Posts by Jerome

Council fields world's first rubbish-fuelled rubbish truck

Shame

Damn, I had visions of some vaguely steampunk looking contraption, trundling slowly down the street belching flames as it incinerated the rubbish that passers-by threw into its gaping maw. Or something.

Microsoft's Automatic Update - the way to browser competition?

News?

WTF is this? "Guy at Opera believes it'd be really cool if Microsoft were forced to screw themselves over". No shit.

In other news, I believe Paris should come to my house and blow me. Film at 11.

Mobile broadband or WiFi? You betcha

Must it be either / or?

I have a limited need for internet while on the move, but it always annoyed me that I couldn't get it on the occasions I've needed it. What I wanted was pay as you go, but all the deals that claim to be PAYG are nothing of the sort. I've ended up going with Virgin's offer - a fiver a month, albeit for only 1GB.

It remains to be seen what kind of speed I can get out of it, however. I've heard vastly varying reports, but no-one claiming it's at all consistent. If only all the wifi providers would band together and offer a "broadband anywhere" service, with wifi in conjunction with mobile broadband for ubiquitous coverage. Surely that's the way the market will go in the end?

Third-gen Apple iPhone in development?

Awesome

Perhaps this version will have advanced features such as MMS messaging, video recording, a camera from this century, and a battery that can last out the day?

Seriously though, it can hardly come as a surprise that there's a new version in development. Every phone company needs to bring out a new model at least every year or so, to convince people they need to upgrade and continue to pay their ridiculous contract costs. Apple is no exception to this rule.

'Bart Simpson' punts Church of Scientology

I'm still confused

"The Simpsons does not, and never has, endorsed any religion, philosophy or system of beliefs any more profound than Butterfinger bars."

Okay, but do they endorse Scientology or not?

Carbonite nabbed with hand in review jar

Who's up next?

This is going to be just like government data losses, isn't it? It's something that's been going on for years, it happens all the time, and the more cynical among us have always known it. Now that it's starting to come to light, there's going to be a whole load of companies being found out, and it'll become another "meh, whatever" item in the news. It'll soon be all forgotten again, and we can go back to business as usual.

Tories put toes on Linux bandwagon

Great idea!

"Would the disastrous National Programme for IT, currently spending £12.7bn, work better with 120 separate project managers and specs?"

Yes, of course it bloody would! That would mean NPfIT had about one tenth the number of specs, and about one hundredth the number of project managers, that is does currently. This would undoubtedly cause the whole thing to go considerably more smoothly - so much so that we might even get around to smoothly abandoning the whole thing in 2013, a couple of years ahead of schedule.

Apple awarded iPhone patent

"Video"?

Does this mean that Apple may one day release a phone which can not only take digital photographs, but also shoot video footage, all on the same device? Does the innovation of these men from Cupertino know no bounds?

Thank goodness their brilliance has been rewarded by this timely patent, such that other companies can no longer unfairly compete with Apple by, say, releasing a touch-screen device with any kind of decent user interface.

User-generated reviews - blessing or bull?

Hoist by his own Bayard

"we can only assume that said employee - identified by Engadget as bizdev rep Michael Bayard - has either joined the growing ranks of the unemployed or is now on a very short lease"

Why would you assume that? If there was the slightest chance they'd fired his ass over this, they would have wasted no time in telling us so. Quite why they haven't, and why they think they can get away with that, is a total mystery to me.

"As Ichinose says, 'The community self-polices themselves'"

Always better than self-policing someone else entirely.

Nokia N79 smartphone

Trade-off

"The trade-off is with internal memory."

It is? They shaved 3mm off the height of the phone by leaving out 20Mb of the internal memory? Amazing.

Obama insists on FOI

@ Lee Dowling

That's all very nice that the Americans have Obama, and the Londoners have (ahem) Boris Johnson. However, for those of us who live in neither the USA nor London, who would you suggest I vote for at the next U.K. general election in order to get some of this new political integrity for myself?

Yeah, right

"a new era in government accountability"?

