* Posts by Smallbrainfield

464 publicly visible posts • joined 7 Jun 2007

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Polish man mistakes hot iron for mobe

Smallbrainfield
WTF?

This sounds like a load of cobblers to me.

He must have been pretty wasted to mistake a heavy iron for a phone receiver.

UK cops: How we sniffed out convicted AnonOps admin 'Nerdo'

Smallbrainfield
Facepalm

"And I would have got away with it too, if it hadn't been for my X-Box gamer tag

and you meddling script kids!"

Heroic Register reader battles EXPLODING COMPUTER

Smallbrainfield

Re: Disappointed

That smell of fish is plastic baking in the case. Can't remember which type (ABS?) but light fittings often do the same thing.

How can the BBC be saved from itself without destroying it?

Smallbrainfield
WTF?

Hmmm

I like the BBC. Some of it is shit, but for the most part it is pretty amazing. And unique. Having been around the world and seen what else on offer I would rather have it than not. The alternative is lots of lowest common denominator programming and lots more adverts.

US commercial television is for the most part utter shit, apart from HBO, which is pay per view. I think the BBC keeps the standard of the commercial channels from slipping into the shit.

Author of '80s classic The Hobbit didn't know game was a hit

Smallbrainfield
Thumb Up

Re: An inspiration

Wow, I loved the GAC. Most of the games I wrote for my mates were excessively puerile and or scatalogical mickey takes of other adventure games, e.g. Lords of Midshite.

Thank-you for hours of sniggering and trying to draw boobs with the image editor.

What happened to comics for kids? Hell, what happened to COMICS?

Smallbrainfield

Re: Dying on its arse

Ha ha, The Boys is the only thing I've bothered with in the last few years, apart from 2000 AD. Mostly because I don't really like superheroes much.

When I was a kid, the only reliable source of Thrill - Power in Manchester was Magazine & Poster Centre under the Corn Exchange, later Odyssey 7 (it's not there now, a victim of the bomb, the new one is now a Forbidden Planet). The bottom 4 shelves were all comics of every shape and size, but the top shelf was full of porn mags. A bit of an eye-opener I can tell you as it catered for everything. (I used to go to a comic shop in Leeds that did the same thing can't remember it's name though).

It was a bit like shoe repair shops that also cut keys. Perhaps they should start doing that again.

Smallbrainfield

Agreed.

The current crop of tales are ace, especially The Cold Deck.

Smallbrainfield
Pint

Comics aren't for kids as most kids can't be arsed to look past their X-box these days.

That's why a lot of them are written for grown ups; most of the audience are old buggers like me. 2000 AD is a classic example, it's readership gets older every year as a block of (currently 35-45 years old I would guess). Downloadable versions are a step in the right direction though. I still get 2000 AD (Marvel and DC never held my attention for long, soap operas in spandex. Meh.) and my attic is groaning under the strain of progs going back to about 400 (ish).

The current 2000AD run of Judge Dredd has been fucking awesome and the prog 1708 was a wonderful and unexpected surprise. I love that they can still do something totally unexpected after all this time.

Also, Carlos is King!

Google, Amazon, Starbucks are 'immoral' and 'ridiculous' over UK tax

Smallbrainfield

Re: It's Political Grandstanding, that's all

I think Google have started to use this as a bit of a tactic when they get caught doing something shady. They tend to own up and agree to work with the other parties involved to sort the issue. Makes them look like honest Joes.

Snake-fondling blonde nude punts Polish coffins

Smallbrainfield

Nice legs,

shame about the face.

Slideshow: A History of First-person Shooters in 20 Games

Smallbrainfield
Thumb Up

God, how long have I been playing first person shooters?

A long time it seems. Worrying how many of those titles I have owned as well.

Currently logged 350 + hours on Battlefield 3 and still loving it.

Naughty-step Apple buries court-ordered apology with JavaScript

Smallbrainfield
Windows

Apple is behaving like the kid who throws a strop at his own birthday party.

The grown-ups and the other kids are all laughing, which of course only makes it worse. Eventually pigtails get pulled or lemonade is spilled and the birthday boy has to go sit on the stairs.

