Posts by Jedit

BOFH: Ah. Company-branded merch. So much better than a bonus

Re: I'd rather just not get a gift

Well, if we get socks then at least we won't be standing barefoot.

(Mine's not the one with the company logo on it.)

Why no Vulture icon?

I want this post to have the company logo on it.

This upstart is selling tickets for a SpaceX trip to the world's first private space station

"the plebs, not the ones who can get me into jail"

The problem with that is the plebs aren't the people who can afford a vanity trip into space. The only people who can are the people you get imprisoned for defrauding.

No, your mission plan should be to rip off people who are likely to die before you are forced to show signs of progress, and factor "reasonable risk of non-delivery" into the contract.

Your security failure was so bad we have to close the company … NOT!

"back in the day when mice had balls"

Wait - if mice don't have balls, where do the little mice come from?

Shocks from a hairy jumper crashed a PC, but the boss wouldn't believe it

"They don't make 'em like they used to."

Some would say that's not a bad thing, if your mouse shuts down the minute the sun comes out. Of course that is a factor in the gear having a 40-year operational life in the UK...

Come on, people - no unnecessary friction, please.

Elizabeth Holmes is not going to prison – for the moment

I'm not sure why the OP thought otherwise. "Stupid enough to believe you, greedy enough to want to believe you" is practically the dictionary definition of "sucker".

US watchdog grounds SpaceX Starship after that explosion

"It [...] was detonated over Boca Chica, Texas, within minutes of launch"

So what you're saying is... Debris Does Dallas?

Yes, yes, I'll get my coat...

Just what the universe needs right now: A black hole with wind

"essentially recycling the Universe"

Well, at least someone round here will commit to recycling.

Techie sacked after jetting to tropical island on sick leave

"cervical spondylosis"

It should be noted here that cervical spondylosis is a condition caused by wear and tear to the vertebrae and does not, as you may be forgiven for thinking, involve having a cervix. So the gentleman in the story was not quite as obviously pulling a sickie as it would appear at first glance.

Pentagon shoots down UFO rumors but says 650 cases are still pending

Choose your titles with care

Pentagon shoots down UFO rumours - boring.

"Pentagon shoots down UFO" rumours - now that's news!

Guy rejects top photo prize after revealing snap was actually made using AI

"Our hands are lily-white. HE'S the lying sack of shit."

I think the more accurate translation is "he made us look like idiots".

UK consortium bid for NHS data platform falls at first hurdle

"the current Labour party aren't a great deal different from the Tories"

Exactly; they're not different and they're not an alternative. Can anyone actually name a Labour policy that isn't "the Tories aren't doing this Tory thing enough, Labour will do it better"? I can't. Starmer is exclusively trying to appeal to Tory voters because he believes that left leaning voters have nowhere else to go. It's a mistake that Scottish Labour made ten years ago and he hasn't learned from it. Indeed, he's actively driving the left wing out of the party. He may be elected simply because people are sick enough of the Tories, but not on his own merit. And courting Tories is a mistake, because they will not swing no matter what he promises. Not only do they know that the Tories actually will do what Labour are only promising to do, they know that Starmer has made false promises before to be elected as Labour leader and dropped them the instant it became convenient - so what's stopping him doing that again?

@anothercynic - please do not make the mistake of thinking I'm Momentum or even Labour-affiliated. I am not. Corbyn is a decent man, but that isn't the same as being a good leader. He should have been more ruthless; everyone in the Chicken Coup, which included Starmer, should have been expelled from the party. The media were comparing him to Stalin anyway so he wasn't exactly going to hurt his image by doing it. But he didn't, because he is a decent guy who accepts differences in opinion and tries to form a broad church, and it cost him. The establishment saw him as a threat because he challenged the status quo from which they benefit greatly, so they monstered him and libelled him. In that they had the full cooperation of the Labour right because they also don't want to change anything, they do not a better society, they do not want a broad church, they only want to be in charge of the establishment and get the benefits.

"Socialism has been taken over by zealots"

No it hasn't, unless you consider "wanting anything resembling a left wing policy" to be zealotry. Nobody on the left wants the Tories in power. Five more years of the Tories will destroy this country, if indeed it can even be saved now. But five years of Red Tories pretending to be Labour won't just destroy the country - it will validate the Blairite/Starmerite claim that elections can only be won by going to the right, and it will remove any force in British politics that would even try to rebuild what has been ruined.

The choice in the next General Election is not between Tories and Labour. It's between Tories now or Tories forever.

"Unless the conservatives finish hollowing out and selling off the NHS by January 2025"

... Labour will do it.

I don't know how much attention you've been paying to Keith's band of Tory lite non-entities, but shadow Health Secretary Wes "McShitter" Streeting has stated that privatisation of the NHS is the way to go. I am sure this has nothing to do with the large donations from private health care companies that accidentally fell into his pockets.

