Posts by Anonymous IV

NHS diabetic gizmo will text for help if wearer is in danger

@AC 11:23

If only curing major diseases were that trivially simple!

Now you have sorted out Type 2, I'd progress onto Type 1. Then it's a cure for cancer. You ought to be able to find a cure for death next, before you die.

Ah...

A Farewell to Oates: Adios, El Reg

First Sarah, now you...

<sob>

Microsoft unveils file-move changes in Windows 8

@MJI

And so does ROBOCOPY work...

Feature request

If they said that, they'd have to pop up a window saying, "Contains language and mild violence"...

Nokia pitches cheapest voicephones yet

Nokia 100 and 101 recycled?

Wikipedia reckons that the Nokia 100 came out in 1987 and the 101 in 1992.

I suppose for £20-odd they could well be the originals, retrived from a forgotten warehouse?

Apple MacBook Pro 17in 2011

"slightly marred by costs"?

A mere £2100? Surely not...

Here lies /^v.+b$/i

Collective noun?

Surely "an unlikeliness of virgins"...

Oxford adds woot! to dictionary

@GoF - too lose le trec

You can have 'loose' for 'lose' only if people commit to using the word 'looser' to mean 'loser'...

Then nobody will have a clue about what is being said.

Firefox 6 silently released ahead of official unwrap date

Mozilla haven't quite got it on marketing, have they?

Surely the idea is to get a load of sweaty geeks queuing outside a store at 2am, ready to walk off with the merchandise!

(Oh, sorry, that was ten days' ago...)

RFID drives the self-service pub

Massive unemployment to be expected among antipodeans, then

The post is required, and must contain letters.

(Presumably this is an advert for Royal Mail?)

It's official: IE users are dumb as a bag of hammers

Surely...

... we should try to get the IQs of *all* people to be above average?

Apple recalls 1TB Seagate HDDs

Apple backup charlie delta...

"...you'll have to take your machine in, and you do need to back up all your data first."

That's *before* the disk fails, one presumes?

Kingston DataTraveler Ultimate G2 USB 3.0 Flash drive

Is the manufacturer limiting future improved products?

Giving your product the name "Ultimate" rather indicates that it cannot be improved. Sigh.

TalkTalk watchdog smackdown after ad complaint

@AC 1213

Chance for you to complain directly to the ASA?

STUDENTS EXPOSED in university IT blunder

Aleady presaged by the late, great, Douglas Adams as...

... Mostly Harmless.

Philips 221TE2L 21.5in monitor and Freeview TV combo

Stereotyping

In the picture of the heterosexual couple watching TV, I'll bet you can easily guess which person holds the remote control...

Moderatrix kisses the Reg goodbye

Truly sad to see you go...

But love the picture of you in Sue Perkins emulation mode!

Am I alone in thinking?

that the reference to the new moderatrice Jude was pretty obscure...

Let's hope that she is as hardy as you have been over the past few years (excluding the April Fool resignation scare, of course).

Lloyds aims 15,000 job cuts at IT and back office

Is the project title incorrect?

Surely it can't be Project Verde?

OpenOffice.org site goes offline, Oracle declines to comment

What a difference a night makes...

As of 07:00 this morning, the OpenOffice.org website seems magically restored to health.

On to the next conspiracy theory!

Office 365: Can Microsoft replace Microsoft?

"It's called Pro Plus, and it's not something you own. You pay a subscription fee."

You don't 'own' Office 2010 either, even though you may pay for the licence in one 'hit'...

You have to have standards – or do you?

Confusion

Dave 15, you are confusing accuracy and precision. Please do a degree in physics. Or read the Wikipedia article on the subject, horrible though it is...

Woman dies of heart attack at own funeral

Pun (I'm afraid)

At least the husband can die nowt on the story...!

Nokia E6 smartphone

Suggested price is £100?

Amazon has it listed SIM-free at £299.99, with the "list price" being £100 more...

Mozilla cranks out Firefox 5 with cross-platform 'Do Not Track' feature

Almost impossible to believe...

... that the Google Toolbar for Firefox won't work (yet) on Firefox 5!

Bloke pissing in reservoir prompts 8m gallon flush

Homeopathy

The viruses and bacteria in his urine would have been made exceptionally dangerous by such an enormous dilution!