Grow up Apple, you seem to have a license to print money and people can't get enough of your tat. There would have been less fuss if you had quietly complied instead of behaving like a bunch of nobheads.

Smallbrainfield
Childcatcher

Re: Stupid, stupid move.

Ha ha ha, you clearly don't have any kids.

Forgetting Microsoft: How Steve Ballmer's Surface could win

Smallbrainfield

Re: Does not account for the fanboy

I think it's the other way around, old chap. Apple make their money on hardware. The iTunes store has a high turnover, but the profits are small compared to what they make selling iPods, iPhones and iPads.

Steve Jobs' Apple-powered yacht makes belated first trip

Smallbrainfield
FAIL

Re: No, it isn't..

I have to agree, it looks like a houseboat and was clearly designed by people who have little concept of seaworthiness. Philippe Starck is a past master at form over function as anyone who has ever tried to use his orange squeezer will know.

Perhaps in a few years Hoseasons could get it at a knocked down price and do canal holidays with it?

Steam spawns vulnerabilities, say researchers

Smallbrainfield
Trollface

Re: Not the only problem

1: Download TF2

2: Add a selection of cheats such as aimbots for TF2.

3: Go on a VAC secured server and blatantly cheat.

4: Get naughty stepped.

5: Repeat steps 3 through 4 until Valve suspend your account permanently.

6...

7. PROFIT

Wikipedia boss Jimmy Wales marries Kate Garvey

Smallbrainfield

Re: You want to know if the bride is hot? Of course you do.

You think so? The skirt looks like it's made out of bleached wookie.

Target Silicon Valley: Why A View to a Kill actually made sense

Smallbrainfield
Pint

If he wanted to make some cash out of a faked natural disaster

something like the monsoon that did massive damage to the hard drive manufacturers would be more plausible, if difficult to implement. Or if he wanted to hit other hardware, somewhere like Shenzen would be an ideal target. He could hold Apple to ransom if he managed to threaten new iPhone production. Imagine the psychological damage to the fanbois if their fondleslabs were delayed.

Bond of course would be unflappable as he seems to favour Sony tech.

McFlurry McMisdemeanour costs Welsh lass McJob

Smallbrainfield
IT Angle

A wonderfully acerbic bootnote, I was wondering what the IT angle was though.

I would not be surprised if Burger King or Subway or somesuch offer her a job, just to rub McDonalds nose in it.

Last remaining reason to order an iPhone 5 disappears

Smallbrainfield
Paris Hilton

Ha ha ha.

Breathe slowly and deeply and keep reciting, "It's just a phone, it's just a phone."

I used to be able to get excited about new technology, but successive gaming PCs have taught me this is folly. You are never ahead of the curve. And there are far more important things in life.

Has Paris Hilton got hers yet? Fnarr fnarr.

Ten digital radios to suit all budgets

Smallbrainfield
Meh

Re: "To suit all budgets?"

I bought a Tesco Value DAB about 4 years ago. It sits on my desk at work and works like a dream, albeit a slightly tinny sounding dream. Think it was a shaving under £20.

There must be loads of cheap ones. A review of the best of these would be far more useful. What sort of buffoon pays £200 for a radio?

A review of in-car DAB sets wouldn't go amiss, either.

Dredd movie review

Smallbrainfield
Mushroom

Re: This ain't Dredd

No no no. The Stallone film is a massive pile of arse. There is one shot right at the end with him on his lawmaster which I will concede looks great, but the rest of the film is a massive pile of shit. The scenes with Stallone and Armand Assante are laughable, the plot takes half a dozen stories from the comic and then grinds them in a pestle, tips the ground contents into a bucket and repeatedly pisses and shits on them.

HE TAKES HIS HELMET OFF.

The uniform is like something the Mega City Village People would wear (shortly before being arrested on JIMP charges) and Stallone has a different uniform to every other judge. The scene where they reconstruct a photograph from FUCK-ALL. Rob fucking Schneider.

Also, flying Lawmasters? Fuck off.

Patent flame storm: Reg hack biteback in reader-pack sack attack

Smallbrainfield
Happy

I've never understood why you would ditch the patent system.

Cases like Apple vs Samsung are just examples of why such a system needs monitoring and adjusting, not ditching entirely.

