* Posts by Ooo-wait-BUT!

41 posts • joined 10 Feb 2011

George Lucas defeated by Stormtrooper helmet man


use the force, not lawyers

Naughty George... that's hadly the spirit of the Jedi Way is it?

Pharmacy spam disguised as Google+ invites

Paris Hilton

think of the cheeeeldren

What this does do, in a roundabout kind of a way, is confirm once more that, regardless of one's security investments, regardless of intent, regardless of the innovative ways the likes of 'netNanny' and ilk claim to make the internet a safe place for children... it simply isn't. It isn't and it cannot be made so.

The proof... is in the fact that people clicked that link THINKING they were heading to G+ and went 'somewhere else'. Once you are diverted from your intended destination just once... you are effectively admitting that, but for the grace of Godo, you'd be sitting in front of a picture of donkey pr0n with no control over your hard drive.

Paris likes popups :o)

Facebook promises 'awesome' launch next week

Paris Hilton


... time for all the FarceBookers to re-check their security settings then

Does a flash motor make a man more desirable?


Anonymous Coward posted Friday 17th June 2011 12:00 GMT

"I appreciate the attempt at humour, but please don't give up the day job just yet."

I appreciate that you may have found my words moderately amusing. I do try to maintain a level of acceptable entertainment value within the words I write... they were, however, not intended thus. Porsche driver are you?


Soft science makes me gag

By making such a strong distinction between men and women; and insofar as it is men making the car purchase and women making subjective pronouncements based solely on that purchase choice these 'academics' have failed at very significant levels:

Firstly - the sexist clause... this survey was doomed from the word go when it approached the research phase already knowing what result it was looking for;

Secondly - the lack of a decent data pool... was there a representative sample of ethnically rare one-legged single parent lesbians in the survey?

Thirdly - the interpretation of subjective observations: there are two distinct types of women (of the subset of women who are interested solely in men); those who value a man for the person he is (the Civic buyer) and those who fuck for money.

But, it's America... so we can let them off. It's not like they know how to do any REAL science.

Facebook value hits $100bn, to go public in Q1 2012


ah... I see the problem now

In the UK, a 'billion' was always assumed to be 1 million million... 1,000,000,000,000

Globalisation has seen us adopt an American billion... 1,000,000,000

Technology now offers us the Facebook billion... .00

So at todays exchange rate, that values Facebook at roughly $100.00; yup, sounds about right.


Facebook's 'value' is in what it can sell (FB credits)

$100billion? If I took that figure seriously I'd have a double hernia long before I stopped laughing.

Or is that perhaps at _NEXT YEARS_ exchange rate?

Anonymous vows to attack Federal Reserve


the federal reserve?

waste of time that... it's already long since emptied

probrem bankers?

Win8: A beginner's guide to FondleWindows


windows [even release number] (tm)

'nuff said in the title really... I ain't touchin' this with a fekkin bargepole.

Union warns of strike action against HP



Yes indeed my friend, although I would respectfully propose to make the default setting "opt out of outsourcing".

As a prospective HP client I could then be offered the option to opt IN to the 'deliberate outsourcing of my personal and private data to an effectively unregulated and/or unknown foreign location where MY first language is the operators third'. Obviously I would expect there to be a reduction in the level of service available to me but, inextricably linked to that, I should also see an improved financial incentive resulting from this deft avoidance of current UK legislation, safety requirements, insurances, human rights issues, basic living standards, minimum working hours (and indeed age) etc... and since it is ME who will be expected to endure the reduced service and only MY data being put at risk, it should be ME (and ME ALONE) who receives any and all benefits that result from opting in.

End of.

Twitter slaps 'follow' button on third-party sites


excellent news

a formal 'iStalker' app :o)

Biodegradable products are often worse for the planet


Oh looky, that's much better news than I first expected

What a timely collapse of economies round the globe.

I do believe we'll see much more environmental recovery over the next couple of decades... as people starve.

MP headshot sex rating site: Gentlemen prefer Tories



I wonder how popular the site would have been if the purpose of the exercise was changed from "most shaggable" to "most desperately in need of a bullet to the brain"; or better still, from a choice of 2 kill-tools, (eg, baseball bat vs rusty spoon; napalm vs plutonium; steamroller vs uzi9mm ... ) which would you prefer to use on Gordon.

