Posts by Jedit

Crypto market crashes on Celsius freeze, inflation news

"with a name like that, it has to be going to the moon!"

As I recall, that's exactly why Luna is called that.

"There's a limited supply of my shit too"

Announcing the launch of the new cryptocurrency, Shitcoin. With other coins the bottom may be falling out of the market, but with Shitcoin the market is falling out of the bottom!

(The IT angle? SH.)

"KLF quite enjoyed burning £1 million quid."

At the time, maybe. I recall that Jimmy Cauty has expressed regret about it since.

Meta slammed with eight lawsuits claiming social media hurts kids

"the Tesla autopilot ... switches itself off if it realises an impact is unavoidable"

Yep - I'd come in here specifically to say that Tesla are being investigated for this. It's really not the disengaging of the autopilot that's the issue, though; human drivers do need to be able to respond to emergencies. It's that the software reports back in such a way as to put the blame for the incident on the driver by saying they were in control.

Concerns that £360m data platform for NHS England is being set up to fail

"This approach is just repeating the NHS' bad old mistakes"

Actions are only mistakes if they don't lead to the desired outcome. Since the desired outcomes here are 1) lining the pockets of business donors and 2) laying the groundwork for the privatisation of the NHS, it's hard to call this deliberate mismanagement a mistake.

EU makes USB-C common charging port for most electronic devices

" just got a £1K Samsung Galaxy S22, and no flipping charger in the box!"

That didn't bother me half as much as the fact that when I traded in my old S9+ for my S22, they asked me to return its charger in the box "if possible". As I still need that charger to, y'know, charge my new phone, I deemed that it was not possible and kept it. And let's be blunt: the only reason they wanted it was so they could charge me extra for a new one.

France levels up local video game slang with list of French terms to replace foreign words

"French guy here"

Thanks for the explanation. While we're on the subject, though, can you explain "le camping"?

Capita to see wave of UK government contracts come to an end by 2025

Oh, really?

The government just rammed through plans to cut 90,000 civil service jobs by 2025, almost a quarter of the workforce. Some departments face reductions of up to 40%, which is unsustainable.

Luckily, Crapita and G4S will just have had some workers freed up and will be ready to plug the gaps. I'm sure it won't cost more than twice as much as the existing arrangements that don't put money in the pockets of Tory donors.

FTC urged to protect data privacy of women visiting abortion clinics

"doesn’t crossing state lines make kidnapping federal?"

Yes, sorry, I brainfarted and typed the wrong word.

"how's all that Freedom going?"

Technically, they don't need more laws if a foetus is considered to have the rights of a person. Simply crossing state lines while pregnant for malicious intent would qualify as felony kidnapping.

"Kyrsten Sinema worked with Republicans to filabuster that law."

Minor pedant: the bill was voted down in the Senate, and the only dissenting Democrat was Joe Manchin. So even her hypocrisy only goes so far.

But you're right that Sinema and Manchin both need to be removed in the primaries, because they're both DINOSAURs - Democrat In Name Only, Screwing Up Abortion Rights.

Amazon puts 'creepy' AI cameras in UK delivery vans

"the drivers need to be strongly incentivised to stop being antisocial bastards"

No, Amazon need to stop strongly incentivising their drivers to be antisocial bastards. Amazon drivers aren't shitting in gardens and driving like maniacs because they're bad employees; they're doing it because Amazon are putting them on schedules so tight that they can't even spare two minutes to visit a lavatory. In some cases, such as when there are unlisted roadworks, drivers can't even spare time to deliver their parcels.

Now, think about this for a second. If an Amazon driver will be penalised for not meeting targets if they don't drive too fast, how does it help anything if they are also penalised if they do drive too fast?

Landmark case recognizes Bored Ape NFT as an asset

"apes in costumes with varying facial expressions .... Their price peaked at $434,000"

I'm pretty sure that Elon Musk will have to pay more than that for Twitter.

Pentester pops open Tesla Model 3 using low-cost Bluetooth module

"all cars can be hacked easily with a brick"

It's a bit easier to spot a car that has been hacked with a brick, though.

