Posts by Jon Double Nice

Hornby opens part-time visitor centre

Is that a Vauxhall Labrador?

A-HAAAAA!

UK arms industry 'same as striking coal miners' - Army head

Exactly

Selotape an Uzi to the front of a canoe and Bobs your uncle!

Video calling impresses Brits, if it's Apple video calling

Ha ha

Man, WAP was awesome! Like the internet crossed with teletext on a digital watch.

Twitter on a ZX Spectrum

Dragon 32 WOOT!

Oh the nostalgia. If anyone else remembers the fantastic game 'Juxtaposition', man that was awesome.

Apple to sell unlocked iPhone 4

Theres only one way to find out:

fight!

Or fanboi/troll flamewar, which is a bit like a fight, sort of.

From iPhone to iOS – Apple nabs (another) Cisco handle

FaceTime released an official statement:

Woo hoo! Money! We're f to teh pub to decide on a new name for ourselves and which Porsches to buy!

'World's largest' airship inflated in colossal Alabama cowshed

Couldn't you just

box some of the helium up when you don't need it? You know, pump it into little canisters or something?

Apple said to order 24 million iPhone 4Gs

Thats actually

a separate app for that from the app for that store

Wobbly drive array problems? This'll stiffen your rack

It makes the data

start to go into reverse, effectively writing itself back onto the platter which it came from. It uses up loads of disk space.

Nato should tool up for cyber war, say globo-bigwigs

I read maritime supply

as marmite supply.

Apple MacBook Pro 15in

Magsafe Plug Removal

If you push down on the top corner near the cable then the plug will ease off quite nicely. You'll break the magnetic seal more easily this way rather than trying to pull it off in one go.

Site auto-trawls embarrassing Facebook posts

Humans are a race, I think

Cleric, Warrior and stuff like that were classes IRC...

Yes, the one with the D20 in the pocket, ta.

US boffins fashion quantum-computing bit out of SQUID

I hope its a big bakelite knob

that makes a cool really deep noise when you twist it to adjust the photon

Adobe gives up on the iPhone

I don't think Objective-C is Mac specific

You can try cocotron:

http://www.cocotron.org/

Adobe to sue Apple 'within weeks,' says report

And using vi

but only if they're a really real developer

Woman finds Romanian living in shed

Can I be the first to welcome our

shed dwelling oh hang on a minute

Google now owns location advertising

But shirley there is prior art

In the form of posters? Location based advertising on the basis of your location?

Note to Captain Kirk: Warp speed will kill you

As anyone who has ever watched Star Trek

can tell you you just need to reverse the polarity of the hydrogen atoms in the ship, and then everything will be fine...

Scots unleash world's strongest beer

Won't it go flat?

Or are you supposed to dig out the old soda stream if you want to drink it over the course of a few different sessions?

Viking frogmen chase Street View spymobile

Who's chasing Google with fish spears?

Is now the name of my next off broadyway show.

Iran launches rat, two turtles, some worms into space

Why not count the worms?

Or is it a secret. Are the worms just food for the rat and turtles? Why a turtle? Has anybody explained to them what space is or do they know something we don't?

Swan couple in surprise divorce

Perhaps they just got confused

on account of their names all being so similar.

Avatar renders this earthly life meaningless

You missed a bit off the end there:

......... I just wish I could stop thinking of this; it’s more than a movie. My Mom used to think I was too into WoW but that was just a game. I quit playing and told my guild wife there to just forget me. This feels real, that is just stupid now. I don't even really want to go into work. And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air...

Ballmer readies slate PC for CES

Please please please please please

Do the monkey dance!

Wall-punching Brit gamer foams (milk) at the mouth

I just can't get enough

Modern Warfare 2, it's super awesome online on PS3.

I haven't freaked out on any milk yet though.

MS store staff in spontaneous electric boogie

Line Dancing...

They're not strictly speaking in a line, and they're not technically dancing. Don't even get me started on 'instant coffee'.

And what's up with airplane peanuts?

HELL-beam project now one step from jet-fighter raygun

@ Dave Bell

FGMP woot! You beat me to it.

The biggest flash drive in the world

Have we abandoned Reg SI Units?

How many Wrists does all this translate into?

Beeb gets grief for Humpty Dumpty rewrite

Its all just a scam

So they can sell 'Humpty - the directors cut' DVDs with the real ending and commentaries and stuff

Government unbans dirty vids but bans 'legal highs'

"Professor David Nutt"

Is one of the best names ever.

