Posts by Chris Goodchild

Bubbly billygoat-bursting boffinry brouhaha at MoD

Deep goat!

I had a couple of goats once, but not both at the same time and only with consent. One of them used to go down but never came up fizzy to my knowledge.

Also do these goats wear rubber suits? I would like to be told!

A private view of Phoenix and Mars

SUV

In the event that oil is discovered on mars, it should lead on logically to the next phase of exploration which is currently being discussed. i.e. a manned mission!

just think we could send a team of Ford Explorers with mini cracking plants to manufacture their own fuel and go off-roading all over the planet emitting polluting exhaust fumes in a first step to give mars an earth like atmosphere.

Of course the whole thing could be underwritten to some degree by Ford who would be able to put millions into it as an advertising campaign for the explorer as the first SUV in space and write off the cost against tax.

Terminator will be back in 2009

Paris Hilton the heroine!

Ooh look! a liquid memory metal, vibrator with artificial inteligence. Wish I could have some.

US study says Taser cattleprod guns are safe

Training

In the article, it mentions giving tasers to untrained cops and that is where the troubles will start. Untraine cops will simply be given guidelines for the use of tasers and if they are only required to follow guidelines, they wont.

If they are given good training they will at least have some idea of the conditions and reasons requiring the use of a taser. Of course a fair number of cops will still abuse the thing, it's in the nature of people not just cops to apply their personal standards to their work thinking that they know better. But with cops having had formal training there is at least the chance for anyone laying charges against them for unreasonable or illegal use against themselves to have comparisons applied in court based on the training and the actual situation to determine if there is a case to answer on the part of the police.

I know that when anyone gets a new toy they usually can't wait to try it out and I'm sure the fuzz are no different so anything that can help to make them accountable for any abuse is a good thing.

Terror police lock down Soho to smoke out 9lbs of chillis

Reccy 1st

It is normal in military circles in a tactical situation when the enemy is suspected to be mounting some kind of threat, to make an initial reconnaissance in order to gauge the level of the threat and to have some idea of just what you are getting yourself into. Maybe the specially trained fuzz should undergo some BASIC training with the army before they are allowed to bugger about in a busy city like London. I wonder how much their knee jerk response cost the tax payers?

Blokey atmos drives women away from sci/tech

Constants?

How come social psychology is classed as a science? I was under the impression that scientific endeavours use constants as part of the process, the only thing in psychology that's constant is the huge number of words used to describe the simplest thing and usually based on an assumption. It may be a discipline but its not a science.

Incidently I would be delighted to employ women in the construction industry, if they can do the job, why not?

Science and religion collide for galactic conference

Science..

is according to the definition in word web:- Research into questions posed by scientific theories and hypotheses. That research is carried out by testing, experimenting and observing. Having done that, proof of of anything is NOT assumed but a conclusion is made that based on the testing, experimentation and observation of those tests and experiments it is conclude that X will tend to happen each time a given action occurs. Science is about looking into actions and their reactions. When a force of X is applied to an object Y in a particular direction Y will TEND to move in that direction. When Y has moved in that direction and it's movement has been measured and analysed then those results can be called a Fact nothing else can.

As far as Religion is concerned it is a much more personal thing and is a matter of FAITH for the individual concerned. Different religions vary enormously as to how rigorously their followers must comply with their tenets and the degree of belief in the various followers varies enormously too. To the world at large it doesn't matter a damn whether or not an individual is a believer or not and it shouldn't matter to anyone else either, unless that believer is trying to force their beliefs on you or are persecutiong you for not agreeing with those beliefs.

Beliefs, whether scientific or religious are down to each individual and each individual is entitled to them, it's one of the reasons why we fought WW2.

As far as the Vatican is concerned, it's a multi-national institution with 500 million customers to keep happy. They have to show interest in the sciences it is just good business sense to do so. Personally I am surprised at the lack of overt interaction coming from an all merciful, all seeing ,omnipotent god. When you look at the level of fuck up occuring on a relatively recently created 6000 yr old planet. Famine, AIDS,nuclear proliferation, crappy politics and millions of god's subjects being tortured starved and otherwise abused by despots all over the planet. If I had made it and then had to suffer the people on the planet murdering my son in a very grusome manner by now I would probably intervene. but then I'm not god.