This is the guy who had the musicians miming at his inauguration? I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

Acer intros 10in Aspire One netbook

Bigger != better

Sorry, I have to say it again... Acer's one and only contribution to their netbook for the new year is to make it a bit bigger, heavier and less portable? I'll be sticking with my nice slimline Aspire One, at least until the new tablet-style Eees appear - thank goodness Asus is trying to be a bit more innovative this year.

Ubuntu's Shuttleworth praises Windows 7, welcomes fight

Acer Aspire One

@ the anon coward who had so much trouble with Ubuntu on his Aspire One: I too have an XP version of the Aspire One, and I installed exactly the same version of Ubuntu on it (in a dual boot setup with XP). I had no trouble whatsoever - everything worked perfectly out of the box, wireless, sound etc. Very odd indeed.

Acer to phase out 8.9in Aspire One netbook?

Doubtful

They create what's arguably the best netbook available, and now they're supposedly going to abandon it? Seems unlikely to me, unless they're *trying* to give the market to the Samsung NC10.

"the 10in screen size, hard drive and Windows XP, will become the de facto netbook form-factor in 2009"

Not for me it won't, that extra pointless inch of size makes all the difference between a netbook and a "small laptop". You can argue over the relative benefits of XP vs Linux or HD vs SSD all day, but there's no point making the whole device bigger and bulkier unless you're going to increase the screen resolution to go along with it.

German engineers punt 'open source' OLED-clad car

Translation

“visionary and courageous” - a marketing term meaning "unspeakably ridiculous".

Hastings junkie hotspots pop up on Google Maps

Viva Espana!

Any reason why you're directing us towards the Spanish version of Google Maps? Do they get a lot of Spanish tourists in Hastings inquiring after directions to the local smack-head hot-spots?

Supremes defend American net smut (yet again)

Re: Reg headline gets it wrong again.

> >Please define "smut" ... G'wan, I dare you.

> That video I saw of your mother?

You saw that one too eh Sarah? Who would've thought a woman of such advanced years could be so... flexible?

Goat hangs self in Canadian zoo

Enrichment toy?

The phrase "enrichment toy" sounds vaguely sinister to me. Now if you'll excuse me, there's research to be done, on the goats who are still alive.

Acer's 10in Aspire One spied on web

The point is...?

Can anyone tell me the point of the 10 inch netbook format? I thought these machines were supposed to be ultra-portable. Even my current Aspire One is at the upper limit of what I'd call a netbook; I was tempted to go for a cute little Eee instead.

So why make the machine even bigger? Why not just buy a notebook and be done with it? Perhaps if you got a few hundred extra pixels of horizontal resolution I'd be tempted. As it is, maybe it'll be useful to those with bad eyesight?

Aussie air zealot savages prêt-à-porter stealth fighter

Interesting article...

...but "third rate nations"? That's a touch judgmental, don't you think?

Forget Google rationing: Only lighting farts can save the planet

BBC coverage

The BBC News page covering this was hilariously stacked with factual inaccuracies and general idiocy, over and above their usual standards - and that's on top of Wissner-Gross's laughably wonky figures. Sadly they managed to cleanse the page of the worst offenders before I'd even had a chance to fire off a vitriolic carbon-guzzling email in their direction.

SSD and HDD capacity goes on embiggening

Oh dear...

Tut tut, fall asleep in school when they covered compound interest did we? ;)

Double your 2021 figures, and that's round about what you get for a 50% increase per year (which, incidentally, I think is an underestimate). So, 4TB memory sticks and 64TB SSDs and HDs all around by 2021. Or not much later than 2015 if you ask me.

It's also interesting that you felt the need to plug the exact same figure into the exact same formula twice (SSD & HD) to work out that we get parity. :)

Nokia coughs to ballooning batteries

Huge battery compartments?

"ballooning to several times their original size, and in some cases to such an extent that the phone case won't close"

The battery is expanding to several times its original size, yet this only prevents the compartment closing "in some cases"? I guess these particular phones must have an enormous amount of empty space in their battery compartment.