Tech pros warn EU 'data adequacy' at risk if Brexit Britain goes its own way

"I strongly suspect this gubmint will do whatever it pleases and f**k business."

This, except it's "fuck everyone else". They're happy for businesses to do well out of it, if they can. Their opposition is to being told what to do.

Re: How all the invested parties never, ever see value in there being less regulation...

The purpose of regulation is to ensure fairness and protect rights. Wherever there is an invested party, there will inevitably be someone who wants less regulation because the rights of others get in the way of maximising profits. In this case businesses, and the UK government acting on their behalf, are also invested parties, and they want less data protection regulation because data is one more thing they can sell.

Arm CPU ran on electricity generated by algae for over six months

"10 years later, everybody is using millipede treadmills"

There may be problems with adoption of this system in the EU. They use the metric system, but you're asking them to work in feet.

Palantir summons specter of nuclear conflict as share price collapses

"I'm fairly confident"

That's nice for you. I'd rather not have it put to the test, though.

Thinnet cables are no match for director's morning workout

Re: Full names please.......

I have you all beaten on the Richard front - my mother used to work with a bloke named Richard Head. And yes, he insisted on Richard.

There used to be a Charles Manson in my department, but his parents can't be blamed for that as he was born before the famous one became famous.

Don't hate on cryptomining, hate the power stations, say Bitcoin super-fans

"yet to see any solid arguments saying why this has any advantage over conventional banking"

That's good, because it means two things. First, you're not an idiot. Second, you're not trying to obtain illegal goods, or to defraud someone who is an idiot.

"I suppose in their case such a disconnection from reality is to be expected."

Disconnection? Electricity? My God, sir, I do believe you've just solved the crypto problem in one fell swoop!

John Deere tractors 'bricked' after Russia steals machinery from Ukraine

"one upside is that Ukraine receives transport fees for gas"

They're not going to receive as high a percentage as Russia gets for the gas itself, though.

That said, it's not an inconsiderable sum of money. I wonder if part of Putin's goals weren't to control the Ukrainian section of the pipeline so Russia could trouser all of the gas profits. Not the chief goal, of course, but it would be a nice little bonus.

Elon Musk set to buy Twitter in $44b deal, promises stuff

"On the downside: this is the end of Twitter."

So what's the down side again?

Crooks steal NFTs worth '$3m' in Bored Ape Yacht Club heist

Minor correction needed

Assorted NFTs - $0.

Money given to a scammer to claim "ownership" of said NFTs - $3m.

Crypto bros' faces when the natural results of total deregulation and zero oversight make the scam obvious - priceless.

There are lots of things that money can buy. For everything else, there's cryptocurrency.

US warns North Korean Lazarus gang rising against cryptocurrency outfits

"Blockchain is a great technology"

I was with you right up until this point. I have never found any advocate of blockchain who can explain how it can be used to do anything more practically or efficiently than an already existing solution. Really, it's just an attempt to create a problem that it might be a solution to.

Ransomware gangs vs Crypto bros?

Let them fight.

Honestly, though, this has to be the most bizarre escalation of crime that I've ever heard of. The bros already got robbed when they bought nothing for something. The gangs broke in and stole the proof that the bros got robbed. The gangs then demand to rob the bros for a third time, and if the bros don't acquiesce then they won't be able to rob someone else to recoup the losses they incurred from the first robbery. But if they do pay up, they would have to rob that third party for more in order to break even - which is harder to do. And if they can't find a patsy at the new, higher price, they're even worse off.

Not that I'm saying their quandary is in the least bit unfair, but truly, these are the strangest times.

When the expert speaker at an NFT tech panel goes rogue

"A Trans-Fluvial Transit System opportunity"

Not all bridges cross rivers. It might be a Non-Fluvial Transit system.

Russia (still) trying to weaponize Facebook for spying, Ukraine-war disinfo

"today facebook is doing the right thing"

Today Facebook showed me adverts for multiple crypto scammers, pump and dump boiler rooms, snake oil salesmen and degree selling factories - all of whom I had previously instructed them to block. And that was 100% of the adverts they showed me.

