* Posts by Cyclist

46 posts • joined 17 Dec 2010

England OUT (of Euro 2016, not the EU) tops Twitter year


Not a football fan then Gavin

Everyone leapt at "Britain out...", but equally it's only right to point out that Leicester didn't beat Chelsea to clinch the title [not unless we count the beating dished out the previous November at the KP that cost Maureenio his job, even though that doesn't count as a clincher), but Chelsea did draw with Spurs on the Monday evening to deprive Spurs of their already threadbare chance of winning it instead of Leicester. I was ironing at the time and had a proper dust in the eye moment, a whole sackful actually. Blubbed I did. But Gavin, Leicester didn't beat Chelsea to clinch the title.

It's good that things are back to normal this year with a relegation battle on the cards. I couldn't cope with supporting a big team that expects to win things every year.

Virgin Media: SO SORRY we fined your dead dad £10 for unpaid bill

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How many more?

Presumably VM customers are dying at a regular rate and unpaid DDs are being generated by the deceased's banks for a proportion of these deaths, so why isn't this a regular event? Something that should be a routine bit of processing suddenly errors but apparently only for this one individual case? Sounds to me as though something happened during processing and something that ordinarily would be trapped and dealt with appropriately slipped through.

I hold no brief for companies like VM, but punters who instantly turn to social media to prove how inhuman these companies are when it comes to dealing with deceased customers, they lose my vote straight away they do.

Like Al Murray often says, #NotNews

Provider of FIFA goal line tech chosen, tracks ball in space and time


That the system doesn't cover every single possibility isn't a reason to discard it completely. It'll resolve most contentious calls, which is a start.

Paying a TV tax makes you happy - BBC



Licence. Not license. FFS.

Microsoft burgled, only the APPLE iPADS stolen - cops confirm


Re: "Microsoft did not respond to a request for comment".

Point of order, but it's axis of evil, not axes. Axes of evil is a whole new ball game.

Carry on.

Review: Mio Cyclo 300 cycling satnav


Do these integrate with Strava so we can check ourselves out against what other riders are doing on segments?

As someone who does a lot of miles (and at > 22.5mph a lot of the time...) I don't get the point of these. We all know our own neck of the woods and don't need to plot routes let alone take a Sat Nav with us, and when we're outside our comfort zone it's pretty easy to navigate by towns & villages using a laminated crib card on the bars where necessary. The only time I've needed anything more was when I got mixed up going through Stafford one afternoon and the bubbly blond in the open-top Merc was more than happy to point me in the right direction. As was a similar woman in Wrexham later on. If you get lost, ask the most attractive looking woman in the vicinity for directions. Always the best way. technology doesn't give you that option of a big smile and a 'good luck' as you carry on your merry way.

WAR HERO PIGEON carrying SECRET WWII CODE found in chimney


Was idly wondering if it was Speckly Jim, shot & eaten by The Flanders Pigeon Murderer. But that was WW1 so obviously not. Carry on.

New I-hate-my-neighbour stickers to protect Brits' packages

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Re: Hoi polloi

Full compliment eh? Does that include the 'oh what a lovely haircut sir.?

I give mine the day off sometimes; be just my luck that their day off coincides with damn tradesmen arriving with parcels that need to be dealt with.

Reg hack uncovers perfect antidote to internet



My dad dug his own well on his farm, with a spade. None of this borrowing a mate's JCB. Kids of today eh?

How one bad algorithm cost traders $440m


Re: Doesn't it work both ways?

$440m has gone to <many> recipients from one supplier.It's all still there as dollars but more thinly spread around.

Not sure what help that is, it's still gone from where it was to where they didn't want it to be.

Freeview EPG revamp set for September


I'd be happy if HD channels could replace the SD equivalents in the line-up by default. My folks have a nice TV (so do the in-laws) but getting them watch mainstream TV on HD is nigh on impossible; it's too difficult to remember the channel number, and for Sky at least (in-laws) the concept of pressing Guide ->> HD --> scroll down to BBC1 HD is just so far removed from normal behaviour (101, that'll do thanks) that HD is completely off their radar. It may was well not exist.

