Posts by Dave Murray

Reg April Fools '08

lol @ Apple fanatics

Nice to see the article about crap screens on the new Mac laptops was true. Wonder if the fanatics will even notice, probably not.

Botanist sues to stop CERN hurling Earth into parallel universe

Classic

Another El Reg classic.

"Appearing last year on paranormal-matters talkshow Coast to Coast ... alongside a time-machine professor"

That's all you need to know about this guy right there. :)

We need the opinion of Amanfrommars on this one real quick!

Apple grants Windows PCs the right to run Safari for Windows

I always knew they were daft...

Not only does changing "a single Apple-labeled computer" to "each computer owned or controlled by you." allow Windows users to use Safari but it also suddenly allows Apple owners to use it on all their computers at once. Apple fans with more than one PC, you did remember to only use it on one PC at a time didn't you?

T5 opening turns into Airplane 3.0

Poor Mr Adams

"Jonathan Adams, BAA Head of IT programme management and head honcho of the baggage system, is confident he can “get the bags to their destination before the people”... The principal challenge to the system's smooth operation, he has discovered, is not the software "but bag straps". With bags travelling at speeds of up to 30mph around the airport, humans are advised to stay well out of the way."

I knew when I read that on El Reg yesterady that Mr Adams was going to be looking a bit red faced soon. I didn't realise it would be on the opening day! Guess bag straps were not their biggest challenge. :D

Mozilla reaches stage 4 of Firefox 3 beta endurance test

Re: plugin compatibility issues

Well duh guys a new version always breaks most extensions and since FF3 is still beta the chances of updated versions of your extensions is small to nil. Only the most basic (and therefore probably not very useful) extensions will not be broken. This has been the case since before Mozilla 1.0 so why are you complaining now? If you absolutely cannot live without your extensions then alpha or beta versions are not for you.

Nokia unwraps bendy nanotech phone

Proof or STFU

Title says it all, without a video they could be pics of anything or nothing.

Win XP also prone to random number bug

Re: No surprise

"I'd bet this same generator is used in every version since Windows got networking, about 3.1."

Since Win3.1 (and WFW3.11) didn't include an MS written Winsock stack it won't have had this bug. After all no need for crypto functions for SSL if you can't connect to the internet. (Yes, DOS and Win3.1 could connect to the net but you needed a 3rd party Winsock implementation, they couldn't out of the box.)

The first version of Windows to include Winsock was Win95. Fairly good chance this bug has been around since then but my guess is it's part of Winsock 2 which makes it a little later (circa 1998).

England flops shafted by enormous todger

Greetings from Scotland

I was in Tesco earlier today buying OXO cubes. They had Chicken, Lamb, Vegetable and England. "What's the England one?" I asked the assistant. "That's a new one we've just launched" she replied. "It's a laughing stock!"

Palm Treo 500v smartphone

WTF are you smoking?

"D'you know the most interesting thing about Palm's Treo 500v? It's a Windows Mobile smartphone without a stylus. For years, we've been noting PDA and, later, smartphone makers' attempts to overcome the Microsoft OS inability to work one-handed, but until now no one's quite succeeded."

"Past Palm and recent HTC devices have come close, but the 500v is the first to hit the market without its manufacturer feeling the need to include a stylus even just in case."

WTF are you guys smoking and can I have some?

In my previous job I had an HTC Windows Smartphone, the 500c or something like that. It ran Windows Mobile 5 and had no stylus, no need for a stylus, didn't have a touchscreen and worked fine one handed. Other than the long boot times it was a pretty good phone and it's successors were better.

The first two paragraphs of this review are such complete bollocks that I can't bring myself to read further. Now if it were a new Palm, rather than a new Windows Smartphone made by someone calling themselves Palm I might have persevered. But it isn't. It doesn't even look like a Palm.

Chilis could struggle in 'Californication' lawsuit

Chart Friendly Pap

Hahahaha serves the Mild Yellow Bell Peppers right. All their recent albums of chart friendly pap sound the same. They haven't written a decent song since Blood Sugar and even that album is diluted compared to their previous work.

Mozilla hits back at Firefox 3 quality slur

Not all bugs are bugs

There is one thing everyone seems to need explained, especially the journos involved. Not all bugs are bugs. Anything that is scheduled to be done to Firefox is a bug, not just the errors you understand as bugs.

Want JavaScript to run quicker? That's a bug.

Want a security hole fixed? That's a bug.

Want a new icon? That's a bug.

Want to change the splashscreen? That's a bug.

