* Posts by MooseMonkey

65 publicly visible posts • joined 25 Feb 2011


RAF chief: Our Reaper drones (sorry, SkyGuardians) stand ready to help British councils



These comments are unfortunate, our Armed Services were the last branch of the government that didn’t seem to be run by utter twunts who were just in it for themselves. At one point this year, when the vaccine distribution needed to be done, I was all in favour for the army just taking over for a couple of years.

Pigeon fanciers in a flap over Brexit quarantine flock-up, seek exemption from EU laws


Re: Brexit.

From what I remember, it was the votes from the countryside that pushed Brexit over the line, now all I can hear is farmers moaning, both that they can't get labour and that they have to fill in a million forms to export food. All predicatable, all expected, and I suppose that many "Jonny foreigners" have headed home, so at least the racist element of those who voted for Brexit are happy.

OVH data centre destroyed by fire in Strasbourg – all services unavailable


Re: Who knew data centres were tinder boxes?

I feel that some beancounters may have been involved.

25 years ago, I used to work in large electricity substations, the large indoor ones were all protected by CO2 systems, all mechanical and a right pain in the arse to disengage when you were working in them.

Some beancounter worked out that the CO2 systems cost so much, it would be financially beneficial to take them all out, and if a substation burned it burned.

That bean counter didn't seem to give a shit that it would take over six weeks to rebuild such a big substation, and many electricity customers would be powered off for three or so weeks whilst alternatives were put in place.

Fitness freaks flummoxed as massive global Garmin outage leaves them high and dry for hours


Not really a surprise...

Considering that Garmin users have been subjected to years and years of bad releases to their devices, literally re-imposing bugs fixed two or three releases ago, I'm not surprised that their servers were a little bit open to the bad people. Garmin seem to think that they are a hardware company, and do not understand software as well as they should. I back up all of my garmin activities elsewhere, but it will still be a pain in the ass if all my history is gone from their site.

Smile? Not bloody likely: Day 6 of wobbly services and still no hint to UK online bank's customers about what's actually wrong


Re: Vindicated

I agree, I abandoned Smile just as the "new" website and app was rolled out. I think that was 5 years ago, I too have ended up with Starling, as one of three current accounts of course :-)

Guess who came thiiis close to signing off a €102k annual budget? Austria. Someone omitted 'figures in millions'


My take from this article, politicians aroud the world act like little children. "Hoots of laughter", stupid tweets about the missing zeros. They all seem to be from a breed so far detached from the real world, its no wonder that everyone thinks that they are arrogant idiots. In the business world someone would have mentioned it, had a little laugh "with" the person who made the error and moved on. Childish aresoles all of them, for some reason I would have hoped for better from the Austrians.

European smartphone market rallies but Apple didn't get the memo


Too well made?

I think some of the middle aged iPhones may have been too well made, my iphone 6 looks like new, and is just about to have it's sixth birthday. It almost does all that I want, and absolutely does all that I need. That said, it's on it's way to the great iPhone recycling centre in the sky, as through some drastic overstocking of the iPhone 8, I have secured a deal that would make Apple cry this week. I wouldn't have changed, but the water resistant nature of the iPhone 8 is useful for me when I'm out paddleboarding.

Remember the Uber self-driving car that killed a woman crossing the street? The AI had no clue about jaywalkers


Re: I hope...

I think that yet again Volvo get it... Their new systems in development have cameras etc INSIDE the car to check what the driver is doing. If it looks like the driver is distracted, or nodding off, or drunk, or ill, or just driving like a knob, the car takes over and parks in a safe place. Distracted includes looking at phone, sat nav, pretty lady on the pavement etc.

How bad is Catalina? It's almost Apple Maps bad: MacOS 10.15 pushes Cupertino's low bar for code quality lower still


Re: Funny....

Dashboard gone??? Oh crap, it's taken my six years to start using that!