Also, good sausages can be appealing before cooking, but they're best on a plate with some bacon and eggs. And maybe some black pudding. God, I'm hungry now. Why did you have to go and mention sausages, Andrew?

Boffins create super-muscular 'Hulk' mice: Humans next

Smallbrainfield
Headmaster

This is more like Captain Americas super-serum than the Hulks origin.

Hulk was created after exposure to gamma radiation.

I'm just saying, like.

So, just what is the ultimate bacon sarnie?

Smallbrainfield
Thumb Up

Re: I disagree

It depends on how extravagant you want to get.

Once in a while I like a BLT on thick sliced seeded batch loaf, but I add some slices of stilton as well and top off the lot with HP or Reggae Reggae sauce.

But I'm just as happy with 3 slices of bacon on Tesco Value white bread with a bit of Ketchup.

Counter-Strike: Global Offensive

Smallbrainfield
Thumb Up

Re: Erm...

You've sold me on it, right there. (Even though I'm crap at FPS and the chances of me ever being last player alive are somewhat slim.) :D

Smallbrainfield
Headmaster

Erm...

The link at the bottom of the review points to Darksiders 2, shurely shome mishtake?

Never played CS, but I might have a punt on this if there's a Steam offer around the corner. It would have to be pretty damn good to beat the thrill of a decent BF3 conquest battle.

Ten movies inspired by video games

Smallbrainfield
Pint

Tekken movie with one of Bros in - that was terrible, but kind of mindless fun,

...better than Street Fighter at any rate.

There's a couple of CGI Resident Evil movies that are not bad - kind of like cut-scenes from the game expanded into a film (with acting to match unfortunately),

First Tomb Raider film was okay, first Resi film was great fun, especially the laser grid scene. Also Michelle Rodriguez, cor.

RIP Neil Armstrong: The reluctant American hero

Smallbrainfield
Pint

I love the fact he did all that awesome stuff

and to him it was just his job. And the fact he didn't make a massive song and dance about it, though I suppose most astronauts have to be pretty cool customers.

It's still amazing to think we've been so far and so sad to think we stopped and never went any further.

Ubisoft: 'Vast majority of PC gamers are PIRATES'

Smallbrainfield
Happy

Re: Pft.

Well, it's up to you how you play but seriously, Steam is a decent platform for buying games. Some corking deals if you keep your eyes peeled as well.

I speak as someone that endures the abomination that is Origin in order to play BF3. It's like they looked at every feature of Steam and said lets do that, only shit.

Re: original topic, Ubisoft can take a running jump.

Doctor Who to hit small screen on 1 September

Smallbrainfield

Re: Bowl of petunias..

Fair point, but in the trailer they are imploring the Doctor to save them...

Revealed at last: Universe's intergalactic dark matter skeleton

Smallbrainfield
Headmaster

Re: "Boffo"?

Douglas Adams used "boffo" as a term to describe something excellent in one of the Hitch Hikers books, way before Pratchett did.

I think it's in a guide entry by Ford Prefect, but it's a long time since I read the books. I remember the word though.

Google ditches the bits in the bottom of the box

Smallbrainfield
Go

Re: Personalisation of mobe devices doesn't make iGoogle irrelevant on the desktop

There is a petition going to try and save iGoogle.

http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/dont-kill-the-igoogle-webportal.html

It's just crawled to an epic 197 signatures, I think it needs our love, people. Get on there and sign it!

Smallbrainfield
FAIL

Re: Personalisation of mobe devices doesn't make iGoogle irrelevant on the desktop

I like having iGoogle on my desktop and I don't want to have to fuck about looking for stuff when it's all already there on one page. I don't own a smartphone or a tablet and I don't want Chrome (despite Avast helpfully installing it last night, even though I unchecked the fucking checkbox).

Stupid Google.

ITC denies Apple an emergency ban on ALL HTC PHONES

Smallbrainfield

Fair point well made.

I'm just jealous as I can't justify paying for a smartphone of any flavour.

Smallbrainfield

Re: An inconsequential but useful feature

They should check for douche-baggery as well. I believe that is the term our US cousins would use to refer to such actions.

