Posts by chrisjw37

ASA slaps Ebuyer AGAIN - this time for ignoring regulator

It used to be a good retailer, tried it for the first time again in 5 years and they screwed a simple order up.

Avoiding in future 100%

UK.gov would pay to have benefit claimants' tattoos erased

Idiots with tattoos are mere canon fodder

April the First has already passed.

Idiots with tattoos are mere canon fodder - let them suffer as appropriate

BT fibre-to-the-premises trial takes 7 hours per install

Aylesbury 'already has the fibre facility' BT tells me

Aylesbury Bucks,

BT tell me we already have fibre-optic capacity - the average broadband speed is currently 2mb, often less on the south and eastern side of town.

Of course everyone is on Virgin cable DSL at 10mb basic instead.

BT offered me a sample cost - roughly twice the monthly price - installation is extra and the supplied bandwidth still does not match Virgin.

The thing is - there has been no local work on fibre installation - it has been seen to be installed on the high street (at night) but not to any residential area; so the theory that I could have it installed is about 1 mile short of geographical reality.

Locals who are still on dial-up - 33k

No bull !

This is the Home counties, County town of Buckinghamshire, a very middle class area, with thousands of commuters and 42 miles from London with direct train and road access (paying customers); but an extremely poor local loop network.

You'd have thought it an ideal location.

Mozilla confirms Firefox 4 beta 12 is FINAL test build

Hotmail - no problem, no-one in their right mind would use it anyhow!

Hotmail bug?

Pardon !?!?

Of course Firefox users are far to educated and refined to use such a CHAV tool as 'Hotmail'.

Problem solved.

QED

Mysterious crypto-book dated to 15th century

Women? No they are just fat men with men boobs

Storm in teacup

Women? No they are just fat men with men boobs

We all know the middle ages produced Rubin-est females with the big boobies, did no-one see 'ello-ello?

TERRORISTS IN SUBMARINES menace the Free World!

It won't work

Obviously they have misunderstood the operating method of a submarine.

Those soldiers standing on it will simply drown.

Duh!

Bank scorched by stupid Facebook policy

CBA = Tosser deluxe - now report me!

OK, will someone report me now for claiming that CBA management are all serial masterbators?

I'm sure my distant cousin will enjoy the flak.

Flickr flap illuminates cloud concerns

I said it would end in tears - proven

I said it would end in tears - proven

yes!

me = predictive pyschic

Now I'll do tours and cure bedwetters, smokers and drivers of Audi's from being cocks.

Honestly - its so bleeding obvious, it is sad is it not?

Chaps tolerant of girl-on-girl cheating by other halves

Cutting edge scientific wesearch huh?

Ye Gods what a revelation,

it seems i undercharged for that quick survey I did done the pub last year; I should have got a grant and plush interview offices first - next time I'll know better.

Gatwick Airport security swoops on 3-inch rifle

And the Jobsworth award of the year goes to

Mr Jobsworth of Gatwick who is so anal he can't see the difference between a plastic toy and a real gun.

Fools and Charlatans

This year I'll pack my Airfix pack of 150 8th infantry plastic soldiers (1.2" high)

and see if I get arrested for bringing in an invasion army.

Remember them?

Rokkie's will say no - it wasn't on Playstation.

Crematorium to heat council swimming pool

Energy is energy

Why the feck not?

Energy is energy and wasted energy is a sin against Gaia etc.

No seriously, I'd like my gas fuelled pyre to do something useful, our local unit is not far from Chequers, maybe it could be used to incinerate useless political figures, a bit a James Bond movie like - no need to expenses scandal, Chris is burning tonight - Whoosh, useless Chancellor gone - who's next for doing a better job?

That would make me feel a whole let better.

Who are the biggest electric car liars - the BBC, or Tesla Motors?

On me bike was quicker

I rode a bike to Edinburgh in less time.

Just saying is all

Standard smartphone charger to dominate in two years

About bleeping time

Its a no brainer.

About bleeping time you idiot boys of corporate greed, about time.

'Porn lock' heralds death of WikiLeaks, internet, democracy, universe

Flying Pig Alert

Oh look a Flying pig !!!

No its Ed Vaizey

UN defends human right to WikiLeaked info

FOI and mode of Government

Thus demonstrating the difference between fascist or Dictatorship governments and Democratically elected Governments.

QED

PARIS concocts commemorative cocktail

I'll stick to Guinness

On the whole - it looks undrinkable, being mostly ice

I'll stick to Guinness, thanks anyhow

Flash is not that reliable

You mean Hard Disks fail?

Ye Gods - why did no-one tell me?

Now I might actually have to use that backup software I've been backing up for the past 10 years,

mind you - the only time I needed it - Acronis informed me it simply could not perform the backup as the indexes were incorrect - so bloody useless software.

Stuxnet code leak to cause CYBER-APOCALYPSE NOW!

The Sky's falling.... (pun)

I saw the broadcast,

looked at the BBc on-line by mistake - no mentio of it, did a googly search.

McAfee Labs rate it at low /low as a threat and it was blocked by the A.V programs as early as July,

BUT it infiltrated an Iranian nuclear reactor - so we better invade the country just to be sure.

Global warming is actually good for rainforests, say boffins

Open University covered this in 1996

This was in my degree, Open University covered this in 1996.

ie all the clever buggers already knew this;

plus So2 benefits to the ozone layer and even

Polar ice cap melting is a myth, at least for the next 1000,000 years.

You wanna know sumut? Just ask.

Hacker unshackles Kinect from Xbox

Evidence of couch potato invasion

So instead of getting up and using some key muscles, couch potato plc prefers to sit and press keyboard buttons on his/her PC?

What??????

MS freebie anti-virus scanner auto-downloads provoke more anger

Stangely I agree with MS

No A/V ?

Heres a freebie you dolts - use it for the sake of everyone else.

I have no problem with that at all.

Shut up, Spock! How Battlestar Galactica beat Trek babble

Sound effects in a vacuum- Reality?

Ok, nearly real then........

Sound effects in a vacuum- Reality?

PARIS joins the 17-mile-high club

Nice clouds

Excellent work

could you repeat it on a cloudless summers day please?

Sinister scams 'sextort' social networkers

I've a sloution

I have worked with these male types - no really I have and after many years of painful work and considered reflection the only real cure is to cut their goolies off.

No testosterone, no problem.

Then the offender will develop an amazing skill for growing perfect tomatoes, thus enhancing the community experience.

Possibly he may join a choir and sing a amazing castrato solo,

its all win win you see?

OOo contributors make a dash for LibreOffice

Time to start agin?

Time to start again, only this time lets have the cocks off the table shall we boys?

LOST Vulture One PARIS spaceplane FOUND!!!

The score so far

Flight Physics 1

Technology 0

Robot goes berserk in Balkan lab: 6 boffins given dead arms

Evil triumphs

My dastardly plan succeeded then..............

[Insert evil laughs here]

Doctors' appointment system goes tits up

GP's use PCT's to gain PC expertise, PCT's being demolished

With the decommissioning of PCT's across the country - this will happen more and more.

Gp surgeries just do not have the skills to manage their IT.

Its going to end in tears, trust me - insider!

BT promises biggest ever rural broadband project

Same timescale as national Fibre-optic links?

So, we're talking about sometime in the next 10 years on a sliding scale?

RIM: 'We don't need 200 fart apps'

Excellent, I can now change ringtone to an elephant fart

I shall change my managers phone ringtone to an elephant fart next time its in, thanks for the tip-off