It's the curious case of the vanishing iPhone sales as Huawei grabs second place off Apple in smartmobe stakes


I can't tell there have been any price cuts, an iPhone 7, 128GB on the Apple UK store, £549!! I'm sure that tech is at least three years old. I am still using my iPhone 6, which I think is 5 and a half years old, but something will break on it eventually, and then I'll have to go elsewhere.

25% of NHS trusts have zilch, zip, zero staff who are versed in security


How easy is it to hack a fax machine anyway?

Expired cert... Really? #O2down meltdown shows we should fear bungles and bugs more than hackers



The only things that melted down more quickly than the O2 network were the O2 customers! I saw no end of "my phone is critical to my business" whinging going on, demands for huge compensation and stories of life changing events.

To that I say, my £100 smartphone has two SIM cards in it, one O2, one EE.

I thank you, good night.

Oi, Elon: You Musk sort out your Autopilot! Tesla loyalists tell of code crashes, near-misses


I solved it..

Got an e-bike.

5.1 update sends Apple's Watch 4 bling spinning into an Infinite Loop of reboot cycles


iideal surely?

I believe that the borked devices only show the apple logo, surely that's what the luvvies want?

Enigma message crack honours pioneering Polish codebreakers


Next years release of official papers will show that Brad Pitt actually broke the code with three tooth picks and a piece of gum. Those papers of course will be released from America.

Time to ditch the Facebook login: If customers' data should be protected, why hand it over to Zuckerberg?


I don't even trust facebook...

... with my facebook login!! What sort of muppet would allow other accesses too?

Fork it! Google fined €4.34bn over Android, has 90 days to behave


If they pay that....

.... I'll eat my hamster

Wearable hybrids prove the bloated smartwatch is one of Silly Valley's biggest mistakes


Er, seemsd to have missed....

Garmin watches and other watches like Fitbit thingies have been ticking along for years with tracking and smart apps. Nice advert for whatever that new thing was though.

Ticketmaster gatecrash: Gig revelers' personal, payment info glimpsed by support site malware



Pop over to the Monzo website they have a full description of the number of times they told ticketmaster about a breech, and the number of times ticketmaster denied it. It's been three months and now they cough... Should be fined out of existence.

The great wearables myth busted: Apps never, ever mattered


Health Benefits of Smart Watch

I'm a long sufferer of illness, but also try to exercise as much as I can. My Garmin smartwatch reads an approximation of my heart rate all day. I can tell two things from my stats..

1) The day before my recurring illness flares up, resting HR increases, which notifies me to ease off abit

2) Recovery heart rate decreases before a flare up too, so if I'm exercising, I know to knock it on the head.

It also tells time, which is slightly useful too.

TSB's middleware nightmare: Execs grilled on Total Sh*tshow at Bank


Re: Talk to the techies

Disaster management 101 - BEFORE taking flak, apologise sincerely and properly, not say "it's fixed over here"

BT pushes ahead with plans to switch off telephone network


No need to worry about 999 calls....

As soon as the emergency services are moved from AIRWAVE to standard mobile networks, they won't be able to be contacted anyway.

Tesla launches electric truck it guarantees won't break for a million miles


Re: Delivery

Cheap publicity for the truck company, order three trucks for $15,000, get $100,000 of advertising...

Out, damned Spot! Amazon emits Echo ball with screen, inevitable ever-listening mic


You lot must have much better lives than me. I have a few echo devices in my home, and I can't think of one thing that has occurred there in the last 12 months that was slightly interesting.

I did have the hallway painted, so there was some paint drying at some point, lets call that the highlight.

Hackers could turn your smart meter into a bomb and blow your family to smithereens – new claim



Please decide how to spell meter / metre and stick with it throughout, one is a measuring device the other is a unit of measure. They are not interchangeable...

Sky: Stuff your quad play – customers want separate bills


Expense dodged, well done

As Sky have no idea how many customers they will get, I'm not surprised they dodged the integration bullet. Mobile billing is surprisingly complex (by design) so would have taken a huge effort.

HERE COMES APPLE with some new sh*t or something


Re: Too early?

