Posts by Jon Double Nice

'Replace crypto-couple Alice and Bob with Sita and Rama'

Re: slight translation error

But the introduction of some fornication would certainly liven things up a bit.

Apple iPhone 5 review

Re: Get a Room

Apple patent:

16:9 on a phone

Swiss railways ticked off at iOS clock knock-off

But shirley

Apple will just patent this clock design..... 'on a phone'.

'World's first' dog to sniff out pilfered cabling is Brit black lab

I'm not convinced

that they are the world's first dog. Its says its only two years old, and I'm pretty certain I saw dogs around the place before two years ago...

Readers: Choose the proper new name for Everything Everywhere

Call it "WHAT THE WHAT NOW?"

which MUST BE SHOUTED.

Or, the opening bit of the old Grange Hill theme music, 'wawa wa wow'.

Reagan slams webmail providers for liberal bias

Re: "the barking wing of the Fox News Party"

Shouldn't that be "barking spider"?

The cooler side of the Big Bang

opposite of the big bang

is the gnab gib, Shirley?

Assange calls for help from … Quakers?

No, it was just some willy waving

see various posts above...

Assange granted asylum by Ecuador after US refused to rule out charges

Re: Sentenced to..

Isn't that a move in Mornington Crescent?

Ready to patent that 'new' invention? Google is here to dash your hopes

Do you think...

that if it doesn't find prior art, it forks a process to register the patent for google, then return and tell you 'oh ya, we have that patent already what what what'

Optical Express 'ruined my life' gripe site lives on

I'd like to have it done

but I just can't get past the stage where they go 'right, so we'll just slice the front of your eyeball off WHILST YOU ARE TOTALLY AWAKE'. Can they not condense this treatment into a pill or something? It'd be a lot more popular.

Goldeneye

Double Dostovels

That is all

Microsoft and NYPD install big data crime-fighting system

Re: Mayor Bloomberg belongs in prison

Yes yes, just unroll this bit of tin foil and pop it on your head would you, there's a good chap.

UK Border Agency to create 'national allegations database'

I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit

It's the only way to be sure.

JELLYFISH bio-bot built with rat cells to mend broken hearts

Have these people not watched 'Sharktopus'?

I mean I'm not even a scientist and I've seen it.

Windows 8 'bad' for desktop users - Gartner's one-word review

How about with a touchy apple-like mouse?

You could do the gestures on that to swipe menus onto the screen?

Darth Vader is a pansy

Wood Jerry, Wood

All technology is made cooler by the addition of wood. Just look at Moog synthesizers.

This is scientific fact.

Native Americans arrived to find natives already there, fossil poo shows

Re: you must be mistaken

Actually this one we're in right now was rebooted from a backup image just over five minutes ago.

Post-pub nosh deathmatch: Haggis pakora v huevos rancheros

Re: Haggis in a tin?

Maybe it was a cyborg sheep?

Door creaks and girl farts: computing in the real world

Honestly, kids today!

I bemoan the day they dropped support for wax cylinders, and after I'd gone to all the trouble of converting my cave paintings to that format.

Where can you buy C90 cassettes now that Woolworths has closed down?

Don't policemen look young nowadays!

Japan Anonymous aims to fight download law by picking up litter

You missed out GO!

at the end there.

'Inexperienced' RBS tech operative's blunder led to banking meltdown

Have they tried turning it off and on again?

Failing that, adding more RAM and an SSD can help to speed up a sluggish system.

LulzSec suspects plead guilty to DDoS attacks

Re: These guys aint propper hackers...

You are Richard Gere, AICMFP

Tim Cook reveals 'great' update for Mac Pro

I reckon it's going to be

a convergence of the Mac Pro, iPhone and iMac lines into one monstrous unwieldy aluminium clad giant screened lifestyle device. It will require the optional iSackBarrow in order to carry it around.

On the plus side it will have a 32" retina display, just to stick it to Samsung Galaxy lines.

Plasma drive starts with pee

"space simulation chamber"

I hope that most of the budget goes on glow in the dark stars.

Boffins build all-silicon CNOT gate

Re: The next step towards Star Trek's "Computer? Please analyze..."

How long until we can solve all problems by reversing the polarity then?

