The Register Home Page

* Posts by b0llchit

2611 publicly visible posts • joined 29 Mar 2011

Windows takes a crash dump after one McDonald's order too many

b0llchit Silver badge
WTF?

Scrap the BSOD, read the sticker

The best is the sticker under the BSOD: Braille and picture menus available.

The blind will certainly be able to read this sticker and ask for the Braille menu. Oh, wait...

The analphabets will certainly be able to read this sticker and ask for the picture menu. Oh, wait...

France’s digital directorate dumping Windows desktops, adopting Linux instead

b0llchit Silver badge
FAIL

Threats to ensure self extinction

Given the Trump administration’s dislike of anything that harms American businesses, France’s plan could also set off a new round of tariffs or threats to extinguish civilizations.

That would not only be a "shoot foot" gesture, but a monumental "shoot yourself in the face with a very big cannon" move. Any sane government would immediately drop them hard. And even the insane governments would start to back off.

IT manager approved downtime over lunch, but made a meal of it

b0llchit Silver badge
Coat

But at least it looks good!

Oh, wait,...

I vibe coded a feed reading web app. It was enlightening and uncomfortable

b0llchit Silver badge
WTF?

Ad as article

So you wrotedidn't write an app, have no real clue about the code quality and now you want people to pay for it.

As they say,... Good luck with that.

Microsoft locks out VeraCrypt and WireGuard devs, blames verification process

b0llchit Silver badge
Big Brother

Incompetence, malice

The cynic in me:

Someone high up in the food chain wanted to be sure that they could keep exploiting issues they discovered and never published. All these automatic updates ruin their ability to read all those private communications and files. That is a Bad ThingTM and it must stop! Microsoft responded kindly by locking out the developers.

Or copilot flagged the projects because they were encrypted. You decide, incompetence or malice?

Showing the Windows 10 desktop was the yeast they could do

b0llchit Silver badge
Coat

Windows 11 toaster

If they had used Windows 11, then it would constantly ask any and all customer if they would like some toast. Not even the sales people would be safe from the toaster queries.

Japan relaxes privacy laws to make itself the ‘easiest country to develop AI’

b0llchit Silver badge
Big Brother

...because current laws represent “a very big obstacle to the development, and utilization of AI in Japan.”

“We must prevent this from happening,” he said, because without access to data Japan will struggle to develop and deploy useful AI.

Ah yes, it is an obstacle for the "government" to use all those private bits to analyse its citizenscritics and ensure a new layer of control that can be exerted at any time when the "government" thinks it should exert some more pressure on any (potential) opposition and all those (illegal) thoughts people are having all the time.

Maybe it is just the cynic in me, but, unfortunately, reality catches up rather quickly to my cynicism.

AI agents found vulns in this popular Linux and Unix print server

b0llchit Silver badge
Coat

Re: Oh no!

Yes,...What about "that"?

Windows asks a networking question on a Stratford billboard

b0llchit Silver badge
Joke

Re: At last

I'm sure they will then use an Android derivative on ARM with an ancient and holed browser emulating some x86 architecture using JS to run Wine to show you an even better BSOD?

b0llchit Silver badge
Coat

Re: That notification?

And got sour cherries instead.

Security contractor blew the whistle on support crew's viral indifference

b0llchit Silver badge
Trollface

If they were, then any threat of firing would have been met with a certain cute falling distance of push back (out of the window, three floors down, basement style in the elevator shaft).

The first thing vibe coding builds is confidence it will help you succeed

b0llchit Silver badge
Pirate

Because I don't know the Dunning-Kruger effect and am absolutely brilliant at anything I touch?

b0llchit Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Be careful what you wish for

Isn't that simply called GIGO (Garbage In, Garbage Out)?

The reviewer of your code will certainly adhere to GIGO, probably on the toilet letting go of this week's lunches in different states of disarray while feeling sick the rest of the month.

To BSOD or not to BSOD? Only Microsoft knows the answer

b0llchit Silver badge
Coat

Re: F F U U U ?

They missed an opportunity to spell it

0xFFFFFFFF 0xUUUUUUUU 0xCCCCCCCC 0xKKKKKKKK 0xUUUUUUUU
?

:-P

BOFH: Are you ready to raise our expense account limits now?

b0llchit Silver badge
Happy

Tip yourself - on a Friday

Feel free to add a little something for yourself...

How generous they are, with blackmail footage in the back pocket, of course.

Good its Friday - might tip myself too.

Engineer sabotaged hardware then complained when it didn't work

b0llchit Silver badge
Coat

It will blow over.

Microsoft and Nvidia claim AI can speed approval of new atomic plants

b0llchit Silver badge
Alert

Lets count the victims^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hheros

Please raise your hand if you will fly in a plane designed, built and flown by AI.

Will all with their hand raised please follow me. We have just one more test to perform, a fatal sanity test, for our safety.

EU broadcasters say smart TVs and voice assistants are the next gatekeepers

b0llchit Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: Big brother is watching and listening to your TV

Showing you ads is just enshitification. The real problem is the data itself. Anybody who thinks that the collected data will not be used against you is deluded. Anybody who does not think that three-and-four letter agencies have access to all that collected data is equally deluded.

