Posts by Montreal Sean

NASA: Bring on the asteroid, so we can chuck a fridge at it

Re: Perhaps...

We should be eco friendly and send Schwartzenneger.

He always says he'll be back.

And don't call me Shirley.

Sailor Moon? More like sail to the Moon: Japan vows to set foot on lunar soil by 2030

Re: Just ONE astronaut?

Obviously they don't consider the robot to be an astronaut. :)

German robo-pastor preaches the GNU Testament

Re: St Charles (aka King Charles I)

CofE is an Anglican Church, isn't it?

That would make it a Catholic Church, but an English Catholic Church.

Anglicans don't believe the Pope is the voice of God on Earth.

My Anglican Church is a high church and is frequented by many Roman Catholics who want a service done largely in Latin.

Walmart workers invited to shuttle packages

Re: But do customers care?

What I don't understand is Walmart already offers free home delivery for online orders over $50.

They ship by FedEx, CanPar, Canada Post...

We've had deliveries to our home that consisted of multiple 50Lb boxes.

Maybe they don't offer this in the USA?

Dell kills botched BIOS update that murdered punters' PCs

Re: Dell Orange is the new Blag

Cap leakage is also the first thing I look for on Lenovo or HP desktops that act strangely.

At some point they were all affected, and all the caps came from the same manufacturer. I seem to remember them all being identifiable by an X on the top?

Faking incontinence and other ways to scare off tech support scammers

Re: Damn it.

"career limiting move"

Maybe not, it might open up a new sideline business for you. :)

Infected

"Are you sure my computer has a virus? I ways wear a condom while surfing porn. Can you come check me after you clean my computer?"

PC repair chap lets tech support scammer log on to his PC. His Linux PC

Re: Boobytrap a VM.

I would guess that the scammer would copy the file to their own machine before opening it.

The scammer wouldn't want to be seen opening the file after all!

Switch on your smartphone camera and look how fertile I am

I told my wife about the fertility check device.

She has decided it should be named:"The Jizz Whiz"

Re: Disposable barbeques

But spade and quicklime can't do double duty as long pork BBQ!

Prisoners built two PCs from parts, hid them in ceiling, connected to the state's network and did cybershenanigans

Re: Hats off to them...

Turbos are too laggy.

I've got a supercharger button!

BOFH: Defenestration, a solution to Solutions To Problems We Don't Have

Re: Seven pints

Must be session beer.

:)

Trump sets sights on net neutrality

Re: I'd equate Trump to Hitler but...

Attila the Hun had a firm grasp of military strategy, and a clear plan of action when it came to what he wanted to achieve.

Attila probably didn't lie, and then lie about lying either.

I'm not sure the same can be said of Trump.

Microsoft nicks one more Apple idea: An ad-supported OS

Re: But will Apple file suit against MS?

@Steve Davies 3

Be careful what you wish for.

Microsoft will not release another version of Windows.

The next OS they release will be "Microsoft Ads 1"

BOFH: Elf of Safety? Orc of Admin. Pleased to meet you

Re: Working at....

I work for a large IT services company in Canada.

One of our large clients (a major petroleum corporation) has some pretty strict H&S policies for contractors.

I need to reverse the car into any parking spot at their petrol stations and put on a high vis vest and steel toe boots that protect the ankles before stepping out of my car.

I need to wear the high vis vest inside the store while working on their computers. And put on cut resistant gloves if I need to touch any cables under the counters because there might be rough edges on things.

We also have to fill out "work safe" forms detailing what we will be doing and every potential risk of injury we could encounter along with preventive measures to avoid said risks.

Even if all we are doing is replacing a mouse.

Nokia's 3310 revival – what's NEXT? Vote now

Re: Yes for the Sony Walkman

I owned a couple of Sony minidisc players.

They were pretty good, once you figured out the crap pc software.

Re: Series 5

Back in 1999 or 2000 I had a Rex5000.

