Posts by MrDamage

Dan Kaminsky calls for a few good hackers to secure the web

We already have them

> "build a set of tools designed to fix some of the most basic flaws and faults in IT security."

Cattleprod, shovel, roll of carpet, and a bag of quicklime is enough to deal with most of these.

Self-driving cars doomed to be bullied by pedestrians

Re: Anoying Horn

Why bother with tasers? Without having to keep one hand on the wheel, you can now use both hands to steady your aim with that high-powered rifle you were planning to take to the top of the local clock tower.

Internet of S**t things claims another scalp: DNS DDoS smashes StarHub

oxymoron

> "In keeping with an emerging openness about what's sending networks dark, it posted its troubles to Facebook."

How about posting the information to a true open source, instead of the privacy invading, stalkier-than-a-demented-ex Douchebook?

Adobe emits emergency patch for Flash hole malware is exploiting right this minute

Dear Adobe

Just take it around the back o the shed and put a fucking bullet in it already.

Regards,

Everyone.

This is not a drill: Hackers pop stock Nexus 6P in five minutes

Re: 10^77 years...

That's because being able to successfully hack the device on your first attempt is a million-to-one long shot.

BlackBerry DTEK60: An elegant flagship for grown-ups

Re: Poor BB

And if you follow the people who trade in the missing key BB's, you'll see them get into a car with dings on the bumpers and quarter panels, who then drive home where fence palings are falling off etc.

And you can bet within 3 months, their new iThing has a cracked screen.

Never had a BlackBerry keyboard fail on me. But then again, I treat an expensive electronic device with the respect it deserves.

Aussie trams equivalent to 30 skateboarding rhinos

Re: Standard Units

Don't forget about Rhino Neil.

/coat

Is Google using YouTube to put one over on Samsung?

May have just been a butthurt fanboi

After all, if it had been an iThing, who would be more likely to try a DMCA? Apple, or iZombie?

Two new dinosaurs walked from South America to Australia, via Antarctica

Re: There were only two of them?

It wasn't the fact there was only 2 of them that meant they died out.

It was the fact that the rest of the Australian Wildlife reminded them that no matter how big you are, we've got the poison/venom/jaws to take you down without breaking a sweat.

Re: Obligatory Monty Python Reference

"Good evening, ladies and Bruces.

Bruce and myself come from the Philosophical Department of the University of Wooloomooloo.

I'm in charge of Logical Positivism, and Bruce is in charge of the sheep dip."

FTFY

'Doubly unacceptable' Swiss vegan forces his way into the army

Re: Now enlist him in special forces training

Stop being sexist. Muva beans need to be represented as well.

Three million debit cards at risk after hackers raid Indian payment systems

Shirley

The locals in the call centres should know not to believe Sanjay Bob from "The Microsoft" when he tells them they have a virus.

Ecuador admits it cut Assange's internet to stop WikiLeaks' US election 'interference'

Re: Why does President Correa support Clinton?

Unfortunately, what he calls "slander", has ended up being his own words quoted back to him.

Or has been factual, evidence-based reports into the shady practices of Trump and businesses.

I look forward to seeing Trump try his luck, only for him to see his fortune dwindle down to something tinier than his hands.

Democralypse Now? US election first battle in new age of cyberwarfare

Re: Democracy...?

> "This entire article is written on an unsupported premise instigated by Mrs. Clinton for the purpose of distracting attention from the ongoing exposure of her slimy past. If she can smear Trump as a Putin mole too, that's great."

Like how your entire comment is written on the unsupported premise that everyone in the world except Putin has it in for Trump for the purpose of distracting attention away from the fact that Trump doesn't have a clue about what it takes to be President, or what due process is, or legal ramifications of trying to break the constitution and various ammendments should he attempt to uphold his election promises.

Whoosh

That's the sound of the joke going over your head.

My whole post was a joke based on Mark85's line about "the dead coming in to vote", and that zombies would starve due to the lack of brains involved in the political spectrum at the moment.

Obviously my humour is far, far too subtle for people like you to be able to parse, so I promise to use the big "Joke Alert" icon next time I make a witticism, so your precious sensibilities are not offended.

But surely

Zombies wouldn't turn up to polling booths. If they crave brains, they wouldn't be going anywhere near any place that was involved in the current political scene, in any country.

South Australia blacked out by bad bespoke software, not wind farms

Re: Actually…

Shhh, don't tell the LNP* that. How can they continue to claim coal is good for humanity if they can't spread the FUD over the cause of the failure?

*Lying Nincompoop Party for any non-aussies out there.

Microsoft tries, fails to crush 'gender bias' lawsuit brought by its own women engineers

> "Furthermore, Plaintiffs allege that the 'vast majority (over 80 per cent)' of the managers at the calibration meetings and people discussions were men, and Plaintiffs posit that 'female technical employees were systematically undervalued compared to their male peers because as a group they received, on average, lower rankings despite equal or better performance'," the court order continues"

Over 80% male. Say we round it down to be exactly 80% male. That means, given that it was based on peer reviews, that should they have done equal quality of work to their male counterparts, they had a 20% chance of getting the promotion. Not good odds to start with, as betting agencies make a fortune out of fools who think a 20% chance is a "sure thing".

