Posts by MrDamage

Cisco plugs another 'Shadow Brokers' hole

IKEv1 Vulnerability

Does it come with a free set of Allen keys?

/coat

FBI overpaid $999,900 to crack San Bernardino iPhone 5c password

Re: You are missing the point

But at least now the politicians with enough neurons to rub together to form a synapse can counter that claim.

James Conmanmey will have to reach even further up his cloaca and extract a scary figure.

Alleged hacker Lauri Love loses extradition case. Judge: Suicide safeguards in place

Re: Controversial

> "What utter bollocks! This is the utterly moronic shit as, "If you don't want to get raped, don't wear a short skirt."!"

Quick, harness that anti-victim blaming rage and direct your bile towards the car park owners, not to mention the police and motoring associations who support them, for putting up the "Lock it or lose it" signs telling people to lock their vehicles and take all valuables with them if they want to keep them.

iPhone 7's Qualcomm, Intel soap opera dumps a carrier lock-out on us

I just can't understand why my screenwriting career hasn't taken off.

I can. After a brilliant introduction, you started waffling on about technology, instead of feeding your readers the full and juicy salacious details hinted at in the intro.

We don't watch porn for the plot you know.

/coat.

Remote hacker nabs Win10 logins in 'won't-fix' Safe Mode* attack

Re: Security 101:

> "Still trying to piece together how it all came about though."

Because "it just works". Not a bug, but a feature, whether you wanted it or not.

Fanbois iVaporate: Smallest Apple iPhone queues ever

Re: Vacation days..?

> "LOL

This is Australia, we take 'sickies' for this type of lark."

And we often put more work into chucking the sickie, than we would have put into work had we attended.

Best I've done is start the prep work for the sickie a week and a half before the day I wanted to take off.

T-Mobile USA: DON'T install Apple's iOS 10, for the love of God

Re: The curse of 10?

> "I sure hope the Linux kernel goes up to 11."

So do I. I look forward to seeing Mr Torvalds sporting a mullet, handlebar moustache, and wearing a kilt whilst dancing around a miniature Stonehenge.

iPhone 7 first fondle

Now you've done it Simon.

You have admitted, in public, that an El Reg staffer managed to fondle the latest iShiney well before the majority of iZombies.

I fully expect Apple will be trawling through the security footage, printing out your mugshot, and pasting them through every store in Oz, with the caption "Do not serve this man, call security/police immediately to have him removed for blasphemy".

Re: Did you test the audio quality using quality headphones?

Sounds awfully like the iOS7 "waterproofing", which a surprising amount of people actually fell for.

Encryption backdoors? It's an ongoing dialogue, say anti-terror bods

Ongoing Dialogue

Sticking your fingers in your ears and going "LALALALALALALALALALALALALA" is not ongoing dialogue.

Industry experts, technicians, sysadmins, mathematicians, physicists and other learned folk have repeatedly told you that IT IS NOT POSSIBLE to create secure back doors.

Remember how the TSA were the only ones who were supposed to have the master keys to the TSA-approved luggage locks? And what happened with that?

How about Microsoft's "Secure Boot"? What happened to that?

Even if everyone involved in the whole backdoor shenanigans somehow manage to keep schtum and not leak the details of the backdoor, just remember one thing.

Whatever you can make, I (or anyone with sufficient time, curiosity and skill) can reverse engineer.

Trump website server config snafu left interns' CVs exposed

Re: Big difference

And if Trump wins, the rest of the western world will be be swamped by intellectual refugees fleeing from what was once a first-world nation.

Alleged buggy software wrongly flunks wannabe lawyers from bar exam. What happened next won't shock you

They might have

But it wouldn't have helped. That only pops up when the purchaser of the software goes to install it.

The wannabee lawyers would not have seen it, therefore they have fair grounds to sue.

Spam texters fined £30K

Re: Only 50p per message cost!

Then they should start at 50p for the first spam message, £1 for the second, £2 for the third, and double exponentially for each violation.

UK Science Museum will reconsider its 'sexist' brain quiz

Phrenology

With the way some little shits tear through museums, some retro-phrenology would be in order to make it a nice, peaceful environment once more.

Sports doping agency WADA says hackers lifted Olympic athletes' medical records

Re: Keeping Schtum is a Hot Potato No No ..... I'll Say No More, Squire.

That made sense, lacked random capitals, had correct grammar and spelling, and seemed well thought through.

I think amanfromMars1's account has been compromised.

'What this video game needs is actual footage of real gruesome deaths'

Re: Here's an idea, PETA, write your own damn game

@Captain Daft: I came to make the same statement. Have an upvote.

Great British Block-Off: GCHQ floats plan to share its DNS filters

How long?

> Though characterised in press reports as another "Great Firewall," the project appears to be almost entirely focused on catching cyber attacks, rather than gathering intelligence or censoring content.

And given the way Ms May is going, how long before it morphs from protection against cyber attacks, to "protection from the rest of the world, and yourself."?

All hail the Glorious Leader of the DPRUK

UK oversight body tipped to examine phone snooping tech in prisons

Guard: Do I have to ask you to bend over and give me two deep coughs lad?

Con: Nah Guv, not smugglin' nuffink.

*Note 7 proceeds to activate it's undocumented feature*

Guard: Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Tesla to stop killing drivers: Software update beamed to leccy cars

Re: Drone drivers?

As long as we get the "driver cam" view like what we did in the original Carmageddon, i'm all for it.

Can you resist the urge to powerslide through a pedestrian mall just for that "Artistic Style Bonus"?

Just not cricket: Microsoft's big data Googly called No Ball

Re: The third boot note had me laughing

> "* And I also have Henry Kissinger in the hand.

If figuratively all well and good.