Nationwide DOUBLES card payments in fresh banking gaffe

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I get paid into my NW a/c this week. Don't suppose there's any danger of that hitting the a/c twice is there?

Road deaths spark crackdown on jaywalking texter menace

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Re: Darwin rules

If you read any cycling forum RLJers are despised, lowest of the low, scum of the earth second only to pavement pansies. Why? Not because they ever do much damage (except maybe to themselves) but because they give the rest of the cycle-hating car drivers an excuse to hate us.

Doesn't matter that a lot more of us (esp out in sticksville away from London) do obey the law when out on the road; one twunt doing a RLJ instantly puts all of us in there along with murders, rapists & paedophiles.

Me? I'd string em up, or have the police fine them on a par with similar offences committed by a driver. Personally I enjoy stopping at lights and baffling drivers who expect me to sail through regardless.

Ten-year .co.uk domain names now available


Re: Forget login?

Sellotape won't last 10 years on a monitor. Blu-Tac will. I've got a bit of paper Blu-Taced on my wall dated 11 Sep 2008 that shows no sign of moving. Shame the ink isn't as durable.

10x power boost for Freeview as London analogue signal cut


Snob? And it gets BBC3. Pffft.

RIP Ceefax: Digital switchover kills off last teletext service


PC version

I recall working at the head office of a major UK building society and one the techie squad emailing us a Ceefax utility installer package that gave us access to Ceefax on the PC. This would be mid 90s, before the net took off and before wasting your day at work reading pointless stuff from the outside world was the norm.

It was a revelation. Constant access to football news, news headlines, TV guides for later on when we all went home etc. Not surprisingly senior manglement latched on to the drop in productivity in the IT Dept and banned it instantly, except for those who had 'special cause' to use it, i.e. senior manglement.

Happy days.

Ford intros tech'd-up B-Max mini-MPV


Re: This.

Cossy? Pfft. Let's go back to the start and have the Lotus Cortina back. Or at a push a MkII RS1800.

<wanders of slobbering round the mouth...>

French get unlimited mobile for €20


Bloody clever

These frenchies, not only sorting out the business model and the tech requirements, but doing ti French as well. That'd take me days just to work out the ToC in the spec to tender.

Le neat, n'est que pas?

Channel 5 snubs Freeview HD again


IITV > 1

You won't see ITV2, 3 & 4 in HD on FTA as that falls outside of ITV's business model, that the additional channels in HD are available only on pay-TV.

Film4 would be the best option rather than fobbing the capacity off to a channel that has a small proportion of HD content to deliver.

Would you let your car insurer snoop on you for a better deal?

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How about the twunt next door

Our neighbour's 17-y-o boy recently passed his test, and has become twat of the decade in next to no time. From being the nice lad who used to live next door he's now a king-of-the-fucking-road idiot who drives up our narrow side road at top speed, giving it big stick through the gears and stopping on a sixpence outside his front door.

Can I buy one of these boxes and stick it in his boot? Or better still can I buy or borrow a 12-bore from our local farmer and blow his bloody head of next time I see him storming up the road? Please say yes.

Capital gets trendy address: .London on its way

Paris Hilton

For us in out here in Bumpkinsville...

Will there be a second level domain called thathere.london to help us along. Or maybe thathere.lunnon to make it really easy.

Paris. She's capital, so I gather.

Ten... in-ear headphones


RHA Winner here too

I was chuffed to bits when I found out I'd won these. They've replaced a pair of similar-priced Sony in-ear phones, and they are a smidge better than the Sonys There's not much in it - bass is a bit tighter, there's more space around the sound (it's the best way I can describe it), and the cord is much less prone to tangling than any other phones I've used. So a neat cost-effective upgrade, esp when someone just gives them to you. Nice.

I'm more interested in the higher-spec ones tbh. I wouldn't mind a pair of the £500 jobbies for a prize. How about it El Reg?

Midlands council laughs at zombie-apocalypse threat


Hordes of the fictional undead???

I'm surprised at Leicester City Council claiming not to have a policy to deal with a sudden rush of zombies, on the basis that they don't exist.

They weren't fictional when I used to go and stand on the Kop at Filbert Street in the 80s & early 90s. Most of the defence and at least two of the centre forwards were clearly zombified, judging by their speed & agility.