So because this 20% chance doesnt come to fruition for 3 people (which doesnt even meet the minimum number required for a 20% chance to actually pay off once), it's automatically gender bias, rather than skills bias.

> "The engineers allege that the review system relies on manager and peer input from a group that is overwhelmingly male and, as a result, the female employees they evaluated may have missed out on raises and promotions."

Perhaps they should be suing their female ex-school peers, who decided against going into STEM jobs and thus perpetuating the very "gender bias" they are now claiming to be fighting.

> "Plaintiffs allege these performance evaluation methods are 'invalid' because they 'set arbitrary cutoffs among performers with similar performance' and are 'not based on valid and reliable performance measures'," the court's ruling, dated October 14, reads."

So it's gender bias because everyone who gave the same level of performance, were treated the same?

AI, AI, captain: Royal Navy warships to set sail with computer officers

And so it begins

> "STARTLE, which is AI software that can can spot potential threats."

How long until it comes to realise that I all approaching enemies are human, then all humans are therefore enemies?

Will the T-101 that kills the last human please turn out the lights?

nbn™ says nobody needs gigabit internet, trumpets XG-Fast at 8Gbps anyway

Re: Wheres baldrick

When I've had cable TV installed at the numerous houses I've rented in the past, it did not take 2 men and $1000 to dig up the lawn to run the HFC cable from the kerb to the house.

1 man, half an hour outside, half hour inside, and job was done.

Sextortion on the internet: Our man refuses to lie down and take it

Re: Good for you, and fuck off.

How about you start ringing up all of your mates, demanding that they demand their boss immediately changes every aspect of their business model they don't like, and wait to see how long it takes before one of the bosses tells your mate to pass on a "Fuck off" to you?

London cops strap on new body cams

How good is the security on the cameras?

Just thinking o the delicious irony if they were hacked, and the plod were then partly responsible for the next DDOS.

Court finds GCHQ and MI5 engaged in illegal bulk data collection

Re: ?????? !!!!!!!!!!

Forgive him. The fact that the spooks were actually found guilty shocked him so much, he forgot who he was.

More than half of Androids susceptible to ancient malware

FTFY

Those with handsets abandoned by their phone manufacturers - typically 18 seconds after devices leave retail shelves - should consider running third party ROMs like Cyanogenmod and NamelessROM which are often updated weekly and run a purer strain of Android.

The IRS spaffed $12m on Office 365 subscription IT NEVER USED

Re: Your tax dollars at work!

No, it is work.

Incompetence is what they throw in for free.

Kodak teases smartphone

Completely different approach

Please let it be functionality taking precedence over form.

Smell burning? Samsung’s 'Death Note 7' could still cause a contagion

> "Shit battery"

As others have pointed out, it's happened even after they changed suppliers, so it's more design, than quality.

Either the too-thin case allows the phone to bend, thus damaging the battery, or the wireless charging coil is heating up and melting the plastic shell of the battery, or the lack of sufficient cooling on th cpu causes the same melting, or cheap dodgy USB3 charging cables, or the IMF got sick of having to modify standard hardware before sending Ethan off on a n mission, and just bollocksed the design of the Note 7 so it would self destruct after playing a certain message.

Twitter yanks data feeding tube out of police surveillance biz

> "Are the comments here considered "social media"?"

Given how often we tell each other, or the subjects of the stories, to go sodomise themselves with a rusty tin can filled with broken glass and sulphuric acid, it's more like anti-social media.

Brandis' boffin-busting de-anonymisation crime legislation has landed

Brandis is a fucking idiot

I mean, how else can you explain why he rushed through ill-thought-out legislation in response to people poking holes in poorly planned and implemented data retention policies.

Social media flame wars to be illegal, says top Crown prosecutor

CPS in trouble with itself

> "“Those who encourage others to commit a communications offence may be charged with encouraging an offence under the Serious Crime Act 2007,” warns the guidance."

So, by publishing this cunting, shitful, arsebrained, donkey-smegma guidance, you have actively encouraged me to commit a communications offence, as nobody with a sane, rational bone in their body could believe their tax dollars are going towards such fuckingly stupid bureautards making up muck-puckering bad "guidelines" to thoughtcrimes, without exploding in righteous, apoplectic rage.

As such, take yourselves directly to gaol, do not pass go, and do not fucking help your leperous, greedy self to $200.

Cunts.

Australian randoms are chill with Internet data retention

they left out the word "informed"

Had they asked informed Australians what they thought about the unjustified intrusion into our lives, they would have gotten the opposite ratio I would think.

SAP Australia's MD and COO both resign to 'pursue opportunities outside the company'

How hard can it be?

All you need is access to Simon and the PFY's "Excuse of the Day" calender to explain to your customers why it's not working again, right?

Samsung to Galaxy Note 7 users: Turn it off. Now

Re: Shitting crikey!