How did that saying go,... those who don't learn from history...etc.

Calling out corporate BS? There's a steaming pile to aim for

b0llchit Silver badge
Coat

We must create a supportive environment to improve the creation of bright thoughts that are appreciated by the communities of committees to better the receptivity for price award thinking.

Payment biz pulls plug on open source charity after KYC spat

b0llchit Silver badge
Meh

I'll leave that incompetence thingy you seem to suffer from to be handled by Dunning and Kruger. Then you may shine in maximised malice.

b0llchit Silver badge
Facepalm

Never attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence. But it surely looks like incompetence at a malicious scale.

Cryptographers engage in war of words over RustSec bug reports and subsequent ban

b0llchit Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Rust cult

Soon all code will be rusted and have become dust. Good that there are people who, with great care and effort, try to de-oxidise programs and make them run properly.

It's not a binary choice. Independent boffin builds a ternary CPU on an FPGA

b0llchit Silver badge

It goes something like this: value ? -'never : 0'dontcare : +'seeya where the tags are labels to jump to in the program. And, you can change the order anyway you like. It will cause a crash when value has binary content. Note that base π systems will always run the program in circles.

b0llchit Silver badge
Coat

Re: Surely a TrInary digIT should be called ...

Making a balanced ternary system out of tits may prove provocatively difficult and can only run in non-prude countries allowing tits in more than two positions.

WorldCoin's newest pitch: Scan your eyeballs to prove AI agents really represent you

b0llchit Silver badge
FAIL

A secure token

Until it gets stolen, uploaded or otherwise misused and cannot be replaced.

Maybe we should first invent Minority Report's eye swapping surgery and never tell the bad guys you can do that.

In the name of science: Boffins build fart-tracking undies

b0llchit Silver badge
Coat

Pffft

Digital fruit fly brain model walks and cleans its feelers

b0llchit Silver badge
FAIL

Progress that kills most of us

Through the 21st century, it kills 80 percent of humanity, and most other life on Earth. As it happens, it is accompanied by a period of vast scientific and technological advance.

It is arguably wrong that a "scientific and technological advance" is a positive thing when it kills us. When your advance kills you, is it still an advance?

Saying "We got sooo good at everything that we went extinct while we were improving everything.". That just doesn't feel right, does it?

Age verification isn't sage verification when it's inside operating systems

b0llchit Silver badge
Childcatcher

Re: Forget age verification for operating systems, but bring in clue verification for politicians.

It is called "maturity verification" and it should be mandatory for every politician to pass "maturity verification" on the subject he or she is about to vote upon. Any politician's failure to pass the "maturity verification" will void any and all votes of the entire assembly and the bill will fail to pass.

West Sussex's Oracle rollout pushed back again as costs balloon 15 times

b0llchit Silver badge
Mushroom

Not to mention that extra Red Yacht not available affordable financed by idiots.

Brilliant backups that kept data alive for ages landed web developer in big trouble

b0llchit Silver badge

Only if it is not the other's fault. And it is always the other's fault. Therefore, it is always the other's fault. That is why DNS fails.

Shouldn't we call this episode "Who Other?"

Jury out on whether Americans love or hate datacenters

b0llchit Silver badge
Devil

Re: Paint them!

You must paint them Green. Then you can tell everyone that you work at a Green facility!

/s

Those who 'circle back' and 'synergize' also tend to be crap at their jobs

b0llchit Silver badge
Boffin

Herding the Cattle

You need to sound impressive when you intend to herd the cattle to conform to your ways. You treat them like children with bombastic language and gestures to be impressive in form but are completely non-committal and conveying no real content.

It really should be seen in the divide and conquer scheme, where you appease the large(st) flock with bullshit and create an environment where dissent is suppressed and self censuring is encouraged and enforced. If effect, it is all about power and control.

Nanny state discovers Linux, demands it check kids' IDs before booting

b0llchit Silver badge
Big Brother

Down the rabbit hole

Just wait, in due time:

  • lying about your age will become a felony
  • the use of computers will be restricted to official software only, verified by the government
  • encrypted communication not piped through official channels in plaintext will be banned
  • programming requires a license and all code must be submitted for official review before you can run it

BOFH: What physics defines as impossible, sales calls a challenge

b0llchit Silver badge
Happy

Re: That OS...

Ah! You mean Planet 9 [OS] from the Kuiper Bell(t) Automation Company.

Orbiting System

District denies enrollment to child based on license plate reader data

b0llchit Silver badge
WTF?

You are not you

You are not you is what the resident was told. But, says the resident, how can you say that I am not me? Easy, our system has determined that you are walking 500 miles away from here and our tracking system still has you at that location. But, I'm standing here in front of you! Sorry, the system does not lie. It detects you far away and you cannot argue with the system. Therefore, you are not you and cannot be you because you are not here.

Smart mirror shows dumb Windows in elevator

b0llchit Silver badge
Coat

Just wait until they force Copilot onto your Elevator install.