They haven't slept since they were last disappointed when their latest iDevice turned up, but they know the next one will make them sexier, richer, thinner and more attractive even to the atoms in the air.

BREAKING NEWS: Apple makes money


Without scorning the Greek people, but aimed at successive Greek governments... You shouldn't pay off someone's debts until they have learned the way not to just rack up another one. It's like those damn consolidation loans, you learn nothing, but then "get off the hook", except this time you've used your house as security on previously un-secured loans!!!

Also slightly apple related... I think they may a mistake with the iPad, they don't self destruct after 23.9 months like the iPhone does... I've lost count of the number of iPad2 and iPad3 my friends use, they just keep going and going. That's why sales are dropping in my mind.

Apple's iOS 9 public beta lands: El Reg pops it on a slab, strokes it up


Re: I hope it fixes the little UI niggles

That's because the criteria is to praise Apple and everyone of it's products without question :-)

5.5in iPhone 6, iWatch hypegasm: What will Apple reveal - BE the rumour


Re: dont care but:


O2 breathes life into Amazon Fire: Mobe to hit Blighty in WEEKS


Re: Even free isn't cheap enough

When I buy a tree book, I read it, if its good maybe twice, then give it away to my neighbours or a charity.

That's why I don't care if Amazon crash or take away titles i've bought, the risk is generally the book I'm reading. Add to that I'm cheap, and mainly read the thousands of free books, the risk is even lower.

Music is different, that's why I buy and back up.

Not everyone who doesn't think the same way as you is an idiot.

Oh, wow. US Secret Service wants a Twitter sarcasm-spotter


Re: Get a smile out of a US customs / immigration staff?

Some "high up" in UK Customs told me they try to be friendly and polite at UK border points, because it helps them catch bad people.

If your "entry guards" are known to be angry, arrogant, power hungry idiots, even the innocent are nervous, sweaty and showing signs of fear. If you are friendly and polite, the person in front of you who's a bit sweaty is the one you want to talk to.

They had several knowledge exchanges with US Customs, and pointed out this simple fact, but they don't get it do they.

I had the misfortune of three hours in the airport in New York, my crime was only having a small rucksac for luggage, so they assumed I was going to not go home again, or had something nasty in my small rucksac. They scanned that rucksac so many times it still glows in the dark. They didn't understand a two day trip to New Yorks doesn't need a huge suitcase.

eBay faces multiple probes into mega-breach


I'm going to try to list all customer data on the UK site now.

Look, pal, it’s YOUR password so it’s YOUR fault that it's gone AWOL



eBay = Twunts

Thats not big, it's not clever, but neither are they anymore.

BT fibre 'availability checker' looks into FAR-OFF FUTURE. Again


Virgin dug up my cable....

Yes, when I moved into my house, the previous owner was on cable, I tried to connect onto it a few years later, they have removed the cable somewhere between the repeater cabinet and my house! FFS, it's like Yorkshire Water digging up the water main when I turn off the tap.

Leaked pics show EMBIGGENED iPhone 6 screen


I need to buy some glasses

I updated my sat nav, my bike computer, my laptop for bigger screens, then realised it was me.

It's EE vs Vodafone: 'How good is my signal' study descends into network bunfight


Most people buy on price....

.. then wonder why there hasn't been investement in coverage or service.

Santa brings Dixons £31m profits as ghost of Comet is laid to rest


No eye contact, a good plan...

As you'll need to keep your eyes on the till, to make sure they aren't signing you up to a support contract for what you are buying, without telling you!!

Did it to me a few years ago, told me it was a warranty. I should have read it, but as it had taken them 45 mins to get the bloody laptop through the till in the first place, I'd lost the will to live. They lost about £2000 a year of custom for that one...

Quid-a-day nosh challenge hack in bullet-hard chickpea drama


you bought bread???

I know it's more difficult in Spain, because my experience is that the UK has much better supermarkets, but buying a loaf of bread for a euro when you are on a restricted budget, madness.

