Posts by J. R. Hartley

Samsung Galaxy S7 and S7 Edge: Betting on VR with a dash of Vulkan

So long, Sony! And thanks for all the glitchy firmware.

Ordered a Galaxy S7 Edge last night, gets delivered on 8th March apparently. Can't wait to get rid of this unfathomably shite Xperia Z1 once and for all. Never been so excited about the launch of a phone before. I'LL BE ABLE TO CONNECT TO MY VAN WITH BLUETOOTH AND EVERYTHING WOOHOO!!!

Microsoft axes ‘dozens’ more from former Nokia phone biz

In other words

He's done then.

Microsoft researchers smash homomorphic encryption speed barrier

Stamp out homophorbia

I believe in Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve. But times change, and I, for one, am happy if some bouffanted nancy boy wants to sniff your hair whilst limply dragging a chair in high heels. Just don't ram it down my throat.

Late night server rebuild led to 'nightmares about mutilated corpses'

Re: Who should I cover?

The 90's called, and so forth.

Server retired after 18 years and ten months – beat that, readers!

Re: I find this one a bit difficult to believe

Red and red and you are dead.

2016 in mobile: Visit a components mall in China... 30 min later, you're a manufacturer

Re: The title is no longer required

I repair phones in my spare time to make some pocket money, so I can fix it myself if need be.

Re: The title is no longer required

My Xperia Z1 was a mistake right from the start, even the screen looks terrible compared to my old Galaxy S2. I also must be the only person who prefers Touchwiz over stock Android. An OS update a few months back has only made everything worse. I will never own another Sony product again, that much is true for sure.

The title is no longer required

I, for one, am holding out for the Galaxy S7, which I will be buying outright for the first time, thus eliminating the last piece of Sony from my life. I will get the cheapest SIM only deal and that will be me off the contract treadmill forever. There is no longer a need to upgrade a phone every two years, this one is gonna be a keeper. Can't fucking wait.

NSA spying on US and Israeli politicians stirs Congress from Christmas slumbers

It makes sense

You need to know what a maniacal genocidal psychopath, like Netanyahu, is up to at all times.

Fifth arrest in TalkTalk hacking probe: Now Plod cuff chap in Wales

The title is no longer required.

I, for one, think it's great that the future generations are so enterprising. Lovely stuff.

Big mistake, Google. Big mistake: Chrome OS to be 'folded into Android'

The title is no longer required.

Well Ryan seems to have taken it rather thickly :/

'Malicious time source' can poison Network Time Protocol

Stephen Fry says...

The Internet won't work without atomic clocks.

Hewlett Packard Enterprise CEO Whitman slams EMC/Dell deal

Re: At least you were explicit...

Ok AC love

Man goes to collect stolen-car court docs found in stolen car in stolen car

Re: Oxymoron List

Democratic Unionist Party

Vodafone joins calls to pry Openreach from BT's hands

Has Vodafone decided to pay tax yet?

Fuck em

Slander-as-a-service: Peeple app wants people to rate and review you – whether you like it or not

Re: Pah you have nothing to fear!

Sorry, but as a pedant it is my duty to inform you that the aforementioned creepy grin originated in the director's cut of Terminator 2: Judgement Day. Apologises to all those involved.

BlackBerry's tactical capitulation to Google buys time – and possibly a future

A future...

I doubt it, sadly.

Apple in eyebrow-raising threesome with TSMC, Samsung for iPhone 6S

The title is no longer required.

The iPhone has been a legacy device since the underwhelming launch of the 5. Be a shame when da kidz stop buying them...

Axed-ya Nadella swings blade through the forest of Microsoft again

The title is no longer required.

I was under the impression that these days basically, Microsoft = Office. Must be great having so much money to burn through while you sort your shit out.

NOxious VW emissions scandal: Car maker warned of cheatware YEARS AGO – reports

As my teacher used to say...