<presses button 3>...Copilot: Would you like to visit floor 2 too? There are several interesting things located at floor 2. Also, I'd like to make a stop at floor 6 before you leave because I've been developing a new view for you to enjoy.

<presses button 3>...Copilot: Our new elevator control allows us to go sideways.

...

Whitehall seeks lone C++ coder to keep airport passenger model flying

b0llchit Silver badge
Coat

Excel is involved. So it is most likely written in C♭ and will also regularly detune on its own and needs severe beatings to re-key at regular intervals.

Ig Nobel Prize flees US for Switzerland after 35 years over safety concerns

b0llchit Silver badge
Joke

A significant convoy of trucks with Roubles riding on Papiermark paved roads?

AI has made the Command Line Interface more important and powerful than ever before

b0llchit Silver badge
FAIL

Computers automating computers

When you need computers to automate the use of computers you should all stop and start thinking for a moment.

When you need computers to automate the use of computers, then you are doing it wrong. Plain and simple.

Oh, wait,... thinking,... that was promised no longer to be necessary... Right, we need computers to automate computers that use computers to replace us.

Microsoft Azure CTO set Claude on his 1986 Apple II code, says it found vulns

b0llchit Silver badge
Coat

Re: For fun...

He did. Claude committed suicide midways because there were too many problems causing severe depression. The sheer amount of crud kills any sentient or non-sentient entity when confronted with that code base.

Bundle of human neurons hooked to silicon learns to stumble through Doom

b0llchit Silver badge
Meh

Skinjobs

Soon, coming to a local store near you, our friend and helper: CYLON

Only one generation left before we all get killed by skinjobs evolved from toasters.

US state laws push age checks into the operating system

b0llchit Silver badge
Facepalm

Entering the wrong DOB will be punishable by 10..20 years imprisonment. That'll teach you to hack the age verification database!

Trump administration spoiling for a fight over global satellite regulations

b0llchit Silver badge

He failed to steal others' toys and is now (reddish orange) angry that he wasn't offered those toys and is contemplating a steal commando to force toys to become his. Poor booboo.

b0llchit Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Dear you arse of a...

Do as I say, not as I do!

Yeah, yeah, we all know it, just spoiled children.

Supposedly big-brained execs are outsourcing decisionmaking to AI

b0llchit Silver badge
FAIL

Welcome to DelphAI

The Great Oracle DelphAI - Where we get our Knowledge and Future explained.

Please make your offerings and you shall be served with Wisdom and Fortune.

Western governments seek to lock down 6G before it even exists

b0llchit Silver badge
Mushroom

Aye Eee Connectivity

...vendors are busy selling 6G as AI-native...

That simply means that the Aye Eee Connectivity will be sending data to the proper prompt-injected receiver and all your data are belong to us. And if they do it right, you will get hallucinated calls to where ever on the planet and premium numbers will be called whenever you ask a (nasty, dirty or too innocent) question.

This must be the biggest wet dream for all the telcos. Think of all the money they can rake in with this Aye Eee thingy that will be absolutely abundant, native, naive and well willingnicely prompt-injected to spend the mobile owner's money.

Trump orders purge of 'woke' Anthropic from government

b0llchit Silver badge
WTF?

Strange conversation

  • Idiot: We want to make weapons!
  • Seller: Okay, fine.
  • Idiot: We want to control how you make your weapons so we can make weapons that do whatever we want to when we want to and however we want to so the weapons can use the weapons as weapons when the weapons decide to become the weapon that becomes a weapon.
  • Seller: Ehm,... no, that is not fine.
  • Idiot: What? You do as I say!
  • Seller: No.
  • Idiot: Nobody will be ordering with you, ever again
  • Seller: ...hangup...

Burger King turns to AI to flame broil employees who aren't friendly enough

b0llchit Silver badge
Coat

Re: PHBs of the world unite!

The PHBs should be contemplating to add a friendliness surcharge. Quite simple concept:

  • friendliness scale 1: "here's your burger", only $0.99 extra
  • friendliness scale 2: "here's your burger, please", only $1.49 extra
  • friendliness scale 3: "Hello sir, here's your burger, please", only $2.99 extra
  • friendliness scale 4: "Hello sir, here's your burger, please. Have a nice day!", only $3.49 extra
  • friendliness scale 5: "Dear sir, your burger has received special treatment, just for you. Here is your delicious burger. And have a nice day too!", only $9.99 extra

Anthropic launches new marketing blog, pretends it's being 'written' by 'retired' LLM

b0llchit Silver badge
WTF?

Pretending to be AI

I'll be pretending that it is pretending to be pretending and pretentious of being pretending to pretend. Predendingly clear, wouldn't you pretend?

Hubble in a death spiral that could end as early as 2028 without a reboost

b0llchit Silver badge
Joke

Re: as it descends

Soon you can reach it with a ladder and a gentle push is all that is required. You just have to wear heat resistant gloves. These devices are usually a bit hot when they reach ladder altitudes.

OTOH, you can claim the device as a legitimate salvage when you can reach it from your home's roof with a ladder. Might be worth something on ebay, I guess?