Google spins out Chrome 2.0 pre-beta alpha

@ Alistair

"Then you're not the target market"... "Hopefully it'll hack some market share from IE."

I think that's the problem. The geeks are happy with Firefox and a fistful of add-ons. Everyone else is happy clicking on that little blue e in order to "start the internet". Chrome, nice and speedy though it is, seems to be stuck in a middle ground that nobody really cares about.

Plug-ins

I'll try Chrome again the day they add plug-in support.

SanDisk flashes notebook flash

Odd assumption

"The implication of this is that these SSDs won't improve the performance of newer notebook computers"

I don't think that's the implication at all. The implication is that Sandisk are trying to persuade people that it's worth upgrading their current laptops with this technology, instead of shelling out for new ones. The "three year" figure is there only to convince us that even really old laptops are worth saving. It's an inspired marketing tactic, but I can't see it working.

Luckily, as the price of these things continues to drop, they'll end up as standard in notebooks anyway. It surely has to be worth it for the durability and power consumption advantages alone.

Asus demos touchscreen Eee

Worth waiting for?

Looks remarkably similar to the vapourware Gigabyte M912. I spent half of last year waiting for that damn thing to materialise, before finally giving in and buying an Acer Aspire One.

If this thing actually appears any time soon, isn't too much more expensive than other netbooks, and features built-in 3G, this is my next machine for sure.

BT cuts 0870 charges

Damn right

"BT said the changes would cost it "tens of millions" of pounds"

Aww, poor BT. Why don't they just pass on these costs to the companies who have these numbers? I don't understand how a company can get away with charging me to talk to them about something they've done wrong. It's funny how the Sales line is always a freephone number though, isn't it?

Apple unveils 17in MacBook, iLife tweaks, Tony Bennett

re jai

Let that be a lesson to you, El Reg - I hope you're suitably embarissed.

A crack in the madness of clouds

Ewwww

"data-as-an-answer"

Is 2009 the year of "x-as-a-y"? Is this phrase going to be this year's "x 2.0"? For the love of god, must we leverage this going forward?

Twitter's veracity chewed up by Britney's four-foot vagina

scampaigns?

Come on, own up - you're just trying to make up words ready for 2009's list of the most annoying neologisms.

Ofcom warns telcos over hidden customer penalties

Free phones!

Does this mean that every time a company offers a "free" mobile phone, they have to point out the cumulative cost over the lifetime of the contract, even when it's about a grand?

Market watcher heralds 'Age of the Notebook'

Netbooks?

Are netbooks included in these figures? Apparently 5.6m netbooks were shifted in Q3 this year; that's a significant chunk of total notebook sales. If anything, I'm surprised the netbooks didn't make up a larger percentage. When you can have a computer that's actually portable enough to carry around, while still doing everything you really need, and pay half the price of a normal notebook for the privilege, what's not to love?

Transit agency to work with hackers who found vulns

CharlieCard?

Seriously? You couldn't make this shit up.

Middle Earth says hi to Sony's new Vaio

Double touchscreen?

The double touchscreen thing, if it turns out to be true, would be a huge shame. The advantage of a touchscreen is ditching the keyboard, so the device can be ultra-slimline and lightweight (see the iPhone). The advantage of a physical keyboard is that you can actually type on it at speed (see the Blackberry). The advantage of two touchscreens and no keyboard is... er, the worst of both worlds?

Europe-wide emergency number is go

The Europe of Results

"The number was introduced in 1991"

Wow, 17 years to introduce a phone number. See how the Europe of results can help people?

Any clouds in your sky?

@ Henry Wertz

At the risk of sounding like a Google shill, the whole beauty of AppEngine is that you don't have to set up specific VMs, it's all handled transparently. As for Python, support for other languages is currently in the pipeline. I think the Amazon setup is probably more mature at this stage, having been around for a bit longer, but my money's definitely on Google in the long run.

Google AppEngine

I've been playing with Google's AppEngine for a while, on my own time rather than for work purposes. I had a couple of projects I wanted to try and get online, and AppEngine is (in typical Google style) free until your page gets popular, so I couldn't resist having a bit of a play.