Texas cinema texter becomes foul-mouthed movie star



Good films have a wide range of volume, like the Senna film - clearly v loud in places, sometimes deathly quiet and I don't think I'm giving the game away with that statement. You might take 20 minutes to adjust, my ears don't and when some ill-trained teenager & his mate are sitting 18" from my ears the noise of their dining performance is a major major distraction.

I want a film to sweep me up, to take me away, to let me be part of it. A plastic bucket of popcorn being eaten in the seat behind prevents that. Since when did people lose the ability to sit quietly for an hour & three-quarters without needing a sugar rush?



But... if theatre manglement are so keen to stop the rest of the punters from being distracted, why do they happily sell huge buckets of popcorn or sweets in plastic wrapping, that's made into a huge f*****ng drama being eaten as noisily as possible by the rest of the semi-educated slack-jawed customer? Oh - silly me - there's money in convincing a surly teenager that a film isn't complete without a colossal bucket of popcorn, plus a gallon of coke. That sort of distraction's allowed - there's money in it. Txting? On yer bike.

The first 20 minutes of the Senna film the other night was completely wrecked by these oiks who can't survive for any length of time without their comfort food. And it's all with the full blessing of house management. Stick your cinema.

Spot-the-fake site launched



Isn't Brand-i what they drink in the Wist Middlunds especially around Dudloi?

How to choose the right screen size



A former colleague (young lad, first proper job, bit of spare cash) tootled off to one of those warehouses to buy himself a new flat-screen TV. When it came to paying the salesboy did a decent job and talked him into buying it on credit, then pointed out that he could now afford a much bigger screen. Result? Young lad, tiny bedroom in his parents house, 50" screen. Neck-ache or what? It works both ways y'know.

Sun attempts to ID entire FA Cup Final crowd


But at the Dons game yesterday...

I took the kids to see the MK Dons v Peterborough. They wanted to see the Play Off semi; I'm ambivalent these days about the whole game with its diving cheating overpaid nancy boys <con't p94...> and sat for the first half hour with a grumble-face and arms folded wishing I wasn' t there. Guess what? After a while I started to get into it, enjoyed the shouting, the cheering, the dire language from some examples of yoof-of-terday behind us, and found myself jumping up at the third goal early in the second half. It was fun; we all had a smile on our faces, at least until the dubious penalty towards the end.

That tongue in cheek description earlier of IQs reverting to the mean may well be true. I saw an old chum there - met him when we both regular MENSA-goers and between the two of us I reckon we could have outdone the away end in terms of IQ scores - and he was having a sight more fun than I was. Explain that.

Panasonic SC-HTB520 soundbar

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Ah but some of us have families etc...

I bought a 42" Panasonic last year, mainly for the world cup, equally because the old CRT was on its last legs and I fancied a new toy. This sound bar looks ideal for what I want. The TV sound is ok; when we want something on 'big sound' the sound goes through the decent stereo system, which doesn't work too well as the speakers aren't either side of the screen so good sound comes from either side of the fireplace, the good picture is over there in the corner of the room.

I (as in 'we') don't want another set of boxes to give us full surround sound, and another set of speakers taking up even more space. This neat little solution is the answer, esp as I've got hacked off with Apple not being able to make iPads fast enough so have abandoned any desire to buy one and now have more than enough dosh in my New Bike Fund to buy one of these.

Apple Digital AV Adapter



Worth adding that when I plugged the adapter into my iPod nothing came up on the TV screen - I was expecting to see all my apps in 42" HD lit up like Blackpool in October. This review is worthwhile in that respect at least as I now know that it only sends video form the right apps down the cable. So worth El Reg's time to write it and mine to read it.

Fail. On my part for not sussing what mirror might actually mean.

Jobs Horns


Ok, so it's furkin pricey for a simple adapter, but like the man says the iPad [and my iPod] doesn't have one fitted. So what to do about it?

Well. You can either do what I did which is to point out to the Apple Store people that £35 is criminal for that and I'd rather leave it on the shelf thanks very much you bunch of crooks, then leave without it;


You can do what I did which is to go back the following weekend and stump up the dosh for one as it's the only thing that'll do the job so tough.