Facebook never do the right thing if you are willing to pay them to do the wrong thing.

"the Kremlin need to hire Cambridge analytica"

Again?

Japanese startup makes baby carrier-style sling for 'Love Robots'

"I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going!"

I haven't seen any hentai, but I've heard enough to know where the tentacles are going!

Nestlé says it leaked its own test data, not Anonymous

"they've been sponsoring Rebel Alliances for years now"

I'm going to tell Chewbacca about your offensive and racist remarks regarding his diet. I hope you were finished using those arms.

RIP: Creators of the GIF and TRS-80

RIP Stephen Wilhite

Much like your great invention, I cannot pronounce your name properly.

(The IT angle - is it short or long?)

Driver in Uber's self-driving car death goes on trial, says she feels 'betrayed'

Re: Can AI make critical military decisions?

I would have said "Would you rather play a game of chess?" myself.

Prototype app outperforms and outlasts outsourced production version

Re: "Or written a temporary bit of code that ended up becoming too permanent?"

I wasn't aware that it was possible to shut down a server remotely from inside a lead lined bunker. Seems you've found an extremely useful temporary fix!

Brit techie shows us life in Ukraine amid Russian invasion

"sadly none of his party have had the balls to kick him out yet"

Remember how the Telegraph started doing their Russia supplement about 15 years ago while Boris was a columnist there? They were being paid £400k a year by Russia for that. At the same time, a certain Mr Johnson's salary rose from £25k a year to over £200k a year. And then Boris waved through Evgeny Lebedev's entry into the Lords declaring that there was no security risk, despite the fact that Lebedev's father was not just a crony of Putin but a senior KGB officer. Do you think that Boris could have done that without the support of his party?

The Tories aren't removing Boris because they've taken the same Russian money. They took it to support Brexit; they took it to ignore the sale of London's skyline to the oligarchs; most of all, they took it to fill the party coffers and to line their own pockets. And now they have allowed the likes of Abramovitch and Deripaska to bypass the worst effects of sanctioning. Some other oligarchs weren't even added to the list.

Getting rid of Boris will achieve nothing. We need to get rid of them all.

PayPal, Visa, Mastercard suspend Russian services

Re: "Visa and Mastercard have each suspended their Russian operations"

So they just license their brand rather than collect directly? Fair enough, and I appreciate the correction. They're still not really doing anything though, are they?

"So, if I understand correctly,"

Я не говорю по-русски, товарищ.

"Visa and Mastercard have each suspended their Russian operations"

Pay attention to what Visa and Mastercard have actually done here. They have not ceased operations inside Russia, only blocked transactions into and out of Russia. They are still claiming fees and interest from their Russian customers, just as they did before. Anton in St Petersburg can't buy from Wladislaw in Wroclaw any more, but he can still do all his shopping at Sergei's store down the street - which is 95% of what he uses his card for. Well, 100% now because Wladislaw told Anton to stick his roubles up his arse when the invasion began.

In other words, Visa and Mastercard are trying to steal valour by refusing to process payments that other companies were already refusing to accept.

Europe's largest nuclear plant on fire after Russian attack

"something along the lines of the old USSR/GDR with a very hard border"

Putin has literally demanded a roll back of NATO membership to where it was when the Soviet Union collapsed. There's no way he doesn't want to re-establish the Warsaw Pact.

"Surely their artillery commanders have maps? Can't they read them?"

Not the Russians, but my grandfather was an artillery driver at Monte Cassino in World War II and according to him, the US artillery commanders had their deployment maps upside down.

EU cuts off key Russian banks from SWIFT system

"If you elect, support and facilitate a fascist dictator"

A few years back the Russians ran a referendum in one of their conquests - South Ossetia, I think, but I can't be certain in the last 10 minutes of my lunch break - asking the people if they wanted to be part of Russia. Ballots were supposedly secret, but voters were not allowed to fold their papers and the ballot boxes were transparent ... and guarded. And amazingly, over 90% of voters had a surpassing love for the Rodina.