Want to change the background colour of the address bar? That's a bug.

Hell if you wanted Firefox to have a default home page that listed all the pubs in your area that would be a bug too.

Some of these 700 bugs may be enhancement requests that would be nice to have but are not vital, do not cause errors, do not impact your browsing security, do not eat memory, etc. So get your facts straight before you all yell OMG I'm never using Firefox again.

Six-month hangover for 60-pint Scotsman

Big Jessie!

Sounds like a wee dram fae a quiet night in, the big jessie!

Mind you if he went to the Southern I'm not surprised it took them 6 months to cure his hangover.

UK gov advisor proposes 'licence to smoke'

What the F....

So Julian Le Grand want me to pay £200 a year to have a smoke? How about he pays £200 a year for the right to make stupid pronouncements? How about he pays £200 a year for the right to have a poncey name with french words in it? How about he pays £200 a year to be bald? (or have hair if he isn't)

Who is going to enforce this smoking license? Are the police going to walk past the rioting 10 year olds, the drunken football hooligans, the homeless heroin addicts, the deranged kiddie fiddlers, the islamic fundamentalists, etc in the street to knock on my door and check there's no one smoking without a license in my house?

And that's before I point out that I don't exercise, eat very little fruit, love fast food and I'm 11 stone with a 30-32" waist and perfectly healthy thanks. I don't need some government busy body banning salt in food or forcing food companies to reduce the fat content because little Jimmy ned is a fat bastard. Tell Jimmy to stop being so greedy and eat less rather than ruining things for the rest of us.

At this rate I give it 5 years before I'm off to some country that doesn't restrict it's citizens' freedoms because nanny knows best. North Korea maybe....

EVE Online goes dark to fight security breach

Re: true true

Anonymous Coward you started well but then you just had to descend into FUD didn't you....

The new graphics engine coming soon will not require Vista or DX10 for any of its bells and whistles. EVE is currently using DX7, they're just updating it to DX9 and unless your computer was obsolete 5 years ago it will still run the game and you will get new graphics. There is a DX10 engine in the works and due to MS that will be Vista only but it is at least a year away and the DX9 client will still be supported.

Even when CCP do discontinue the DX9 client you still won't be forced to buy Vista. There are currently OS X and Linux clients in beta testing. So you'll be able to choose Mac, Linux or Windows.

As for "there more recent move to a MS based system" you really have no clue. You're probably referring to when they recently upgraded to SQL Server 2005 or maybe even before that when they upgraded to Windows 2003 x64. But, they were using Windows and SQL Server before. The EVE cluster has always run on Windows using SQL Server.

NBC unveils self-destructing, ad-addled anti-iTunes service

Re: What?

>>"The Office," "Heroes," and other inane shows

>

>Peasant :p

If you like The Office, especially the US version, then you're the peasant.

It truely is mindless entertainment for the moronic masses.

Sony loses privacy complaint over Unfit Kids

Re: Tax

Fuck that.

Why should I pay yet again for all the fat fucks in the world that are too greedy to stop eating? Reduced fat in crisps, tax on fatty foods, tax on computer games, etc. WHY? I eat all these things, have been known to eat McD's 5 days a week for lunch, drive most places, have spent most days for the last 25 years sat in front of a computer and don't go to a gym or play sports yet I've got a 32 inch waist and weigh 11 stone.

The government, Ian Wright and all you do gooders can fuck right off. Try forcing these kids parents to stop feeding them. If that doesn't work take the kids off them, they don't deserve to have them anyway.

Slave kids working UK cannabis farms

Nail Bars

"In six of these cases, children were found to have been arrested in cannabis factories"

Reading the report it sounds to me like a storm in a tea cup. Six kids were found working in grass farms across the whole UK? Oh noes. These are probably the only such cases, the profit margins on cannabis (even skunk) just aren't high enough to pay for a horde of child slaves to do the work.

"There is also some anecdotal information that Vietnamese girls are being trafficked into places such as nail bars"

We better ban false nails then coz they lead to child slavery.

Church hall bans 'unchristian' yoga for nippers

Kids Yoga not so daft

Actually young kids doing yoga isn't as daft as it sounds. It helps them learn to relax, calm down and concentrate. It also teaches them to be gentle and not use their full strength for everything. My friend's wee boy takes one of these classes and it's probably the only hour in the week when he's not running around at full speed like a Tazmanian devil.

Government warns parents of food-colouring danger

Too orangy for crows

Ah good old tatrazine and E numbers. They're why my Ki-Ora is too orangy for crows, its just for me and my dog...