If literally, ewwwwwwww.

Forcing Results

> "Notice that football (even in America) doesn't force a winning result in a league structure."

The emotionally stunted players and fans of Rugby League in Australia demanded a "golden point" system (first to score the next point of any sort) to deal with draws in the NRL.

No other sport in Oz does that to my knowledge, as the rest of the sports players and fans have more that enough neurons to understand that sometimes teams can be equally good or equally shite.

Self-stocking internet fridge faces a delivery come down

Re: Drone delivery

Fubar;

A handy substitute when for when the cattleprod is recharging.

Google hover-drones to drop burritos on campus

build a dome

Don't worry. Drumpf will build a dome on top of his wall to prevent aforementioned Mexican dropoffs.

Apple: Crisis? What innovation crisis? BTW, you like our toothbrush?

Re: Ditching the 3.5mm jack

> "No need for FM when you can stream radio online."

Right up until you want to listen to the football commentary while you are live at the game.

Listening to proper FM radio = Live

"Streamed" Radio = 4-5 second delay.

Public masturbation not a crime declares Italy’s top court

Re: The angle

3) It's in the Bootnotes section. Stop complaining about the IT angle of a story that is published in the non-IT section of the website.

Obligatory

I'll just leave this here.

Scientists' sneaky smartphone software steals 3D printer designs

Re: Or...

...with a hammer, applied to the smartphone owner in question.

FTFY

Inside our three-month effort to attend Apple's iPhone 7 launch party

Re: To be banned or not to be banned

> "I'm a proud Windows licker!!!!"

Very good. Now adjust your helmet, and wipe your chin.

Microsoft thought of the children and decided to ban some browsers

Re: Another reason to avoid WIN 10 like the plague!

> take heed that the latest CPU's from intel and AMD will not be supported unless you are using Win 10

ORLY?

But will they allow images of the Fallen Madonna With the Big Boobies to be shown to children?

ABBA-solutely crapulous! Swedish router-maker won't patch gaping hole

Re: kit

They listed the known aFfected models in the article, so nah, we don't have a list.

/sarcasm

What the hex is up with Jupiter's North Pole?

Re: Cipher

819 80085

/coat

Windows 10 now rules the weekend, taking over from Windows 7

because consumers are faster to adopt new code than businesses.

Or in this case, had Win10 forcibly rammed down their throats whether they wanted it or not.

UK nuke warhead builders shift IT gear into public cloud

Facepalm

That is all.

FBI Director wants 'adult conversation' about backdooring encryption

Can we get Mr Torvalds to weigh into the discussion?

I'm sure he won't change Comey's mind, but it will be a fucking entertaining read for sure.

USBee stings air-gapped PCs: Wirelessly leak secrets with a file write

Re: Air-gapped...

Apart from the obvious question raised above about data transfer, what is your answer to the question of "how to control the air gapped system"?

I'm sure all of these "incompetant" sysadmins leave old PS2 keyboards and mice permanently connected to the machines in question.

In case you weren't aware, unplugging and replugging PS2 devices whilst the machine is operational has a decent chance of blowing out the PS2 port.

So it's either leave old hardware permanently connected, or use USB.

Windows passwords leak tip

what do tictactoe, thermonucleur war and microsoft have in common?

The only way to win, is not to play.

Microsoft Outlook.com redecoration delay rumors: THE TRUTH

That's what happens when they repurpose Vista's file copy time algorithm an use it for product updates.

Microsoft can't tell North from South on Bing Maps

Victorian Numberplates

Always used to have the tagline "On the Move"

Looks like people will go to any length to escape the douchester capitol of Australia.

Microsoft promises free terrible coffee every month you use Edge

Where's the coffee?

I see a mention of Starbucks, but what has fetid bilge-water got to do with coffee?

Gawker.com to shut down

shagging his best fried's wife.

She must have had a hot arse then.

McDonald's launches wearable then pulls it after kid feels the burn

fitting

> The chain's counter is that Happy Meal toys are all designed to promote either imaginative or physical play.

Very fitting, given that what they serve takes a lot of imagination to consider it to be "food".

Android Pay now works for paying speeding fines

Re: Sure!

Just wait until they get their own app, which will insist on always needing location services enabled.

That way your phone can both dob you in, and automatically pay for any fines you didn't realise you accrued.

LinkedIn sues 100 information scrapers after technical safeguard fail

Re: I dont have a Linkedin account

> "My assumption is that Linkedin have got permission by some means to search their contacts and then spam anyone who is in the list but not already a victim/member of Linkedin."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You thought LinkedIn asked for permission before slurping your contacts.

It was the reason why I deleted my account years ago. Accidentally clicked on a link in an email they sent me instead of right-click -> copy link location.

Next thing I know, I've logged in, and every single one of my email contacts comes up with LinkedIn asking me if I wanted to ask them to connect with me.

Fuck'em. Fuck'em right in the ear.

New Google vid-call app

Re: Have they solved the Chatroulette problem?

Isn't the knocking sound coming from under the desk of the person trying to make themselves go blind?

Re: Why is this better than Skype?

Why hand over all your details to an amateur in the data slurping game, when you can hand them over to the professionals?

/coat.

SpaceX lands another rocket

Nah

They got sick of losing, and installed an aimbot.

R2D2 actor Kenny Baker dies

Sometimes

The biggest shoes to fill, have been left behind by the smallest of giants.

Farewell Kenny. You will be missed.

Someone in Australia wants server sales hidden from view

I dunno

Do 3 trained monkies equipped with an abacus each count as a server?

Juno shoots 'Marble Movie' of Jupiter

Re: Post-pub nosh

"We are also imaging Jupiter through our methane filter."

So they've borrowed your friends underwear?