* Posts by Hate2Register

168 publicly visible posts • joined 5 Jun 2007


Fancy joining the SAS's secret hacker squad in Hereford as an electronics engineer for £33k?


The ad is a declaration of intent.

Plenty of lads will give their eye-teeth for a start like this. If it goes well, they will be able to branch out into all sorts of spooky work. Plus, international finance and security companies will look at a CV like this and make all kinds of offers. And after medical, pension and career progression is taken into account, £33k will grow pretty quick. Kingsman anyone?

Samsung will be Putin dreaded Kremlin-approved shovelware on its phones, claims Russia


Can I put in?

Pun words are defined as having the same or similar sound while different meanings. 'Putin' does not have a similar sound to 'put in', so I was going to argue it's not a pun. But it's not up to me of course to say what is a pun and what is not. Perhaps the more tenuous the sound-link, the worse the pun. Maybe purple pun would be a description. I'm not trying to tautologically hang the author. Again and again and again...

ZX Spectrum Vega+ blows a FUSE: It runs open-source emulator


I paid for that console. Why should it end up for free on your desk for review? Call the bloody police.

Russia to Apple: Kill Telegram crypto-chat – or the App Store gets it


Re: Meanwhile, over in the UK ...

Clever stuff. Wow


How very you to complain about your own side :)

UK, US ink boffinry pact on laser fusion 'star power'


You forgot to mention what the "pact" is about.

You mention this world-changing pact, but have no details or overview of the link. So I looked around and found out the following:

The Americans (at NIF) have concentrated on the Laser fusion concept, which was thought to be slow acheiving 'ignition' (getting much more power out than you put in). Lately the advances have come thick and fast, and ignition may only be a few years off.

The Europeans (at ITER, and previously at JET), thought that the more expensive and difficult to control Torus magnetic containment acceleration would get faster results. The Brits new collaboration with the Yanks can be seen as backing the horse which is likely to cross the finiash line first. We want in, and will contribute supercomputer and boffin time to the American thrust, in return for consideration.

I should be a journalist, me.

McKinnon family awaits final, final extradition decision


I still think..

I still think that Gary McKinnon should be rehabilitated in the UK, and put to work in the new CyberWarfare Dept in the UK or for the Euros. It's pretty clear he has a flair for entering "closed" networks, and should be put under harness.

He wasn't malicious in his lawbreaking (except for exposing US "lies" on UFOs), and any damage caused was motivated by activism. I think he would work hard for our spooks if given this chance, and I recommend this action. If he goes to trial, the judge could suspend his sentence on condition he does sterling service for the spooks. Everyone's a winner!

Google's WiFi snoop - who knew and who didn't?



Oh ffs, who the feck cares?

How a Tory gov will be the most tech-savvy in history


Yeah but...

Open information is all very well, but it gets taken too far..

For instance, if you search on gogole (sic) for the new Warrior gun upgrade (CTAS) the BAE subsite lists its armour penetration as 140mm. It would be easy for adversaries to design their own troop carriers to have 150mm armour. So what good is open information when it'll get used against us? It's about as clever as listing everyone you've ever shagged on Facebook. It might make you feel better in your dotage (see Marquis of Bath), but usually it just gets you into trouble.

If the Tories want to be tech-savvy, then they need to do more than just put everything on Twitter. Gov employees need secured laptops than do not allow files copied onto USB. Deliver that, and then we can talk about your IT competence. Otherwise, go to hell muppet face.

Lords: Analogue radio must die


Give all the FM stations channels on DAB.

Give all the FM stations channels on DAB. Also the scrappage scheme can include a subsidy so that luddites (read Reg readers) can swap their crap FM radio for a nice little DAB set. And force mobile phone makers to put DAB into their handsets, instead of those crap FM chips.

There you go, sorted.

What's on the mind of the Freetard eBookworm?


Need to know..

It's need to know, and I didn't need to know. Anyone who's visited Project Gutenberg knows of these top 10 lists.

Anyway, everyone likes free books except you, the paytard.