I loved that little thing. Data entry on it was crap, but worked well when you used it to sync with the laptop app.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/REX_5000

IT guy checks to see if PC is virus-free, with virus-ridden USB stick

Re: I use to work as a tech in the education department

Porn links eh?

Head teacher? Fnar fnar.

BOFH: Password HELL. For you, mate, not for me

Congratulations you've won a trip!

Got a bunch of phone calls from a scammer offering me a wonderful all expenses paid trip to their new 5 star hotel in Mexico.

I let him ramble on for a few minutes and then when he asked for my credit card number to reserve my trip, I said:

"Wait, did you say Mexico? I was asked never to return to Mexico. There was some trouble with the cartels and some explosions..."

The phone call ended rather abruptly after that.

VPN on Android means 'Voyeuristic Peeper Network' in many cases

Re: Another log on the fire.

My paid for provider doesn't collect data either, and when it comes to running on my Android it provides a config file for OpenVPN.

Stanford boffins find 'correlation between caffeine consumption and longevity'

Caffeine and hugh blood pressure

Bah, my coffee consumption has nothing to do with my BP being 148/109.

OK, maybe a little to do with it...

It's round and wobbles, but madam, it's a mouse pad, not a floppy disk

Re: Insert a new disk and press Return

"may contain nuts"

Food labels have an allergy warning after the ingredient list in Canada.

The jar of peanuts? Two ingredients: roasted peanuts, salt.

Allergy warning? "Contains peanuts"

I should hope it contains peanuts!

:)

Re: "... we saved electricity if empty sockets were switched off "

Turning them off when not in use would also make it that much harder for younglings to electrocute themselves when they stick things in the plug.

Ransomware scum offer free decryption if you infect two mates

Re: Solution

Both people you infect need to pay up before you receive your decryption key.

VMs would end up costing you twice as much as just paying up for the first infection.

Windows 10 market share growth just barely has a pulse

Re: @DougS

There are companies who have gone to 8.1, I know of one major Canadian bank that migrated to 8.1 with their last PC refresh.

Why they did it? No clue. Maybe because of the Surface Pro tablets they rolled out to management?

I think they are crazy.

You want SaaS? Don't bother, darling, your kind can't afford it

@Yet Another Anonymous coward

"technology tart / technology journalist.

What's the difference between tart and journalist? Other than there are presumably things a tart won't do for any money"

Tarts dress better.

Insurance companies

My insurance company managed to spell my family name correctly in part one of my forms, and then incorrectly in part two.

Took several months to correct, as each time they make a change they send out new documents with the corrected info. Each time they managed to fix one part and screw up the other.

Never caused any problems with.my claims though.

Going shopping for a BSOD? We've found 'em in store at M&S

The second photo is not a Linux error screen.

I realize not everyone is old enough to have seen one, but that is a PC boot screen just after POST with a listing of the hardware addresses and devices handled by the BIOS.

I miss those days.

Encrypted email sign-ups instantly double in wake of Trump victory

Re: Is it...

Ditch email for IM?

Sounds great! I vote for Facebook messenger, it's super secure!

Yoiks.

Married man arrives at A&E with wedding ring stuck on todger

@appendicitis

That's an unusual test for appendicitis isn't it?

Kinda like the A&E doc who did the same to me when I came in with a possible hernia...

When I later told my physician about it during a checkup, all he could say was "That was very thorough of him..."

Any questions? No, not you again at the back, please God no

Re: Fear of flying

@Mage

I get your unease with takeoff and landing.

The first time I took a plane anywhere was almost the last.

The pilot must have been ex-Navy and used to short runways with steep climbs to altitude.

That L1011 used very little runway and climbed fast and hard, and descended the same way.

What should the Red Arrows' new aircraft be?

The obvious answer would be...

The Avro Arrow!

I'm sure we could scrape together a couple.

Or 5.93

Birmingham sperm bank pulls plug after just a handful of recruits

The NHS failed.

Failed to take matters firmly enough in hand.

Topless in-car selfie attempt climaxes with rear-end bonking

"...or headlights?"

