Posts by Damian Gabriel Moran

UK.gov to spend hundreds of millions on snooping silo

come back Guy Fawkes

we forgive you

Fart-lighting youth in petrol can mishap

@madra

no, having listened to Jasper Carrott from a young age I learned the potential hazards of setting light to a fart without ever having to try it myself!

Blighty's electro-supercar 2.0 uncloaked today

@Booty Inspector

No i want mine to sound like a TIE Fighter!

Qinetiq ships first 'Transformer' war-droid

one quick lightning bolt....

and it will be crying "INPUT!"

Retailers risk libel nightmare over 'no-work' database

maybe 2000AD had it right

when Judge Death reasoned "All crime is committed by the living, therefore life must be a crime"

Get ready for Labour to deem you guilty!

Extreme porn bill gets final reading

to (kind of) quote Bill Hicks

"Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours (the governments) what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I f***, what I take into my body - as long as I do not (without their consent) harm another human being on this planet!

And for those of you out there who are having a little moral dilemma in your head about this, I'll answer it for you. It's none of your f****** business!"

BT's secret Phorm trials open door to corporate eavesdropping

so I can set myself up as a business

and then intercept people's web traffic and the government/authorities will not do a thing? Sweet!

But hang on, wasn't there a bit of a fight to hear what MP's are claiming on expenses and yet my spending habits can be up for grabs without my consent?

Funny how it seems to be okay for one and not another

IHTFP

NZ man uses hedgehog as ninja star

oh well

won't be long before hedgehogs are banned in this country then!

UK.gov will force paedophiles to register email addresses

@glyn

"Not saying that being gay is the same as being a paedophile, but it's the closest equivalent"

i know a few gay people that would not take kindly to that kind of thinking

The Baying of the Hounds

so if the myth is to be believed

anyone with large denomination bank notes will be sniffed and snarled at

as the wise Mr Hicks used to say...

“Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem a little unnatural? To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a mistake. You know what I mean? It’s like God, on the seventh day, looking down on his creation:

‘There it is, my creation, perfect and holy in all ways. Now, I can rest …’

Oh my me! I left f*cking pot everywhere. I never should have smoked that joint on the third day. Sh*t. That was the day I created possums. If I leave pot everywhere, that’s going to give humans the impression they’re supposed to use it. Now I have to create Republicans!”

Only Ubuntu left standing, as Flash vuln fells Vista in Pwn2Own hacking contest

@Steven Pepperell

funny, I cannot get El Reg on my underarm deodorant

ROM POM POM!

the one that whiffs like the perfume counter at Boots

BT and Phorm secretly tracked 18,000 customers in 2006

not being a legal bod...

can BT customers demand to know (via freedom of information?) if they were within the trial that was not a trial but actually was and if they were can they then take legal action against BT and Phorm using RIPA as their consent was not given?

Famous Five film lined up

ah but not a patch on The Comic Strip's

five go mad on mescaline

Endeavour accompanied by Rocket Man

as long as...

it is the Shatner rendition!

Brown: Jack Bauer spook horde to tackle terrorism

no you misheard him...

they are counting terrorist units. "One terrorist, HA HA HA! Two terrorists, HA HA HA! oh is that it? Shall we start again?"

Online banking payment system aims to reduce fraud

don't worry

Phorm will protect you from phishing! (note the previous statement may contain sarcasm)

UK postal vote system 'not fit for purpose'

electoral system not fit for purpose...

never mind, neither are those that look to be elected!

Tom Cruise does splits in birthday boogie vid

look at all the coke on the tables

granted it is the fizzy drink version

MPs get £2k home cinema on taxpayers

oh so that is where my taxes go!

I am not in the best of moods today, feeling quite belligerent and this is not helping!!!

32nd Carry On film is go

i once heard

that the Dalai Lama laughs like Sid James

US woman spends two years on boyfriend's toilet

Aaaaaarghhhh!

imagine the pins and needles after two years

US, UK and friends have cyber-war party

don't worry...

Phorm will save us!

NZ charidee cybersquatter fears burning in Hell

extortioners eh?

its not looking good for the tax man then!

How Phorm plans to tap your internet connection

back again

I wonder if Virgin Media's cock up a few months back when a lot of us were left without internet access for about a day has anything to do with this. Before the blackout I used to get 4 or 5 items of spam in my inbox per day, it now averages about 150

oh no I have become a conspiracy theorist!

i am attempting to leave virgin right now

funnily enough i have been listening to the loud holding music and the repeated "Please continue to hold the line and your call..." message for 25 minutes now. A reflection of people leaving or merely a tacic to p*ss off people wishing to quit so they hang up and put it off for another time?

I am looking forward to the sales numpty as I imagine they will not have a clue what i am talking about when i mention Phorm

Vote now for your fave sci-fi movie quote

okay back again

Ghostbusters 2 has to be summed up with

"Next week on world of the psychic, hairless pets. Weird"

Starship Troopers got my vote, just because "They sucked his brains out" has a cheese factor of 10

hang on

if we are going to want a Time Bandits quote then surely it should be...