Cops taser naked doorbell-ringing giant

Bean bag gun

Did they also use flares, and then put him in a paisley straight jacket with really big collars before placing him in a cell padded with thick shag pile carpet?

Vulture 1: Calling all electronics wizards

@Chris Long Posted 14:34

And El Reg in general...

I seem to recall on Blue Peter or something many years ago seeing them make 'helicopters', whereby you take a strip of paper and tear it lengthways then fold the two halves out into 'blades'. When you realease it from a height it spins like a sycamore seed.

If you were to produce a similar albeit more advanced/sturdy version with your electronics at the bottom it would have the advantage of being able to freefall at high altitudes where the atmosphere is thin, then when it gets into denser air you wouldn't have to worry about changing from freefall to flight mode - the drag of the blades should keep it the right way up and it'd start spinning and slowing itself down (or at least reaching some maximum velocity).

If you were feeling particularly clever, you could make the blades adjustable so you could used the accumulated rotational energy to actually slow the descent and even hover.

Cal Tech, Berkeley and UCSB working on 'iPhoD'

I'll do some research for them

I have a few mirrors and an LED bike light. I'm fairly convinced I can come up with some kind of delay thing by bouncing the light around between the mirrors. It'll only cost £50,000 which is a bargain for this kind of future tech if you ask me.

El Reg space paper plane christened Vulture 1

How about a really long bit of string?

If you tie a bit of string to the release mechanism, then hold on to the other end and let the balloon go, then so long as you've cut the bit of string to the correct length then when the balloon gets high enough the string will pull on the release mechanism and launch your Vulture 1.

As an added bonus, if you then tied the ground control end of the string to a fence or lamp post, you could leave the balloon up there as a sort of 'space elevator lite'.

Twitter sued for patent infringement

Wouldn't 'group send' on a text message

Sort of cover this too? Maybe they could sue Nokia, and maybe Apple now the iphone can do it.

'First-ever' flight of robotic ornithopter announced

Wing advantage: my guess

Is they're better able to survive collisions? I saw wildlife on one or something about butterflies, and how they can still fly when their wings are torn to shreds, perhaps there is an advantage there.

Also, if they can make one this size that works, they could potentially make it smaller still. I'd guess that mini helicopters couldn't be shrunk to the size of a blue bottle and still work? Although blue bottle sized helicopters would be very cool toys.

Ricoh eyes up visual file search

Is 'quanp'

supposed to be pronouncable?

Massed x86 ranks 'blowing away' supercomputer monoliths

But, will it blend?

This question must be answered. Perhaps they could model it in a simulation on their fancy computer.

Google blames cheeseburgers for destroying the planet

Reg SI Units

I trust then that the cheeseburger shall now become the standard unit of CO2 measurement.

Microsoft kills off public availability of Windows 7 beta

Shouldn't that be

'the key you've already gottenned', or something along those lines?

Jacqui Smith cracks down on gangs via computers, closets

Anyone remember 'Time Trumpet'?

When the government made being afraid of crime illegal? Thats all they need to do really.

Bees on cocaine: The facts

If nobody has done so already

I'd like to nominate this story for Headline Of The Year, truly journalism at the its most absolutely fantastic pinnacle.

Oh yeah, and also can we have a bees on coke icon please?

DARPA orders 'fridge-sized' laser energy cannon

And as an added bonus

If the US got invaded by aliens, like in Independence Day, they could just fly the raygun planes upside down, so that the lasers pointed out into space.

Oz driver pulled with todger in pasta sauce jar

What next for man raised by puffins?

Exploded Cardinal reads sermon from fishtank.

EMC remixes Decho and the Funnymen

Newspeak?

Another article given to Ms. V Stobb by the OU?

Acronym and buzzword soup?

I'm sure this is an intersting article but the words just seem to bounce off my eyeballs or something.

Geeks whup Marine ass in Call Of Duty 5

And for a rematch

The nerds should have to go and do real army training and stuff like that.

More CoD online though, I better book a few weeks off.

US spec-ops get robot whispercopter kill fleet this month

Didn't Airwolf have this years ago?

Whisper mode, that is.

Sanyo intros 'iPhone-on-a-stick' home internet terminal

Retro cool yays!

Isn't this what things in the future are supposed to look like?

‘You can Google Checkout any time you like, but you can never leave...’

Interestingly enough

The Grove is actually in Watford, but they conveniently leave that bit of information out of their address and all PR...

I'm very sorry, says gay health warning clergyman

Fellatio kills?

Paris, obviously...