As everyone's said we all new this in the 80s. It's why my sister wouldn't let her kids eat any cool sweets like Smarties. Its also why the blue ones are the best. They are a bad idea for kids but don't deserve to be banned, then where would I (and other 70s kids) get my fix?

If you're feeling drained and tired I recommend Smarties chocolate bars. They're packed full of sugar and E numbers and will give you a great boost. ;)

Top judge: put everyone in UK on the DNA database

Re: nothing to hide

"I have to agree with this... The only people who have anything to worry about this are someone with something to hide. I have nothing to hide; it wouldn't bother me that my DNA is on a national computer."

Until someone hacks the database and uses your DNA record to frame you for a string of violent, sexual crimes they have committed.

Or until your life insurance premiums go up because the insurance company checked the DNA database and found out you're more likely than most to get cancer.

Or until you are refused a job because your DNA says you're likely to be a drug addict.

Or until your local hospital refuses to treat you because your DNA says you're likely to be a drug addict.

Or unitl...

Got the picture yet? Good, now you can go back to reading the Daily Stalin... err I mean Mail.

'Happy slapping' vids prompt Brown to push net filters

Perfect solution...

This could work out as the perfect solution to all those annoying blame the Internet scare stories. Install filtering software on the PCs of all Daily Mail readers and the makers of Panorama. Then they won't be able to see the sex and violence so they will stop making their supposed moral majority complaints. Of course their kids will be able to circumvent it in 5 minutes when left alone but who cares as long as middle England stops shouting for their nanny and leaves the rest of us to get on with life.

Why oh why do rock stars die young?

Rock Stars != Boring Professors

"professor Mark Bellis, commented: "Public health consideration needs to be given to preventing music icons promoting health-damaging behaviour among their emulators and fans. Stars could do more to actively promote positive health messages, but these need to be backed up by example.""

Piss off back to your ivory tower Mark. We don't want our rock stars to become as boring as university professors. Rock stars are supposed to be like Lemmy who still drinks JD in a pint glass.

Germany floats Trojan for terror suspects

Catches the useless, ignores the dangerous

So this will catch stupid terrorists like the ones that drove a car into Glasgow Airport. (I'm from Glasgow, they were very stupid. Anyone could cause much more damage and loss of life if they spent 5 minutes watching the airport and working out a plan.)

But the more dangerous, intelligent terrorists will not open the unsolicited email in German with an attachment and be able to carry on their business without being caught.

I feel safer already.

Cops seek 179mph net vid biker

Title

"Since when did Britain use miles per hour?"

Since whenever we decided to start measuring speed, possibly around the time of Issac Newton (unless he preferred furlongs per fortnight). We've never used kmph on British roads.

UK plans surveillance for Earth-menacing asteroid

Title

Lembit Opik said that the plan showed: "If we have the political will, we certainly have the technical know-how to do something about threatening objects".

Err.. No Lem it shows we have the technology to find out if and when it will hit us. I didn't read anything about stopping it.

VXers rain on YouTube's parade

Not social engineering experts

"The unidentified bot herders behind the campaign are experts at using social engineering to extend their army of botnet clients."

Yeah right. I recieved one of these emails with the subject "'dude don't send that stuff to my home email..." yesterday. It came from an address I'd never heard of so I deleted it without opening it. The thing that really made me suspicious was the subject line, after all if the mail contained links to porn or whatever it's your work email you wouldn't want it sent to, not your home email. If they were social engineering experts they'd have thought of that.

Aussie gov anti-porn filter 'useless', says teen

Re: Re: Elephant In The Room

""The US is probably the strictest country in the western world"

Actually I think that award probably goes to Iran or Pakistan or some other sharia law country."

Neither Iran nor Pakistan is part of the western world. And, I don't think you'll find any country in the western world that follows sharia law either.

Forensics expert sacked for DNA-testing husband's underpants

False positive?

"ran the DNA tests on her husband's underwear using expired chemical agents "

Could it be that the expired chemicals caused a false positive and that he was faithful all along?

@Ashley Pomeroy - She says her husbands pants tested positive for another woman's DNA which he denies and there is no other evidence cited. I'd say that suggests she may be incompetant.

Jason Bourne disses James Bond

Martini

"Bourne is a serial monogamist whose girlfriend is dead and he does nothing but think about her."

Sounds like a boring twat who needs to get over himself. Makes me glad I've not seen any of the Bourne films, I like films to be fun and entertaining.

