* Posts by Smallbrainfield

464 publicly visible posts • joined 7 Jun 2007

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Cross-dresser shags mutt at historic castle

Smallbrainfield
Coat

Miami lawyer "Jeffrey Weiner"

Horatio Caine (removing sunglasses): "It's a dog's life." YEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHH!

iPhone 4G blingmobe: Yours for £13k

Smallbrainfield
Coat

Yes, but

How does all that bling affect reception?

Apple denies iPhone 4 antenna glitch, blames inaccurate signal bars

Smallbrainfield
Joke

"These go to eleven"

"That's one louder."

On most telephones, the signal bar goes up to 5, but the iPhone signal bar goes up to 6.

Do Apple sell iBlnkers yet?

Google's gatekeeper to collect toll for dying news orgs

Smallbrainfield

I depends on how many people use Google

to search for news, surely? I tend to just go to half a dozen or so sites for news and I don't need Google to find them. I'm gussing it's the same for a lot of other people as well.

Twitter topples over

Smallbrainfield
Paris Hilton

Rest of planet shrugs

I wonder how many tw*ts disappeared up their own arseholes without an outlet?

Paris because there isn't a 'meh' icon.

Palin boob-probe Reg hack dubbed an Ass Clown

Smallbrainfield

Gubernatorial

is far too good a word to waste on politics.

Stephen Fry's truly terrible mistake

Smallbrainfield
Thumb Down

I thought this was going to be a veiled

Apple whine, but no, it's a DAB whine. I'm assuming Fry is getting paid for his voice-over? It's hardly going to kill his career, those Direct Lines ads are doing a far better job at that.

DAB might be shite, but I can get a decent signal and listen to 6music in the office.

And for your information, the average mule is far more practical than a Mini Cooper, as anyone with legs will tell you.

Apple iPad

Smallbrainfield

Much as I try to dislike Apple,

I have to admit a grudging respect for their products. They do just work and for most people, that's usually enough. I'm sure they've done their homework on this product and considering how many they've already shifted in the US, it's clearly popular. I do wonder if, like the Wii it will be the must have gadget for a few years and then people will go back to laptops.

I still hate them though.

Deadly phone number of doom disconnected

Smallbrainfield
Paris Hilton

Surely...

...being some form of criminal is more likely to get you killed than a telephone number?

Mechanic drove three miles with angry bloke on bonnet

Smallbrainfield
Thumb Up

Ha ha ha ha!

How many people are seeing that Father Ted episode in their mind's eye?

Koobface gang counter-poohpooh nemesis sec-pro Danchev

Smallbrainfield
WTF?

The title of this article

should win some sort of award. Is this the Dadaist poetry revival?

Brarararrrriinnnnggg!

Sir Paul McBeatle: 'Me, I'd love Beatles to be on iTunes'

Smallbrainfield
WTF?

Baby-faced?

He looks like a scrotum in a wig.

US netwar-force Cyber Wings badge unveiled

Smallbrainfield

It looks uncannily like

the logo from Street Fighter - The Movie.

Hawking: Aliens are out there, likely to be Bad News

Smallbrainfield
FAIL

Even if they did reach Sol...

...the rest of the solar system has massive resources that would be far easier to gather for a spacefaring species than what Earth has to offer. Comets, asteroids, gas giants are full of stuff you might want for your journey. Unless they wanted some trees or something to brighten up the place, why would they bother with us? More likely we would attack them for nicking our stuff.

I'm sorry, but bright as Steven Hawking is, duh. Stick to physics, Steve.;

Mystic Met closed Europe with computer model

Smallbrainfield

I wouldn't fancy my chances...

... on a 747 with no engines. Basically you'd be sitting in a large glider, with (I would imagine) a pretty steep descent angle to keep you from stalling.

Smallbrainfield
Paris Hilton

Enough people seemed to be concerned about this...

... to issue a flight ban. If testing was ineffective, it could be because they're not called upon to regularly check density levels of volcanic ash rather than some percieved ineptitude. They probably are struggling, but I think I'd rather err on the side of caution than let people go whizzing off into the wide blue yonder, shortly before plummeting to earth Wile E Coyote style.

Considering the aircraft manufacturers are unwilling to certify their planes for flight through the ash clouds it isn't just the Met being cautious either.

Paris because she's still open to traffic.

Orange re-bundles broadband

Smallbrainfield
Coat

Well, I'm on Orange Broadband

and I've never had any problems w

BBC protects 'unique' 1Xtra listeners from radio cull

Smallbrainfield
Megaphone

That would be 6music playlisting Gorillaz, actually.