Rumbled benefits cheats offer sensational excuses


of lodger friends

The simple act of investigating someone to assess their private sexual activities vis-a-vie entitlement to 'benefits' is summount to legitimising prostitution where the DSS take on the role of pimp.

The Declaration of Human rights concurs that this might be a probrem.

Google infringes copyright by displaying and linking to news site content


claiming copyrite on 'the truth' ? WTF

Google, in their chosen role as search engine provider [other brands of random suggestion are also available], enable otherwise unknown web-based material to be found. That is all a search engine does. The user enters search criteria, the webpage returns it's best approximation of where you might locate that for which you search; complete with brief synopsis and link (yes, caching is outside this but then, iExplorer [other brands of trojan-like viral software are available] does that on every page it visits). If Google presented the pages as their own work then one would have a case - a bit like when M$ [other brands of disreputable global extortionists are available] presented Google search results as their own.

The only claim that could possibly made against Google _would_ be that of 'plagerism' however, since everything is accurately referenced (follow the inevitable link), that objection is completely unfounded, even in an overzealous Belgian [other nations of total c**k suckers are also available] court.

This post was brought to you by the English language. Each word can be found in "The Dictionary". Am I now to be sued by 'Collins'?

Canadian kid uses supercomputing to cure cystic fibrosis

Thumb Up

I doff my cap at thee squire

Fekkin EXCELLENT research from one so young.

Really buggers up my argument that computers are only good for playing games and watchin pron though... dammit.

Broadband leads to drug abuse, say US boffins


prescription drugs =/ rogue online pharmacies

Which is it?

Real drugs (proper prescription) or the stuff that gets sold from rogue online 'stores'?

...then we can discuss the unrelated and consistent rise in demand for all forms of drugs as it pertains to an increasing population in a global economy with increasingly less disposable income.

Fail... for obvious reasons.

Newly emerged banking Trojan challenges ZeuS-SpyEye duopoly


paraphrasing another shark-related story

... just when you thought it was safe to go back in your overdraft :o)

Pippa Middleton in $5m grumble flick offer


wrong angle entirely

what we have here is simply the porn industry making tentative enquiries as to the potential demand for their 'product' without additional collagen, silicon and botox.

Scrabble friends Facebook, innit


official or not...

my mummy still doesn't let me use c**t, even on a triple word score :o)

Woman with 15 IDs gets 7 years for multiple VAT fraud

Paris Hilton

@ Jim59

yes... stealing from the crown is something VERY different and they NEVER EVER give up. Okay their records are utterly shocking and it would normally take about 5 years being on child benefit before thay noticed... but...

Once a person has bypassed a perceived payment to the crown, that payment remains outstanding against that individual until paid, prisoned or post mortem'd.

Fancy a stiff one?

DARPA, NASA look to spawn STARSHIP enterprise


several hundred thousand dollars of government funding...

... will likely cover the cost of maintaining the "copywrite". The remainder presumably, is to be raised with a new round of pyramid selling.

Way to go, America !

Always thinking with your pockets.

Boffins pull plug on SETI alien-seeking antenna array


ET says:

phew, break out the bubbly :o)

Watchdog sniffs Rihanna's 'gently thrusting buttocks'


what is their problem? (part2)

ankles... OMG I can see ankles - cover them up quickly you hussy.

Pope says gravity proves technology can't supplant God


@Charles re "proof by contradiction"

Thank you sir, you are absolutely correct.

UN promises self-driving intelligent cars

Paris Hilton

United Nations ITC.... OM(f)G NO!

The post is required, and must contain letters.

Actually, dear automated text form, the entire quality content of this post was very neatly injected into the title, without which I was already aware that my post would not be accepted.

This rather neatly demostrates the validity of my post (oops, sorry, TITLE). The very concept of an ITC department (normally the highest concentration of poorly motivated contractors in any workplace) operating (I resist the urge to use the word 'working' in the interests of accuracy) inside the UN (definately the Worlds most Lumbering Committee). After squeezing out the last vestiges of intelligence from a workforce, 'Elf n Safety' leaves it struggling to cope on a supply of the semi paralysed or brain damaged, the army of one-legged lesbian single parents with weight problems and degrees in arranging pot-plants.