Pentagon claims missile-defence success

Defence?

Defence may be one of the reasons for son of star wars but I doubt it is the main reason just as Iraq and bin Laden are only secondary to the war on terror. what it is really all about is money, money for defence contractors. The worst thing ever to happen to a large chunk of US industry was the end of the cold war so new threats had to be recognised and if too small, hyped and spun into something to justify GW giving healthy research grants and contracts to his buddies. Son of star wars doesn't have to work, it just has to keep defence contractors in lucrative business and indications definately are good.

Almost all CCTV systems are illegal, says expert

@ recommendations anyone

You might like to try something an enterprising farmer once used on his LandRover. An electric fence unit connected to the body work, they are not expensive and are quite amusing when some oik attempts to tamper with your car. Unfortunately they are not lethal, just give a sharp shock also unfortunately the old bill are not too keen on such things as legally it is considered `Setting a trap´

Would-be politician fails in Yahoo! and Ask.com lawsuit

Politician named `sue´

I have always been under the impression that any aspiring politician would want to try to present an appealing public face, one that makes people think , `this is a good person and has a good agenda, I would like to vote for him´.

However, nowadays it seems each time a disgruntled politician fails in an attempt to get elected, pass a bill,get a leg over etc, they want to sue someone out of spite just to get a little of their own back.

What happened to gutsy people who took setbacks and everything else in their stride and presented a strong self sufficient face to the public? the world is full of woossy people who depend on suing everyone at the drop of a hat to try and get their own petulant way, no wonder less and less voters vote, there is no-one worth voting for!

Mystery radio bursts from the depths of the universe

Hardly a big bang?

If you get your stopwatch out and time the next H bomb test , it will certainly have finished along with you and your watch in less than 5ms. Also to still be at a detectable level at a distance of 3 billion light years means it was a respectable bang.

IBM helps Chicago keep an eye on its citizens

Allo allo allo wot's all this then?

A commonly touted reason for the proliferation of increasing surveillance technology is that it helps to reduce crime and frees the copper on the street to concentrate on more important things ( coffee? doughnuts? harrassing motorists? chasing joyriding kids to the detriment of pedestrians?). So , the question is, how many cops would 1000 cameras and the involvement of IBM actually pay for? Or how many bobbies would would all the public surveillance cameras and gatsos provide us with in the UK? Even if they just drove around in Panda cars the way they used to at least there would be some kind of approachable police pesence on the streets in stead of an inscrutable camera up a pole.

So, what's the first rule of Reg Club?

Seriously...

Even if the comment you are posting is serious don't take it too seriously, it can seriously damage your health (mental) including your teeth/dentistry to take yourself too seriously. If you are seriously serious about the seriousness of your comment, post it on a serious blog not on El Reg which is seriously tongue in cheek most of the time and should be, seriously!

LAPD patrol cars to get sticky-GPS-tracker cannon?

Zap!

The manufacturers of Star chase having gone to all the trouble of creating a laser guided delivery system could make the LA cops a lot happier by linking it to a vehicle mounted Taser. All cops like Tasers, they are fun toys and can you imagine the zap with a car sized battery behind it?

Fire a couple of harpoons into the bodywork attached to jumper cables and you could stop the car with a zap of few million volts thereby eliminating the need to indulge in needless and dangerous car chases.

Boffins offer explanation for meteorite sickness

Probe.

I really don't think it is possible to arrive at a conclusive diagnosis of the health problems caused by this `meteorite´without conducting exhaustive anal probing, it's the only thing these people respond to.

EC competition commissioner slams US dissing

@ B Shubin

You said it all in both your comments.Nice one er two

Police watchdog urges use of data recorders

Control

Anything that helps to control the controllers gets my vote. Not all police officers are dickheads but there are enough of them that think they have the god given right to get away with murder ( sometimes literally) just because they are cops.