What next? Will newspapers sue people who pick up and read a discarded newspaper, for non-licencing. If paytards like you had there way...

The myth of Britain's manufacturing decline


Logically challenged.. needs €5 for beer

BestBeer is seeing Tories everywhere (na mate, you should run the country you blood-clot), and makes that classic error of trying to speak for everyone all the time. "WE are not exactly on track are we?" (= I am not on track and I have no life) .. But there's a place for you in the BNP or the English Defence League with your "all those unemployed oiks are going to rebel, starve and shit, unless you all hand out cake" (= unless I get free money and beer, I will be VERY angry and ruin all your lives with my ill behavior). Oh I'm trembling. Why don't you try making something? Start off with something easy, like BEER. You can buy a kit from Boots, at very reasonable cost. All I ask is that you don't become a completely useless twat. For instance, avoid writing poetry, which makes normal unskilled people into twatty unskilled people, with an English GCSE.

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You're all weird. The author is is rightly pointing out the silver-lining, when the rest of the media (and society) wants to wring its hands over whether our secret services know that other intelligence agencies torture people.

So to all the hand-wringers out there, shut the fuck up, or I'll send my friends round to your house. And you don't want that.

And to the writer, nice one mate, a lovely piece of prose from the flip-side.

Save DAB! Send FM radios to Africa


Kill yourself..

Anyone who says dab is bad quality obviously hasn't been listening to fm recently, which is often appalling. Even if the MP3 purists sniff at dab's 128 bit rate (you snobs), no-one would claim that fm gets anywhere near the audio quality. Add dropouts, interference, lack of coverage, and poor stereo reception and you'll agree that fm is strictly for valve-driven relics.

Let's the gov take back fm frequencies and hand out dab ones on the cheap. Then we can all have good quality radio without the anal arguments.


Maybe... or NOT

"Main problem I have with DAB is that each reciever takes slightly different times to decode the signal."

I don't have that problem. My Denon dab and my roberts dab are perfectly in time with each other...

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My thoughts..

I like dab cos of its good quality audio. Also it's new and shiny. FM on t'other hand is crap quality and ancient, I'm sure everyone would agree. So, a no-brainer, except that all the regional and advert channels are on fm, not dab. Why? Fücked if I know.

The solution of course is to offer the regional and ad-supported channels a rent-free period on dab. Also increase the fees for sitting around on FM.Then they all migrate to their new home, and eventually we switch off the FM bollocks. Like in 20 years, when the last prejudiced/jaded Reg hack has died, leaving his/her crappy old fm radio to their cat.

If auntie and big-brother want us to switch over completely, then make it happen. Enough of this faffing around. Arseholes.

Controversy rages over robot vasectomy reversal in Florida


The "eyewatering" is all yours..

Quote: "Nonetheless he applauded Parekattil's willingness to try out new and eyewatering ideas."

You added the eyewatering hyperbole didn't you? You obviously keep onions down your pants. No-one else here is as eyewateringly scared of vasectomy as you seem to be.

Reversible after all is what it says on the tin. No need to cry.. Wipe your eyes.

Today is not New Year's Eve - or the end of the decade

Dead Vulture

El Reg dies at Xmas.

Very much enjoyed fast-forwarding through this article. Managed to skip all the comments too. I hope you had a good holiday, and that soon we will all agree on what day it is.


Historian slams 'absolutely crazy' UK time zone


Sir Alistair is a crap Scotsman...

If Sir Alistair's only argument for changing the UK's timezone and daylight-saving aids are that the Euros "do things differently", then maybe he should move to France or Spain.

There is nothing new about crap Scots moving abroad, just consider Balliol, Bonny Prince Charlie, and other sell-outs. Just like the Bonny Prince, Sir Alistair (Horny) Horne is trying to invade our peace with his poncey French ways. In fact, I would assume that this guy has a French accent.

And what is his problem with a bit of daylight saving? Perhaps he hates the extra hour in bed. Or maybe he is suggesting that Scotland, (or even just Scotland's dairy farmers) have a timezone all of their own. So (as a "99%" Scot, (no-one is 99% anything, he should know, and he claims to be a scientist)) he's saying he wants his own time-zone? And England should Eurotize?

