* Posts by Woza

230 posts • joined 25 Mar 2011

Page:

Made-up murder claims, threats to kill Twitter, rants about NSA spying – anything but mention 100,000 US virus deaths, right, Mr President?

Woza

Re: You supported a system...

It has always puzzled me why US and UK elections are held on work days. Here in Oz, elections are always on a Saturday. ( Yes, voting is mandatory here, but you could still have the election on a weekend with voluntary voting).

Of course, this system delivered us Scotty From Marketing, so is far from perfect, but still.

If someone could stop hackers pwning medical systems right now, that would be cool, say Red Cross and friends

Woza
Joke

Re: While, um, ...

A new leech field? You are Dr. Hoffmann of Stuttgart and I claim my $5.

Help your fellow IT pals spruce up their virtual meetings: Design a winning background, win Register-branded gear

Woza
Coat

Re: Easy to get to the office

No Cummings? No goings.

We really doing this again? Rumour has it that Apple is nearly finished developing augmented-reality glasses

Woza
Coat

Re: Name?

When you trip over because the AR has obscured the pavement in front of you: iFell.

Breaking virus lockdown rules, suing officials, threatening staff, raging on Twitter. Just Elon Musk things

Woza
Joke

Re: Elon Musk Is An Ass

I think a smack with a fish would be a better option!

Australian contact-tracing app sent no data to contact-tracers for at least ten days after hurried launch

Woza
Joke

not conceivable?

You keep using these words... I do not think they mean what you think they mean.

Is Vizzini working in the Australian Public Service now?

Data accessed by the US? Inconceivable!

What do you call megabucks Microsoft? No really, it's not a joke. El Reg needs you

Woza

MicroMaud

Won't somebody please think of the children!

Woza
Big Brother

Zero Wing

All your windows boxes are belong to us.

(Aka subscription model).

Fright at the museum: Bored curators play spooky Top Trumps on Twitter over who has the creepiest object

Woza
Joke

Are you sure that's not a Daddy?

A paper clip, a spool of phone wire and a recalcitrant RS-232 line: Going MacGyver in the wonderful world of hotel IT

Woza
Joke

Truely

Swept under the rug!

Stop worrying – Larry Ellison and Prez Trump will have this whole coronavirus thing licked shortly with the power of data

Woza
Black Helicopters

Hmm

I wonder if there's a quid-pro-quo here - will we see a decision change on the Pentagon JEDI contract, replacing Amazon with Oracle?

Upstart Americans brandish alligators at the almighty Reg Standards Soviet

Woza
Joke

Get me an alligator

And make it snappy!

Mercury, the closest planet to the Sun, surely has no frozen water, right? Guess again: Solar winds form ice

Woza
Joke

When hell

Freezes over?

Some good coronavirus news: Monster Google-Oracle API copyright battle on hold as bio-nasty shuts Supremes

Woza
Joke

Re: $9bn ?

"It could even lead to cats and dogs living together! oh the humanity."

Humanity is the only reason cats and dogs live together in the first place!

Broken lab equipment led boffins to solve a 58-year-old physics problem by mistake

Woza

Re: No good enough!

Is there an opening here to define the El Reg standard potato?

As Australia is gripped by bog roll shortage, tabloid says: Here, fill your dunny with us

Woza
Joke

Re: Whole world gone to shit

Unfortunately sandpaper is in short supply, our cricket team has been panic buying.

After 1.5 million days of computer time, [email protected] heads home to probe potential signs of alien civilizations

Woza
Alien

Hope that there's intelligent life out there in space

Because there's bugger all down here on Earth.

(Thank you Monty Python)

Microsoft uses its expertise in malware to help with fileless attack detection on Linux

Woza
Joke

Re: Peter Sellers Lives!

Do you have a licaunce for that minkey server?!

Star wreck: There's a 1 in 20 chance a NASA telescope and US military satellite will smash into each other today

Woza
Coat

Re: it would be like a car hitting a shopping cart

"What's the speed limit for a shopping cart?"

African or European?

Icon: the one with coconuts in the pockets.

Good folk of Forfar: Alan Hattel would like you all to know he's not dead despite what it says on his tombstone

Woza
Coat

Re: Footie result...

