect chills in Bangkok cooler


Nail biter!

I don't like people who bite their nails.


Minicam movie pirate gets record-breaking five years in prison


'Won't get fooled again'

Went to a cinema a while ago, big screen, fancy seats, free nibbles in the waiting area etc.

The sound was absolutely appalling, so load and booming and banging. The movie seemed to be slightly out of focus, there was motion blur, and most importantly was several degrees too dark. All the darker detail was all stuffed right up.

Went to another cinema, in a different part of town more recently. Smaller place, much steeper slope to climb, really ridiculous prices for food and drink.

Even more of an assault on the ears, noticeable damage to the screen, similarly badly projected, detail all dark and blocked up.

NEVER EVER AGAIN will I go into a cinema. They are just total nasty rip offs.

Whatever the movie, I can wait for the bluray to come out, where I can watch it in a civilised fashion.


FCC urges rethink of aircraft personal-electronics blackout


Screaming little bastards...

quote - It is funny how irritating screaming/crying babies can be on an aeroplane unless the critter in question is your progeny. - unquote

Sometimes I think people deliberately bring their little bastards to supermarkets to exercise their (the bastards) lungs. Why else do they then ignore them.


Stob on Quatermass: Was this British TV's finest sci-fi hour?


I remember

I remember my father anticipating Quatermas on TV in the fifties. Presumably there was a good deal of advance publicity/bit of a buzz in the press or at 'work'. Of course there was only 2 channels then. I don't personally remember it being earth shattering, but I was allowed to stay up to watch.

The other TV I got late night privileges (bed by 9pm) was Hancock, which I enjoyed much more. Sadly all the extra 'business' in the 'Radio Ham' seems to have got lost, but in the original Hancock used his mouth to pull out a length of solder, and flinched when it burnt his lip. We've all done it... That was the only time I can specifically remember my father and I laughing spontaneously together.


Did your iPhone 'just stop working' - or did you drop it in your BEER?


Warm wet places...

I used to be a music photographer.

I have entered a warm muggy pub from a freezing outside world, from my bike, and all my lenses etc (Photographic kit) immediately fogged up. I had to wait around until it all warmed up before taking pictures.

I've also been in a warm summer pub gig with a good crowd of punks all pogoing about and had to turn the camera off. There was so much moisture in the air I could barely hold the camera, I was literally bathed in sweat, and the electronics went 'funny'. Once it had dried out it was fine again.

So any crapple device could easily be invalidated...


No one watches TV, Nielsen, and you know it



I've noticed that with older but still perfectly good bedroom TV's the remotes tend to die and have to be replaced because the sound kill button goes.

Some time back I had a TV (One of those giant boxes with decent sound) which had a 'reduce sound' button so that the volume was reduced considerably during adverts. Sadly the other half watered the plant on top and the electrics died.


Turing Machine brought to life with Lego


Serious failure in taste

Why the appalling noise???


Ten... bits of Jubilee tat tech


Whilst getting a haircut for an entirely separate event...

I happened to remember that I have a smallish pirate (skull and crossbones) flag lying around.

50p later for rhe roof mounting stick, and the union duster consigned to the bin, and I have been driving around happily showing 'my' true colours.


Samsung Galaxy S III


Galaxy s3

Yes, but will it blend?


Steve Jobs' Atari memo, Apple I to go under the hammer


Smelly Jobs

*I think it's funny they made him work nights because he stank! Hahaha! No wonder he took to wearing turtlenecks in later life, they help keep the BO sealed in!*

I remember that theory. The idea was to stop washing and wait for your body to go back to it's natural state. If you were noticeably dirty you could rub the dirt off with earth or dust. (Like animals do, dust bath anyone?) It was suposed to take a couple of weeks or so before you stopped being 'smelly' and became a healthy human without a noticeable odour.

At that time the ordinary American women were covered in smells from various preparations, had their hair heavily treated, washed their fannies at least every day, flossed regularly, wore a bra and so on, totally - covered in stuff rather like todays women :-(

The hippies (freaks) rejected all that crap. It helped of course that the weather in the south of the US was MUCH better. And there was plenty of good grass about.

I didn't do the non washing bit because I had a live-in GF, and she did not ascribe to the hippy philosophy and made me wash regularly...Got me rocks off though!


peace V man...

Ten... tablet survival accessories


The Mu


Expensive but terrible useful. No nasty sticking out bits of metal, slips easily in the pocket or handbag.

Highly recommended by a (female) regular user.


10x power boost for Freeview as London analogue signal cut


I was watching CSI when the change over happened...

I was watching CSI when the change over happened and everything went blank. I can normally see the Crystal Palace tower (on a good day). I use just a cheap internal aerial pointing in the right direction.

I retuned immediately and a few (21 I think) channels came up immediately, but NOT the 5* channel I was watching - never did get to see what happened. :-(

After a while, maybe half an hour, a few more channels appeared making about 41 or so.

I gave up on telly then, and tried to sleep.

A bit later, about 3am, I turned the set on again, retuned, which showed the usual 120 (ish) channels. Then spent another half hour removing all the stupid sales channels, wank channels (why are they so ugly?) and the talking bollox channels.

I hope I don't have to go through all that again...