In fact, what is this idiot saying at all. Maybe he just hates jet-lag, or is sicking of changing his watch when he returns from Spain. Please.

Give up, Sir Alistair. Go home to Spain or France.

China fingered in cyberattack on mystery high tech co.


Don't the Chinese...

Given the extremely large quantity of data, and the specific targets chosen, I see little escape from the proposal that those randy Asians were downloading a tsunami of smutty vids. Don't the Chinese have porn then?

Europe clears Windows 7 for takeoff


@Omar Marquez

The internet isn't 'cool', it's a tool. But hey, I like it too. But your predilection to 'pr0n' and those millions of cute kitten pictures does not enhance your case. You seem to be knocking down my rant in order to make yours seem more authentic and adult. Way to go.

What else about yours points can I comment on... I stopped using my Amstrad in 1989, and unlike you I don't use a Flash site to do internet banking on.

But the lack of a quad-core Macintosh in your life, along with radical advocacy for HTML5 and DHTML, mark you out as an angry young man. I suggest getting out more, perhaps even a little exercise.


@ Anonymous Coward (wrote: 'Wow - you have some "issues"..')

No doubt you will tell me what my issues are (why the "quote" marks clever clogs?), just like you can't wait to tell me what browser to use, and what I should be thinking. What will happen if I don't get therapy? Will "it happen big time"?

No wonder you're anonymous. Or, I should say, St. Hieronymus (in your head).


Scumbag Web2 Nazis..

I don't want any of your scumbag browsers. I'd like an open source browser that I can upload into my phone, and possibly my brain, for a true AI internet experience.

The only reason for multiple browsers is for testing websites that I create. Having played with them all, I can tell you they are all crap. Europe is proving that is has more bureaucrats and safety officers than anyone else. If the biggest issue facing Western civilisation is what software we view the internet through, then we are building ourselves a dreamscape, satisfyingly devoid of earthly reality. Emoticons and adverts are the reality. We need cosmic routers in space (a la Accelerando) to broaden the horizons.

Let's face it. IE is sweaty bollocks, Firefox is pretentious and patronisingly superior (who needs those poncey plug-ins anyway), Opera is in a retirement home, Safari is illegally and unavoidably bundled on my iPhone (trust issues there man).

The truth is that the internet is like those fecking BBS hacker groups, full of freetards who can't do shit, would-be gurus who think the sun does arsehole shining, and the odd expert who make the thing run.

The internet is worse than fecked, it's boring, limited, and destined to be eaten by the next big public folder phenonemon, which hopefully will put more power in the hands of users, by building everyone's brains into computer clouds. Because that's what we all want, right?

Microsoft plays ads-funded Office 2010 Starter gambit


funded by adverts...

Since growth and profits are the raison d'etre for Microsoft, maybe they should make Windows 7 ad-supported, and what about Windows Mobile?

One ad-supported program which I used until the ads, was AVG Free. Now I don't use it, because it has stopped focussing on stopping viruses, and concentrates on selling me stuff. A lot like Norton AV at the Millennium.

Maybe Windows will go the same way, charging us to turn our computers on, making us pay rent for an app, generally being old-fashion capitalists at a time when everyone else is adding value.

Google lobs coder's Microsoft badge into rubbish bin

Big Brother

The thing is

The thing is, I can't believe that he asked if he keep his old club tie. He must have got tired of life, or wanted a reaction.

It's like Frodo Baggins asking Shelob, "I'd like to pass through your lair safely, I've got this ring, see.."

MoD pays quadruple in money + blood for Afghan helicopters


You must put my title in for me..

Never mind Lewis, you can reduce your elevated stress levels by considering that spending a couple of million extra quid on a British product will allow defence products skills, (manufacturing / servicing) to remain in the UK.