It's not looking good, is it.

VW’s case of NOxious emissions: a tale of SMOKE and MIRRORS?

Re: I give up

It's a test, designed to provoke an emotional response.

Did GCHQ illegally spy on you? Now you can find out – from this page

Do we still have the helicopter icon?

We need that one back, please.

AT&T fingers BT's brass neck, wishes it could throttle it

ntl:

I miss those halcyon days :(

Sign of the telly times: HDR shines, UHD Blu-ray slides at IFA

Never mind all that...

Tell me more about the Laserdisc player.

Hacker mag 2600 laughs off Getty Images inkspots copyright claim

The Grammar

aren't seem to be getting any better.

No boxy Volvo: Chilling in the S60 D3 Manual R-Design Lux Nav

Re: R?

R-design != R

Company in shambles, marriages ruined. My work here is done, says Ashley Madison CEO

The title is no longer required.

He's pining for the fjords

Apple chief Cook cooks up rumours after BMW car talks, factory tour

BMW & Apple

Shit sandwich

Ireland loses entire airport amid new postcode chaos

Re: County is not part of a UK postal address

This is where Postcodev6 comes in. Or Postman PAT.

On yer bike: Hammerhead satnav for cyclists – just don't look down

Re: The title is no longer required.

So what happens when you reach a roundabout with 5 exit lanes? Did IQs drop sharply when I was away?

The title is no longer required.

So what happens when you are at a roundabout? What a load of shit.

LOGITECH - TECH = 'LOGI' ... that's non-Logitech tech, is it?

Logey?

Never heard of em

Chinese 'Superphone' manufacturer declares war on Apple

Dance the Adolf Hitler.

One does not simply ask the inventor of the WWW what he thinks about memes

Bring!Back!Bang!Paths!Yahoo!

Your hard drives were riddled with NSA spyware for years

Re: Grzegorz Brzeczyszczykiewicz

Irritable vowel syndrome.

$10,000 Ethernet cable promises BONKERS MP3 audio experience

Re: So Stupid

I wholeheartedly agree.

Windows 10: The Microsoft rule-o-three holds, THIS time it's looking DECENT

As much as it pains me to say this...

I am actually looking forward to this :/ :/ :/

Microsoft snubs Codeplex, moves big projects to GitHub

Forkmann?

Really??

Really???

Apple and Microsoft backed Rockstar flogs zombie Nortel patents for $900m

Re: What nonsense

^^ that type of shit.

What nonsense

This type of shit is exactly why the patents system in America needs reformed.

STAY AWAY: Popular Tor exit relays look raided

Re: nuke it from orbit

It's the only way to be sure.

POS malware crooks hack IP cams to validate targets

pleased to see ,e?

Please proofread.

This is fucking embarrassing.

Deprivation Britain: 1930s all over again? Codswallop!

Re: Ah right...

Some of your best friends are from eastern Europe?

Ah right...

* A bit of disclosure, I've worked for Ukip, know Farage, been an MEP candidate. At no time were perfect perishers nor black footie bags in evidence.

SAY NO MORE

Hooker beating: What if you read the Bible AND play GTA5?

No Comment of the Week?

That really is a shame...

Sony Pictures email hack: The bitter 'piracy war' between Google and Hollywood laid bare

Well this is awesome.

Just goes to show what utter cunts the MPAA are, as if there was ever any doubt.

UK flights CRIPPLED by system outage that shut ALL London airspace

One does not simply..

'Have a power failure'

El Reg Redesign - leave your comment here.

Fucking shit

No need to go all Office 2013 on us. Fuck me this is grim.

Fujitsu boss: UK's 2015 elections won't make any difference to us

Re: Oracle shared services

Paahahaha I nearly spat out my creme de menthe. This is why I love The Register.

4.2 is the answer to life, the universe and the Internet of Everything

DESGRASE

Please, for the love of God, have a read over your articles before you publish them -_-