Simon will be *very* happy...
I mean, hasn't the BOfH been doing things remotely to elevators for years?
(In fact, this is precisely where my mind went when I read the article...)
132 posts • joined 22 Feb 2011
New BOFH and a new Dabbsy on the same day?
This is more inspirational that Dabbsy's "Today is your life's tomorrow!" (https://www.theregister.com/2020/10/09/sftw/)
For me anyway...
Those that think the above platitude is the way of the world may end up herding alpaca's in Patagonia, via the Ural Steppes...
"But if you call me out to fix a problem, I'll fix it. If you're the problem..."
Yeah, HR in my current place don't like me wandering around loudly clacking the old Ethernet Crimping Tool...
Summat about cracks about crimping... I'unno...
These were the big, everyone had them phone as we hit Uni / College. (Well the 3210's anyway)
We did notice that the vibrate function on them, when the phone was balanced to stand upright, was enough to propel the phone along a flat-ish table surface at a fair clip.
Being the enterprising students that we were, we were able to set up races between people. The covers gave a livery, and some of us (me) discovered some cheaper, lighter cases as well as what network was quickest to connect to what and kick off the phone.
Made a fair few bevvies out of that knowledge too...
Only bad if FB aren't the ones moving fast and breaking things...
Zuck probably thinks 1984 & Animal Farm are morality tales - but gets the wrong lessons...
Personally, I predict that the 2nd or 3rd posty-iOS 14 update to the app will have hidden code that'll bypass the restrictions and we'll be treated to a replay of the Epic Vs Apple kerfuffle.
Might set a reminder to send an anoni-mouse email to the App Review Teams in a few weeks...
"And whilst it was going on, basically all you had to work with was the phone and the coffee mug..."
If that occurred more than twice to me, my phone would... [checks BOFH excuse server] ...suffer an Unreportable Transmission Override Warning... and be unusable for the day...
"I would suggest a small number may end up being just 1 but they are trying to avoid all the crap landing in one place at the moment."
If they're trying to avoid the midden hitting the windmill for one specific person, then it suggests to me that it may have been an important person.
Not neccessarily a high up one, but more someone who gets a lot of things done, or as we've seen - has some of the Royal Keys...
"Not everyone has a Fitbit, so the data is only useful when considering Fitbit users.
I’ve always used Garmin fitness / sport products so this purchase should have little impact on me."
You could also say:
"Not everyone's house is on fire, so the data is only useful when considering people who's house caught fire.
I’ve always used Hotels so this should have little impact on me."
It may not impact you, but there's a raft of others it will impact. And it may impact you later on, indirectly.
"Equipment needs to know who's boss."
YES! This! A thousand, thousand, thousand times this!
I have to explain to many staff that the reason the machine starts working when I do exactly what they did is because mine was the first hand to touch it and it knows I *will* slap it if it misbehaves.
And if anyone ever starts a Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Computers, they may be subject to a Terrible Accident...
These wouldn't be boxen that would be booted maybe once a week for excel & word classes and never used again, would they?
Full of enough fruit at the time to make the entire computer department jealous?
While the computer classes which needed the processors, RAM, HDD space and GC capabilites were stuggling along on what could be compassionately called "pc's" because they were too far from water to be called anchors and too far from landfill to be called scrap?
If so, we may have attended similar colleges...
More of a "try not to incite a violent mob at work".
As I said, it was probably one of the steps to BOfH-hood... :D
(Steps on a non-greased, well lit stairwell, with plenty of CCTV that IT can't access. Learn your lessons well, to enable you to get away with it easier...)
To paraphrase the yanks a little:
"If you open, they will whinge..."
I was once, for my sins, one of those minumum wage wonks. Way back in the late 90's early 00's, for the chain wot is the subject of the article.
The tills at the time were DOS 6.22 based and the DB machine in the backroom that communicated with head office for prices & promos & barcodes ran Win3.11. Siemens PC's. Decent spec for the day, if I recall.
This was sometime circa 99/2000, so not the immense risk it would be today.
The fun story I have of that time was around the turn of the milleniumiumium... Literally!
New Years Eve 1999. I was working the checkout in the Off Licence with 2 others. We had queues just for the off licence stretching the ENTIRE length of the store - and back. This was in Ireland, so the Off Licence area had to be semi segregated from normal shopping, due to laws. This was also a branch in an affluent part of the town, so not your normal regulars...
From the technical side of things, the Powers tHat Be had decided to segregate the portions of the DB that dealt with alchohol from those that dealt with normal groceries.
So someone couldn't pay for wine & beer at normal checkouts and groceries at the licensed ones. Remember this, it'll be important in a bit...
Back to yon story!
New Years 1999! Queues out the wazoo!
I'm on the middle till, the busiest of the 3 tills there. Out of nowhere, in the face of very impatient people queuing to pay for social lubrication, this lovely* lady storms up with a basket of all groceries, no alcohol.
Said lady slams basket of goodies down in front of 18-ish year old me and began a tirade of abuse directed at me, the directors of the company and anyone around that it was **unacceptable** that she have to wait in line at the tills and ... blah blah blah, imprecations, blah, threats, blah, implications about my parentage, etc.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see our designated assistant manager attempt to become smaller and smaller behind me whiloe attempting to stack shelves quietly.
Attempting to humour said harpy; I attempted to explain that the store was quite busy, apologies, it was New Year's Eve and a new millenium would be starting soon, unless all the computers fscked up, but the particular computer in front of me simply couldn't take her goods, it wasn't "programmed**" to...
Which started another round of abuse. Again, displaying the traits that many now know and fear as "positive reinforcement" (If you're negative to me, I'll be positive to you. or your right nipple, if the jumper lead will reach...) I swung the screen around, scanned every item in her basket which flashed up big red "ITEM NOT FOUND" along with a klaxxon like sound from the buzzer. (Perhaps that's the evolutionary precursor to 'UNKNOWN ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA'?)
Not satisfied, The Greatest Customer In The World, started another round of painting the air blue.
I now recognise this moment as a step on my path to BOfH-hood, as with manager attempting to become a chameleon and look like a bottle of Huzzar, I sweetly turned to her, after interruping and said:
"I'm sorry; I'm not paid to take your abuse. There's a manager there [points back with thumb] if you'd like to complain."
She grabbed her basket and turned away. I don't recall what she muttered, but I do recall I probably rubbed salt, vinegar, lemon and chilli into the wound by shouting "Next!!" as she turned.
I have it on reliable evidence that that anecdote had made it into a "What not to do in these situations" for a few years.
I'm quite proud of that...
*she wasn't in the slightest...
**"programmed to do it" was a great term, even back then, to explain stuff to non-users...
Icon because of her reaction...
Nah, same technique the gents wot dun threaten us wif the dirty vids they claim to have taken use.
Throw some plausible & google-able terms at non-techs to up the sense of urgency.
In fact, the entire episode could be used to illustrate how these plonkers fall for these scams!
Blindingly great episode though! I was in audible laughter in the office here.
Thank $deity that theres no one else here.
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