And even if you're right that the government spends far too much on idiotic procurement decisions. So what. Are you going to save us? Yeah, think of it, you could write a strongly worded article that will change the world. The world... haha

i-mate boss blames 'fraud' for company's demise



It's nice to read a story about a mobile phone manufacturer which has gone bust , was ripped off by its own directors, and didn't actually manage to sell any phones.

It's nice to have a baseline against which even your most cretinous reader would compare favourably. This is such a baseline..

AI robots to mark exams


@ Anonymous Coward

We are an idiot..

Intel squeezes one million IOPS from desktop


@ Sampler

Just because it's a technical site doesn't mean you don't have to write properly.



Hang on...

When you put a TLA (three-letter-acronym) in a piece, you explain what it stands for. Otherwise people have to search your article for a later explanation, which may or may not be there. How damned annoying. Very. Journalists all other the place get this wrong, and I'm all for stringing you up using your own underpants. Mutant.

You used IOPs, SSDs, and I/Os, all without any explanation. I know most of them anyway, but you forced me to read half the article, looking for a definition for IOP. If you hadn't provided one, then I would have thought WTF, I would H82BU. FFS man, @TEOTD, if you can't write sexy, then don't get jiggy, dude.

FYI, all these acronyms are valid. Will you look them up. WYF. (I made that one up). Wise up, writer.

Faster Barracuda escapes from Seagate


Barracuda - barracrapa

Just been with a client all day, their year old Dell desktop (forgot the model - had a vodka tonic whoops!) has had a major hard drive failure. All data lost, only backed up to August (don't ask). Apparently the Barracuda supplied with these models had a dodgy firmware, and unless flashed, tend to conflict with hibernation (somehow) and go dead. As in dead as a dodo. Then you wish you had flashed.

Great, so a whole generation of Barracudas tend to stop working. If this scenario is true (I can only vouch for some of the story) then .. well .. maybe I won't be as raptorous about the new drives from Seagate as I used to be. Reliability, after all, is pretty central to a purchase decision.

Guess I'll see..

Music industry cooks UK government's piracy stats

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Nicey nice nice..

nice little article..

Police drop case against admin over animal rights comments



I don't agree (with scaredy cats) that this story is all about Britain becoming a police state..

It's wrong to put someone's home address on the web with the expectation that they will suffer bricks through their window. It should be illegal. If there is not specific law banning it, police can use ancient laws that prohibit aiding/abetting, or commissioning/supporting an act of violence.

It's a shame though that it takes a judge being at risk of harassment for the polis to take action. The law sho9uld be the same for everyone.

Swedish bloke attempts lactation


THIS article is the winner of the..

Imagine my surprise when THIS article was nominated for my inner shortlist for the most representative article ever on The Dead Bird.

But then I thought, NO.

That article is literature, comedy, art. A bit of fun.

But then I thought, NO.

It is a story about a guy playing with his nipples.

But then I thought, NO.

And then I stopped thinking.

Windows 7 versus Snow Leopard — The poison taste test


Yes but no..

Sadly (for the legions of Microsoft bashers), even Mac grandees need to have at least a working knowledge of Windows and it's host of software titles. 90% of computer users use Microsoft, and that will probably not change as quickly as some would like, especially as Windows 7 apparently is a good package. (Windows Vista was an XP refudge, a bit like Windows Millennium was a 98 refudge). I'd buy a Mac because they're nice. But that's like saying that I'd buy a particular calculator because it's nice. If I wasn't a retard I wouldn't need one.


Give me a kiss

..and I'll bring a little reality into your cozy IT bubble. Most people don't give an Android what operating system they use as long as it does as much of their lifestyle stuff as possible. I'd use an operating system designed by insect hive minds if it complemented my lifestyle sufficiently. If the iPhone had a better battery AND a plug-in keyboard, AND support for Windows & Mac programs, AND some serious plugin storage, AND was properly networkable..

Well, I wouldn't need one of your damn computers at all.

Come on, it's not like computers are THAT good. They're for people who don't get out enough.

Robo soup chefs wrangle ramen

Paris Hilton

Those robots spoke like a woman.