Fascist dictators don't as a rule get elected - at least, not re-elected - and your choice to support and facilitate them or not is somewhat limited by the consequences if you don't. A lot of Russians want Putin gone, but they are too frightened to say so. For every one of the thousands of protestors on the streets, there will be ten more at home. But they know that these sanctions will end only when Putin does, and it is hoped that will in time bring more and more of them out against him.

Russia is the advanced persistent threat that just triggered. Ready?

"Where does Putin nuke that wouldn't actually hasten his own end?"

You're misunderstanding the situation. The question now is not whether Putin meets his end; that was decided when he invaded Ukraine. The question is rather how he meets his end.

Putin has done everything he can to frame NATO opposition to his aggression as an existential threat to Russia. And he has said - and this is a minor paraphrase at most - that if Russia has no place in the world, why should the world continue to exist? There is a very real possibility that he will use nuclear weapons not to save himself, but to take everyone else with him.

"NOW is your time to shine!"

If by "shine" you mean "with the fire of an earthbound Sun" or "glow in the dark for the next 10,000 years", perhaps. It's one thing to expect Putin to show restraint with the Armageddon dildos when he gets his nose bloodied in Ukraine, and quite another to suggest that he would hold back if Russia should be invaded on multiple fronts.

Lost Ark: A pulpy Korean MMO-lite for idle hands

You forgot to mention the colossal sexism

I gave Lost Ark a try. I thought I'd play a Gunslinger as I liked the idea. Gunslingers have to be female, and after rolling my eyes a bit at some of the outfits I was able to pick out a modest-looking suit that I could play without feeling like I should personally be wearing a grubby raincoat.

The game begins, and lo! my character is now wearing a low cut blouse and leather micro-shorts like a porn parody of Lara Croft. I play through the prologue thinking "well, this is just starter gear and I'll get the outfit I selected in creation soon". Nope. I played to the end of the prologue and I'm still looking like a weeaboo wank fantasy. Also every cut scene is following my character at arse-level as she wiggles her butt with every step, and other characters in those cut scenes are watching her that way as well.

Logged out, uninstalled, deleted from Steam library. There is absolutely no excuse for this in modern gaming.

AI-created faces now look so real, humans can't spot the difference

We saw this coming

Or we did if we watched The Book of Boba Fett. No spoilers, but that includes a deepfaked character whose voice was even synthesised. And even though you knew what it was, it was still tough to tell. If it's getting that good in TV - not even in a movie - then it's going to spread wide, and soon.

Intel reveals GPU roadmap with hybrid integrated discrete graphics

"Alchemist"?

Mate, if you're not causing a star to go nova, you are not deploying the Alchemist.

IT vendors set to use headline inflation to justify price hike

"There are certain sets of skills that are very high demand right now."

"And if you do not return my NFTs, I will find you, I will repartition your hard drives, and I will change the passwords on all your porn site accounts".

WeChat, AliExpress added to US Notorious Markets list

"has added AliExpress to its list"

Add Kickstarter as well, then. If I had a dollar for every project I've seen that was someone pushing an AliExpress product (knockoff or otherwise) at 300% markup, I'd have enough to buy the real article at retail.

(The IT angle? Kickstarter are themselves moving in to blockchain, which is Scammer-Helping Information Technology.)

Dido Harding's appointment to English public health body ruled unlawful

"The infamous Queen of Carnage"

"a moniker she earned after presiding over TalkTalk..."

If I'm not mistaken, did she not earn that moniker here in the article that was linked to? I've not seen it anywhere else.

(I'll let it slide, though - it's a nice classical allusion to her namesake Dido of Carthage, and the Reg writer didn't even smugly point out how clever they were.)

San Francisco 49ers catch ransomware, sample files leaked online

"Come on El Reg, isn't this worth reporting?"

Having tried to use the Stagecoach website in the past, it would be more worthy of reporting if the bastard thing was working properly.