Posts by BlueCollarCritic

Windows 8 ribbon entangles Microsoft

The New Micro$mooth Origami Interface (Its about Perception, not Usablity)

A lighthearted spoof/look at a seriously annoying issue… The new Micro$mooth Origami Interface replacing the user favorite Toolbar/Menubar:

TO: All Micro$mooth Employees

RE: New Micro$mooth Origami Interface

Its critical in this age of austerity and budget crunches that we at Micro$mooth give our users a reason for paying to upgrade Winders and what better way than to give the Good Old Menu/Toolbar interface a make-over! The new Winders interface will feature our revolutionary Origami interface. The OI as we call it, takes the most commonly used user actions (amongst our narrow testing group) and features them prominently (in Extra Large Font Type) in a super-sized Splash Screen that is sure to grab their attention by dominating no less than 1/8th of the users screen. It will be impossible for users to miss this revolutionary change.

It’s difficult, darn right near impossible in many cases, to convince management to pay for that next Winders Upgrade if the changes are not visible. Even if fixes and improvements are what the users are asking (even begging for in some case) it’s what we do superficially, that which is visible and easily seen, that we can change and help (visually) drive the perception of a major overhaul in the Winders OS thereby justifying the need to pay for that upgrade. The new Origami Interface is paving the way for these upgrades and our executive bonuses.

While there were extensive issues and many user complaints from all markets and user segments when we implemented the Origami interface in our 2007 Office upgrade we are positive that just as they did then the Marketing and Legal department, working together, will help us make the Winders 8 Origami Rollout a perceived success through the downplay, re-direct and all around squashing of all user complaints and providing the various periodicals and news outlets with charts and statistics showing a wide acceptance by all to the Origami.

In closing I’d like to remind all that it is key that you help us sell the world or Origami and we can’t do that if our own employees refuse to use the Origami interface themselves. However we also realize that the Origami lowers production far too much to simply ignore. To resolve this matter we are releasing an internal only version of Winders 8 that will feature an option to swap between the traditional Menu/Toolbar and the new Origami interface. While visitors are in the building all will be expected to switch to the Origami interface and do your work as best as you can.

Thank you for being a part of the team hear at Micro$mooth

Sincerely,

Shill Fates

President And CEO of Micro$mooth Hard Software

NOTE: This material is for internal Micro$mooth use and should not be distributed externally.

Fukushima's toxic legacy: Ignorance and fear

Even Chernobyl Was Nothing Like Chernobyl Was Like

Sorry Lewis but the standby lines of “Radiation is Good for you” and “Nothing to see here, move along please” just don’t work as well as they use. The problem is the slaves, err I mean serfs are starting to ask questions instead of simply returning to their zombie like state in front of the boob tube.

It’s not too late (although your very close to that point) to save this spin piece but you have to act fast and get out that digital eraser.

1) No Chernobyl refs – You don’t have to compare this to Chernobyl to make the spin sound good. Including Chernobyl with comments like “Chernobyl wasn’t even a Chernobyl” not only won’t take with all but the most diehard of government stooges but it just sounds propagandish and I’m talking Orwell’s 1984 propagandish. You know the whole “We’ve never been at war with East Eurasia… We’ve always been at war with East Eurasia “ contradicting line of propaganda just doesn’t work as well these days. Avoid this at all costs.

2) Subtle Sarcasm – Sarcasm is a great and fun way to poke fun at the slaves but you gotta be subtle about it or you could blow your cover. If you’re not well verse in subtle sarcasm then re-read this comment again and again until you are.

I’ll send some more tips your way later.

Take care!

HAIL GLOBAL GOVERNENCE!

X Prize offers cash for oil spill cleaners

The solution to the Oil Spill ALREADY EXISTS

The solution to cleaning up this mess has come in several forms already but the governement (the Feds namely Obama) do NOT WANT THE SPILL TO GO AWAY; not yet a least.

Several tankers/ships designed to celanup ocean oil spills have already made offers to clean this up only to be turned down by the US Federal Governement. This X Prize ocntest is a spin mechanism to distract the public and subtly put out the mesage that no cleanup solution exists curently and that thsi is why the governement has not fixed the spill yet.

Such BS.