... proof that humans will be replaced in all useful activities by machines. I'm particularyly looking forward to acquiring a sex robot. I wonder if I will be able to choose the design out from a catalogue, or whether my ideal woman can be calculated from my dna.

Weighty musings indeed..

[I chose the Paris icon, because she is a robot, sent from Venus to enslave men]

Tesla speeds to $1m profit


One thing you forgot...

..one thing, why not remind us how many miles the battery pack does? And another detail, how many recharges can a battery pack take. Oh and how much does a replacement battery pack cost?

Maybe they're just details to you, but to me ..

MoD to bin F-35B navy jumpjets in favour of tailhook birds?


Bow down to the Scots!

It's extremely unlikely that a new Tory government will cancel the carrier program. 1/ They have signed up to Labour spending commitments on health and defence. 2/ Tories fought the Falklands campaign, and are sold on the need for carriers. 3/ Causing job losses in Scotland will give ammunition to the Scottish nationalists, at a time when the London government will be trying to suppress secessionist noises (that's why our 2 last PMs have been Scots, and half of the cabinet).

Scottish concerns punch above their weight at Westminster (for the reasons above). Indeed, as a Scot, I look forward to the day when English people will be our willing and dutiful slaves. Only joking.. (or am I..).

Cameron condemns Tweeters as tw*ts


Twitterer? No. Twit or twat. Yes.

Twitter tweets are not made by twitterers. Twits. Or rather, (as Cameron bravely opines) twats. Twit or twat is SO much easier to say than Twitterer.

So far, we have avoided setting a term of address for someone who tweets. Cameron has vocalised my thoughts. And who knows, it may just catch on.

Stolen RAF files are blackmailer's dream


I hope...

I hope this whole sad, sorry story is a trick by our lads to sting foreign espionage types into going after the fake HDs, thereby revealing their networks. It's completely doable, and would mean that our defence data is not in the hands of incompetent luddites who leave their unencrypted laptops outside the Russian and Chinese embassies with a gift tag. The fact that foreign newswires have been fed the story so expertly leaves me with hope. Hope vrs. despair. Which is it to be? Oh well, I guess I'll have to admit we've been challenged at the intelligence competence game and been found wanting.

And anyway, this story, being so completely an El Reg core interest, should be a top headline. You guys should announce that the HDs have been found, and any buyers should contact El Reg. Bit slow today, guys...

Court upholds 'hacking' charge against smut-surfing worker


Termination. Why no chop his manhood off?

"His uploading of nude pictures is certainly inappropriate and something he could be terminated for, but it was perfectly legal,"

Indeed. Being terminated is a just and noble punishment for this heinous offender. Further, he should face surgical castration, surely not a rare or unusual punishment. A nice touch would be to make him carry around his removed testiculi, as a warning "pour les autres".

But really: A warning for employees not to use their work computers. At least in the United Spates of Amnesia. In Europe, we all use work computers to make sexy time. A human right, methinks.

Revealed: Mega City One's top e-car - according to Peugeot

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It might fit my 3 year old...

But I can't see a space big enough for me. Maybe it was designed for smurfs?

Report: Legalising drugs would save UK plc huge packet


Prison is no cure for drug users.

It's a real, terrible human tragedy that so many of Alexander's young friends died, while doing crazy young man stuff, while under the influence. Perhaps some of these people would have benefited from institutional care. But many would be drawn further into drugs in prison. Perhaps some other type of rehab?

Emoting on this subject, although completely human and understandable, does not fix the situation.

· Social change could fix the problem. That would be education and proper rehab.

· Controlling the drug supply could fix the problem. Gov'm't could intervene in the market.

Thusly, the choice is down to intervening on supply or demand side. Either you intervene on the demand side, which means driving down demand through education, or punitive punishments for drug use. This approach is currently being used, and is not very effective. The other, largely untested as yet method, is to intervene on the supply side. Attempts to close down the coca growers in Columbia are only moderately successful, and depend on local cooperation. But if the government intervenes in drug supply market directly, through licensed distribution of safely manufactured drugs, then users only have to be able to read the label.