Smallbrainfield
Trollface

Just think how much more awesome Apples products would be...

... if they spent less time hiring lawyers and bitching about people stealing their stuff and instead spent that time making their peerless products even more staggeringly attractive and wonderful.

Hey Apple, ever noticed how all smartphones LOOK THE FUCKING SAME, so what does it matter if HTC make a phone with a similar looking grommet which does similar things ever so slightly differently?

All anyone cares about is can they use it to cheat in the pub quiz. And does it do the Facebooks or not.

Yeah, trollface. What can you do?

Ministers consult public on 'opt in for smut' plans

Smallbrainfield
Headmaster

Re: At the same time lets

"Insulin" "diabetes".

Thinking of mentioning education in a post?

Check your spelling, kids. ;)

Darwin alarmed by six-legged mutant cane toad

Smallbrainfield
Boffin

Re: Just one question

Stronger/longer legs in 80 years due to natural selection is entirely possible. If the conditions favour longer legged toads, then that is what you will get.

Extra legs (like longer legs) is a mutation, that will be unlikely to spread as the article points out that the toad in question was clumsy. We can assume clumsy toads will be less successful than their long-legged brethren.

Short answer: Don't expect Zergs rushing to knock down your door anytime soon.

'Zombie bullets' fly off US shelves after wave of undead attacks

Smallbrainfield
Mushroom

Re: Mmmm, Hollow Point Zombie Bullets..... The cure to "Bath Salt" zombies everywhere.

While you are all being eaten after your weapons jam / cricket bats split, I will be riding around in my Zombine Harvester.

http://checkmyinevitable.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/zombine%20harvester

Legendary sci-fi fantasy author Ray Bradbury exits planet Earth

Smallbrainfield

A Sound of Thunder

Not sure if it's the origin of the term 'butterfly effect', but if not it should be. RIP Ray.

Pet Shop Boy finally finds success with actual (virtual) shop

Smallbrainfield
Headmaster

Re: Left to your own devices, you evidently couldn't.

Ahem, it's Steve Winwood. Otherwise, fair point well made.

Will Nvidia 'n' pals pwn future gaming?

Smallbrainfield
Meh

Console monkeys will be getting owned by their keyboard and mouse wielding PC gamer overlords

in the FPS stakes.

But again I ask, what am I supposed to do when my shitty connection goes down.

Anyone for Ker-Plunk?

BBC deletes Blue Peter from BBC One

Smallbrainfield

What does it matter?

Most kids are watching CBBC or CBeebies anyway, not BBC1. They're looking for their kids programmes there, so it makes sense to shift it. Of more concern is what they decide to replace it with. More of that bald Dom bloke chasing dodgy builders? Or something about antiques, more likely

Boffins crack on with ultimate roboass

Smallbrainfield
Holmes

Dear Japan,

Seriously, you chaps need to get out more.

Regards

The rest of the world.

VW STUNS WORLD+DOG WITH REAL HOVER-CAR!

Smallbrainfield

^This in spades

I've seen more convincing student projects than this effort. Low fucking poly!

Black Ops II pulps previous pre-order performance

Smallbrainfield
Meh

Meh

I'll stick with BF3 on PC I reckon, despite the bugs and the cheats.

How politicians could end droughts forever But they don't want to

Smallbrainfield
Holmes

Re: Why not use solar-powered evaporation?

Okay, we've shot the solar powered route down. Why not a combination of solar and wind ( would be popular with Register staffers, ha ha ha) ? Run the thing constantly, even out of drought and use it to top up aquifers and the water table.

Set up a few smaller plants along the estuary and leave them to keep working, then we'd have plenty of cheap water with less whining from the hand-wringers.

Well, it worked in Sim City 2000.

Dinosaurs were DRAINED of blood by GIGANTIC HORROR FLEAS

Smallbrainfield

It looks like a ferret

in insect fancy dress.

Smallbrainfield

Re: I for one welcome our prehistoric blood-sucking overlords, etc...

Actually, just thinking about it, ten times bigger? Modern fleas are only a few millimetres long, so they'd not be that massive would they? Maybe 15 - 30mm long?

/squirts Frontline on back of neck, just to be sure.

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