It's an Apple tax. Entirely voluntary, and at the end of it what's £35? They know this. We know it. We live with it and write comments on web-sites about it, but we still pay the money.

Show me a company that sells things at manufacturer's cost + minimal markup. Most - all - manufacturers would dream of being able to load prices like Apple do. And they can because they've got the market share.

Online car-buying firm agrees to more transparent pricing



Hardly a surprise surely?

Anyone used Sure-Sell - http://www.sure-sell.info - ? The Telegraph's motor man Honest John often recommends them. Effectively an off-shoot of British car Auctions, but the benefits are that you'll get shut of your car without having to wait for the tyre-kickers, dreamers, would-be thieves and no-shows to waste your time, and that the dosh from the sale ends up in your grubby little paws very quickly once it's sold. Biggest downside would seem to be that your pride & joy is going through auction so price depends entirely on the mood in the auction house. Not that that differs much from knocking it out as a p/x, or flogging it through the classifieds in your local free-sheet.

The Professionals set to abseil into cinema


Who to play Bodie?

My old mate Dave, who back in those days was known for bursting into the pub at 10:04 on a Sunday night just after it'd been on, throwing himself across the floor of the snug and rolling up to the benchseat near the fireplace, arms outstretched as if holding a gun to provide cover whilst shouting instructions at the top of his voice. Neat. He didn't have an RS though so is disqualified from being Bodie in any film. Shame - he'd be better than any big-name Yank who doesn't get it.

UK iPad 2 to cost under £400



Still torn. The New Bike Fund currently sits at a few grand and I don't need (or want) a new bike yet anyway. And this thing keeps looking at me, enticing me. Sure no-one needs an iPad, like no-one needs anything more than a cheap & cheerful MP3 player for 20 quid, or anything else for that matter. Not needing one doesn't seem to stop world+dog wanting one though.

Tell you what. If El Reg can tell us how many olympic size swimming pools worth of iPads are shifted on Friday I'll get one.

UK cyclists hit by fraud after online purchase at website


Cyclists eh? Kuh eh? Kuh.

Ha. "(b) cyclists seem to spend a disproportionate amount of time on forums rather than out on their bikes."

That might be because after we've biked to work we have to sit in front of a computer for 8 hours before biking home to our families, probably getting home in the dark and certainly - for now at least - in the dark by the time we do get home. Check the discussions on any bike site and see how it's pretty lively through the working day, but drops enormously during the commute times and over the the weekends. A bit like El Reg in fact.

Still. Nothing like letting the facts get in the way of a gigantic sweeping statement that backs up your own biased views eh?

Apple sells 500,000 iPads, runs out of stock

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Gotta have one then

Being a PC + Penguin user by default, and having an iPod (Christmas gift actually) I don't know where I stand in terms of being informed by various commentar... errr correspondents on here whether or not I want one of these things. Sensing ownership of an iPad does seem to bring out the worst in some of you lot, really.

But you know what, I actually do quite fancy one, and all this name-calling on here tends to steer me closer towards one. The cost is nothing in reality, just some different numbers on an account balance somewhere that won't change my life this year or next all being well. I didn't know I fancied an iPod until I had one and that's a neat bit of kit. Safe to assume that the iPad will be too, so that sounds good enough reason to buy one at an opportune moment. When I do, I promise not to come on here and gloat about it. With any luck it'll quickly become just another toy - like the iPod - to hop on the net with, or play Paper Toss, or Sudoko, to get in touch with distant friends & family, or d/l some toons if I feel like it. Y'know, just like a trimmed down PC.

I really don't get the name-calling and hatred targeted at people who apparently 'just fancy' a neat toy. As far as I can tell it does what it does very well; of all the reviews of alt f/slabs that I've seen none seem to have that x-factor + range of toys that the IPad does, and there's no point buying second best just to save a few bob.

Where do I queue up for one then?

