Posts by Chimp

Christ appears in phone advert, secular authorities act

Your aunt...

... sounds rather giddy.

Give me buddhists to bible bashers any day.

State-sponsored 5-year global cyberattack uncovered

Yes, but no, but yes...

It certainly could have been China. Hacking the IOC in 2006 is a bit odd, though. They already had the 2008 Olympics in the bag.

Now, which country wanted the next Olympics and routinely spies on activists using deep cover agents and technical means?

...

.XXX to launch nothing-but-smut unsafe search

Patent oppo

xxx search can be enhanced using third party code. They are to be named 'strap ons'. They erl require exposed pubic interfaces.

US air passenger cuffed over low-flying pants

Your old mother

Prodnoses...

Your old mother

Common decency is generally a code word for intolerance. Who cares what someone wears, who they fuck, how they get their hair cut.

Then again, no skin off my nose.

Total Recall rehash – exit Martians, enter Jessica Biel

Your old mother

John Woo hasn't made a decent movie in 25 years.

Using the internet in the People's Republic of China

Your old mother

The Chinese are well wxperienced in what happens when the wheels fall off civilization. Generally, the government ideology (which is that stabilityis the paramount virtue) is shared by the people.

Or you could have a shining example of modern, democratic government like Strauss-Kahn run the place.

On the cemsorship issue., hard to say sometimes if you are being firewalled or if it is just a crap connection. Bit of both., I suspect.

Eight New Yorkers sue Baidu for $16m

Your old mother

Is it really unconstitutional in the US for a private company to censor content? I doubt that, very much.

Anyway, buddy, Chinese or Japanese... all the same to you, right?

Schmidt: Android will bring DEMOCRACY to the WORLD

Your old mother

A link to the claim that Orkut is "the most popular social networking site in the PRC" would be appreciated. I call bullshit on the claim, though some such claim may well have been made.

Renault readies sub-£7000 e-car for Blighty

Your old mother

There are schemes like that in the PRC for electric moped batteries. Not sure of the costs... Will ask, someday.

One thing that struck me about the little electric car... Never park it near a pub, or you'll have ten pints and a pizza on the front seat before long.

US Navy produces smart, cheap 6kg fire+forget missile

Your old mother

A very risky acronym.... Guarantee it gets called the CLIT by the lads in the field.

Chinese iPad 2 fanboiz in frenzied fight

Your old mother

Bit harsh there... As far as I can tell, this did happen, or something very like it.

I rather enjoyed the bit where the shop attendant beat a customer with an iron bar (by implication, for queue jumping). Many is the time I' be been in a queue and wished for a bot of iron bar therapy for some bayard who had just cut in.

UK.gov would pay to have benefit claimants' tattoos erased

Smack is forever

No, he shouldn't be punished.

That doesn't mean public money should be spent on his tattoo removal. Family, friends, religious charities. He has to make a case to people who know him.

US spooks to build 60 megawatt data center

Your old mother

A very impressive facility which is, however, dwarfed by its carpark. TAKE THE BUS, FFS.

China sets out space-station plan, asks public to name it

Your old mother

Perfect name for it. Needs two more labs added on the sides so that the middle finger symbolism of it is clearer. Every ninety minutes it passes over Washington...

Bradley Manning to be moved to new military prison

Bloody titles

Ah, grasshopper, you have derived the second law of politics - "It's different when we do it". You are well along the path to enlightenment. Now, you must discover the first law.

Forget China and India, Sweden is tech's superpower

Bloody titles

Who wants to invest in my free online newspaper in Zim? I need a volunteer reporter for political affairs, too.

Nice troll in an earlier post about Taiwan, btw. With love like that, is it any wonder it has taken 60 years for any kind of detente to take hold.

Fired-up eco-boffin gives it '180 per cent'

Well spouted,but...

They are also possibly au fait with auxiliary verbs.

Indonesian anti-smut MP caught ogling filth

Forgot the damn title again

It's in indonesia, so who knows. Generally speaking, when someone causes trouble for a senator, that someone has an accident. Joe Fandango only has to give the cops the expected bribe and he's golden, too.

Generally, laws like this are designed to be useful vehicles for fucking over inconvenient people. In Singapore they do much the same thing. In Malaysia they accuse inconvenient people of sodomy, of all things. Christ knows what they use in the Philippines... Well, bullets, basically.

It's a short, shitty, sad life.

Ex-director permanently banned from revealing confidential info

Very important

You are ordered never to reveal that your erstwhile company has a fiddly new golfing accessory, as described in detail here, to anyone. If you reveal its existence, you will be prosecuted. If anyone sees this guy describing or discussing the item shown here in this blueprint, call the police.

Go Daddy CEO under fire for 'elephant snuff film'

Sauce for the goose

If you're eating animals for enjoyment, at least admit what is going on to keep you fed. Free world, no laws broken. The guy may be a jerk but ethical hunting isn't what makes him one.