They didn't read out your e-mail and you want the station closed down?

I once saw Don Henderson in Euston Station. I shouted 'DON' across the concourse and he ignored me. I've always fast forwarded through his scenes in Star Wars ever since. The bastard.

Forget SETI, this is how you find aliens: Hefty prof speaks

Smallbrainfield
Alien

A dyson sphere sounds like more work

than a Klemperer Rosette. Apparently this would also be unstable, so probably wouldn't last beyond the life of the civilisation that built and maintained it.

In his novels, Larry Niven's Ringworld got progressively more complicated as various spods came up with reasons why it needed this or that or wouldn't work because of somesuch.

Of course, if these ascended aliens are so awesome, their artifact probably hangs in space using technology so advanced to our eyes it would be akin to magic.

Smallbrainfield
Black Helicopters

I'm a bit worried what "shadow biospheres" might dredge up.

"In dead Ryleh, great Cthulhu waits dreaming."

BBC confirms death of 6Music, slashes online budget by a quarter

Smallbrainfield

Re: tried listening?

How about ditch radio 1 and migrate those things worth keeping to 6 music?

Smallbrainfield
FAIL

Shit sandwich

Get rid of radio 1, which stifles a lot of other commercial stations (and only dishes out Cowell sanctioned pap anyway) and shove the savings into the rest of the network. Radio 1 does nothing your local Smashie and Nicies couldn't deliver.

Save 6 Music.

Suits 2.0 will survive BBC's 'purge'

Smallbrainfield
FAIL

I'm just sad 6 music is going.

If they sacked Chris Moyles they could run the fucker off the saving they'd make in pies alone.

Poor old Nemone has only just come back off maternity leave as well, and it's back to hospital radio for Gideon Coe; more complaints from the ENT ward about that Napalm Death Peel Session loom long in his horizon, methinks.

Lost Nazi nuke-project uranium found in Dutch scrapyard

Smallbrainfield
Coat

Potentially

dead.

Note to Captain Kirk: Warp speed will kill you

Smallbrainfield
WTF?

Well gravity and acceleration never seemed

to bother them, so hydrogen atoms probably won't either. Besides, aren't they travelling faster than light?

This research is incomplete. Scientist guy needs to do more hard sums to work out what the impact of a hydrogen atom on a bussard ramscoop at warp 7 will entail, if you ask me.

Scots unleash world's strongest beer

Smallbrainfield
Pint

'Difficult to enjoy' would be putting it politely.

It was bloody awful stuff. On the plus side, my missus used to work at the Frog and Parrot.

Which ws nice.

Wreck of 1930s flying aircraft carrier dubbed 'historic'

Smallbrainfield
Thumb Up

There's something romantic about them

and elegant but also doomed. Some of the tales of perilous flights through bad weather and the mad rush to drop ballast or vent gas make the hair stand. There's a famous shot of the Akron tethered to it's mast, dragged vertical by high winds.

It would be cool to see something liner-sized drifting by but sadly I think their day has passed.

Red Dwarf's Kryten exposes iPhone number

Smallbrainfield
Unhappy

There's rather a lot of Apple

product in that pic. Is he yet another celebrity stooge in the pocket of Steve Jobs fawning over slick but ultimately just a phone/pc/thing you leave on the bus tat? I think we should be told.

Orange serves up Monkey's brains to advertisers

Smallbrainfield
Thumb Down

Great.

Because people love adverts, don't they. I'm on Orange but I have no idea what animal sprit represents my tariff. Probably a basenji.

Only nukes can stop planetsmash asteroids, say US boffins

Smallbrainfield
Alert

Where are Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck when you need them?

The level of risk coupled with the cost is why this sort of thing isn't heavily invested in. It simply isn't worth it.

Likewise radiation shielding in the event of a massive radiation burst from a nearby star, which would wipe us out before we even knew what was happening. You might as well offer insurance against total existence failiure. I mean, who's going to be around in any state to collect?

Cadbury flakes in face of Kraft bid - cuts expected

Smallbrainfield

Gah!

I can't stand Lindt. I work about 5 minutes walk from Slatterys in Manchester, so if I want a real fix of chocolate, I go there.

I've ditched HP sauce for Reggae Reggae sauce. No idea where it's made, but it's lovely.

Google may exit China after 'highly targeted' attack

Smallbrainfield
WTF?

Wiebke Lips

Is that a real name?

ISS crew drops from 12 to 2

Smallbrainfield
Pint

They'll all have...