Could be White Court vampires.

(The coat with Dresden Files in the pocket - another bloke with a pre-mortem grave)

IBM, Microsoft, a medley of others sing support for Google against Oracle in Supremes' Java API copyright case

Woza

Re: War over API

That comparison is faulty - this is not about *using* an API, it's about *reimplementing* an API.

You live where you live ... and ex-SAP boss Bill McDermott lives in a house like this

Woza
Joke

Re: "Of course we... totally know what a butler pantry is..."

Extra butlers... aeeves, beeves, ceeves, deeves, eeves, feeves, geeves?

(Apologies to Eddie Izzard)

The silence of the racks is deafening, production gear has gone dark – so which wire do we cut?

Woza

Re: failure to think it through

Had something similar. Small company, "server room" was a couple of racks in a small room with no emergency light. Power cut happened, cue frantic beeping from our Potato Clock, and a mad scramble (using phones as torches) to try and plug a monitor in to perform orderly shutdowns on the servers before UPS drained completely.

Tough luck, Jupiter, you've lost your crown for now: Boffins show Saturn has more moons

Woza
Coat

Jupiter and Saturn getting all this attention

but who's mooning over Uranus?

UK Supreme Court unprorogues Parliament

Woza
Childcatcher

Re: Just when you think UK politics can't get any weirder or messier.

MRLP are all very well, but inquiring minds want to know: what about the Standing-At-The-Back-Dressed-Stupidly-And-Looking-Stupid Party?

(Icon: Closest I could find to Blackadder III)

Imagine if Facebook could read your mind: Er, I have some bad news for you...

Woza
Joke

Re: Gyms

It could be exercise, depends on how high you raise your hogs, and for how many reps!

Google engineering boss sues web giant over sex discrim: I was paid less than men, snubbed for promotion

Woza
Headmaster

Re: 'Outside the bubble' issues maybe?

I don't think the "lifelong Googler" applies in this case - from the article:

"In February 2019, a candidate [for the VP job] was chosen after just six months working for Google..."

Au my bog: Bloke, 66, on bail after 'solid-gold' crapper called 'America' stolen from stately home

Woza
Joke

Theft from Churchill?

We will heist them on the beaches...

Clutching at its Perl 6, developer community ponders language name with less baggage

Woza
Coat

Version 5: Perl

Version 6: Perm (language with a hairdo)

Version 7: Pern (with ready-made dragon logo)

Version 8: Pero (shiny fake blonde language)

Version 9: Perp ( language used to commit crimes*)

Etc

*Auto-correct wanted this to be "Congress"...)

Clip, clip, hooray: NASA says it will send Clipper probe to Europa, will attempt no landing there

Woza
Headmaster

Nitpick

"Scientists think that if there is life as we know it in the Solar System, Europa is a top spot for it to be found..."

Might I suggest Earth as a more likely location?

(Of course, if we're talking about _intelligent_ life, I withdraw the comment)

Get ready for a literal waiting list for European IPv4 addresses. And no jumping the line

Woza
Coat

Re: There is now a literal waitlist to join

US spelling - do they take the u out of waiting list?

Unfortunately not :(

Alibaba sketches world's 'fastest' 'open-source' RISC-V processor yet: 16 cores, 64-bit, 2.5GHz, 12nm, out-of-order exec

Woza
Boffin

Re: Security vs Out-Of-Order

Note: most of the recent security issues recently (Spectre, et al) are down to _speculative execution_, which is different to out-of-order execution. In OoO, the processor is free to re-order instructions which do not share a data dependency. If it needs to compute x = a + b and y = c + d, then it can do either one first. So if c and d are in registers, say, while b needs to wait for the result of a previous computation, the cpu can compute y first and x later, even if the code provided by the compiler has x first, then y.

For speculative execution, the cpu will execute instructions which may or may not actually be required. If the code it's running contains something like 'q = p * r; if ( q < 17 ){ w = *k + 2}' then speculative execution allows the cpu to guess that q will be less than 17 and push on with computing w. It might do this if the calculation of 'q' is taking a long time - perhaps 'r' is the result of a previous computation, or 'p' needs to be loaded from RAM (rather than cache). If, when 'q' is known, it turns out to be 19, then the computation results for w are thrown away. Part of the whole meltdown problem was that the memory access *k by the speculative execution logic was done without appropriate permissions checks, and even though the result of the access was not visible to the program, side-channels (like timing or cache population) _were_ visible and able to be exploited.