Obviously, as someone else has already said, split second decisions are sometimes required. However, where an action could result in the deaths or injury of innocent members of the public there is usually enough time for a little sensible thinking, it's not as if chasing offenders in cars is dependent on split second reactions. I am sure our cops in the UK do the same as in the states where they maintain a running commentary during a chase so that other officers can respond and attempt to cut off any getaway. Collateral damage is not acceptable in civilian situations in Britain.

Come celebrate the web...

Bull

This is an example of why I live in Spain. Over here they only torment and Torture bulls to death every half hour on a Sunday afternoon in bullfighting season

Nobel-winning boffin slams ISS, manned spaceflight

It's all science.

And all science no matter how apparently useless it seems today will eventually pay off for humanity. Even if manned spaceflight only proves that we need to develop inrtialess flight and anti gravity it will provide work for physicists like Wienberg who play with exotic bits and pieces at the edge of human knowledge.

any way I loved every minute of the apollo flights on TV, I like all the robotic stuff on Mars et al ( I have a qualification in robotics so i would like them) and I find almost all other science interesting particularly physics or engineering related.

Wienberg needs to stop whining.

Maddy: TV torture for the ADD generation

What?

Some of the article I agree wholeheartedly and some of it I don't but the bit that amazed me was the remark about big brother. Real people? Real life? Crap!

The wannabe famous morons in big brother are hollow shells operated by the programme producers and directors. the only real thing about them is their patent artificiality.

German web host to go carbon neutral

Take a deep breath???

Sooo, These morons in the process of their working dat are not even goin to breathe out?

Sounds like Bollocks to me!!

Brussels deploys Galileo rescue plan

I'll have two of those then

2.4Bn€ That's less than the cost of three millenium domes. Hopefully it will be functional for a little longer though.

Pretty cheap if you ask me!

Bioethics group raises DNA database concerns

Totalitarian

The UK is rapidly heading toward a totalitarian state for no better reason than the fact that it can. Dna is for the most part only circumstantial evidence in the majority of cases. The fact that scales of your skin, saliva, hair etc is found at a crime scene indicates only that, somehow bits of you were present at the scene. In many cases without further supporting evidence it is not proof that you were actually there in person only that parts of you were. It should be the job then of the police and forensic techs to provide sufficient other proof to show that you defintately were there.

Unfortunately the police in the UK appear to take any DNA evidence as enough proof to put the indivual whose DNA it is, in the position of having to prove their innocence.

Obviously in the case of rape, where evidence can be in a place that demonstrates a virtual certainty of the evidential provider having been there in person,it is reasonable to at minimum interview that person BUT under British law that person is STILL innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.

The government of the UK and it's police seem to have forgotten that.

Britain is on it's way to something way bayond a nanny state unless you consider a nanny like the one in `The Hand That Rocks The Cradle´

Let's just hope this review has an effect, just don't hold your breath

Galileo scepticism rife even in Brussels

Tight grip?

Leaving aside all the military, technical and political aspects, it is a certain fact that without at least the threat of the inception of a European satnav system the Yanks will eventually realise that they have a secure and tight grip on Europe's short and curlys. Having realised that, they will make us pay through our noses simply because they can. Don't forget, the free world is only free if it is not beholden to the US.

Great British fry-up under threat

Hand outs? Insurance?

Most real farmers as opposed to corporate agricultural industry managers, are over fifty five and there are almost no young new blood incomers to farming. Why ? It must be that they are all ethically opposed to the vast amount of hand outs and cash that the farmers are recieving.

In reality in modern farming, one farmer needs over four hundred acres ( sod the French hectare) to operateas a viable financial operation and my information is a couple of years out of date, it could well be worse than that by now. Farmers in the UK at least are the most governed( and badly at that) industry in Europe.Every thing they do is controlled by euro regs and pieces of paper, the last time I talked to a farmer he reckoned that 60% of his working year was taken up by paper work! The margins they operate on are yearly thinner and thinner. And as for insurance, I take it the joker that suggested that is a broker. What are the chances do you think for economically insuring against bad weather affecting your crops or foot and mouth stiking down your girlfreind?

