Posts by The Alpha Klutz

Amazon UK leaks Windows 8 retail box, TV ads

Re: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cX4t5-YpHQ

How do those 4 sleep at night?

Watching that video hurt my feelings.

the orientation video says i should end with a great resource: windows.com/help

itles like "Meet Windows 8," "Make It Yours," "Work Hard, Play Hard," and "It's All About Apps."

ugh.... I wonder if rampant use of cliches is actually a good way to sell software of if Microsoft just get away with it because they're too big to fail.

It's all about apps yo, check it.

No thanks.

im going to rush out and get it on release day

we're talking about the latest linux release, right?

Linux on ARM breakthrough to take away Torvalds' arse pain

10 years tops

Microsoft is finished

Foxconn denies factory labor strike reports

THEY TAKE YOUR DNA AND MONITOR YOUR PERFORMANCE FOR 6 MONTHS

top performers are cloned. all clones aree recycled every 6 months. all human employees are terminated at 6 months. clones and humans have to compete and verbally abuse eachother.

Man the floodgates! David Cameron takes to Twitter

when did the role of Prime Minister turn into

shiny head twat who flies around making business deals? (and not even the most skilled such person in the country)

LASER STRIKES against US planes on the rise

Re: Peril-sensitive cockpits

It's a great idea but I think Apple already got the black rectangle patent.

Massive strike at Foxconn's iPhone 5 factory

Re: detail work at sub-millimeter accuracy

I wonder if we can send an iPhone 5 to Dave Jones at the EEVBlog. He knows shitty engineering when he sees it.

large-scale brawls

capitalism is your friend, yo

just as long as build/design/sell weapons to kill little kids etc its all kool.

Steve Jobs is STILL DEAD

he might be dead

but when i turn the lights off at night im still scared he might jump out the closet

Facebook's CHAIR sat on by 1 billion people ... bitch

Re: where are the computer screens?

The advert would have been much more accurate if they had set up the shots like this:

scene 1: a bus stop full of people in the dark hours of the morning/night. all their faces are glowing a disgusting blue colour from their LED backlit devices. (LEDs have massive efficiency in the blue spectrum and not much else, all the other colours have to be produced by phosphors). Anyway these blue glowing people are basically not going to talk to each other under any circumstances, and the advert needs to portray the pure isolation of this.

scene 2: typical male masturbating furiously at pictures of good looking women on Facebook. He has a 21 inch monitor so his face is glowing blue as fuck and you can see all the sweat and grease on there.

Peter realises that Fincher ripped off the mind control sequences from The Parallax View, in The Game.

Mind control is a major theme in Fincher's work.

STILL TRUE: Facebook and co to handle taxpayers' ID

Re: 185 people

So thats':

80 people to render the animated gifs

43 people to lay out the tables/write the html/using notepad and mspaint

38 people to write a navigation system using iframes and javascript

15 people to hack the navigation system into the rest of the site

9 people to design a logo that says "Works best with Internet Explorer 6"

Brighton marathon munchers banned from all-you-can-eat diner

why havent i been this rude to buffet owners?

these men are an inspiration. better bulk up too. muscle burns more calories so its no joke that these people need to eat more.

Hackers leak 120,000 student records in raid on world's top unis

money money money money

money!

Get some lecturer who can barely speak english, get him to read out some books, bingo, you just made 9 grand * 300 students. I should set up a university. So easy to make money and kids are dumb so they wont question that what they're learning is useless.

Rapper rips up Microsoft's Atlanta store during performance

Re: Lightweight!

In the 90s the decided they weren't going to allow any more anti-establishment music. That's why all musicians now are so rigidly type-cast and law abiding. But their handlers allow them to talk a big game about having guns and drugs in order to sell records and indoctrinate the youth into mindless/violent capitalism. How lame.

"Suck my d*ck; I’m up in this motherf*cker. MGK in this b*tch. F*ck these computers," he announced,

This line deserves to be savoured again in full.

Satellite broadband rollout for all in US: But Europe just doesn't get it

Europeans don't want it

because its crap

Vote now for the ultimate bacon sandwich

Re: Had a breakfast this morning with no bacon

The Unix version would be a massive wad of bacon in a grey beard.

Re: The Guacamole Goulash

have they been picked up by the cops yet?

Re: tangentially

Justin Bieber — bacon lyrics

You know you love me

I know you care

Just shout whenever,

And I'll be there

You want my love

You want my heart

And we would never, ever, ever be apart

Are we an item?

Girl quit playin'

We're just friends,

What are you sayin'?

Said there's another as you look right in my eyes

My first love, broke my heart for the first time

And I was like

bacon, bacon, bacon ooh

Like

bacon, bacon, bacon noo

Like

bacon, bacon, bacon ohh

I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

bacon, bacon, bacon ohh

Like

bacon, bacon, bacon noo

Like

bacon, bacon, bacon ohh

I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

...

The Guacamole Goulash

At first it looks like a disgusting pile of squid/mucus. But once you make out the bacon in there, it looks so tasty.

Facebook's latest brain wave: Flogging REAL fluffy tat

If that's what Zuck's counting on....

let me just check none of my pension fund is in Facebook...

The recipient can "enter their own shipping info and can swap for a different size, flavour or style before the gift ships", the company explained.

so now you can send someone a gift when you:

a) dont know where they live

b) dont know anything about what they like

why would you want to?