Crucial pledges PC performance boost with Adrenaline


Prolly another reason to get Win7 64bit to replace XP then?


Renault Mégane 265 Trophy 2.0 turbo


Went out to my 1 year old Scenic yesterday, in the pissing rain, started it and the wipers went mad. DON'T BUY A RENAULT!!!

'Shame that in a couple of years, the electrics will probably be shot, and the fog light will flash with the indicators.'


Parody is illegal, say barmy bureaucrats


Bored of the rings

Bored of the rings - Yay - first time I've heard that mentioned since the 70's. Kinda thin compared to the original, but good for a laugh.

Tee hee


EDF security bosses guilty of hacking Greenpeace


The real winners...

French nuclear giants EDF have been fined €1.5m (£1.28m)

Greenpeace received €500,000 (£428,300) in damages.

The main victim of the hacks, activist Yannick Jadot, has received €50,000 (£42,800) in damages.

So the real winners are the lawyers who made £808,900.


Boffins give chatty robots a creepy human face


What a load of shite. And what's with the thud at the end of each sentence?

David Caminer, creator of the first business computer


I was a newly enrolled Systems Analyst somewhere at the tail end of the sixties. I worked for Freeman's the catalogue company in Stockwell (London).

I remember one whole enormous floor of girls with machines inputting to cards, and paper tape.

I remember the computer room itself - airlock doors for a controlled environment and no-one allowed to use smelly hair gel (Brylcream etc) or the machines would jam up.

I was well into hash and acid through the weekend, so most work on a Monday got binned and redone next day.

It didn't last long, and I've never had a normal job since, but I have had a lot of serious fun elsewhere...

When I left they were doing the big change from LSD to metric, many giggles about LSD btw, I managed to design one of the agents bits of paper, which they had to fill in all the time, with a subtle mistake in the addition... (SUBVERT!) Got it as far as the printers...

They had just decided not to buy a new (IBM?) computer, but to add another s/h LEO machine to increase capacity.


Yahoo! 'f**ked me over'! says! Carol! Bartz!


I have been tempted to try a Yahoo search a couple of times recently (within the last year anyway!). Prolly because there are various promotions which can get you nectar points or some such.

On both occasions I have been shocked at the limited scope of the results - eg most recently, timber yards in S.E. London the nearest recommended was somewhere in N. Finchley!!!

I think Yahoo are seriously crap, and deserve to sink and die.


Renault Scenic Bose Edition 1.6 130dCi


Scénic Privilège TomTom dCi 106 - Really bad motor

I have a Scénic Privilège TomTom dCi 106 Registered on: 31 Mar 2010.

This really is a HORRIBLE motor. The turbo waits to spool up so when you start off it barely works. (You made a comment on it on page 2 of the review.) I now have my own technique to get going. When I see the lights are about to change I start to press on the accelerator, bringing the revs up to about 1,500. When the lights have actually changed I start to let the clutch go, but slowly so letting the power feed in gently. It definitely isn't a good practice and should markedly reduce the clutch life, but it is on Renault guarantee etc, so SCREW them!

There were nasty rattles from new, the dealer took it in for a couple of days, gave it back saying it had been assembled wrongly in the factory, and it rattled even worse. Since then, it is just a series of noises and rattles. I have given up now, and as I live in SE London with speed bumps everywhere, I just push it over everything (like the coppers do) and wait to see what breaks first.

There is a lot else wrong with the thing, I call it 'the slug',

I recently did 3,000 miles in it on my holidays. The seat makes my arse ache, there are many door pockets and ledges everywhere, but none actually are usable, there is nowhere to fit an atlas/map book. The glove compartment is a joke. The leather covered steering wheel has joins in the covering just where my hands go.

BTW this is a Motability car so it goes back after 3 years, but I pity the poor sod that gets it next... In fact I'm more likely to replace it before time, it is SO nasty! (Motability allows you to dump one if you have a good reason, although you lose the £250 good condition bonus)

Renault? NEVER again!


London rioters should 'loose all benefits'


I've seen some of that...

Catch them and have them out doing community service orders, digging ditches, clearing gutters and drains, plenty of waste grounds need clearing of rubbish, in fact plenty of city streets right now need cleaning up!

I've seen some of that... and it basically costs more to clear up AFTER the CSO than before.

Best answer is to just kill them, preferably slowly.

(And as Arnie said, you do the politicians first)


RIM to turn in BlackBerry-using looters after London riots


scumbags 2

I second that.


Murdoch muscles BBC out of Formula One driving seat


Oi! Bernie - NO!!!

That man should be roasted on a spit over a slow fire, whilst all us F1 fans take turns to kick him in the delicate bits.


Chinese teen flogs kidney to buy iPad


I had a kidney removed, not long ago.

Done properly, NHS and all that. The surgeon commented it was 'all black and nasty inside'. But the other one is still working after a fashion. I now have 20% of my kidney function left.

Not to be done lightly, removing kidneys, the fanboi I feel will regret it. If he survives...

The bottom line, some severe dietary restrictions. No more beer of any sort for a start, nor serious coffee... (It's the potassium that gets you, you can't get rid fast enough, then the K kills your heart)

Raised glass - of Earl Grey tea, no milk, with 2 tabs of Sucralose. (Sigh)