Sod robots, send people into space: report

Inspiration?

Amongst other problems on this planet there is the fact that there are no more `inspiring ´frontiers. In the nineteenth century most of the world was a mystery to most people, now it is all visible on Google world, the TV,newspapers( though their view of the world is generally suspect), in short the kind of challenges that existed for our forebears have all been conquered. Most of the exploration left to us on Earth is at the bottom of the sea or in terms of research to solve one problem or another.The notion of `going where no man has gone before´whilst easy to take the piss out of is what fueled a huge amount of discoverys that in their turn led to advances for the whole human race. For example, a great many of the herbal remedies used by the American Indians are now part of everyday medicines and of great value to every body. If Columbus/Eric the Red et al hadn't had the drive to go out there, then some one else would have. Going to see what is over the next hill is what makes humanity progressive and forward looking. Think about why extreme sports have evolved? to fill a need in man's psyche, there are no challenges left that involve going there so people have found other outlets for their drive. at our current level of technology space is the logical next step. What ever the cost!

Not governments. Scientists!

The authors of the report according to the article were scientists at Oxford not the UK gov. Members of the government and the civil service don't even know what space is, most of them would regard space as a handy spot on their desk to put a cup of tea.

As far as manned missions go, I am all for anything that gets people in general and the British in particular interested in ANY science, it would make a nice change to hear the average brit discussing a scientific event rather than the latest development on Big Brother or their favourite soap and perhaps it would help to stimulate interest in the sciences amongst school kids and subsequently produce a few more scientists.

Also as others before me have said, an actual human being on the spot is worth any number of robots separated from their operators by millions of miles and huge time lags in comms.

Kung fu monks battle gobby net ninja

Miyamoto Musashi

The above mentioned Miyamoto Musashi was a ronin as mentioned since he was a samurai without a master, He did fight with two swords, one a katana and the other his `companion´sword known as a wakizashi which was shorter.

As far as ninja are concerned, only in recent times do they have any degree of respectability as originally they were assassins and spies. They achieved most things through stealth and trickery, used poisons and even women for assassinations. Not something considered honourable in Japanese society. They were however extremely good at what they did and very professional. Also innovative in their approach, something the samurai were not, as everything the samurai did was based on pretty rigid traditions.

The Shaolin although trained in most weapons tended to fight unarmed or with the staff ( bo ) .

Pentagon puts $44m into handheld translators

Xenophobic

Americans abroad always seem to be somewhat xenophobic and generally are even worse than the English at learning foreign languages, so the phraseolator is a real gift for them.

Can you imagine a 6 foot plus marine in a flack jacket with an M16 complete with grenade launcher, pistol in his belt and assorted grenades hanging off his webbing, turning mirrored sunglasses toward you and pointing a thing that looks amazingly like a stun gun with Stephen Hawking's voice telling you to get off the street buddy in Arabic, winning many hearts and minds? Yeah they are over doing the lunches!

Tidal power project fails to start on schedule

Insulation

To the guy who mentioned insulating homes, you obviously don't live in one or you need to pay attention. If you talk to any builder of new homes, an extension or loft conversion company or almost any one else, they will tell you just how difficult it is to keep up with the ever changing regs for home insulation. Also the gov are going round sticking 15cms or more of insulation into the lofts of OAPs in an effort to eventually get out of having to pay them a cold weather supplement. Insulation and making homes more energy efficient is definately part of the answer but certainly not the whole of it. ALL alternative energy sources are worth investigating and considering even if only to disprove some of them as non-viable. During world war II the most incredible and unlikely things were looked at and considered and it is amazing how many of them paid dividends.

DARPA looking to kickstart raygun tech

Misfire?

