Posts by Anonymous IV

IT bods to prove their prowess in bed with spooks

Certificated or certified?

The British Computer Society has a name quite considerably less silly than The Worshipful Company of Information Technologists, but both seem to be an irrelevance, whether certified/certificated or not.

Gallery mulls 'damage' after cleaner scrubs modern art

Marshall McLuhan said...

"Art is anything you can get away with."

How true that is, even today...

If thine brown eye offend thee, blast it with a laser

Five thousand dollars to get blue eyes?

Place the two words "rip" and "off" adjacently, in that order.

Has your account been pwned? New website will tell you

Unbelievable!

"Users enter a username or email address into the site’s search box to find out if their username has appeared in any recent public data dumps. Users are not prompted to enter their password itself."

So this website now has your email address as a result of your search, but not your password.

So what information do spammers use to send you spam?

UK CB radio crowd celebrates three decades of legality

Are you sure you meant "pose" not "posse"?

Oh, ok, then...

TomTom Go Live TopGear Edition

Does any satnav firm use Charlotte Green's voice?

<dreams...>

El Reg in email address blunder

Shows what happens when key staff leave....

This email fiasco would never have been allowed to happen if Sarah Bee had still been working for you.

Pick the right tools for your Office 2010 migration

No comments about *user* compatibility?

Or is a conversion simply just a matter of fixing the VBA macros, and not spending weeks familiarising Office 2003 people with the [sarcasm] esoteric delights [/sarcasm] of the Ribbon?

Microsoft gets trademark for retail store plans

In an intellectual debate, there's nothing like a well-reasoned, closely-argued, response, is there!

Gay-bashing cult plans picket of Steve Jobs funeral

This organisation can have no validity whatever

They can't even spell Westborough correctly...

'Boss from hell' knuckle-rapped for 'firing contests'

Another case of meaning reversal

Egregious used to mean "remarkably good", but now means "outstandingly bad; shocking".

Wicked!

EC to vet Euro broadband performance

"you can apply for your free router over on SamKnows"

Up to a point, Lord Copper!

SamKnows has been monitoring broadband performance for various ISPs for some time using a similar 'router' installed at a user's home. But its function (in the case of a cable line) is simply to be interposed between the cable modem and your original router, and the only functions you can use on the SamKnows router are its ethernet sockets. So if you want to volunteer for this project, don't think you are getting a free wireless router you can play with!

PS all this assumes that they haven't changed functionality from the original ISP-monitoring programme.

Google reveals 'leap smear' NTP technique

All this fuss about adjusting by a second...

...when we have all the fun twice a year of clocks going backwards or forwards by an hour.

Keep a sense of proportion, chaps!

Play.com swallowed by Rakuten

Hope the new owner can sort out their website techies

I can send Play.com Customer Services an email from my email address, and they can reply. Yet the website won't let me use that email address to create an account. And nobody seems to want to investigate, let alone fix, the problem!

Is it any wonder that people use Amazon?

(How nice it would be

To send Sarah Bee

Round to sort them out...)

Hey Commentards! [This title is optional]

Can Moderators be made more visible?

Since the quite wonderful Sarah Bee signed off, leaving us to the dubious mercies of someone called "Jude", the new Moderator/Modereratrix/Moderatrice, all we see to have had is Obscurity (ho-ho...)

You would have thought that he/she would have been allowed an article to introduce him/her-self?

Yahoo! fires! CEO! Carol! Bartz!

Clearly no reduction is meaningless management speak as a result of the change

If anything, it's worse...

NHS diabetic gizmo will text for help if wearer is in danger

@AC 11:23

If only curing major diseases were that trivially simple!

Now you have sorted out Type 2, I'd progress onto Type 1. Then it's a cure for cancer. You ought to be able to find a cure for death next, before you die.

Ah...

A Farewell to Oates: Adios, El Reg

First Sarah, now you...

<sob>

Microsoft unveils file-move changes in Windows 8

@MJI

And so does ROBOCOPY work...

Feature request

If they said that, they'd have to pop up a window saying, "Contains language and mild violence"...

Nokia pitches cheapest voicephones yet

Nokia 100 and 101 recycled?

Wikipedia reckons that the Nokia 100 came out in 1987 and the 101 in 1992.

I suppose for £20-odd they could well be the originals, retrived from a forgotten warehouse?

Apple MacBook Pro 17in 2011

"slightly marred by costs"?

A mere £2100? Surely not...

Here lies /^v.+b$/i

Collective noun?

Surely "an unlikeliness of virgins"...

Oxford adds woot! to dictionary

@GoF - too lose le trec

You can have 'loose' for 'lose' only if people commit to using the word 'looser' to mean 'loser'...

Then nobody will have a clue about what is being said.

Firefox 6 silently released ahead of official unwrap date

Mozilla haven't quite got it on marketing, have they?