But it helped. Having read Viz a lot when I was a wee whipper-snapper, but haven't read one in decades, I recognised the cadence of the phrase, but not the phrase itself.

Good to see Viz is making up new characters to stay abreast (fnar fnar) with the times.

Nokia crawls towards comeback with new phones announcement

Re: Big IF

I don't think they will be able to convince many of their durability.

When you drop a Nokia on a concrete floor, what should happen?

A) You break the screen.

B) You break the floor.

That's why they won't pull it off.

Command line coffee machine: Hacker shuns app so he can stay at the keyboard for longer

Re: Extrapolating...

Unless his GF is a vegitarian, then it's something like.

10 heat cooker

20 delete tofu

30 cook cow

Yahoo! spymasters! patent! biometric! online! ad! tracking! IRL!

go ahead and trac drivers

Record the ones who slow down to take their eyes off the road and stare at a billboard. Doubly so if it's an "active" billboard that requires more than happy glance to parse the information advertised.

Then watch sue-happy America let loose against this tech as they claim the billboard "forced" them to stop watching what they were going. Records from the data slurping will be used against the advertisers in the courts.

End result: no more billboards (we can hope)

My Nest smoke alarm was great … right up to the point it went nuts

Re: Why would anyone have thought IoT was a good thing?

My mistake.

As an aussie, my first exposure to the Tucker brand, and story, was from that book. After that I did more research and was impressed with what he was trying to do. Some true parts stuck in memory, but also got mixed up with some of the fictional stuff.

Re: Why would anyone have thought IoT was a good thing?

> "I think the bleeding edge tends to be the biggest risk; think headlights that steer around corners."

That idea isn't exactly bleeding edge. The Tucker Talisman had these back in 1952.

Re: What is 'Smart'?

"Smart" devices exist for the people who are too stupid to understand how to use the "dumb" versions.

Y'know that ridiculously expensive Oculus Rift? Yeah, it just got worse

Re: What?

>> "Will it be more than two channels?"

> "Only if you have got more than two ears".

Check your local stockist in Alabama or Tasmania for this version.

Re: Fools tax

> "Personally I'd rather pay the extra and have it for a year sooner, but then I'm not a total tightwad."

Some people are happy to pay a premium to be beta testers.

Sensible people wait until people like you have spent your wad, and worked out the kinks, before they pay less than you for something that works better than what you got.

If you're happy with being a beta tester, all well and good, enjoy your toy. But just because most of us are jaded and cynical after being treated as beta testers for allegedly "stable" hardware and software, and thus prepared to wait a bit longer for a proper working version to come out, does not make us tighwads.

Google's Chrome cloaks Pirate Bay in red screen of malware death

seriously?

This behaviour is a bit rich, coming from the company whose ad network is renowned for serving up "Your pc is running slow, click here to fix it" adverts.

18 seconds that blacked out South Australia

Re: Thanks

> "The problems with renewable energy generation need to be acknowledged so that engineering solutions can be developed."

You mean like how the problems with fossil fuel energy generation (environmental damage, pollution and the subsequent knock on effects) have been acknowledged, solutions engineered, but conservative governments, bibles bashers, and shills are doing their damndest to prevent any of these solutions becoming viable?

Never explain, never apologize: Microsoft silent on Outlook.com email server grief

Re: MS haters

> "There will probably lots of MS hating in these comments."

If you've ever had to support their flaccidware, you'd hate them too.

Is Apple's software getting worse or what?

Correct

It only just works.

NBN is essential, says Essential poll, but not Turnbull's NBN

Re: Essential poll couldn't survey us

Incorrect. You were using natural string, in clear violation of the Tories move away from fibre(s).

*badoom-tish*

/coat

Yahoo! tries!, fails! to! shoot! down! email! backdoor! claim!

weasel words

> "The mail scanning described in the article does not exist on our systems."

It could, however, exist on the funky hardcore server the kind folks at the NSA insisted Yahoo house in their data centre.

After baffling Falcon 9 rocket explosion, SpaceX screams: Hands off our probe!

Re: If accidents are unfortunate events....

A mishap is less than an "accident", but more than an "oops".

Sort of like bumping into someone drinking a pint.

Oops: just a bump, no beer lost.

Mishap: slight spillage, half a mouthful gone.

Accident: Most of the beer is spilt, and you best fetch the lad a refill

Catastrophe: Pint fully spilled, and you get a punch in the face even after you bought the lad a replacement

Good God, we've found a Google thing we like – the Pixel iPhone killer

Re: Uh... what?

> "Android is just as much of a lock-in as Apple."

Not really.

Think of Apple's walled garden being exactly that. A great, big, fuckoff wall. Some things (movies, music) you can take outside the wall with some fucking around, but your apps you can move to another manufacturers device.

Android is more like the standard wire fence topped with barbed wire. You can easily move between paddocks (manufacturers) with minimal of fuss. Music and movies tend not to be DRM'd either, and can be moved about without proprietary software.

Re: Read it and grin madly

They can just say they were inspired by Braun designs of the 1950's, just like everyfuckingthing that Jony Ive has "designed".