It's time to reveal all recommendation algorithms – by law if necessary

"trouble is, there is no one 'algorithm"

I'm fairly sure that there is exactly one algorithm: the adverts promoted to you are the ones from companies who paid the platform to spam their shit.

I'm in full agreement with the person who said that refusing permissions and hiding data leads to you getting random ads, though. It's hardly a shock - the opt outs on platforms like Facebook straight up say "this won't change the number of ads you see, they just may not be relevant to you". To which all I can say is: if you're willing to pay Facebook to have them show irrelevant ads to me, how desperate are you?

I will never do business with a company that spams me on social media. Even if I want what they're offering, I'll go elsewhere. More people need to make this plain, because they're not going to stop hassling us as long as someone sees their ad and goes "Ooo".

Cisco Moscow trashed offices as it quit Putin's putrid pariah state

"Where were you when the USA murdered 1 million Iraqis?"

I don't recall if the Reg was around in 2002, but even if it was it wouldn't necessarily report on Bush's illegal war as per my icon.

"Thanks for proving my point."

El Reg has always been snarky; it's the house style. If you don't like it then go elsewhere for your news. I don't mean that in a mean way; you will simply be happier with one less annoyance in your life.

Meanwhile, I am enjoying the irony that the post I am replying to sees you descending from fact into opinion on why posters are downvoting you. Just because someone doesn't take the time to express their opinion doesn't mean they don't have one.

Royal Mail wins worst April Fools' joke 2023

"Royal Mail wins worst April Fools' joke 2023"

It's a stiff contest between this and the actual pay offer, anyway.

Today's old folks set to smash through longevity records

Re: Dennis Leary said it best...

Who said it before Denis Leary said it?

Forget general AI, apparently zebrafish larvae can count

"They only display simple responses to stimuli such as pain, for example."

Am I the only person asking questions such as "who the fuck is torturing baby fish?"

RIP Gordon Moore: Intel co-founder dies, aged 94

Moore's Second Law

The number of tributes will double approximately every two days.

"based on this contribution you're not likely to have one"

I don't know, I'd make far more nasty comments than I do if I thought I'd never die as a result

We are most of us remembered in some way when we pass. Hopefully this gentleman will be remembered as was Ea-Nasir. Or perhaps the ancient Greek sycophant who made an offering to the temple in someone else's name, of whom Herodotus said only: "I know his name, but I will not record it".

Here's a fun idea: Try to unlock and drive away in someone else's Tesla

Re: "Works for Formula 1."

I'm sure I recall Martin Brundle saying that was why you had to replace the steering wheel when you exited the vehicle. Has it changed?

You're of course correct about moving the car and the weight mattering.

"Works for Formula 1."

Actually it's against F1 rules to take your steering wheel with you when you leave your car. You've got to put it back on, as it doubles as a mooring point for the trackside cranes.

NASA wants a telescope on the far side of the Moon

I can imagine the result

Today, scientists have detected and captured radio waves from the very birth of the Universe. After careful interpolation through the most advanced signal processors on Earth, the following sounds were found:

* a loud click

* someone shouting "No!"

The UK's bad encryption law can't withstand global contempt

"Give 'em time, give 'em time..."

That's the general idea, yes.

Silicon Valley Bank seized by officials after imploding: How this happened and why

"Why do you single out "the last two years"?"

Because if he says it was longer than two years, it would be a tacit admission that God-King Trump did it too. And that would be counter to his narrative that Democrats are profligate wasters while Republicans are prudently frugal.

Musk said Twitter would open source its algorithm – then fired the people who could

No, the statement that "You don't build Tesla and SpaceX without some genius" is completely accurate. Some genius created the company, then Musk bought it.

UK Prime Minister wants £800M to spend on big British iron

"an AI supercomputer called the Good Machine"

For £800m I'd expect it to be better than good.

Once AI can create endless viral videos, good luck switching off social media

"the general idea was invented by Jeremy Bentham (1748-1832)"

Minor pedant here: it was actually Bentham's brother Samuel who came up with the idea, as a way to operate a large factory with minimal supervisory staff. Jeremy only adapted the idea for prisons.

Otherwise you're quite correct, except about making the physical presence of the panopticon less obvious - half the point of the panopticon is that you are aware that you are being surveilled at all times.

Pro-Putin scammers trick politicians and celebrities into low-tech hoax video calls

"Nigel Farage don't need no pesky Ruskies..."

More like "Nigel Farage doesn't need to be tricked". It's a matter of public record that he worked for Russian state-controlled media. And he's one of the honest ones; several other prominent Brexiteers spent time working in Moscow prior to the EU referendum, but unlike Farage they won't say what they were doing there.

Signal says it'll shut down in UK if Online Safety Bill approved

"This concept of young people having to get their first credit card to go into debt"

It's mindboggling because it's fictional. You do build score by showing that you can pay what you agree to pay, but that applies to all contracts and credit agreements, not just cards. The easiest way for a young person to build initial credit score is to do something that most of them are doing anyway: take out a mobile phone contract. If they don't miss a payment, they'll get score - even if it's just a £10 a month PAYG.