At least, that's how I remember it, but it's been years since I've studied computer architecture stuff.

Boris Johnson's promise of full fibre in the UK by 2025 is pie in the sky

Woza
WTF?

£275,000-a-year weekly column

wtf did I just read?

Woza
Megaphone

Re: FTTP?

0. Bring out your dead! <clang!>

Icon: in lieu of a bell.

Facebook: The future is private! So private, we designed some handy new fingercams for y'all!

Woza
WTF?

Talk about reality distortion

'And they even describe a hand motion that "causes an advertisement to be presented in the live broadcast."'

In what kind of world view is this seen as a benefit worth touting to potential users?

Now that's just offal: Heap of pig guts hog road after truck spills load in Kansas City

Woza
Thumb Up

Well written!

Thank you, I needed that, it's been a pig of a day.

BOFH: What's Near Field Implementation? Oh, you'll see. Turn left here

Woza
Thumb Up

Blackadder reference?

Nice one!

Bollocks or brutal truth: Do smart-mobes make us grow skull horns? We take a closer look at boffins' startling claims

Woza
Joke

Re: "Well, I keep my phone in my front pocket. And yes......"

So Trump is actually Maxwell Smart?

PowerPoint to start telling you that your presentation is bad and you should feel bad

Woza

Re: - Thou shalt not use the words "going forward"

Also "Thou shalt not touch base".

After years of listening, we've heard not a single peep out of any aliens, say boffins. You think you can do better? OK, here's 1PB of signals

Woza
Joke

"only if the source appears to move in the sky."

Filtering out GSVs, then?!

Honey, hive had it with this drone: Couple lived for years with thousands of bees in bedroom wall

Woza
Gimp

This article

should have been written by Sarah Bee

Jocasta? Jocasta! Don't ram that trolley into the man: New tech promises an end to this scenario

Woza
Joke

Re: But... But... But...

To complement the shin guards, how about a rule that says every trolley must be attached to the responsible adult with a 1m bungee cord. That would ensure the consequences end up where they belong!

The peelable, foldable phone has become the great white whale of tech

Woza
Joke

Re: So nobody spotted it?

Sounds like a simple fix - we just need to improve the people using it, and the phone will work perfectly!

Either that, or this a cunning way for Samsung to create a market for an add-on device which does the folding (perfectly) for you.

(Perhaps I should patent that idea before Apple gets around to it - the iFolder).

Surprising absolutely no one at all, Samsung's folding-screen phones knackered within days

Woza
Pint

Re: At first glance, the $1,980 phone...

Apple: Let's price the iPhone X at $999

Samsung to Apple: Hold my beer...

Town admits 'a poor decision was made' after baseball field set on fire to 'dry' it more quickly

Woza

My cricket club bought 2 of the small (hand-pushed) ones last year - best money we ever spent. It will only pick up surface water, though.

GA'day, mate: Open the plonk, turn up a banger, Visual Studio 2019 is officially here (don't get too excited, Mac devs)

Woza
Mushroom

Auto-complete with common practices?

Oh dear.

Visited the Grand Canyon since 2000? You'll have great photos – and maybe a teensy bit of unwanted radiation

Woza
Headmaster

Re: Mountains.

Given the location, perhaps an inverted saying: making a canyon out of a pothole.

Solder and Lego required: The Register builds glorious Project Alias gizmo to deafen Alexa

Woza
Joke

Re: Waste of a good pi.

2lb lump hammer? That explains why it was down in the garbage bin in 3,000 separate pieces.

No accident, just 1st degree toastercide.

How I got horizontal with a gimp and untangled his cables

Woza
Go

Re: Bent coat-hanger and curtain wire

I have seen a vacuum cleaner being used to suck a line (for later cable pulling) through ducting. My flabber was truly gasted at the speed it achieved.

Tell NASA to grab the margarita mix – a sextillion-kg salty ring found floating in space

Woza

I'd take that report

With a grain of salt.

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