Misfire or mis-aim, I don't think the chances of accidentally hitting a coms sat is too high. However, what are the chances of laserfire skipping off a thermal inversion layer the way mirages do and then remaining strong enough to do damage elsewhere?

As far as LCs go ,I had samples from Ciba-Geigy in the late sixties for looking into the possibilities of colour TV screens. Unfortunately I never persevered with it.

Warner Bros to remake Enter the Dragon

unanimous

I applaud you all, every comment against a remake, which could never come close to equalling the first with or without CGI, stunt wires etc, technology will never be able to duplicate the charisma of Bruce Lee or any other star in great first time around movies.

Streaking star leaves sweeping tail in its wake

Baah! Bumhug!

Determining sheep speed is a tricky thing depending on a number of variables; a grazing sheep barely manages 1 mile an hour, whereas sheep running together on one man and his dog will typically hit about ten miles an hour. Sheep in full flight from a wolf or a green wellied townie's dog can make twenty miles an hour plus but the fastest sheep are Welsh and to be seen on Friday nights avoiding the amorous advances of drunken, viagra snorting locals, to escape them, the sheep have to achieve twentyfive miles an hour plus as the locals hunt them on bicycles.

An inconvenient update

Beating the bush

Reading some of the comments above leave me a little confused as to the writer's orientation as regards global warming. Personally from the evidence in general it appears to me that humanity is at least partially responsible for a general warm up of the planet. The main point is however, not that Mr Bush and us Hummer owners are responsible or not for global warming but that it is happening whatever the cause. So anything we as a `civilisation´do to reduce our contributions towards the warm up is a good thing. As far as the initial part of my comment goes could everyone stop beating about the bush and just say if they think it's bollocks or not.

A-Level figures hint at physics recovery

Basic essentials

Physics supplies the basic essentials for most human endeavours, from building a house to answering the question, why? There is no aspect of life that is not touched by physics and having an understanding of it helps to improve the quality of life bit by bit on a daily basis and it will be physics that will provide the solution to global warming, even if it's only an argument with a large asteroid.

Deceased Malayan hit with $218 trillion mobile bill

Undead

This is simply more proof that accountants are demon members of the legions of the undead. Evidently part of the process of becoming an undead accountant leads to total removal of all vestiges of imagination and sense of humour.

The great Passenger Name Record sell out

1984!!! That's nothing!

As others have mentioned before, George Orwell didn't know he was writing a manual for 21st century government. What he didn't realise also was that his notions of control fell so far short of the real possibilities that the technologies of the future(his) would provide.

What is so worrying about our governments is that they are so keen to develop IT as fast as possible almost entirely for the regulation of their own citizens. Since it is by far Europeans and Americans that will form the majority of passengers to come under the scrutiny of this agreement. Additionally to the possibilities of spying on us by our gov's is the likelyhood of this info' ending up in the hands of such people as insurance companies and banks etc, people who never have the individual's wellbeing at heart, only their own profits. It's coming up to revolution time, the tourble is we Brits don't have any guns to fight with and I don't think a rolled up newspaper is going to do the job

Earth will feel the heat from 2009: climate boffins

Ah, well....

Don't worry, two years is plenty of time to come up with a reason why the forecast is not quite accurate. Remember. An expert is someone who, before the event can tell you exactly what is going to happen and why. After the event he will be able to tell you exactly why it didn't happen.

Shooting stars to dazzle in September...

tt

tyt

Perseids

On the night of the twelfth get a six pack and stay up till the wee hours before dawn and look toward the east .

Project Hostile Intent plans 'non-invasive' DHS brainscan

Understanding

Since when did the Israelis understand the terrorist threat? They have a great deal of experience of terror and terrorism, having experienced the terror at the hands of Mr Hitler and Mr Stalin and having caused a fair amount of terrorism themselves such as the Star of David Hotel killing a number of people who were trying to help them create their own state. Plus of course they have been extensively bombed by Palestinian terrorists but as far as counter terrorism is concerned they haven't learnt a thing. Rocketing the general area where they believe a Palestinian terrorist or two to be whether it contains civilians, hospital patients or anyone else is not going to win hearts and minds and is not going to defeat terrorism. It is just going to create more martyrs. Similarly, spending vast amounts of money researching ways to piss off airline passengers as some one else has already commented is not going to defeat terrorists it just helps to underline the fact that they have already to some degree won by making the US et al throw money around pointlessly in knee jerk reaction to each and every new and perceived threat that comes along..