WTF is... NFC

Go the whole hog

Near field? What about long field? Might as well just put a transponder in my hat, so I can wonder around taking any items I want from the shops, and you can just send me an invoice later. Why not...

New I-hate-my-neighbour stickers to protect Brits' packages

Re: Troll the neighbourhood

where is downing street again?

Mighty quake shook ENTIRE PLANET, broke tectonic plate

Re: its all unwinding now

You don't own a house or any land. You weren't given a decent education or any job prospects worth a fuck. And now, you can say goodbye to your NHS, your pension, your car, and your livelihood. There are people in China being forced to do your job for pennies, and if they don't like it, they cant even commit suicide anymore. And you support this awful regime with hundreds of your over-inflated pounds and your fat fucking dollars. You think everything is just a big playground for you, and it's all okay as long as you can sit on the toilet with your iPhone in your free moments off from lining up at the dole officer or going to special government retraining camps to teach you how to be a security guard so you can keep the other plebs in line when they finally figure it out too.

It's such a clever system that you will be simultaneously oppressed and an oppressor. It's true hell on earth.

TalkTalk somehow retains most-complained-about-ISP title AGAIN

attention comrades the data ration is up 3%

now do your calisthenics, we have a genetic algorithm running to spot nonconformists

Guardian's Robin Hood plan: Steal from everyone to give to us

there ought to be two new requirements for becoming a teacher.

Intelligence and decency. It might work, it certainly hasn't been tried yet.

iPhone 5 sales curbed by lack of smashable screens – report

Any aluminum product may scratch or chip with use. That is normal.

Yeah when i go to the supermarket i always marvel at how scratched up all the aluminium cans look. every one of them covered in scratches. not

imagine dinner at Tim Cook's house

lets bow our heads and say grace; we thank you Steve Jobs for this bounty we are about to receive, amen.

and they all get a plain white breathmint.

it has nevertheless disappointed analysts who were predicting sales of six to 10 million.

Gosh if the analysts are disappointed by that, imagine how they'll react when the economy collapses and we all have to live under global feudalism.

all the effort to shave off some micrometres?

whats the point when the damn thing is as big as an OS map already.

Facebook denies Timeline publishes punters' private posts

Re: Facebook denies Timeline publishes punters' private posts

of course, Zuck will always claim they can set their security settings, but if he hadn't miss-managed their security settings in the first place they wouldnt have been fucked over to begin with.

Facebook denies Timeline publishes punters' private posts

Facebook lies. I can see private posts from people who dont even like me. sometimes you click on a timeline and nothing comes up, sometimes you get their private shit spunked right over your terminal window and they cant do ANYTHING ABOUT IT

Smartphones may soon listen in on you while they sleep

"Just turning on the device is part of the problem, right?"

.... no

Myspace mutates Windows 8 with new look

i dont even know whether to insult it or not

had to watch the video 3 times. ugh need to flush that grating music now.

Meshuggah - Perpetual Black Second, ah that's better.

iPhone 5 Lightning cables sticking in USB ports

Re: the white plastic surrounding the USB end slides right of revealing the medal connectors

im guessing the 30 pin connector on the other end is....

the white plastic surrounding the USB end slides right of revealing the medal connectors

shit, I wish I had medal connectors.

Anyway, It's nice to see the business practice of ripping your customers off with poorly made proprietary connectors is still thriving.

Hitachi claims glass data storage will last millions of years

millions of years data storage

of course will be used for porn.

if humans evolve enough, will it be illegal to watch porn of humans from millions of years ago? what if man evolves an extra penis or something? then all porn of men with one penis will be extreme porn and jacqui smith will have to make it illegal. thats what i thought anyway.

Facebook shares drop 10%, trip NASDAQ 'circuit breaker'

Re: is it just me?

if you add an "s" you get scumbag and sociopath. I fucking love Google.

is it just me?

I typed "Zuckerberg is a " into google and my suggestions are; douche, thief, rockefeller, jerk

hmmm they all fit so well

NASDAQ is like a 50 foot tall dick

with thousands of guys standing at the base, pumping it.

iPhone queue ‘superficial and pretentious’ says queuing fangirl

give me a high five homeboy

we're so cool

Made for each other: liquid nitrogen and 1,500 ping-pong balls

i would do this in a crowded area

then when everyone suddenly stops walking because of the sudden ping pong balls slapping them in the face, i will take the opportunity to become extremely aggressive and hit people with a bog brush; which is painful and humiliating.

LONDON iPHONE 5 MADNESS: 'You must be CRAZY to buy Apple'

Re: What is the point in life if it isn't to be happy while you're here?

the point is to shut your stupid face and pay your taxes

regards

David Cameron

Fanboys order 2m iPhone 5s in 24 hours

as we watch enslavement coming into view

Let's try not to let the sun set on Utopia.

HTML5 isn't Facebook's 'biggest mistake'

A Utopia Wept

Social acceptance puts massive constraints on personal freedom. In the perfect consumerist society, everyone has a Facebook account, 200 friends, and they all share ideas on what to buy. By the time you widen your social circle as far as 200 people, all chance of individual freedom is lost. To be acceptable to all these people now you must have a very narrow set of safe behaviors and stick to them religiously. This kind of society leads to grim totalitarian thinking, and in the field of totalitarians, shit rises inexorably to the top.