As for the stag weekend... Where's my Martini?

Microsoft delivers critical fixes for Windows, IE and Excel

So it's been you all along...

"I don't use AV software on any of them - just anti malware applications, no firewalls, use P2P, use IE7 with protected mode off in Administration accounts exclusively, UAC turned off"... "the machines are on 24/7/365 and permanently connected to the 20Mb web"

So it's YOU that's been sending me all that spam and malware! Now we know who is to blame.

Seriously, no AV or firewall, running as admin with a 20Mb net connection and you use P2P? You probably have a series of virus infections that House MD couldn't cure. You're recklessly endangering everyone else on the internet with your lax attitude. If you did support for my company I'd be making sure the contract was cancelled asap.

iPlayer Politics: Behind the ISPs vs BBC row

iPlayer Standards - God NO

"The iPlayer could be the platform around which standards are set for efficient IPTV distribution"

God I hope not. From what I've read the iPlayer is a disaster. Based on Windows Media, using Bittorrent software that doesn't allow you to set maximum up/download speeds or turn it off without delving into areas most users don't understand, requires client software and an ActiveX control in IE, Windows XP only, won't work with any non-IE browser, poor quality video, etc, etc, etc. If you made a list of everything that could be wrong with such a project it seems the BBC have ticked all the boxes.

What we need as a standard is a platform developed by a company or companies that understand IP, networks and software. Not a Heath Robinson nightmare from the TV equivalent of civil service bureaucracy.

Peterborough bloke warned over 'offensive' t-shirt

Emigrating soon

Goes to show these Street Wardens are exactly what I always thought they were - petty, narrow minded facists out to make everyone else's life a misery.

I see the day I have to leave the UK for somewhere less opressed and repressed coming faster than I thought.

Symantec security products less than secure

No surprise here

I have a rule about any software with Norton as part of it's name that I tell anyone who asks my advice - DON'T BUY IT! They're stuff is buggy as hell and always has been.

I can't understand why any non-business user would buy expensive, poor quality AV from the likes of Norton and McAfee when they can get AVG or Avast for free.

BBC to advertise to foreigners

Recent advances in geo identity software?

Would that be the same geo identity software that serves me some web sites in French when I'm at a factory in Erskine, Scotland because France is where their ISP is based? Or the software that offers me services in the south of England when I visit some sites from my home in Glasgow?

As soon as the BBC start showing these adverts I'll start lobbying my MP and MSP to stop the license fee. Either they're a commercial organisation or a public service, they can't have it both ways.

Orange dismantles Bristol Tower of Doom

Turn 'em Off

Personally I'd turn off all the masts in the area for a year and see how the locals like having no mobile service. I bet within 6 months there's be petitions asking for new masts to be erected and the cancer rate would neither increase or decrease.

Police want DNA collection superpowers

Re: Guilty from birth

"Why are the Scots always treated differently?"

Because we wouldn't stand for the facist laws you have in England. (And, we have always had separate legal, education and health systems.)

I knew this request was coming, it was just a matter of time once they started taking samples from anyone arrested without caring if they were innocent or guilty. Ten years ago if someone said that you are innocent until proved guilty everyone believed them, now most of us laugh because otherwise we would cry.

I bumped into that Alan Sugar on memory lane...

Nice article

I've never met Alan Sugar but I have met Felix Dennis and feel I now know both a little better.

My father was works manager at one of the plants that printed OZ and went to a party at a squat with Felix and his co-conspirators after a business meeting back in the 60s. The party was raided for drugs and the police thought him very suspicious in his business suit amongst all the hippies.

I had the good fortune to attend one of Felix's poetry recitals, complete with free wine, a couple of years ago. He's a very interesting man with a great take on things and a funny yet thought provoking way with words. The high class vintage wine was great too!

Teachers vote to ban internet

Something else to blame?

"These include loss of concentration, fatigue, reduced memory and headaches."

I remember pupils suffering from all of these back in the days before WiFi (and mobile phones) when I was at school.

loss of concentration - caused by boring teachers with monotonous voices?

fatigue - caused by lack of good nutrition in school meals?

reduced memory - caused by bad teachers or teaching methods?

headaches - caused by poor quality, flickering flourescent lighting?

Sounds like we should ban bad teachers, bad school meals and bad lighting to me.

Second Life will dwarf the web in ten years

Is it 1977 again?

In the end, all Lanier could do was cling to the notion that the world’s population – that’s the real world - could support itself by selling computer graphics. “In 25 years, robotics will be so good, we’ll have no more manufacturing jobs. Software will be so good, there will be no more consulting jobs. But we will all get rich buying and selling virtual goods.”

