Posts by Eponymous Bastard

Microsoft admits slim staff and broken automation contributed to Azure outage

"slim" staff?

Are they fat-shaming now at Redmond?

Larry Ellison a major contributor to Blair Institute vaccine database plan

Prick

To paraphrase the comedy genius that is Harry Enfield . . .

Blair, Ellison - look like pricks, sounds like pricks - must be pricks.

Could have substituted that with the initialisms There We Are Now, or Can't Understand New Technology.

These pricks deny democracy with their own brand of tyranny. Ironically Edward Heath was disparaging about οι πoλλοι having much of a clue about anything too but he was pretty wet.

My father, who was a member of the Goldfish Club courtesy of a little incident in August 1942 over the Mediterranean, used to opine that we would go "the same way as the Romans".

He was wrong; at least the Romans had fun whilst enjoying unparalleled decadence.

Modest Apple talks up these 'incredible' advances in iOS

Amazing

"Amazing" was the word uttered by the self-checkout supervisor at my local Tesco this week when I presented them with the receipt to prove that I had "actually" paid for a bottle of vodka which required the security cap to be removed to avoid the potential embarrassment of the store's security guard from apprehending me as I left the store and the alarm sounded.

I was like well relieved innit.

Logitech, iFixit to offer parts to stop folks binning their computer mouse

3D printable parts

As 3D printers become more advanced, reliable and easier to use it would be wonderful to think that more companies embrace the kind of thing that Edelkrone does with this

https://edelkrone.com/products/flextilt-head-3d

I expect there are other companies out there which offer download of stl files for printing but I've not come across any recently. Where I work a couple of us "design" replacement parts for things to keep them going. Things like battery covers, knobs and buttons etc. get broken or get lost and render equipment unusable without a little extruded piece of PLA!

Think of the great PR glow in which a company could bathe if it announced self-printable replacement parts.

I'll get my knitted trunks for a paddle.

Meta's Zuckerberg paid $27M in 'other' compensation for 2022

Philanthropy?

Well let's hope the little cunt dies happy / soon.

He could do so much good with that kind of wonga - maybe he does in a Smashie & Nicey kinda way mate . . .

Then again look at Gates. He had the potential to be a great philanthropist but all he does is buy / encourage / promote misinformed climate change mumbo jumbo clickbait opportunities with the main stream media cunts who will happily fellate the fuck out of him in exchange for his stinking $$$. No better than that prick Musk firing fucking rockets all over the shop, digging fucking tunnels, smoking dope; dickhead.

I'll get my coat because it's fucking cold again here on the peninsula, but that's just the weather innit.

Intel pours Raptor Lake chips into latest NUC Mini PC line

Re: Digital signage? WTF?

Can vouch for that!

Running really old Raspberry Pi 2s - they take SD card - yeah full size SD cards. These have run plugged into a variety of TV screens scattered around the building and have done for many years. They're powered off the USB port in the back of the TV and boot when the TV is turned on and get shutdown brutally when the TV gets turned off. This "system" has proved remarkably resilient. I was running it via a published Google Slides show but opted for creating a LAMP on a Pi3 last year and using a nice little Wordpress slideshow. I found Chromium struggled on the old Pis as it became more bloated and sometimes Google Slides screwed me. The Pis still use Midori; and BTW they're on an internal network and run in a not-for-profit business so their security is pretty robust.

The whole exercise has been a great learning experience for me. A NUC would definitely be overkill for basic jpg slides IMO.

Microsoft promises it's made Teams less confusing and resource hungry

Teams fucks computers

During the shite era that was lockdown Teams fucked my previous Dell laptop. Every time I was forced into some hideous, pointless seemingly never ending "meeting" with colleagues and my former feckless line manager when the buzzword was "content" the poor machine suffered an asthma attack. My colleagues laughed every time as they could hear it struggling for breath. When it died I got a "newer" Dell which still hyperventilates when doing anything "collaborative" in Teams.

Teams is just another fucking tool to monitor our "performance".

Once upon a time there was just Outlook and endless streams of shite into which one was cc'd . . .

I'll get my aquascutum as it's wet here in the Duchy.

Gone in 120 seconds: Tesla Model 3 child's play for hackers

Disgruntled employee

= hacker's friend = joint winner?

I'll get my teflon outerwear.

GoDaddy joins the dots and realizes it's been under attack for three years

Purple helmet

I'll get my coat.

Most Londoners would quit before they give up working from home

Sharing a space with ignorant selfish people

I wish I could work from home although I hated it during the fucking incarceration.

I share an office with a selfish cunt who speaks loudly to his wife on the 'phone almost every 30 minutes, and eats crisps with his mouth open.

Another eats stinky food at his desk, snorts phlegm and then coughs without covering his face and slurps every fucking drink.

I bought noise cancelling ear buds for work and enjoy Groove Salad but need stink cancelling nose buds.

I might have to retire early even though I'm only 60 and I won't get my state pension until 2029 . . . : (

BTW I am very aware of my own failings but I do buy coffee, biscuits and doughnuts for my colleagues because I can and hope that it somehow, maybe ameliorates my grumpiness.

