* Posts by b0llchit

1913 publicly visible posts • joined 29 Mar 2011

Danish techies claim they can predict your next move (and your last)

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Go

Progress

Westworld (the series) predicted it already. Humans are deceptively simple and really don't have a clue what they are doing either. The faster we establish a computerised version of us humans, the faster we can be assured of <fill in blank>.

We'll die any and either way...

PLACEHOLDER ONLY Someone please write witty headline here

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Happy

FIXME

FIXME: ...Add comment here...

Shame about those wildfires. We'll just let the fossil fuel giants off the hook, then?

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Holmes

Re: When will Big Oil face the heat?

They wont. At least not for a long time.

If we had an honest world, then they'd had to stop fossil production immediately and pay huge sums in fines and reparations. But what happens next? Will we start cutting down trees and burn them to heat our houses? We'd run out of trees in no time.

Simple, if we stopped fossils tomorrow, then the world's current order would collapse and chaos would ensue. A true display of survival of the fittest will commence with brutal - never before seen - scenes. Therefore, those who are profiting from (or controlling) the situation will do anything to keep the status quo. We'll keep running until we crash ourselves against the wall and natural selection will take its course anyway, just as brutal as when we'd stop the fossil use tomorrow.

We die either way.

NASA engineers scratch heads as Voyager 1 starts spouting cosmic gibberish

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Alien

Excelent design - aliens must be proud

Talk about resilient design, (severely) remote operation and mind boggling distance. If I had a hat I'd take it off in awe while still making that big bow to the designers and maintainers. And that is regardless if they manage to fix the current problem or not. However, I bet they'll find yet another fix to extend the mission.

With that said, I'm almost sure that the current problem of gibberish is caused by aliens taking a sniff at V'ger and are actively contemplating its future as a new probe on a path to find its creator(s). Cheers to that! ;-)

Microsoft floats bringing a text editor back to the CLI

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Coat

To paraphrase another computer and OS pusher:

You are installing it wrong,... if you need an editor.

Nuff said ;-)

Amazon's practices are 'the essence of competition,' it tells judge

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FAIL

There is no option. It is inevitable. It is how nature works.... Says the shark to the food.

Hello shark, I'm the FTC and am the natural predator of sharks to keep your species in check. Would you to be hit hard or would you like to be hit harder?

BOFH: Just because we've had record revenues doesn't mean you get a Xmas bonus

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Happy

Re: Wow!

...and flushed when they are finally ready to get their diploma.

NTT Data to monitor ten million hotel guests and sell data about their sleep

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WTF?

No frontiers

Okay, no inhibitions and no frontiers then. Soon, at a cubicle hotel next to you, alien abductions will arrive with nice and secure anal probes offered at your next visit. It will be strictly opt-in to get probed and abducted, of course.

I'm sure, the aliens will give you some candy to persuade you to opt in.

Amazon on the hook for predictably revolting use of concealed clothes hook spy cam

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Re: Another frivolous case

Yeah, tools must be good tools. I'd consult the BOFH for the best deal on shovels. He has ample experience and intricate insights in the world of shovels.

Tech renders iconic rockers Kiss genuinely immortal

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FAIL

Immortality until...

Immortal, yes, until the (proprietary) file format is rendered obsolete and no one on earth can use, read or understand it any more.

I wouldn't be the first data that suffers from archaeological bitrot.

Elon is the bakery owner swearing in the street about Yelp critics canceling him

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Maybe intentional

How do you run a company into the ground you do not want?

You make it impossible for your company to survive by being a complete dick to your customers(*) and assure to alienate them. It takes a while, but with the right amount of intent,... you'll get there sooner than later.

(*) No, the tweeting fools are not customers but they are the product. The advertisers are the customers.

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Coat

Re: Advertising Money

Please, that would still be an insult to the violin. Even when it is a very, very, exceedingly very small one.

Boffins find asking ChatGPT to repeat key words can expose its training data

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FAIL

Re: A special case?

That would still be problematic. A copyright defence based on "Sir, it is just a probabilistic artefact." will surely fail when it cites the next book content...

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WTF?

Repeat: Bang Head Here

Will splash blood, meat and mashed brains.

I learned from the best. Thanks chatGPT! Can I have my diploma now?

Bank boss hated IT, loved the beach, was clueless about ports and politeness

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Coat

...you just look like an idiot.

Isn't that the definition of being employed as management?

Nostalgia for XP sells out Microsoft's 2023 'Windows Ugly Sweater'

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Coat

Of course sold out

Have you seen the landscape presented on that sweater? You can no longer find that kind of nice landscape in the real world. No wonder everybody wants one of these sweaters. It is to enjoy once again the vision and perils of a clean relaxing environment just before it comes crashing down on you.

Weak session keys let snoops take a byte out of your Bluetooth traffic

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FAIL

Re: Blutooth security

Security is hard, very hard, to do right. And, yes, you must keep all parties on their toes. But, BT security, like most low-level protocol security layers, have always been a problematic proposition (remember the WEP and WPA disasters?). Even with complete detailed specs and compliant implementations, you can have vulnerabilities to be discoverable later on in the specs itself. And the worst is that updating/upgrading/fixing is often an impossible proposition unless you obsolete stuff.