I suppose we'll all be wearing silver lycra suits, living on the moon or mars and driving flying cars too? Wow either I'm having a flashback or El Reg has managed to teleport me back to the 70s of my childhood! Since robotics and software haven't got that good in the last 30 years why would they in the next 25?

Mr Lanier I want my flying car! NOW, god dammit!

Firefox update fixes bug brace

Re: IE7

Personally I'd rather see a fix 2 weeks after the last one than have to wait a month till the next MS patch day or maybe longer by the time they write the fix. I think it's better to be secure asap than to be at risk longer just because it's easier for the developer to release all their patches on the same day every month.

Could be worse though, it takes Oracle forever to release fixes.

MIT in Matrix 'Crowd Farm' plan

Waiting for a train

I suspect the guys from MIT have never got a train in their lives. When waiting for a train I (and most people I see) are usually standing still or sitting down for most of the time which would create no energy at all by their scheme.

I also wonder how wheelchair friendly those blocks moving up and down would be. Or how they plan to cope with people with other medical conditions that make it painful for them to walk far.

DVLA turns censor on grubby number plates

Easy Gal?

If 57 is supposed to represent ST then surely

EA57 GAL = EAST GAL

A perfectly reasonable numberplate for someone from the east, rather than the EASY GAL suggested in the article.

BBC Trust backs calls for Linux iPlayer

Re: More open source religious rubbish

"Open source is not a religion. Everyone and everything does not have to respect its rights .

The iPlayer should be available to all UK citizens. It is (or will be) - just grab yourself a widely available (to all UK citizens) copy of Windows from your nearest retailer.

Just because the BBC doesn't support your (personal) choice of OS then tough. The BBC needs to hit maximum market share, it does this by developing a platform for Windows first because like it or not the religion of Linux is in the minority."

Open source does not equal Linux. There's plenty of open source apps that run on OSX, Solaris, AIX and yes even Windows. Many of these open source apps are better than their closed, paid-for equivalents.

This player only works with WinXP 32 bit. That's like saying in future BBC programmes will only be watchable on a single model of TV made by a single manufacturer AND no longer available in the shops because it's an out of date model. Would you be happy with that? Would be a shame if they didn't support your choice of 42" plasma screen wouldn't it.

AllofMP3.com owner faces jail time

Re: Very Nice

"& haven't heard of ANY Russian software either...LOL"

So you've never heard of Tetris then?

Invented by a Russian mathematician in the 80s. I think the Spectrum version was the original but I could be wrong.

Google nabs aerial camera company

Re: Ah HA!!!

"Well, well.

When will we see the privacy mob up in arms and brandishing the same venomous, acid tongues they use when attacking Government.

Perhaps they are not privacy advocates, as they like to think, but simply anti-Government fanatics."

For quite some years now actually, what rock have you been hiding under? See: http://www.google-watch.org/

When 'God Machines' go back to their maker

Apple Inventions...

"- Apple has the imagination to invent new things that people actually want"

LOL. Let me see...

Original Apple GUI - copied from Xerox

OS X - essentially a copy of BSD

iPod - it's an mp3 player, so they didn't invent it

iPhone - it's a mobile phone, I think they've been seen before

So what have they invented? Oh yeah a button that's also a wheel, oooh!

Norton labels Nasa app as adware

FMOD not just part of WOW

Actually fmod.dll is part of the cross platform sound library FMOD so it will be used by a lot more titles than just WOW. It is fairly common these days for games to use standard libraries for sound and other functions as well as the DirectX libraries. False positives for common libraries like this are likely to effect a majority of an anti-virus product's customers.

For more info on FMOD see: http://www.fmod.org/

'You're a f**king moron'

Fruity?

Can't wait to find out who he works for. Could it be a fruity US computer company? :D

Oracle sends bloke cardboard laptop

PC Wurld

"take it to PC World and ask them to fit more RAM"

I bet they spend hours trying to figure out where the memory slots are. You could also try asking them if it's Vista capable. Someone has to do this and report back. :)

O2 gets UK iPhone deal

Title

"O2's data rates are ridiculously expensive compared with T-Mobile and, latterly, Vodaphone. Hopefully they'll use this as an excuse to roll out a cheap data package."

And why do you think they chose O2? Because with the highest data rates that give Apple much larger "share of ongoing customer revenue". I wouldn't spend too long hoping O2 will reduce their rates you might have a long wait.