FTX fiasco founder SBF faces further fraud charges

"He must have cheesed off the wrong people."

Crypto scams on this scale can only target the rich. So, yes, you're right.

Titanic mass grave site to be pillaged for NFTs

"a dreadful insensitivity and greed"

Yes, that's NFTs alright. There is nothing new under the sun.

Kremlin claims Ukraine hackers behind fake missile strike alerts

"If you can't take it, don't dish it out."

It's the nature of fascist authoritarians. Their every accusation is a confession.

Humans strike back at Go-playing AI systems

"We will not tell you were Sarah Connor is."

That's OK. I only want your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle because they look cool.

A tip for content filter evaluators: erase the list of sites you tested, don't share them on 100 PCs

Re: MPs and tractors, anyone?

You'd think that a Tory MP if anyone would know how to clear their browser history. They certainly have no shortage of de-tractors.

What Mary, Queen of Scots, can teach today’s cybersec royalty

"Mary's crypto was weak"

Got involved in crypto and lost everything due to failing to maintain security? A cautionary tale.

(Yeah, yeah, for once I'll apologise to the bros as they didn't do anything to merit the jibe. But it was irresistible.)

UK tax authority nudges net 'influencers': You may owe us for those OnlyFans feet pics

"Are two pedants a biped-ant?"

Please don't get pedants confused with actual ants. Ants live in a hill. Pedants live in a well, actually.

"HMRC has caught scent of its favorite snack – unpaid tax"

Correction required: "unpaid tax" should read "unpaid tax from poor people". HMRC will take hundreds or thousands from individuals, but are more than happy to let rich corporations off the hook for billions. Vodafone's sweetheart deal relieved them of so much unpaid tax burden that had they been made to pay in full it would by itself have covered the entire first round of austerity cuts to local authorities. And that's just one company.

More victims of fake crypto investor scam speak to The Register

Re: "We are technical people,"

"The Bitcoin request seemed odd, but the two men said they wanted to avoid paying taxes, Jonathan Kennedy told The Register."

There is no 20-20 hindsight at work here. The people Kennedy was dealing with literally told him up front that they were financial criminals. He and his partners still went ahead with the transaction.

This is the simple lever crypto scammers use. Bros all think that they are very cleverly sticking it to the Man, so anyone else sticking it to the Man must be on their side. But there's a saying in poker and it applies here: there's a donkey at every table, and if you don't know who it is then it's you.

Subsidies? All UK chip industry needs is tax, rule tweaks, claims rightwing thinktank

"FTFY"

Er... you are aware that there never was a Corbyn government, and that Corbyn was not even leader of the Labour Party for most of the last 12 years? A sarcasm tag is not required.

Suspect in Finnish psychotherapy center blackmail hack arrested

"I'm not a wine drinker, unless it's MD 20/20 out of a brown paper bag"

How do you drink wine out of a paper bag? Surely the bag will get soaked and collapse.

Eurocops shut down Exclu encrypted messaging app, arrest dozens

"If they'd have spoken Double Dutch then there would have been no need for the encryption..."

You're tilting at windmills again.

Wind, solar power outstrip fossil fuel generation for EU

"our energy costs will obviously fall rapidly"

No, our energy costs should fall rapidly if the cost of production is reduced. Saying that they will is not something I would consider doing in the form of a wager. Energy companies of all stripes want the current state of gouging to become the new normal.

It's been 230 years since British pirates robbed the US of the metric system

"Ever tried to hump a neatly-numbered metric sack of animal feed?"

No. But I guess you had to make your own entertainment when you were a lad.

FTX audit finds $415m in crypto mysteriously vanished

"might have been a little easier if he'd been kept in a cell"

Sure, and wouldn't it also be easier to get confessions out of prisoners if we tortured them?

Don't get me wrong here - you're entirely correct that SBF is a scamming piece of shit who deserves to spend longer in prison than he probably will. But he hasn't been convicted of a crime yet, and until he has been convicted he's protected by rules that also protect the rest of us from the authorities just doing whatever they like to anyone who stands accused. That's important.

And of course, we should remember that SBF being out on license is an invitation to dig his eventual hole even deeper. If he had any sense he'd be staying the hell off the internet, but he does not have sense and he will almost certainly do or say something that he shouldn't have - if he hasn't already.

Euro-cops shut down crypto scam that bilked millions from unwitting punters

"Whats the difference between crypto and crypto fakes? Not a damn thing..."

There is actually a difference. When a crypto bro sells magic beans, the buyer at least receives them and can potentially dodge being a victim by selling them to someone else. Only the final bag holder is truly scammed. Fake crypto scammers promise you magic beans, but the buyer is always the one being scammed.

Ironically, this means fake sellers generate fewer scams than real ones.

BOFH: It's 4ft tall, heavyset, has optional fax. No they didn't take the toner!

"confronted with the full weight of his idiocy"

Literally.