ASDA will sell you 1.5kg of bread flour for 80p, you can make a sour dough starter and have three loaves for the price of one shop bought one. You just need to add a pinch or two of salt, some water and find somewhere to bake it. Again, in Spain, you should be able to build a clay oven and use spare wood lying around :)

Smart metering will disrupt weather forecasts, warns Met Office


All the savings will be spent on....

... benefits for the meter readers who have been made redundant.

Actually, probably not, as the metering will become so complex, we'll need 24/7 support and double the number of people in vans to come out to reboot them.

Windows Vista smart meter anyone?

O2 flogs new GPS mobile-based telecare to sick and elderly


Re: Did you not read the first paragraph of the article?

It was being transmitted by a mobile device, so it just cut out halfw

Don't get 2e2'd: How to survive when your IT supplier goes titsup


Expect the unexpected

I'm not going to mention names, I don' t want them to come and get me. I worked for a large utility that had gone to the effort of having two centres, six miles apart, away from known aircraft routes, fault lines, rivers, volcanos, lay lines and crop circles. They then built their billing machines over in the sites, 100% redundancy of everything, right down to power from different grid supply points (we're talking 400,000V network tracing). As a utility, they billed millions a day at sod all margin, so they needed the cash flow to pay suppliers quickly, we used to talk about 10 days without billing means even the banks would stop lending money.

I was a grad given a project to check the business continuity, what was expected to be another pointless exercise they ran every year to keep the useless grads busy for a month. They were in for a shock, a factory that was halfway between our sites and used to process nothing in particular had changed hands, so I wrote to them asking what they did for business contiuity and if we could learn anything, seemed like something to do in my month to write this report.

The start of paragraph two said it all "As a processor of chemicals who have a statutory 10 mile exclusion zone should there be a confirmed leak......"

Telefonica Germany starts bonking with friends



Try getting rid of cheques before cash.

Engineers are cold and dead inside, research shows


Die non-engineering scum

The whole reason I did solid state optoelectronics engineering degree is to I could make Laser Glasses to kill off all non engineers. b*stard Google have now ruined my fun.

Scientists spin carbon nanotube threads on industrial scale


Re: replace all those copper cables that the metal thieves nick all the time

They won't be after they've burned them to get the copper out...

'Leccy-starved Reg hack: 'How I survive on 1.5kW'


Re: You say "boletín" I say "Part P Certificate"

Absolutley right. I have and electrical engineering degree, was trained by an electricity company to be a distribution engineer (able to work on 240v to 132,000v) and I still have to pay some half assed monkey to check my work.

That wouldn't be so bad, but when I moved into this house, 19 of the 23 light switches weren't wired correctly, and half of the lights in the place ran from a plug fed from the downstairs sockets ringmain. I know the person who lived here before, he doesn't even own a screwdriver and a hammer, so it wasn't him who did it, it was the original builders electrician and the "qualified idiots" that were hired afterwards.

When Part P was proposed, I looked up in the HSE website how many fatalities had been caused by DIY electrical work in the last 5 years, it was something like 3, more people died in Bagel related accidents than that.

Just paper for papers sake..

FAVI smacks your dumb TV with £30 Android SmartStick


Re: Addressing the digital divide?

I'm sure they did, but most of them have closed down now, those that are left rarely open past 3.30 outside of big cities / towns.

So you broke our encrypted files? Ha! They were DOUBLY encrypted



I'm not overly worried about hackers going after my stored personal files, they aren't of any use to the average person. I'm more worried that in the good old US of A, any local sheriff seems to be able to get a court order (or whatever they call them over there) and get all your data on a whim.

My files are hosted in Germany, at least the courts make the security forces turn up before they hand all my files over. The best security of course is the fact my documents are crap, and anyone reading them will implode with boredom.

Apple unveils iPad mini, upgrades its big brother



Ipad Mini

Wifi Only

16GB £269

32GB £349

64GB £429

Wi-Fi + Cellular

16GB £369

32GB £449

64GB £529

I'm waiting to see how much for a 32 GB Nexus 7 3g please...