WTF are... connected appliances?

"display [...] notes from family members"

So much cheaper with a piece of paper and a fridge magnet.

And where else would you put the calendar?

TomTom Start 20 satnav

Suction ring marks

Satnav users clean the suction ring marks off the windscreen to encourage miscreants to believe that the driver doesn't use a satnav, so there is no point breaking into the car to try to find it.

Sticking a plastic disk on the dashboard gives definitive proof that a satnav is used. Surely rates a d'oh, at least?

Creditsafe suspends website in wake of drive-by download attack

Pushing one's luck?

Calling your organisation "CreditSafe" in this day and age looks like being a red rag to a hacker, to coin a phrase...

Metro Bank in schoolboy email error snafu

Not bad going!

First they don't use the BCC field, then they try to use Recall - which doesn't work unless the recipient is on an Exchange server, and quite often not then.

The usual answer by a bank, "Additional training has been scheduled..."

World IPv6 Day fails to kill the internet

@SteveDavies3

Head across to Broadband Buyer's Router Finder Tool at http://www.broadbandbuyer.co.uk/Finders/Routers/ and put a tick in the IPV6 box, to find over 15 consumer routers from Belkin, Billion, D-Link, Draytek, Linksys and Netgear. But mostly Draytek and Netgear.

Sex-rating social pages take off in Queensland

Acting Sergeant Angela Warcon said:

"...people just don't understand that once it's out there in public it's no longer private."

With insights like this, she should be made the Commissioner of the Queensland Police Service. She has got to be brighter than the average police Bruce.

Sandi Toksvig puts the 'n' into cuts - on the Beeb

Was it in her script?

Since the "chairman's script" is credited to one or more scriptwriters, it probably originated there. Or maybe it was an ad-lib?

Rapture postponed as world inexplicably fails to end

Hymn (all sing together)

"We are the pure and chosen few,

And all the rest are damned.

There's room enough in hell for you --

We don't want heaven crammed."

Cisco refuses to deny it will sell off Linksys

Claud Cockburn said:

"Never believe anything until it has been officially denied."

Seems to apply in ever so many situations.

Boffin quests for, finds 'earphone Holy Grail'

Another instance of someone who should not present his own Stuff...

I was reminded of Bob Dylan singing badly his good songs.

Ambrose should have got someone rather more dynamic to make the video, and just used a single screen.

Interesting concept, though!

Memo gives full details of Nokia staff cull and closures

Redundant font, also?

Looks like the Nokia Pure font was a complete waste of time and money, then, since there won't be anything to use it on...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/03/28/nokia_pure/

Amazon cloud still on fritz after 36 hours

"I wandered, lonely, as a cloud..."

... that promised utmost reliability.

Wordsworth would be turning in his grave.

Virgin Media Superhub customers still hitting big speed bump

Turn off the (hardware) firewall? Unbelievable!

"Their solution offered to me [...] was to turn off the firewall. [...]I really would like to have this switched on - despite their claim that there was no effect on security at all."

Perhaps point out to them that router manufacturers are not going put money and effort into including a feature which had "no effect on security at all"...?

Microsoft markets 'collection' of PCs to consider

Just the one decent supplier, then?

"Models featured in The Collection will be sold at PC retailers from PC World and Currys to John Lewis and Comet."

What were John Lewis thinking of? Did they know they'd be associated with those three?

Ellison's Oracle washes hands of OpenOffice

.org wart?

Some sort of magic, perhaps?

German prangs dad's £275k supercar

Insurance?

I'd be really interested to know just how much is the insurance on a £275K car for a 20-y-o.

Over €1M, perhaps?

He WAS insured. Wasn't he? Or was his father fronting...?

White iPhone 4 out by month's end

Oooooh! Excitement?

What Apple doesn't seem to realise that it has engendered copious quantities of iApathy.

In fact I'm too bored even to press Submit.

Microsoft cranks out Internet Explorer 10 preview

Surely it just depends on what you use?

It would appear to be a truism that if you have a browser, antivirus product, operating system, religion, political opinion, and so on, different from the one being propounded, then you automatically have carte blanche to slag it off!