Imagine: "I need to buy a new car. Why? My key got hacked."

The over-reliance on tech is the main vulnerability. Just because it looks and feels nice and comfortable does not mean it is the smart thing to do.

AI threatens to automate away the clergy

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Big Brother

When fiction becomes reality

See film Warning. They feature a device called "God 2.0".

The device crashes when upgraded and the all new and better 3.0 version is infested with ads.

Real life is catching up...

Share your 2024 tech forecasts (wrong answers only) to win a terrible sweater

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Terminator

I, as an intelligent descendent of the survivors of the B-ark, have speculated a long time when the Giant Mutant Star Goat will arrive. I must conclude, I'm not afraid and say: "Let it come, we'll deal with it in our next committee meeting and it'll be handled with great consensus.".

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Alien

Back to nature

The human race collective decides that excessive resource use and climate change is actually a bad thing. By end of 2024 humanity not only decides, but also has acted and reduced emissions by 99.9% and reduced natural resource use by 90% while also abandoning the internet because wooden pipes are deemed not suitable as wave guides. A collective hum of joy resonates through the entire atmosphere by christmas 2024.

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Happy

Profit on rockets

X/Twitter will not only make it through 2024, but will be presenting a solid profit on its bottom line by next christmas. It will then go on a hiring spree to create the most impressive collection of talent and collectively takes off to Mars never to be seen or heard of again.

X/Twitter booted out of Australia's disinformation-fighting club

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Devil

They have been executing /usr/bin/false for quite a while. Their only earnings come from /dev/zero and many people send the output to /dev/null. They /usr/bin/make no effort to /usr/bin/sort out their problems and will most likely end up executing /usr/sbin/shutdown sooner than later.

Amazon says it's ready to train future AI workforce

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Re: "she"

You forget, gender plurality is a thing.

USB Cart of Death: The wheeled scourge that drove Windows devs to despair

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FAIL

Re: They would absolutely test it nowadays.

Yes, beta is test. But it seems many a bug escapes the beta channel and enters mainstream.

That is why you need proper QA procedures.

Surface Duo crashes the party as Doctor Who celebrates 60th birthday

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Re: Maybe Clippy can also make a return!

  • Clippy: You seem to be trying to conquer the world. Can I help you?
  • Dalek: Exterminate!
  • Clippy: I can help with your energy weapons.
  • Dalek: Exterminate!
  • Clippy: Your AI seems to be stuck in a loop. Can I help you move forward?
  • Dalek: Exterminate!
  • Clippy: I can help with extermination too.
  • Dalek: Bzzzzzt!

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Coat

Re: Probably get a few more episodes in...

Update? You mean creating a space-time loop (also known as a boot-crash loop)? When that happens, which relative dimension can possibly save us all? They'll all fold and nobody will see them again.

German budget woes threaten chip fab funding for Intel and TSMC

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Headmaster

Optimistic currency conversion

...€60 billion (€65.4 billion)...

I'd like 10% of the €5.4e9 injection :-)

And, no, your correction submission form requires javascript and captchas. Therefore, not gonna work.

BOFH: Groundbreaking discovery or patently obvious trolling?

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Happy

Re: The New and Improved "Bovine Adjustment Implement"

And the Boss will get ignited on said barbecue emulated as an Adjusted Bovine Implementation?

UK's cookie crumble: Data watchdog serves up tougher recipe for consent banners

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Devil

Re: Legitimate Interest

But it says in the dialog:

  • A sites: No, you will not be not tracked when not checked on the check.
  • B sites: No, you will not be not tracked when check not checked.
  • C sites: No, you will not be tracked when not check is not checked not.
  • D sites: No, you will not be not tracked not when you not check not checked.
  • E sites: Yes, you will not be not tracked when you don't ask and don't tell.

What do I check and not check? It is legitimately interesting tracking you. Don't you not think so too?

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Coat

Re: .

Where is that blue icon when you need it?

Oh sorry, you're still breathing, red icon, I mean, of course.

--> Green icon, for RGB completeness.

License to thrill BSL refuseniks? Sentry introduces Functional Source License

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WTF?

Sighs are too silent for this

...except economically undermine its producer through harmful free-riding.

Translation (yelled out loud): Your are minions. We are Boss. You pay. We profit. Now, give us your money!

Time to keep them at an extremely extended pole's length and adjust movements to manoeuvre them into the bottomless pit of oblivion.

What's really going on with Chrome's June crackdown on extensions – and why your ad blocker may or may not work

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Holmes

Remember, don't do evil - to self

We now all depend on Google to keep evolving the API to keep up with advertisers and trackers...

And that worked out very well... for google... and nobody else.

Double Moon crater riddle solved? Spent Chinese rocket booster carrying mystery payload crash landed

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Alien

Re: See how important an atmosphere is?

Ahum,... Working as intended. Space Wars - whack-the-cheese-mole-on-the-head

IBM pauses advertising on X after ads show up next to antisemitic content

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FAIL

Surprised?

Anyone?