I'll get my coat, the production of which produced absolutely 0% CO₂ of course.

EU infrastructure risk project to address potential climate, 'resource' shortage catastrophes

Ugh

The usual virtue signalling woke wank which the world media controlled by Apple, Google, Microsoft and the Musk twat, amongst countless other wealthy autocrats expect us to keep on believing.

I just hope the redemption is painful and slow when the ignorati realise they've been fooled and rebel; well one has to dream innit.

How to track equipped cars via exploitable e-ink platemaker

Hack it!

I'd love to be able to put SMUGCUNT on all the electric car plates whose drivers believe their selfless behaviour is going to save the planet for their spawn.

UK's Guardian newspaper breaks news of ransomware attack on itself

Re: Bar-Stewards

Unaffiliated reporting? Like any other news shit pipe?

UK bans Chinese CCTV cameras on 'sensitive' government sites

From a few years ago . . .

this post springs to mind

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/09/01/video_hams/

Massive energy storage system goes online in UK

This can't happen though can it?

https://www.pv-magazine-australia.com/2021/08/02/fire-at-victorian-big-battery-now-under-control/

I'll get me coat; the Nomex one.

NTT claims it can stop the noise leaking from annoying people's headphones

If only it could silence the shite leaking from . . .

Those screws on the Apple Watch Ultra are a red herring

Stop

Or we could just stop buying shit, especially shit with a fucking apple on it.

Tesla Megapack battery ignites at substation after less than 6 months

Re: Look to Dinorwig

and the resultant methane output from the alimentary canal . . .

Re: Look to Dinorwig

Yes! Golf has to be the biggest waste of agricultural land ever!

Re: Look to Dinorwig

Er, yes, we do and even more so now we're "independent of Europe" . . . in theory . . .

Re: Look to Dinorwig

Am I alone in thinking that the other advantage of offshore wind turbines is that the collateral damage to any avian wildlife will, conveniently, become fish food . . . ?

Uber reels from 'security incident' in which cloud systems seemingly hijacked

Trust?

Why did anyone trust a jumped-up start-up which shafted some more ethical business models, and expect it to have any moral fibre let alone a proper budget for network security? I'll get my coat even though the fresher mornings here in Cornwall only require such protection when the rain falls which has been often of late. That same precipitation helps to dilute the shit that flows into the ocean from South West Water's "treatment works"

Study: How Amazon uses Echo smart speaker conversations to target ads

Re: Bears in a forest

Which is about as absorbent as tracing paper from memory, but hey, it had the word medicated printed on it !

Russia's invasion of Ukraine tears open political rift between cybercriminals

Re: 'enemies of Russia'

Indeed, and well said l_r_f . Call me a cynic, I am often called far worse and delight that I have caused such offence to elicit said response. Is the net zero frenzy driven, at least in part, by those who seek to deny the element of control over fossil fuel production which lies in the Middle East? In the light of Putin's aggression might the same net zero zealots want to consider how we are expected to produce electricity on a dull windless day in December in the UK without some form of energy production which can remain constant. Maybe nucular as a Bush would have described it . . . I'll need my fucking coat soon.

Microsoft gives tablets some love in latest Windows 11 build

Wanker is a very English word isn't it, so hopefully the emoji would be able to leave nobody in any doubt as to its meaning. I enjoy a new gesture whilst driving these days and offended by another driver's behaviour. It involves clenching my fist and moving it away from my mouth as if performing fellatio; but it might appear that I am simply stifling a yawn.

Poor data sharing is holding back the UK court system's pandemic recovery, says National Audit Office

GDPR

Err, doesn't the whole clusterfuck that is GDPR provide the new Berlin Wall to data sharing? No, not because the legislation actually prevents it, although it may well do, but because its interpretation, as loaded a word as "assumption" nowadays, is a fucking minefield.

Tesla slams into reverse, pulls latest beta of Full Self-Driving software from participating car owners

Smokescreen

We might have to wait until the Musk's doobie has been fully pulled to extinguishment . . .

I'll get my gas mask.

UK and chums call out Chinese Ministry of State Security for Hafnium Microsoft Exchange Server attacks

Re: How did they find out it was China?

I imagine that those pointing their fingers have access to rather more sophisticated tools than Whois . . .

I'll get my foil coat to repel the heat which is not uncommon in July in the UK.

What happens when cancel culture meets Adolf Hitler pareidolia? Amazon decides it needs a new app icon

Charlie Chaplin anyone?

I have always maintained that anyone who has a problem with the toothbrush moustache should have a look at the 'tache Charlie Chaplin sported some years before 'dolf got his unterhose in a twist.

'Incorrect software parameter' sends Formula E's Edoardo Mortara to hospital: Brakes' fail-safe system failed

1988 Airbus 320 . . .

Planes crashed.

Brexit freezes 81,000 UK-registered .eu domains – and you've all got three months to get them back

TLDidn't give a fuck

Who cares?

How many "average" web users even bother looking at tlds?

Very few, if any of the media reports of successful phishing exploits are to be believed.