Surely the idea is to get a load of sweaty geeks queuing outside a store at 2am, ready to walk off with the merchandise!

(Oh, sorry, that was ten days' ago...)

RFID drives the self-service pub

Massive unemployment to be expected among antipodeans, then

The post is required, and must contain letters.

(Presumably this is an advert for Royal Mail?)

It's official: IE users are dumb as a bag of hammers

Surely...

... we should try to get the IQs of *all* people to be above average?

Apple recalls 1TB Seagate HDDs

Apple backup charlie delta...

"...you'll have to take your machine in, and you do need to back up all your data first."

That's *before* the disk fails, one presumes?

Kingston DataTraveler Ultimate G2 USB 3.0 Flash drive

Is the manufacturer limiting future improved products?

Giving your product the name "Ultimate" rather indicates that it cannot be improved. Sigh.

TalkTalk watchdog smackdown after ad complaint

@AC 1213

Chance for you to complain directly to the ASA?

STUDENTS EXPOSED in university IT blunder

Aleady presaged by the late, great, Douglas Adams as...

... Mostly Harmless.

Philips 221TE2L 21.5in monitor and Freeview TV combo

Stereotyping

In the picture of the heterosexual couple watching TV, I'll bet you can easily guess which person holds the remote control...

Moderatrix kisses the Reg goodbye

Truly sad to see you go...

But love the picture of you in Sue Perkins emulation mode!

Am I alone in thinking?

that the reference to the new moderatrice Jude was pretty obscure...

Let's hope that she is as hardy as you have been over the past few years (excluding the April Fool resignation scare, of course).

Lloyds aims 15,000 job cuts at IT and back office

Is the project title incorrect?

Surely it can't be Project Verde?

OpenOffice.org site goes offline, Oracle declines to comment

What a difference a night makes...

As of 07:00 this morning, the OpenOffice.org website seems magically restored to health.

On to the next conspiracy theory!

Office 365: Can Microsoft replace Microsoft?

"It's called Pro Plus, and it's not something you own. You pay a subscription fee."

You don't 'own' Office 2010 either, even though you may pay for the licence in one 'hit'...

You have to have standards – or do you?

Confusion

Dave 15, you are confusing accuracy and precision. Please do a degree in physics. Or read the Wikipedia article on the subject, horrible though it is...

Woman dies of heart attack at own funeral

Pun (I'm afraid)

At least the husband can die nowt on the story...!

Nokia E6 smartphone

Suggested price is £100?

Amazon has it listed SIM-free at £299.99, with the "list price" being £100 more...

Mozilla cranks out Firefox 5 with cross-platform 'Do Not Track' feature

Almost impossible to believe...

... that the Google Toolbar for Firefox won't work (yet) on Firefox 5!

Bloke pissing in reservoir prompts 8m gallon flush

Homeopathy

The viruses and bacteria in his urine would have been made exceptionally dangerous by such an enormous dilution!

WTF are... connected appliances?

"display [...] notes from family members"

So much cheaper with a piece of paper and a fridge magnet.

And where else would you put the calendar?

TomTom Start 20 satnav

Suction ring marks

Satnav users clean the suction ring marks off the windscreen to encourage miscreants to believe that the driver doesn't use a satnav, so there is no point breaking into the car to try to find it.

Sticking a plastic disk on the dashboard gives definitive proof that a satnav is used. Surely rates a d'oh, at least?

Creditsafe suspends website in wake of drive-by download attack

Pushing one's luck?

Calling your organisation "CreditSafe" in this day and age looks like being a red rag to a hacker, to coin a phrase...

Metro Bank in schoolboy email error snafu

Not bad going!

First they don't use the BCC field, then they try to use Recall - which doesn't work unless the recipient is on an Exchange server, and quite often not then.

The usual answer by a bank, "Additional training has been scheduled..."

World IPv6 Day fails to kill the internet

@SteveDavies3

Head across to Broadband Buyer's Router Finder Tool at http://www.broadbandbuyer.co.uk/Finders/Routers/ and put a tick in the IPV6 box, to find over 15 consumer routers from Belkin, Billion, D-Link, Draytek, Linksys and Netgear. But mostly Draytek and Netgear.

Sex-rating social pages take off in Queensland

Acting Sergeant Angela Warcon said:

"...people just don't understand that once it's out there in public it's no longer private."

With insights like this, she should be made the Commissioner of the Queensland Police Service. She has got to be brighter than the average police Bruce.

Sandi Toksvig puts the 'n' into cuts - on the Beeb

Was it in her script?

Since the "chairman's script" is credited to one or more scriptwriters, it probably originated there. Or maybe it was an ad-lib?

Rapture postponed as world inexplicably fails to end

Hymn (all sing together)

"We are the pure and chosen few,

And all the rest are damned.

There's room enough in hell for you --

We don't want heaven crammed."