Posts by Chrome

'Hans free' mobe gag crowned Fringe's funniest

If I could only take one thing to a desert island, it'd be a yacht

Geeks on quest for world's most pointless YouTube video

Not so! There are episodes of Count Duckula and Dangermouse on there!

Fed-up Colorado man takes 9mm PISTOL to vexing Dell PC

Just goes to show

Modern computer owners can't even take a screenshot

TOTAL DARKNESS lasted 550 MILLION years until the first STARS LIT UP

I bet the guy writing it was wearing "comedy" glasses while writing that line. We know the type; always says things like "I'm mad, me!" because no one would notice otherwise

Androids in celluloid – which machine deserves the ULTIMATE MOVIE ROBOT title?

No Bonder? I mean, Bender...

- Do you want me to give you false hope?

- Only if you don't have any real hope...

Fanbois, prepare to lose your sh*t as BRUSSELS KILLS IPHONE dock

About bloody time

Microsoft researchers build 'smart bra' to stop women's stress eating

It looks like you're trying to have a nervous breakdown

Would you like some help?

Double-click? Oh how conventional of you, darling!

...controls for the windows are in the middle of the car, just behind the handbrake

I had a C(h)avalier that had exactly the same configuration. I loved that car. The passenger side had a lovely crop of moss by the time I traded it in...

See a young Brit's mobe? 55% chance it has nekkid selfies on it, claims poll

We're all naked underneath our clothes anyway

I'm not; I'm wearing a vest

Jiggy Pennsylvania couple busted by 25 bike cops

Re: Limeys!!

What the hell is a destruction derby then?

Cultivated dope-smoking Welshman barred from own shed

Jazz cigarettes

When I were a lad it was all jazz mags. Now I've grown up it's all jazz fags

Brazilian slammer guards nab mobe-smuggling CAT

I can hardly believe I'm about to correct this but it was trout a la grecque

@theodore I blame bad parenting

Kick your computer... before it kicks you

A few years back

I was demo'ing my newly installed media machine (running on older h/w) to a couple of friends to show off full screen films, but the little sod would not boot. After a few tries I'd had enough (a few beers helped) so I took a good run across the room and kicked it as hard as I could. Side caved in and it fell over. Righted it and it booted first time and never caused me another problem

Of course, I was in a heightened and slightly inebriated state at the time so it wasn't until the next morning I realised I'd taken my shoes off prior to the percussive maintenance. I swear I could hear it laughing as I hopped around with a broken toe

Ridable giant robo-bug creeps, crawls toward reality

Anyone fancy starting a Kickstarter for a really big swatter?

Gambling site's 'no strings attached' offer had strings attached

That's the way

the bookie crumbles

Behold: Today marks Year Five of the iPhone Era

Re: I have one

Congratulations on your well reasoned and argued response the OP's very salient point and not at all attempting to push your comment to the top of the thread regardless of its relevance

All hail society!

Apple 'iTV' looks like Cinema Display, says Throat

Re: Deliberate typo to prevent extraditions..

Possibly the best response I could have hoped for. I retract my complaint ;)

Did I just read the word 'enormo' in this article? The time saving must have been worth it or El Reg employs 12 year old Twitter followers?

Normally I ignore people saying the Reg has dropped to the 'standards' of The Sun but this is a bridge too far

Hanging's too good for 'em - so what do you suggest?

Re: Escape from the Isle of Man

And taller

Punters want BBC iPlayer in TVs, not 3D

Re: My perfect telly!

And if it's not made by LG Lovefilm might work occasionally!

New password-snatching Mac Trojan spreading in the wild

"Once snuggly in place"

It likes to snuggle?

Hey Commentard! - or is that Commenter?

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Go for it!

Thanks guys, now I keep thinking a leotard is someone fanatical about lions

HP hawks huge 132in 'tablet'

@K. Adams

No

Profs call for harsh taxes on sweet carbonated beverages

John Spartan

You have been fined one half credit for a violation of...

Apple killer app Siri struggles with Indian regional accents

I was playing with voice recognition and it got a phrase reliably so I tried another. Here's how it went:

I said

'Actually, that's quite impressive'

It wrote

'Backstreet breeder of dresses'

Also to get Assistant to call me 'Dan' not 'Down' I had to use a faux American accent

First third-party app to get Siri support demo'd

Wake me when the Android version is released

Microsoft tempts Kinect developers with bacon

Accidentally ordered a bacon and cheese sandwich once (proper grated cheddar). Unexpected sandwichey goodness ensued

Eleven - if you will - rocktastic music movies

Maybe not quite worthy of the list but I think Airheads is a worthwhile honorary mention

It does feature a small cameo by Lemmy

Winning new UK pylon design may never be used

I had to laugh when I clicked the bonus link and noticed the word 'Interesting' in the URL

Dubstep ringtone wins Nokia compo

Hmm, interesting. I can't help wondering what tactic is at play here: I hear so many teenagers (etc.) walking round with shite like this blasting out of a crappy little speaker to the annoyance of everyone else all the time. So, is this a tactic to confuse them into not answering their phones because they just assume they're being their normal, irritating selves?