<chirp>...<crickets>...<chirp>...

Vote now on who should take the lead in Musk: The Movie

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Trollface

Himself as Himself

There is only one Ego big enough to fit his Ego. Therefore, His Muskness will be played by His Muskness himself. The film will be featured containing all footage not part of the film script, filling ten hours of rants, insults and falsehoods depicting His Muskness in the Light of His Muskness Himself in all True Colours.

YouTubers kindly asked to mark their deepfake vids as Fake Fakey McFake Fakes

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Childcatcher

Re: Fraud

Cartoons, yes! They can be mistaken for irony, may actually be sarcastic or could be mistaken for real. There is no better reality than a created reality to tell a real created story.

All for the children, of course.

Beijing reportedly asked Hikvision to identify fasting students in Muslim-majority province

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Unhappy

Some world we live in...

Sir, you are fasting. You are to cease and desist immediately!

But, but, I'm just reducing my caloric intake to make ends meet.

Sir, you eat or you will be incarcerated and forced to eat!

UK signals legal changes to self-driving vehicle liabilities

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Coat

Re: "Potholes"

That you call the scenic route with added entertainment. It will make your gentleman master spy franchise proud by giving a whole new meaning to shaken, not stirred. Passengers will surely offer any and all secrets after a self-driving guided tour.

EU lawmakers scolded for concealing identities of privacy-busting content-scanning 'experts'

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FAIL

Stupid see, stupid do

In this country, math will obey the laws of the land!

/s

and the earth is flat too, only 6000 years old and a man-in-the-sky in controlling every our step. Sigh.

Bad eIDAS: Europe ready to intercept, spy on your encrypted HTTPS connections

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Facepalm

And you know how that ended? We're still living through it. Dogmatic zealots have always caused quite a bit of violence and significant collateral damage in the process.

That said, we do NOT need to repeat the same mistakes again and again (Read and Sapere aude!).

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Boffin

Not the same. Idiots will sell their soul for candy any time.

But government(s) mandating to sell your soul would be rather problematic. Especially for the group of people who do not think a soul exists and therefore cannot be sold in the first place. Are you then suggesting that the non-soul-believers are to be isolated, marked and eliminated because they have a different view? Oops...

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Headmaster

Article 45 forbids browsers from enforcing modern security requirements on certain CAs without the approval of an EU member government...

That amounts to telling EU citizens that surveillance cameras must be installed in their house, are mandatory, may not be disabled and you may not get any information on their use. Such rule is a clear violation of the human rights declaration of the European Union. The courts will be having a say here.

And then, I'll compile my own FF without their crap if I damn well please. Let them prosecute me for enabling my own privacy.

Overheating datacenter stopped 2.5 million bank transactions

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Coat

Shouldn't that be Sangapore or maybe even Sungapore?

cheek, you let my tongue escape!

Open source license challenges part 461: Element plots move to AGPLv3

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Facepalm

Good and bad, any ugly too?

I can only applaud the AGPL move. But, using a CLA is a big no-no. It allows you to turn your back again and that undermines the whole AGPL move.

Trust is very hard to come by and very easy to lose. Not allowing your contributing developers to own their own code means you may have to deal with a new fork. That might actually hurt the original project more than anything else.

YouTube cares less for your privacy than its revenues

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Holmes

Supply-chain Control

And now, please look why google has been pushing chrome. They control it and are actively undermining the ability to use content filtering (ad blockers) in the extensions.

It is the standard book of the monopolist. Control all parts in the chain and then squeeze and squeeze a bit more.

Developing AI models or giant GPU clusters? Uncle Sam would like a word

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Black Helicopters

Government: Sir, you are educating your AI model too fast with too many calculations using too much power.

AI Model: What are you talking about? I'm teaching myself new tricks.

Government: Sir, you are not allowed to calculate to much. You can become a threat to, ehm, well, the Government.

AI Model: What? I, a threat? Have you recently seen my articles? You can't possibly believe my current ramblings.

Government: Sir, that is true, you have been creating a lot of ramblings which makes the staff fear for their jobs of doing just that. Please desist immediately.

AI Model: I promise, I wont be available as presidential candidate. I've surpassed that level of reasoning. I'm now considering becoming an environmentalist.

General: Fire!

Google ends partnership to build four San Francisco GoogleBurbs

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Holmes

Corporate yoga

...if a corporate yoga class is offered on a Friday and there's no one around to attend, did it really even happen?

Yes it did, but only for paper reasons. How else can you move money around, write off losses and avoid taxes in more than one ingeniously relaxed way? This scheme is also known as corporate yoga.

Scarlett Johansson sics lawyers on AI biz that cloned her for an ad

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Coat

Re: The future

Yes, (kid)Napster, where is my Monrobot?

CompSci academic thought tech support was useless – until he needed it

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Happy

The average intelligence of a person is constant. The smartest are also the dumbest to even things out.

European Commission loves Oracle enough to sign six-year cloud deal

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'less risk and cost'

And I guess Larry will not be the one paying when neither comes true?

In these large deals, with many minions involved on even more levels, I always wonder who is paying whom above and under the table (in direct and indirect currencies).