SpaceX Starship blows up on landing, Elon Musk says it's the data that matters and that landed just fine

Dope fiend

Musk is dope fiend who thinks he's above the law and gets away with slander. Why waste your time and $$$ on a prick like that?

UK union pens letter to data watchdog on icky workplace monitoring systems like Microsoft's Productivity Score

Doing a deal with the devil, or maybe Jesus?

I have no doubt that the Redmond retards sold the whole MS clusterfuck of apps, namely Sharepoint, Teams, O365 and OneDrive to cunts like my employer on the basis of insidious monitoring tools being available. I used to get productivity bollocks emails from some centralised shit spammer which told me how much time I had available for collaboration or some other bullshit until I unsubscribed. That was all the time I wasn't sitting at my fucking desk interacting with shit like Teams because I don't sit at my fucking desk all the time staring at Teams you fucktards! The dorks who get paid 6 figure salaries at my workplace probably don't even know how to do a fucking sum in Excel or make a table in Word - although to be fair that is still challenging for those with an IQ of less than 120 and I do work in higher education. They like using Excel with pretty colours though, mainly pastels, nice.

Why did Apple hamstring camera repairs on standard iPhone 12 but leave Pro Max module swappable? asks engineering group

Re: Hang on

Indeed. Until recently Sony was clearly of the opinion that no-one using a smartphone wanted to or needed to shoot raw which was one of the reasons I moved on from my XZ which was excellent in all other respects. No-one really wants to edit a jpg, any more than anyone wants to edit an mp3 or any other compressed i.e. compromised file format. Given that smartphone manufacturers are keen to appeal to photographers by providing manual modes which enable selection of shutter speed and ISO whilst still rather limiting aperture control - I assume because of manufacturing limitations - raw capture should be a given I think.

I'll get my film covered coat.

Putting the d'oh! in Adobe: 'Years of photos' permanently wiped from iPhones, iPads by bad Lightroom app update

It's not funny . . .

LMAO

We Kana believe it! Raspberry Pi Foundation launches Japanese keyboard

Why?

I fail to understand why so much spleen is vented at such a remarkable British computer success story.

It's only an HID ffs.

Cornwall councillor suggests authority paid £2m for Oracle licences that no one used on contract originally worth £4m

This is the Council that has suggested . . .

I quote from a report on the BBC's news website:

A draft version of the Cornwall Economic Recovery and Renewal Plan was presented to the council’s economic growth and development overview and scrutiny committee on Tuesday.

Councillor Richard Robinson said there was "a stamp of Orwellianism that worries me somewhat".

He drew attention to one recommendation which states: “We should not allow a rise in traffic back to levels we had previously, cycling and walking should take precedence.”

Now this would all be fine if there were adequate traffic free routes between the major - and boy they are becoming major - conurbations but there are not and it's unlikely that there can ever be. What impact do these idiots think their ideas about "traffic levels" would have on tourism for example. Many of us living here would love it if the emmets would just fuck off, but many do depend on their patronage for their livelihood.

Cornwall County Council is a shambles and much of my council tax is spunked on pointless "initiatives" so I am not surprised to read this article.

Huawei's latest smartphone for the UK market costs £1,299. And yes, that's without Google apps

Banking?

No Google, no banking apps? TBH they're the most useful things on my Note and I would miss them too much to abandon the "horrors" of the Chocolate Factory. Apple is anathema.

Apple updates iPad Pro with a trackpad, faster processor. Is it a real computer now?

Nah . . .

. . . still Fisher Price.

All that Samsung users found on UK website after weird Find my Mobile push notification was... other people's details

Note9 & Tab S3

Spotted this this morning. Thought I'd stroked something by mistake, dismissed it, forgot about it until I saw this, suffered no involuntary sphincter contraction. Goodnight.

Microsoft Teams starts February with a good, old-fashioned TITSUP*

Sucks

Where I work we're being encouraged to "embrace the modern office" which includes Teams. I fucking loathe it. We've managed without it for years. I hope it stays borked or can be further borked by some little dweeb out there. I don't even want to think about privacy when it comes to all the data Redmond can slurp.

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson moves to shut Parliament

Re: Two-faced hypocritical sacks of human excrement

Well said. Will you marry me?

Zenophobic - vous?

Re: Oh really

And business is not at all selfish?

No, it has ruined most things - sport comes to mind - and is pretty much as divisive as religion without which the world would be a much more harmonious place.

Re: So, to sum up. . .

Well a majority voted to leave and I suspect some of them have bigger fists than the minority who voted to remain. So stick that up your sphincter sed gawk.

Re: So, to sum up. . .

If you believed that slogan then you are an imbecile and should be denied a vote.

Re: So, to sum up. . .

Stand up then you prick!

Re: Benito Jonsolini

Well if you don't like living here with people like me you can fuck off and live in the shit hole that is across the Channel.

On the seventh anniversary of Steve Jobs' death, we give you 7 times he served humanity and acted as an example to others

7 times a cunt

I always thought he was a total cunt. Now I know he was a total cunt. He's a dead cunt; they're the only kind of decent cunt.