Even Paris isn't swallowing this.

Doctor Who's Elisabeth Sladen dies at 63



Too soon babe <3

UK is fifth free-est nation on the internet

Paris Hilton

On the surface, manipulative, inaccurate and nasty...

... but delve a little deeper and see, in 6 to 12 months time, the forming of a new "internet safety regime" based solely on the findings of this orchestrated offal and backed by the offices of Homeland Security and probably Sony.

Trouble is, no-one with any influence is tainted by the pearls of truth from everyday folks as depicted daily in the tardy pages of 'El Reg'. The very worst atrocities, as always, are being commited by the very people we employ to protect us from these very atrocities.

Paris likes pearls too.

1000s of websites vanish as TalkTalk lets domain slip

Paris Hilton

@ bikerlad re ISPs

Try Be* (BeThere) or Zen... have used them both (currently on Be*). I have enjoyed a consistent connection (happymealstyle 8meg deal gives anything from a minimum 6.5meg right up to the magic maximum and sometimes it appears to go far beyond) excellent service (and the few calls for help answered by someone for whom English was a first, rather than a third, language).

Paris knows a cunning linguist

Watchdog backs Top Gear in war with Mexico


it isn't prejudism...

... to hate /everyone/.

Can we have a Frankie Boyle icon please?

Steven Moffat promises 'darker' Doctor Who

Paris Hilton

R U my mommy?

... still phuks me up something chronic to think about it.

My favourite episode was the one where Billy Piper was abandoned on what I would call the 'right side' :o)

All praise the 'wibbily wobbily timey stuff' scene - needs more of that kind of writing. Honestly, unless there are a small group of sycophantic adults saying stuff like, "seriously, you're gonna f**k up children if you scare 'em like that" then Dr Who is failing everyone.

Paris is obsessed with the 'cracks in the universe'

Antarctic ice breakup makes ocean absorb more CO2


respected science climatologist ....

ROFLM(f)AO ... I think I let a bit of wee out too

what were those other ones? ah yes... Microsoft Works, Civil Engineer, Airline Food, American English, Business Ethics, Military Intelligence, Friendly Fire, Nuclear Defence, Government Accountability (and Planning, Leadership, Efficiency, Frugality etc), Council Worker, Honest Banker, Great Britain (United Kingdom), Happily Married, Politically Correct...

The list just goes on and on.

Microsoft: IE9 not yet 'broadly' available

Paris Hilton

we already have a badgers icon

see icon :o)

Labour MP says police should clamp down on online incitement

Paris Hilton

Someone forgot we signed this...

Article 2.

Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty.

Article 19.

Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.

Paris knows all about self expression.

BP loses personal details on spill victims

Paris Hilton


Following a catastrophic accident in the gulf of mexico we have found that you may be entitled to compensation of 25milliondollarsUS.

Paris knows this is all very phishy.

BT, TalkTalk in court seeking axe for Digital Economy Act

Paris Hilton

April 1st perhaps?

BT and Talk-Talk have decided to champion the rights of the 'littleman'...

yeh right, and in other news; moon made of gorgonzola, world = flat and Katie Price has morals.

The article does have merit however. A brief sortee to the good old 'computer/car analogy' should suffice. Do we expect TARMAC to administer fines for speeding and parking offences? Fortunately this concern is redundant since, as we all know, everything on the internet already undergoes extensive scrutiny for free (room 641A).

Paris knows all about free downloadable content.

ISP proposes independent body to police copyright

Paris Hilton

Encouraging legitimate use of Online Content

PMSL - well, there's four words that neither the police or the politicians involved will have the fainest clue about.

Eurofighter Typhoon: It's EVEN WORSE than we thought


8 pilots - 107 planes


ECJ gender ruling 'could throw insurance into turmoil'


tell me oh wonderous moderatrix, why oh why do i need to put a title here?

I am not sure of all of the references cited for this statistical analysis but I did make one rather poignant observation last night: the statistics quoted all over the news made only regular and specific reference to:

the average claim by a woman is £2.8k-ish, the average claim by a man is £4.3k-sh (or something like that - memory is a bit crap now I'm an addled 40something).