"God isn't interested in technology. He cares nothing for the microchip or the silicon revolution. Look how he spends his time, forty-three species of parrots! Nipples for men!"

however, for that ultimate sci-fi quote you cannot go wrong with Split Second

Dick Durkin: We need to get bigger guns. BIG F*CKING GUNS!

Dick Durkin: I don't think this thing thinks it's Satan, I think this thing IS Satan.

Stone: Well Satan is in deep shit.

Sun will swallow Earth: Official

I can see the headlines now

"Phew what a Scorcher!"

I myself will be sith lording it up in a galaxy far, far away by then, having studied the force at the jedi academy in Surrey, I fell to the darkside the day I was born

swirly flowing robes, with the mittens on string through the sleeves

Confidential Home Office data turns up in laptop on eBay

we should ask the home office to provide the key

or the plain text of the contents of the disk and if not then they can go to jail!

NASA reveals Moon's rugged south pole

difficulty with landing on the terrain?

pah, I used to score top marks when playing Lander so if they want me to do it for them I will be more than happy!

Terminator Salvation is go for May 2009 release

the real paradox being...

when are they going to come up with something new instead of rehashing the same things over and over

I am waiting for Hollywood to start looking at childrens tv from the uk circa 1970's I can see it now

"He was a cat on the edge, and only Emily loved him. Bagpuss the Movie!"

or perhaps "Pirates of the Caribbean 4 - Pugwash"

AI prof: The robot terrorists are coming! Aiee!

@Adam Foxton

"Squeezing it all down to the size of Summer Glau might be a problem though!"

well i am more than happy to squeeze Summer Glau in order to get the proportions

cool...

but wasn't that pretty much the plot to Runaway with Tom Selleck?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088024/

heat seeking bullets here we come!

Public don't want internet filters, MS tells MPs

will cars be next?

because they are dangerous in the wrong hands and yet we do not ban people from using them until after they have harmed another, and yet where is the government investigation to decide whether or not to ban everyone from driving just because some people are irresponsible?

everyday I am reminded of how crappy it seems to be in this country. I look forward to my departure

Jedi to open Surrey academy

the kind of people that think a lightsabre...

has half the calories!

thank you robot chicken

old style snorkel with my mittens on string

Diners in 'suck my d**k' bill outrage

that's what you get...

for asking the waiter if he has dough balls, and when they arrive asking him if he has a knob of butter!

cheque please!

Eugene Kaspersky and the KGB man that never was

a nummkullpudgeaghalftoomtch

what's the matter Neil, don't you read the guardian?

Jane Fonda c-word slip shocks US

well thanks to The Dangerous Brothers

we all know that the rudest thing you can say on television is "Bloody Big Jobs" so at least she did not cross that line

Armed police swoop on MP3-packing mechanic

a gun...

with headphones attached? Maybe the lady thought they were built in ear defenders.

Internet s&x auction ends in pregnancy, legal feud

children are smart

because I do not know one child with a job and kids.

More videogames to face censor scrutiny

what next

Government to ban sticks because children with an imagination might pick one up and go "pow pow pow" in mimicry of a gun? ***i know most children do not say pow pow pow but you try typing that eh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh sound they do make and not look like a script for beavis and butt-head***

Perhaps I should dig out my old yo-yo and use it for its invented purpose, will they ban them then? I bit my tongue once when chewing gum, will that be next on the list?

I remember the hoo-hah about video nasties back in the late 70's / 80's and as a youngster back then I was of the opinion that it is not the images that are seen but the person watching them that is the problem and I think the same now with video games (amongst other things)

In an attempt to finish on a lighter note, I think issues like this should be settled with a good old fashioned Counter Strike match, us against the namby-pambies and the winner gets to decide policy

my coat because i wish to leave

Polaroid to close instant film plants

at least

it was not on your hard drive

UK teen is world's youngest certified ethical hacker (maybe)

You know experience counts, I know experience counts...

but tell that to the HR departments that solidly believe a piece of paper saying you can do something is more important than years spent actually doing it.

Sky broadband customers blindsided by SMTP switch-off

@anonymous

well my advice is do not switch to virgin media!!

US navy-v-dolphins judge says Bush can't overrule her

just out of curiosity

who do america view as a naval threat these days? Does China have a fleet of subs? North Korea? I thought Russia was an ally now, and their silent catepillar drive was detectable way back in 1984! ;-)

and on an unrelated topic Intergalactic Proton-Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids!

Thais rate rat 'better than chicken'

I am not amanfrommars

but...

Intergalactic proton-powered electrical tentacled advertising driods!

yes that seems removed enough from the subject matter (where is he anyway, i've not seen a post for a while?)

by the way I have eaten rat and it is okay

Microhoo! marriage hits Google salaries hard

shares?

some of us get paid peanuts

FCC unveils NudeTube

why is it the religious types....

that want to remove sex from tv. surely they realise that god created that arse so how can it be wrong. doesn't the bible also say something about being fruitful and multiplying?

Bill Hicks - the antidote to all those silly types

NASA to beam Beatles song into deep space

"Send more Chuck Berry!"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voyager_Golden_Record

Parent power pulls Woolworth's 'Lolita' kiddies' bed

bed, luxury!

there were fifteen of us on thinnest edge of razorblade when I were lad and we thought ourselves lucky!