Viagra increases heart rate and body temperature, just like E, but nobody calls for that to be banned. Night club proprietors should be required to train staff to deal with overdoses. If addicts go to Boots to get their fix, their details can be recorded for the NHS. If the government and NHS get involved in the drug world, then at least the worst users can be registered, recorded, monitored.

At least try out the scheme in a controlled environment.

The authorities already distribute clean needles and condoms. Now they should distribute drugs that will not kill anyone. And the police can concentrate on making sure no-one drives while under the influence. The government and drug companies will make oodles of cash, and users can look forward to a spread of new substances that make you see like Picasso, or Vermeer.

Everyone a winner!


Prohibition of drugs

Nobody would suggest that the government stop taxing booze and fags. Taxation creates an economic mechanism where users can help pay for the societal problems that problem behaviour causes to society.

Why not extend this taxation model to drugs. Pricing can be used to manipulate demand, and society gains control over a sector where it has none.

Studies are needed so we can find out how many people do drugs for the illegal kick, and therefore how many users would move on to the next illegal substance.

There will always be illegal substances. But having industry chemists formulate safe highs is a lot better than having them stirred in a vomit&shit-stained bathtub in Bagshot.

But enough emoting. We need scientifically researched solutions to these problems. Any other policy is just sweeping personal problems into a locked room.


On pharma-psychology

The gulf between traditional prohibitionists (who fear a massive societal problems from a wave of legalised drug use) and social scientists, who may believe that there are better ways of managing people's desire to get 'off their heads', than creating a permanent crime culture through incarceration. The essential problem is that the current zero-tolerance drug policy, like other Westminster initiatives, is not subject to an cost-effect auditing process.

The need for a cost-effect auditing process is demonstrated by the oft-quoted experiment establishing mandatory drug-testing in the prison system. In this test, inmates were given monthly cannabis drug-tests, with harsh penalties for positive results. Cannabis use dropped off, and the test was hailed a success. However, a few months later, heroin use was seen to have shot up, (it wasn't being tested for), and a bigger problem was created.

This conflict is routed in our political system, which values quick-fix solutions, because they are seen as producing the most immediate results for the incumbent policy-maker. The historic response of policy-makers is to include more and more substances in the controlled-substance regime, but of course this merely drives the creation of new substances.

Cost-effect auditors might suggest a change of regime to a licensing/taxation model, where drugs can be bought safely through legal channels, (whether that be Boots, or a licensed night-club supplier). The benefits for health are obvious, but also, the cost-burden of providing services to drug users would be transferred to the drug users themselves. Also, the treasury would benefit from a new tax-income stream.

But the real problem is the absence of cost-effect auditing in social policy. Until we get it, we must trust politicians to know best in how to deal with complex societal problems. And since politicians are not required to take exams, it's doubtful that they do. Thus our best solution is to push for auditing for social policy. That at least will provide a framework where policies that work are promoted, and policies that don't, or have hidden costs, can be dropped.

hatetoregister - Oxford

Google launches free (legal) music search in China


What about us?

Why can't the music companies give me free music? It seems to me that they are offering a free download service to those who refuse to pay. So if we refuse to pay? Also, sue the music companies for monopoly abuse, since we all hate them.

Irish boffins tackle cow-fart ecopocalypse with fish oil


You need Prostate Massage Treatment. PMT

"failing to light your farts is incredibly environmentally irresponsible.."

"perhaps a buttock mounted guff-blast detonator kit.."

"..or fart-propelled cars or something.."

My own suggestion is introducing fart-eating bacteria into everyone's asses, to save the planet.

Do the Americans think this bottom-burp fest is amusing? Or only those bottom-dwelling Brits.

Is this article accurate? Or is it all made up for a laugh? It's difficult to tell...

Lies, damned lies and inflation statistics


Statistics.co.uk down as of Sunday....

Statistics.co.uk down as of Sunday.... Maybe the government has censored the tool, so we don't get angry with them...