NOW... Lets look at that critera again boys and girls... the AVERAGE CLAIM.

That is not a measure of risk except to the insurance company (the risk that they might actually have to put their collective hand into their figuratively tiny pockets - see also "excess"). So... how many actual claims are made by each 'group' (average claim x number of claims = new inflated figure), what's the real average 'claim' (new inflated figure/52 = average weekly claim - only as a convenient term - daily, monthly, whatever)... oook!

...and what is the average 'payout', what reference is there to the number of miles travelled in getting to the scene of this 'claimable event' (average daily claim/number of miles travelled since last accident = reasonable measure of how incompetent a driver one is), and what percentage of these incidents was caused by the claimant? What, for example, is the average number of claims made by a group? I know, as a comparison, that MY average is quite low [sideswiped by cretin I was overtaking, T-boned and wrote off an emerging vehicle (mondeo estate) with a CX500, my beloved GSX1100 burned to liquid in someone else's garage fire - 3 claims in 30 years, average 30k miles per year] and note that in each of the three incidents I needed to claim for, MY insurance company paid out NOTHING (although they did once phone me up and ask if I would accept 50% blame because they had a reciprocal arrangement with the other firm... I asked what would happen to my premiums and the c**t on the phone went all quiet).

Sexual persuasion, ethnicity, colour, age, height, religion, eating habits, number of hats (people aren't wearing enough of them, apparently), proximity to a chinese restaurant, the street where I live, the number of bedrooms in my house... have had no effect on my driving in 30 years. (yes okay - eating or having sex in the car whilst driving might increase my risk... but it does not MAKE me have an accident). Poor driving is what causes accidents, arrogance and impatience causes accidents; lack of awareness results in other drivers feeling obliged to do unexpected things to avoid one and the driver who instigates an accident does not always find themself involved in it.

So as a final thought...

If I drive down the road and a shadow darts out from the side I will brake instinctively. I might then realise it is only a black plastic bag full of cute little kittens and decide to accelerate again. If some arsewipe in an audi is tailgating me and collides during my braking maneouver... any claim investigation should find HIM at fault. If he brakes hard and avoids me but is hit by the tailgater behind HIM... the cause of the accident (AKA my over-reaction) is not included in the claim report because I drive on regardless and make no claim. As always... the purpose of the exercise is to generate profit, nothing more.

[@TCFKAMatt, a few of your points # Posted Tuesday 1st March 2011 11:39 GMT - nice one]

Jacqui Smith 'shocked' to discover we're drowning in sea of porn

Paris Hilton

(ex) Govt Official (finally) admits the internet is awash with p0rn

my work here is done

next step - ban all minors (children, under 16s at the very least) from accessing it without constant and active supervision. seriously - the internet is full of h4rdc0re p0rn FFS.

Net censors use UK's kid-safety frenzy to justify clampdown

Gates Horns

a title (it late) (a le tit) (ET tail) :oP

There is no movement that I am aware of to enable 5 year-olds to drive articulated lorries on the motorways of 21st century Britain. Why? Because it would be utterly stupid to let a minor play with something so incredibly dangerous.

Equally, there is no plan to issue all 7 year-olds with automatic rifles; the age of concent is not 12 (except interestingly, the Vatican and a few other popular tourist resorts); H2SO4 (despite my assertions to the contrary) is not a toy; nor, whilst relaxing in a restaurant, do we expect to be served our starter by a foetus or to watch a toddler fry our egg and chips whilst juggling razorblades.

Why then should anyone under the age of 18 (or 21, 25... etc pick a number, as long as it's <40) be permitted to access the world-wide webternet of spareware, uberporn and bomb recipes unsupervised? The solution is NOT to make it safe but to prevent the mentally challenged and emotionally developing from accidentally harming themselves, poor dears (think of the patronising minority referenced individuals, PLEASE).

Those sufficiently "with it" to know the difference between OS and virus (significantly less than 50% of the population it seems), or the correct spelling for "[their] coats over [there]" (about 2% of facebook-ers) could then be issued with an MAC address. Yeh, I know - they'll NEVER do something radical like that, think of the lost revenues.

All Hail and Welcome... to our cushion wielding masters. The land of Joined-Up-Thinking prostrates itself before you.


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