... booked their christmas holidays I expect. Nobody wants their christmas dinnner in paste form.

MS store staff in spontaneous electric boogie

Smallbrainfield
Thumb Down

Postal

Being made to dance in a shop as part of your job would probably be a mitigating factor if you bought some guns and went mad in a mall.

Swiss roll Street View into court

Smallbrainfield
Black Helicopters

Exactly what have the Swiss...

...got to hide, eh???

Messenger beams back colour snap of Mercury

Smallbrainfield
Alien

Well despite what most of the other commentards

have said, I'm impressed. It is expensive to send probes out into the solar system, but it's worth it. You don't know it's boring until you send a probe there. It could have been full of topless sunbathing lovelies for all you know.* Or cybermen. Or are they all hiding at the poles?

*With factor 10000 sunblock on, safety first.

BT Tower restaurant reborn for Olympics

Smallbrainfield
Pint

As I recall there is no actual kitchen up there.

When it was operating, food was prepared elsewhere and there was only a service kitchen for dishing up the re-heated nosh.

I wonder if Blumenthal would attempt to contrive some method of microwaving stuff on the dish equipment outside.

Japanese bloke gets arsey over artificial rectum

Smallbrainfield
Coat

Making this guy the butt of these jokes...

... is a bit out of order.

UK telly in coke blizzard shock

Smallbrainfield
FAIL

Ruined Septum Lady from Eastenders.

She's a great advert for not walloping elephantine quantities of cocaine up your snout. Reconstructive surgery aside she looks old enough to be my mum and yet she's younger than me by several years. Just say no, kids.

Neanderthal woman could whup Schwarzenegger

Smallbrainfield
Grenade

Nice one.

Luckily our species has access to automatic weapons and bombs and all kinds of stuff we invented for killing. Any of them throwbacks want to try it on - come get some. Our feeble bodies will kick their arses from the relative comfort of our armed drone piloting sheds.

Boffins 'write directly to memory' of living brains

Smallbrainfield
Alien

For the memories of a lifetime...

Rekall, Rekall, Rekallllll.

Now get your ass to Mars.

NASA iceberg-finder prangs into Moon's south pole

Smallbrainfield
Pint

@ first comment

"Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space."

That's probably why it didn't look like much. Or were you expecting a big death star style explosion? Science Fiction movies spoil us.

Yank slams El Reg 'zio-fruitcake' Playmobil 'crap'

Smallbrainfield
Alert

Fruitcakes

I love fruitcakes. I wonder if Playmobil make one as an accessory? If not, perhaps you could rob one off the Sylvanian Families.

Zionist fruitcakes are a special treat jewish boys get from their momma if they're good.

US spontaneous human combustion raygun video released

Smallbrainfield
FAIL

That was rubbish.

At least Auric Goldfinger's laser could cut a 00 rated agent in half.

Citroën redesigns the 2CV

Smallbrainfield
WTF?

It looks nothing like the 2CV!

Granted, it looks like a development of recent Citroen designs, but no way does it look like a 2CV.

Japan gets to grips with train-grope websites

Smallbrainfield
FAIL

Mate in Japan has lived there for years...

... has mentioned on more than one occasion Japanese blokes can be a creepy bunch. They have a very very odd atitude to sex and an almost prehistoric* view of women's role in society.

Some bitingly clever and erudite comments on this page helping to put across the face of the modern IT man. Cheers lads. Lets smash those preconceptions.

*I would wager fair odds there is probably a manga about dragging women around by their hair and hitting them with clubs.

Zombie plague analysed by Canadian maths prof

Smallbrainfield
Pint

I always thought

some sort of armoured combine harvester coupled with a pair of forward mounted bark chippers would do the trick.

The thing is, the military would adapt pretty quickly and employ a load of FPS geeks then sit back listening to the cries of 'HEAD SHOT'.

X-Men helmsman to fly Battlestar Galactica

Smallbrainfield
FAIL

What?

Erm, what?

Did Bryan Singer fall asleep for seven years or something? Someone should tell him there has already been a re-imagining of this.

Here's a thought. Perhaps they could do something original?

Crystal ball torches woman's flat

Smallbrainfield
Coat

Ha ha ha!

And I always thought that gypsies covered their crystal ball to stop it getting dusty.

Speaking of which, why do gypsies walk funny?

Brain-jacking fungus turns living victims into 'zombies'

Smallbrainfield
Terminator

Yeuch.

I've seen a video of this on YouTube. It's just as disgusting as it sounds.

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