Men at Work lose Down Under plagiarism appeal

My heart gently bleeds...

In Botany Bay, a dead crim is suing a couple of live crims and a record label. And winning. Deciding who I want to lose is like watching England against the Boks... Can they *both* lose and make for a perfect result?

Google suffers further Chinese setback

Who benefits...

Censorship in Mainland China is explicitly (as in, they tell you what can be published and what can't) applied in three cases.

1. National security. This probably covers less than 5% of instances. As in the UK, it means what the government says it means... Today. Tomorrow it will probably mean something else.

2. National *insecurity*. This is the biggie. This covers things like Falungong, and movie portrayals of corrupt police officers (very, very tough to get past censors). Stuff that might make the sheep look up, so to speak. The ironically self titled 'free world' solve this problem by drowning us in trivia.

3. Money. I guess this to represent nearly as big a share of total censorship as category two. How can you sell your products if you can't advertise, or publish. If Google had ( like every other Western corporation in China) played along nicely, it still would have been censored to death. QQ and Baidu have the inside track. Google pulled out of China not because it wouldn't play the game (it had been doing so) but because the fix was in.

Paris - because there's no Sharon Stone icon.

Radioactive Tokyo tapwater HARMS BABIES ... if drunk for a year

Indeed

The thought has crossed my mind. And only three hours away, too. Mind you, I will give it a few months til l they have things sorted out.

I know for a fact that the effect on inbound tourism has a few Tokyo residents worried. Not sure why the previous post was downvoted... I am sure your money would be very welcome.

Facebook traffic mysteriously passes through Chinese ISP

Egypt perhaps, but...

Facebook is not available in China...

Scary stuff

As we all know, Facebook is used in China and abroad by dissidents and as a secure means of transmitting sensitive information. Every day, millions of Chinese Facebook users transmit their Falungong membership lists to the Dalai Lama's page.

Even more likely is it that big brother is trying to find out what your Farm is producing, as Comrade Wen brings his two year quest for domination of Facebook games.

Next we will learn that The Register is available in China.

IBM accused of bribery in China, South Korea

Ridiculous... All lies.

No self respecting PRC Government employee would settle for such puny amounts. It costs a LOT to maintain a couple of mistresses, drink Lafite with lemonade and still have money left over for the baccarat tables in Macao.

'Air laser' tech could sniff bombs, probe atmos from afar

Back in the day...

We'd just get the new boy to chuck a brick at suspicious objects. If he was really new, there'd be a flashbang in it. Then there'd be two bricks, one on the ground and one in the lad's trousers. How we laughed... 'course, nowadays, they come down on that sort of thing like... Well, a ton of bricks.

New Taser made to take down angry bears, moose

School edition

Now we just need one that teachers can use on unruly students. "Forgot your homework again Johnny?"

Shocked mum muzzles foul-mouthed toy mutt

Scandalous

That's truly disgusting. Who the fuck spends £22 on rubbish like that? It can't even say 'bark' properly.

When one oligopoly screws another

Stick to IT

Australia is a market characterised by:

A low population density

Extreme logistics challenges

A market that is not really all that attractive to business. Risks such as litigation and industrial action are similar to those inthe UK and the USA.

The workforce is overentitled and of generally poor quality. There ate exceptions, but most of them left the cointry years ago.

If there really is gross profiteering going on, then vendors will appear who are able to.undercut exiating retailers. If they *don't* appear, that tells you that gross margins may be good, but that nett margins aren't.

iPad-smuggling women pinched in China

iStuff tax

The tax seems to apply to everyone, and refunds? A hollow laughing sound.

For the "the China made ones aren't as good as the Taiwan ones" - they are all assembled in China.

Tech firms warn Ireland on bailout

Whoops, forgot the title

Ireland's problem, as noted, is property based. Low corporate tax rates (by Euro standards) and a virtually tax free property market created a bubble.

Low corporate taxes provided lots.of well.paid jobs. Getting rid.of them is a solution that can only appeal to the red.hair shirt brigade.

The answer is a land based tax system. The simplest way of doing that is to put a graduated stamp duty on land sales. Around 20% during.the first year of ownership,.and dropping to.around 5% over five years, sounds about right.

Of course, you'd.need an equivalent.for equities.

US adds 151,000 October jobs

QE2

Describing yet another round of "pump priming" as good news is "interesting". On other related good news, unemployment remains high and massive deflation in property values gathers pace.

She were a good ship, the QE2. All the free beer a body could handle, and enough OAPs to make a.hair dye factory owner smile.

Rocks, hard places and Congo minerals

I have an idea

Let's punish countries we don't like in a way that is guaranteed to make the ones who have no say at all suffer.

DPRK: no food for you!

RSA: your AZT supply is terminated

USA: that's your last barrel of HFCS

The possibilities are endless.