Posts by Sir Barry

Yelp-for-people app Peeple is back – so we rated Julia, its cofounder

"no duty to take any action"

So, they provide a channel/forum enables people to write abusive things about others, but then deny all responsibility?

Well bugger me Joe and bugger them as well.

Met Police hands £250m to CSC in IT outsourcing carve-up

*Sigh*

Won't they ever learn?

Cheap Shitty Company will not save them money.

Carolina cop cuffed for 'carjacking'

10 Years Jail

That is some hard time just for a w*nk.

Yahoo! is! up! for! sale! – so! how! much! will! you! bid!?

Turnaround

I'm surprised Ms Mayer hasn't considered a new rebrand.

The slanted ! wasn't far enough, add another ! and ditch the purple for something edgy like red and black, extend the name to Yahoogle!!

You're welcome, that will be £150,000

Microsoft patent filing confirms existence of 3D Jedi gesture phone

Obi-Wan

"This is not the phone you are looking for"

Triple-murderer prisoner keeps mobile phone in his butt for a week

Butt

This is butt dialing taken to a (w)hole new level.

Sir Clive Sinclair in tech tin-rattle triumph

Does the price include the cassette player?

New Monopoly version features an Automatic Teller Machine

Monopoly Mergers Commission.

And why is there only one of them?

Anyone working on an Ad-Blocker for board games?

Yeah, it's called a Felt Tip Pen or Magic Marker.

HTH.

Who would code a self-destruct feature into their own web browser? Oh, hello, Apple

Goat Kebabs

Cheers

1 pound boneless goat loin, cut into 1/2" cubes

1 cup plain low fat yogurt

2 Tbs orange juice

1 Tbs ground coriander

1/4 tsp ground ginger

1/2 tsp turmeric

1/2 tsp ground cumin

1/2 tsp salt

skewers

In a medium bowl, stir together yogurt, orange juice and all seasonings. Blend well. Add the goat meat cubes to the bowl, stir to coat with the marinade, cover and refrigerate for 4 - 24 hours.

Remove the meat from the marinade, pat lightly with paper towels to dry. Place meat evenly on the skewers. Grill over medium-hot coals, turning frequently, for about 10 minutes until nicely brown.

Bill for half a billion quid lands on Apple's desk in Facetime patent scrap

Beers all round

Bloody hell!

Apple spoke to El Reg.

UK govt right to outsource everything 15 years ago – civil service boss

Money

Being paid more than £1,000 a day to screw things up?

I can do that, where do I sign?

ICO says TalkTalk customers need to get themselves a lawyer

Re: Hold on a moment

A second breach should be classed as negligent as the website should have been overhauled after the first breach to ensure it didn't happen again.

Re: Hold on a moment

Maybe, the first data breach could be 'free', but any further breaches incur fines.

After all, if an organisation (such as a hospital or council) loses a CD/DVD/laptop containing peoples info they get fined.

Why should on-line data breaches be treated differently?

Brit censors endure 10-hour Paint Drying movie epic

Sequel

Paint Drying 2 - Stippled in Homebase starring Matt Emulsion (last seen in Paint Your Wagon)

Twitter goes titsup

OMG OMG, TWITTER IS DOWN AND SOMEBODY JUST SPOKE TO ME!

WHAT DO I DO, HEEEELP!!

Jokes of no more than 2 lines

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer, I dunno what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

I was in Thailand recently and I picked up one of them she-man's. I mean, I thought she was a women at first.

It wasn't until she drove me back to her place and she started backing into the garage that I thought to myself "Hang on a f%$king minute...."

Lovelace at 200: Celebrating the High Priestess to Babbage's machines

Ada?

I thought this was going to be about Linda.

Mine's the one with the video in the pocket.

The Register's entirely serious New Year's resolutions for 2016

Re: Courtesy of Barry White

Bugger, that's for me ------------------------------------------------------------------>

I stand corrected.

Re: Courtesy of Barry White

Barry White did it first....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPumYk2_Lzo

Song starts at 1:30

Courtesy of Barry White

Don't go changing, trying to please me

You never let me down before

I don't imagine you're too familiar

And I don't see you anymore

I would not leave you in times of trouble

We never could have come this far

I took the good times, I'll take the bad times

I'll take you just the way you are

North Wales Police outsourcing deal results in massive overspend

Re: (unnamed) IT contractor

That's what I saw....

(unnamed) IT contractor

2 minutes on Google and I found the press release from the IT contractor bragging about winning the contract.