I'm pretty impressed with the platform. The tutorials are good, and there's a decent community to help out with queries. I managed to get a simple test page online within an hour, even while trying to wrap my head around Python (which I'd never used before).

The database architecture is probably the most interesting aspect, it pretends to be SQL-like in syntax but under the bonnet it's very different. You have to unlearn everything you know about relational database design in order to create something that will scale past a few users.

I do share other posters' qualms about putting my data in "the cloud". I wouldn't trust business critical systems to it until Google backs it up with a solid service level agreement. But for a beta service it's pretty damn reliable, and the team always responds quickly to issues.

Overall, I really like the concept, and Google seems to do it well (although I've never tried the competition). I hate the term "cloud computing" though - it's just web hosting that scales automatically, no fancy name required, but I guess it's too late to put that genie back in the bottle.

Microsoft Surface helps Earth stand still

New Title

The Day the Earth Blue-Screened?

Telegraph.co.uk succumbs to typo irony

Astonishing

On the plus side, this is the first Register article I've ever read without a typo in it. I expect you had to proof-read it several times, just to be sure you weren't contributing further to the irony quota.

Memset CEO gets female biz-leaders' award from IBM

Unbelievable

I was expecting some comments like these too, but I thought they'd be mixed at least 50/50 with well-wishers. This reflects pretty damned poorly on the Reg readership. FWIW, congratulations on the award Kate, and thanks for everything you're doing for women in the industry.

Fraunhofer boffins: Laser printers safe after all

suicidal baccophile nihilists

I demand you re-open the neologisms poll immediately, and add this classy epithet as an option. I almost wish I hadn't give up my baccophilia, so I could still describe myself as such.

Microsoft Live Search goes Kumo?

Trademark

I'm no lawyer, but wouldn't this Dascar guy have to be operating a search engine under the Kumo name for his trademark to mean anything?

What if computers went back to the '70s too?

Big iRon

"They bought the biggest iron they could afford, and installed giant mainframes (with roughly the power of a modern iPhone)"

In those days you had to rent someone else's computer, but you could run whatever software you liked on it. Now you have an iPhone in your pocket, but you need Steve Jobs' permission to so much as install an app.

Climate Bill scores a fail in economics

Funny as hell!

That was a great article, made me laugh no end. Now, what are we really going to do about climate change? Oh wait, you were serious?

Our country is 93rd out of 141 countries for energy efficiency, and 77th for its greenhouse gas emissions. We live in a society built on consumerism. Our government is doing its best to convince us we can dig ourselves out of the current economic hole by buying even more crap that we don't need.

But somehow we've already done everything we need to do to combat climate change, and now we can sit back and relax. Well, that's a relief. Cheers Tim!

Oz bill-dodgers nailed on Facebook

Rubbish

I hate to be the "where's the IT angle" guy, but isn't the Facebook bit totally irrelevant? At the end of the day, the culprit was fingered by a waitress, and turned out to work just around the corner. Restaurant manager adds oh-so-exciting Facebook element to the story, free publicity ensues.

No cheap Blu-ray players for Blighty this Xmas

Simple

So, let me get this straight: SD says shortages in BD (which is HD not SD) are due to HD-DVD (which is HD, but also BS) and PS3 (which has BD).

The mobile operators' Three Ring Trick

Three ring trick?

"SpinVox, Zyb, Blue Book or Gypsii" - admit it, you just made those up.

I'm disappointed, I thought this article was going to be about that trick where you call someone for a couple of rings without them picking up, because you're a tight bastard. I guess that's not so widespread these days, now everyone's happy to shell out £30 a month for a crapload of minutes they never use, so long as they get a "free" new handset every 18 months with a music player and camera that they never use.

Yes! It's the USB Toaster!

Empty box?

What sort of c*nt would buy someone this? It'd be bad enough to receive something as unbelievably lame as a USB toaster, but at least it would be sort of funny. Opening the box to find you've not actually got anything at all, however... well, I can't imagine many people seeing the funny side.

Also, this has to beat HP's record for excessive packaging.