China wants to be techno SUPERPOWER

"Techno superpower"

I think Detroit might have something to say about that!

Apple confirms WWDC keynote for June 11

Maybe they could get that

holographic Tupac that everyone was going on about a while ago?

And the worst film NEVER made is...

If you swapped Elton and Lucas over

so it was directed by Elton John, I would go & see this.

Megashark vs Giant Octopus is so kitsch

it's awesome! One of my favourite bits was watching the clocks jump around in the background of scenes where they were cut together from so many takes. That kind of attention to apparently not paying attention to detail requires a particular level of commitment that I think commands respect.

All I'm saying is, if Banksy had sprayed Megashark vs Giant Octopus up as one of his atrocious stencils then it would be a whole different story, except that it would have been retrograde derivative bilge.

Sunshine nudges asteroid into odd orbit

Re: A 60g sample?

re 14 Hamsters per Horse - I guess it depends on the relative sizes of the two. Plus you could give the hamsters amphetamines.

Insect vision a template for computer ‘sight’

I'm reading this as:

1. Make robots with little bee sized cockpits and controls.

2. ...

3. Profit!

Re: That pun...

Hive nothing more to add to this.

Apple design chief Jony Ive knighted - but not by the Queen

One has both a onePod and a onePad

Shirley?

Google warns against ISPs hard on web filth

"In Watford"

They hate it when you say that. Even though it quite plainly is in Watford.

Apple's trial experts are 'slavish fanbois who believe in magic'

These accusations sound best

when imagined being read by Jackie Chiles from Seinfeld.

Pints under attack as Lord Howe demands metric-only UK

Re: Shame!

Thanks Graham - Thaham.

Next-gen MacBook Pro, iMac make benchmark site debut

Woo hoo!

Upgrade tiem!

Black Ops II pulps previous pre-order performance

I heartily await

"Modern Warfare: My Little Pony"

Want to be a better marksman? Play shooting games

Have they tried this with Cooking Mama

and making sandwiches?

Computer nostalgia is 10 PRINT 'BOLLOCKS'

Re: iPad 3

Any version of quark is horendous once you've made the jump to InDesign. I quite like Quark License Server though, so go figure.

Ten... eight-bit classic games

Re: Full kudos

For me it would have to be "Juxtaposition - Barons of Ceti V". It was super awesome! 'The first Dragon adventure to incorporate PANORAMIC GRAPHICS.'

Happy 30th Birthday, Sinclair ZX Spectrum

Re: ZX Spectrum Orchestra

I don't care.

Thanks, Spectrum - "Thectrum"

ZX Spectrum Orchestra

Seems as good a place as any to post this:

http://www.warmcircuit.com/artists/zx-spectrum-orchestra/

Some superb music made using Spectrums (Spectrae?)

Top US science wonk wants Grand Challenges and 3D printers for the kids

Just don't forget to hook up the doll....

/Weird Science

Runtastic Push Up

Will there be celebrity voiced editions?

A la sat navs? They should make one with Julian Clary.

Apple pushes patents for 3D avatar authoring

I'm totally gonna patent 4D avatars

Which will be 3D avatars which are allowed to exist for more than one discrete moment of time, whether contiguous or otherwise.

Step 3: Profit!

The Register obtains covert snaps of Google's new London offices

Re: WOW!

<yorkshire_accent>

What I wouldn't do to work in a septic tank at the bottom of a rubbish tip!

Honestly, I have to catch my office, gut it using only a blunt stick and my own teeth, then crawl inside it to keep warm.

</yorkshire_accent>

So, what IS the worst film ever made?

My nominations:

Donnie Darko - and ANYTHING with ANYBODY named Gyllenhaal in it.

The Bourne Merm - and anything involving Matt Damon or that other guy, the one that went out with jenny from the block. They're pretty interchangeable. If it was Matt Damon that went out with Jenny from the block then you know, the other one.

Transformers?

Happy Go Lucky = What The Flip?

Blair Witch Meh.

But, the absolute worst films ever made are the Lord of Teh Rings trilogy, face facts, they are clown shoes.

Startup slices solar panels using ion gun

Does it work on mints?

You know, wafer thin and all that.