'Is your phone ringing?'

'How do I tell?'

Human 'alarm clock' enzyme discovered

One of the digestive ones?

(note: I actually quite like Greenday)

I think I may be missing this enzyme entirely

Skifta

I especially like the way it takes about 10 minutes to update every time I use it

Facebook honeytrap used in Belgian hypermart blag

Hmm

"Recently met a friend that I knew online at her place. For safety I texted the address to a coworker and let him know where I was going (as it was away from home) just in case it went sour. Thankfully nothing happened (and it was a very good time!) but safety ahead prevented things from going sideways."

I'm not sure how you have arrived at this conclusion. Using the story as a template, you have given your co-worker the address of an empty building at which no trace of you will be found, you having been overpowered and kidnapped

Also, this is a failure only scenario: you won't know if it's safe until something 'goes sideways' and your plan is called upon to prove itself. It's like with backups, except testing them (in most cases) won't get you potentially killed

Taking someone with you, while not the perfect safety option, is at least proven. In this case it would have evened the odds and maybe even prevented it as the kidnappers were expecting a single person

Google+ disk space cockup creates notification spam-storm

Disc/disk

I've always seen it as:

1) Disc: The actual word disc. Describes a round flat object (ref: accretion disc, LI styling) like an optical disc

2) Disk: Foreshortening of the word diskette: describes floppy disk(ette), magneto-optical disk(ette) etc.

Words are fun!

German chemical giant depending on biscuit-based security

This may sound ridiculous, but

What about taking the batteries out?

HTC Desire S Android smartphone

Double-tap zoom?

Been using it on my original Desire since the day I had it from the stock browser

Commodore 64 revivalist posts prototype PC pics

PS/2 ports

for that truly retro feel

Lloyds, First Direct websites hit by payday outages

Doesn't bother me

I couldn't find a bank that accepts peanuts so I get paid directly

Anonymous hack showed password re-use becoming endemic

KeePass

+1

Especially when used with Dropbox. Also both have Android apps (probably for other platforms too but I don't have the money to buy the handsets to check)

Stephen Fry cans Japan trip over nuke survivor quip

Does this make Japan

a "no Fry zone"?

Big stink over Malawi farting ban

Malawi: Country with the quietest politicians

Well, they all talk out of their arses don't they?

Russia wins World Cup bid in parrot-sickening travesty

This is childish but...

I read your title and thought DARPA had happened upon a bright new idea

Three cops spanking in mobile user ranking

O2

I've just upgraded my phone with O2. Initially the sales bod said the handset would cost me £60, my tariff period would extend from 18 to 24 months and I would have to pay £45 instead of £35p/m for the same contract level. So I asked to be put through to retentions (also had to explain what 'retentions' meant) and managed to retain my £35p/m contract of 18 months *and* got the handset for free.

But it doesn't stop there, oh no. I ordered on Friday and received a text on Sunday saying my phone would be with me the next day. Some screen protectors turned up. Confused, I called O2 back and they told me the handset was out of stock for another 9 days. So I had me a bit of a rant and convinced them to save me a handset at the local store. That didn't go too well and the store offered me the same deal as was first offered. I went home and had to elevate to speak to a manager who got me the phone from the store and honoured the 'retention' contract

So on the plus side the managers are competent and the call centres were UK based

On the negative side I shouldn't have needed to jump through all those hoops

Anyway, I got my handset and now to take it back because the battery is goosed

Filthy PCs: The X-rated circus of horrors

Green

We had a PC in that was reported as non-functioning so we cracked it open. The insides were covered in a kind of green fungus and parts of the board had corroded quite heavily. Words can't describe the aroma emanating from this thing

Turns out the family dog had decided it was his territory and was routinely 'marking' it...

Sinister scams 'sextort' social networkers

Nothing to do with the actual story...

But I salute your use of milliard, sir. Give us back our billion!

Wales loses 'dot-cum' domain to tax haven

Pronunciation

Cracked us all up at school when our Welsh teacher informed us you can always identify a Welsh car because it has Cym on the back

Shuttle Discovery to bring back PLAGUE RODENTS from SPACE

URL

Genius!

Phone 7: Another Vista or another XP?

Lockin all over the world

Just wanted to say that really...