Exactly what I was thinking.

Officer, she was only trying to get a little more light on the road, go easy on her.

Getting your tongue around foreign tech-talk is easier than you think

@biscuit

Re: cul-de-sac

It is used all the time here in Quebec.

Usually used in the following manner:

"Crisse de cul-de-sac! I need to get to that other road, where's a through street?"

:)

Duck Google's data grab

So...

Google is slightly less evil than Facebook.

I'll still be checking that no privacy settings were "accidentally" changed.

Nokia crawls towards comeback with new phones announcement

@AJ MacLeod

I have a phone for you, my Blackberry Torch 9810 ticks (almost) all those boxes.

It's a bit beaten up, but works a charm.

And the battery is removable.

Windows updates? Just trust us, says Microsoft executive

Re: A Trip To The Doctors (Dr Microsoft)

Having recently entered my 40s, I'm resigned to the fact I'll need to bend over and spread 'em for my doctor on an annual-ish basis.

But no way will I do the same for Microsoft.

‘Andromeda’ will be Google’s Windows NT

"Secondly, how much will it call home?"

It will only call home once when you first set it up.

Then it will never break the connection to the mothership, eliminating that tedious phoning bit.

Portsmouth bomb about to be detonated

Blame Volkswagen.

"Damn Nazis, denying us a Friday firework. I thought German engineering was supposed to be better than that."

They underperform only when being monitored, just like the bomb.

Latest F-35 bang seat* mods will stop them breaking pilots' necks, beams US

Re: minimum weight

"Can't they put adjustable weights in the chair, like a handicapped horse?"

I can see PETA's response now...

"While we applaud the military for not discriminating against handicapped horses, we strongly oppose putting a horse in a fighter jet."

:)

BOFH: The case of the suspicious red icon

The user got off way too easy.

Users like that should be subjected to physical torture proportionate to the amount of time wasted.

And then shown the window.

Jeff Bezos' thrusting cylinder makes Elon Musk's look minuscule

Re: units

"Now. If payload = 1.23 African elephants, take off at 3pm, altitude is 24923 London buses, divide by the number you first thought of. Carry the one. Does anyone else get an answer of 'a seal in a hat'?"

Damn, I got 'a seal holding a hat'.

I must have forgotten to carry the argyle sock.

Amazon pops up more shops

Re: Deliver same day?

Buying things from China through dealextreme or AliExpress can be hit or miss though.

I've been burned by them before, with purchased items not arriving.

I won't spend more than $10 or $20 on either site, an amount that won't be too painful if lost.

HP Ink buys Samsung's printer business for a BILLION dollars

Re: "as few as seven replaceable parts"

"Certain other brands have been nothing but trouble *ahem*kyocera*ahem*HP*ahem*"

HP is my favourite printer manufacturer! If it wasn't for them I wouldn't have printers to fix and would be out of a job! :)

Re: And tomorrow...

"As HP altready share printers with Canon, where's the competition especially for workgroup (and more) printers?"

Lexmark? XEROX?

Tesla to stop killing drivers: Software update beamed to leccy cars

I wonder how well the system deals with potholes.

Around here we get potholes big enough to rip your wheel and hub from the car. Especially during the cold months.

And, when the city finally sends out a repair truck they pop in some hot patch crap that last for a couple of days before popping out of the hole and becoming yet another thing to wreck your wheel on.

Re: Drone drivers?

"Why not do a kinda of Tesla chat roulette where remote drivers can patch in when the car detects a lack of attention? Then the players can save them from a lithium-enhanced fireball and win points and prizes. Win-win. What could possibly go wrong ;)"

You don't want me on the other end! When I get bored racing around in Need For Speed, I start crashing into as many cars as possible to see how high my wanted score gets and how many cop cars I can take out before being taken down. :)

Is there paper in the printer? Yes and it's so neatly wrapped!

Re: Climbing out of the first floor at 02:00

Re: 3 metre fence in Italy...

You didn't have any of this to deal with?

http://imdb.to/2c3Esl2