"North Wales Police selects XXX for a five year Consolidated Managed ICT Services Contract"

So why are they unnamed?

Former Sugar babe of Viglen fame set for Chrimbo exit

Viglens customer base has expanded to embrace private and public sector; SMEs, education, health, local government and voluntary organisations.

www.viglen.co.uk

Help! What does 'personal conduct unrelated to operations or financials' mean?

Re: er ..... what poll ?

OK matey, shoddy work will earn you a P45

Bank fined £1m after outsourcing faults led to improper transfers

Meanwhile

Leonardo, Michelangelo and Donatello took the piss whilst Raphael started counting out the notes.

Microsoft Office 365, Azure portals offline for many users in Europe

Avoid

And this is why I avoid cloud services as much as possible.

HPE to open private London drinking club

Name?

Could call it Hic Pee

Fifth arrest in TalkTalk hacking probe: Now Plod cuff chap in Wales

Tut tut

Stop their comics, that'll teach 'em.

ICO fines PPI claims firm £80,000 over 1.3m spam SMS deluge

The Register has contacted UKMS regarding the firm's response to the fine. We have not received a response as of publication

Have you tried sending a text message?

Irish electricity company threatens to cut off graveyard

I hope there isn't any joking around as this is a grave situation.

Coffee fixes the damage booze did to your liver, study finds

Re: I wonder

Nescafe...

Virgin Media whines about Sky's customer service claims, ad watchdog agrees

Sigh

"Sky was told that the ads must not appear again in their current form and was warned not to use wonky methodology in future advertising campaigns."

Stronger words from the toothless ASA, their gums are almost showing!

There are expenses, statistics and then broadband adverts....

El Reg celebrates Back to the Future Day

Doc "What are you watching McFly?"

Marty "Um, no, Busted"

The Shoreditch Hipsters haven't caught on to the new two of everything look yet"

Brazilian prisoner nabbed with mobile up rear end

No one said it?

What an arsehole...

HP Enterprise will axe 25,000 to 30,000 staff

It's just business

I understand companies are here to make a profit, but at a recent Corporate Responsibility seminar I heard the following statement:

"It is not how much profit you make, but how you make that profit".

The big wigs seem to have forgotten that there are people and families behind the numbers and are just chasing the corporate dollar.

Welcome back to the 80's " Greed is good" - Gordon Gekko

'Walter Mitty' IT manager admits to buying gun on dark web

The real reason

He wanted the gun was to deal with the same idiot users causing the same idiot problems.

Pint as it's Friday.

Yay

And it begins: Ashley Madison bonk-seekers urged to lawyer up

Lawyer up!

Looks like it's time to buy some shares in the legal firms.

I'm gonna be rich!!

Buffoon in 999 call: 'Cat ate my bacon and I want to press charges'

Charge 'em

When these prats phone up with idiotic requests like this the cops should charge something like £25 for wasting police time.

And this should be court enforceable with Community Payback if the chumps don't cough up.

And on that bombshell: Top Gear's Clarkson to reappear on Amazon

Clever Move

Amazon are on the ball, how many new Prime sign ups are they going to get?

I gave up on the show a long time ago so I won't be one.

Octogenarian accused of performing sex act with a SHRUBBERY

There's a joke about Clinton and Bush in there somewhere.

Citrix CEO retires as activist investor Elliott snatches the wheel

BB

"missed a profound value creation opportunity"

Yay, bullshit bingo!

All I have to do now is squeeze that into a conversation...

LinkedIn users rebel after personal data siphon crimped

Fake Invites

I've started getting connection requests which I find a bit strange.

I don't have an account with LinkedIn or any social media site.

I wonder how I've managed to become so popular....

Germany says no steamy ebooks until die Kinder have gone to bed

What restrictions do they have in place at libraries then?

Is there an adults only smut corner?

Ex-cop: Holborn fireball comms outage cover for £200m bling heist gang

John O’Connor, former head of Scotland Yard's Flying Squad

Reading his theory explains why he is "former" rather than "current".

I have my own theory - the fire was started by Sky/Virgin/Talk Talk in a hissy fit against BT Openreach.

Vultures victorious in virtual vote vis-à-vis virtualization views!

Re: Congratulations!!!!

More than one is required........

Cheers!

It's the FALKLANDS SYNDROME! Fukushima MELTDOWN to cause '10,000 Chernobyls' in South Atlantic

I enjoyed that story, you have been awarded one pint.