Sunspots make the world hot and wet

hot stuff

The amount of extra energy required to make the difference between a rise of 2.3 and 4.1 centigrade is vast and what exactly is the connection between atmospheric carbon and rainfall? Am I missing something?

Also I seem to remember reading somewhere that an AVERAGE GLOBAL increase in temperature of 4degrees celsius would result in about 60% of all plant species dying out. Not to mention humongous rises in sea level . Who needs humans to screw up the planet?

Home Office pops open ID procurement porkbarrel

Yep!

I absolutely agree with Andy, Though I no longer live in the UK.

One other thought , Is anyone giving odds on how long it will be, once there is a UK ID card before someone can clone/copy or fake them? The bigger and more complicated the challenge the more likely someone will rise to it.

Is AV product testing corrupt?

Peer

Undoubtedly the best influence to decide which AV or any other housekeeping/security product to use is peer recommendation. Your mates have no financial axe to grind when they recommend an AV or Anti-spyware product, whereas almost everybody else has. Even the likes of Which magazine, when recommending domestic products is so busy with the vast selection of goods it tries to test, it uses teams of people who are not really qualified to test the product they receive, it's a question of ecnomics.In the IT industry the testers need to be on some kind of speaking terms with producers of the products to test, nothing to test no business, economics. Much as I dislike rules and regulations there is a need for an international regulatory body with teeth to help raise standards and maintain them, the internet is now a fundamental part of world socio-economic culture and needs something to help maintain standards in a similar way to to the envisaged role of the UN.

Pentagon chief: no more oil for blood, man

Zap!

Perhaps the USAF should have a good look around at some of the recycling technologies they already have in the US. There is a company called Global Resource Corp that zaps plastics and things like old tyres in a large microwave to produce a high calorific content diesel and a good percentage of pure carbon black (soot). Shortly we could see America processing the Springfield tyre fire to propell their airforce whilst spreading the the sooty by product on their allotments.

Fist-sized monkey flies from Florida to New York

Security lapse

I am extremely concerned about such a severe lapse in security. This monkey could have been an extreme muslim fundamentalist terrorist loaded with binary explosive. we should all be much more alert to these insidious fundamentalist primates or they will murder us in our beds!!

Biometrics tackle immigration abuse

Say again?

To the chap whose comment is entitled `Can't have cake and eat it´please could you reiterate. I am English and resident in Spain, my wife is Russian and has been resident in Spain for 6 years, does that make it easier or more difficult for her to travel to the UK?

Websites could be required to retain visitor info

Caution!

I must caution you that anything you say, may say, might have said, did say, are thinking of saying, could have said or didn't say will be recorded and used in evidence against you. George Orwell he don't know nuffin!

We'll never get alien telly, says Zagreb boffin

Aliens

If the drivel, soaps and other content free Tv I occasionally watch is anything to go by, there is no need to look beyond this planet for alien broadcasts. Big brother, Corry and the rubbish I get on my spanish Tv is all the proof you need to know that aliens are here and destroying earthlings minds even as you read this. Oh! What's that bright light outside the window? Hey don't point that thing at m.. AAARRRGGHH!!!

Maths might tell us how kids learn language

Bilingual

Children in the language learning spurt stage are able to assimilate two or three languages equally as well as one. I live and work in Spain where a number of my aquaintances are members of mixed nationality marriages. Their children are frequently learning combinations of, for example:- Spanish, Catalan Spanish ( in Ibiza and Mallorca the schools only teach in the regional language), Russian and English. I am in my fifties, have been here five years and speak Spanish less well than a four year old, but I do always beat them in playground fights!