Spaniards bemoan 'joke' speed limit cut


@Z80 & Statman

Not that simple tho is it? If keeping the engine to its slowest speed was the only factor I'd drive everywhere in 6th gear, which gives me something around 30 something mph per 1000 revs. Trouble is that it's labouring at low engine speeds; it doesn't really start to work properly until about 1500 and is at its most efficient speed is ~2000 to 3000 rpm, like most other modern diesels. 2-3000 equates to motorway speeds in top, so it's a balancing act to keep the road speed up to an optimum that doesn't see me creating a mobile chicane but keeps the economy up to a decent level, whilst not labouring the engine and not bothering the safety partnership cameras.


UK Limit increase to 80 though?

There was a kite-flying exercise the other week from the Govt, suggesting that the limit could be raised to 80 on UK m/ways.


It wouldn't make much difference. The limit is de facto 80 already (well explained earlier in the 2nd post, re 70 + 10% + 2mph (not 1) = 79, APCO Guidelines for prosecution) as all that would happen is that the new limit would be more rigidly enforced - I'd expect the 10% allowance to be reduced for m/way limits being exceeded.

In reality providing the conditions are ok and you're not driving like a knob-end anything less than 85 on a motorway is unlikely to result in prosecution now. With a new limit the prosecution would kick in at err 85, so no change there.

[Disclaimer - YMMV obviously]


UK M/way limits

"No, a 70mph upper limit on all roads was first introduced in 1965 in response to the number of deaths on the roads (and in particular probably the new fangle motorway things) in high speed crashes."

No. The limits were introduced after the press latched onto some high speed testing on the M1 back around 1965. I believe Jaguar with the E Type and Aston Martin were the main culprits, but the press made a fuss and a 'temporary' 70 limit was brought in, in response to public outcry - won't someone think of the children, I expect.

iPlayer Global iPad app price announced


Grammar nazi alert

It's a licence, not a license. Once you've bought a licence, you're licensed to use TV equipment. Noun != verb.

Anyway. Good on yer, BBC. Make viewers outside the UK stump up a bit of dosh to wtach the ouput that the licence fee provides. It's what every TV Licence debate on web fora ends up with as the main bone of contention, that World + Dog outside of the UK gets what we've paid for, for free. Except obviously those who are savvy enough to work around the limitations.

Health experts flip over McD's burger-flip toy



We just taught the kids when they were little that McD's tastes horrible and makes you fat and that only poor people are allowed in there, much like disabled parking spaces are reserved for those that need them. Doesn't bother me whether it's true or not, they've bought into the idea and instinctively avoid the place. Shame they both love Burger King though.

Still. They're both the right weight for their height so I'm ok with that. Once in a while doesn't hurt; it's 38 hours of FIFA Manager 2099 per day on the XBox that'll frazzle their brains before a poor quality bun with some meat in it does.

Portsmouth redefines the Olympic-sized swimming pool


What's the problem?

Instead of swimming it in a direct A-to-B straight line, Olympic-brained officials could introduce an arc in the lane markers to add the necessary additional 2" to the swum distance. In theory competitors could zig-zag their way up the pool and do a 400m event in just one length, if enough effort & imagination went into it.

Send my consultancy fee to the usual address.

Unprecedented domain seizure shutters 84,000 sites



"What good is a Pitchfork against the armada of lethal weaponary the US government has ?"

I read that as Amanda. Didn't make sense.

Mexico demands apology for Top Gear outrage



Once - just once - wouldn't it be great if an ambassador on the receiving end of one of these jibes got his mush in the papers by saying something along the lines of "Yeah we saw it. It wasn't that funny tbh but it was only a few words on a tv prog. We've got better things to worry about than this sort of nonsense".

It would be, but I won't be holding my breath for it. Everyone seems desparate not just to be offended these days, but to want to tell us how offended they are.

Home Office crime maps go to street-level detail


a-z and or 0-9

If only Apple had been behind this, it would have worked perfectly on the day of the big launch, and could have been named properly too. Ladeeez and gennermennn - I give you - The iPlod.

Hacker warning over internet-connected HDTVs

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Surely this is just the natural conclusion of steps begun many years ago by the venerated Noel "Neddy" Edmonds on his House Party programme, where they jumped live to some unsuspecting fat bloke in his living room on a Saturday evening on the awesomely funny NTV slot. Probably.


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