* Posts by Jedit

1387 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010


Amazon's coronavirus symptoms: Swelling of the profit, large sales deposits, insatiable demand


"I couldn’t be more proud of and grateful to our employees around the globe"

Said Jeff Bezos, before treating them like convicted criminals.

Butterfingers who don't bother with phone cases, rejoice: New Gorilla Glass 'Victus' tipped to survive 6ft drops


"1plus used to have textured backs and I wish it had become more commonplace."

I'm still to see a better designed phone than the Galaxy Note 4. About the only thing they could have done to change the basic design was removing the physical Home button. But when you're talking about expensive devices, iterative refinement doesn't fly because nobody gets excited about last year's device with slightly better components. Samsung et al *need* to change something big every time so that the product looks new, different and worth buying instead of its now-discounted predecessor.

Google search trends used to calculate floating prophylactic prices


Is that what they mean by ...

… pork futures?

(Mine's the one with something for the weekend in the pocket.)

Oh what a cute little animation... OH MY GOD. (Not acceptable, even in the '80s)


"the line sounded like 'the air polution is fucking up my eyes' "

When I saw the Kinks perform Apeman live, Ray definitely sang "fucking". The live version of Come Dancing also often ended on an explicit note.

Shopped recently in a small online store? Check this list to see if it was one of 570 websites infected with card-skimming Magecart

IT Angle

Re: Upscalestripper was hacked!!

For obvious reasons I haven't actually visited the site, but could it be selling high quality paint strippers?

Fasten your seat belts: Brave Reg hack spends a week eating airline food grounded by coronavirus crash


Would I eat airline curry?

Maybe. Just maybe. If the plane crashed and I was stranded with no hope of rescue for weeks, then I might allow it to pass my lips. After I'd eaten the other passengers first, of course.

(With thanks to NTNOCN.)

Beer rating app reveals homes and identities of spies and military bods, warns Bellingcat


"Loose lips sink ships"

Or in this case, sink pints.

This happens so often that I wonder if no intelligence agency in the world actually trains its operators in basic social media security.

If you're appy and you know it: The Huawei P40 Pro conclusively proves that top-notch specs aren't everything


"Can we get a review from someone who doesn't like sending all their data to Google?"

Well, I tried a Huawei phone but returned it because the reception was poor and the mobile data kept dropping out. The Chinese government couldn't understand - they said they received everything perfectly.

Joking aside: if you want a phone that doesn't send your data to someone, then don't buy a smartphone. Because your data *is* going to someone; your choice is who.

Senator demands deep probe into spyware-for-cops after NSO Group touts hacking toolkit to American plod


Is that what they call...

… Wydening the scope of the investigation?

(I know, I know, I'm sorry...)

What do you call megabucks Microsoft? No really, it's not a joke. El Reg needs you


"How about "Microshaft""

Who's the Redmond software firm that's less a virus than a germ?


Damn right.

Now we know what the P really stands for in PwC: X-rated ads plastered over derelict corner of accountants' website


"somebody certainly can't spell!"

Indeed. It's supposed to be "cumming".

(Mine's the dirty rainmac.)

Smartphone shipments plummet in Q1 as users, er, lock down their spending


"... selling 17 per cent fewer units than in Q1 2020"

Hang on - I thought the article is discussing sales figures in Q1 2020? If so, shouldn't this be "... than in Q1 2019"?

You can get a mechanical keyboard for £45. But should you? We pulled an Aukey KM-G6 out of the bargain bin


"are these mechanical keyboards any good for actual work"

Absolutely. Nothing will make your typing more precise, but a mechanical keyboard will make your typing more comfortable. The response from the keys is entirely different, although it's hard to quantify exactly how - you really need to try one. I'm currently working from home with my company laptop hooked up to my home setup, which includes a Mionix mechanical keyboard, and compared to my keyboard in the office it's night and day.

Star's rosette orbit around our supermassive black hole proves Einstein's Theory of General Relativity correct


Re: Is it just me?

I don't understand the use of the marker either. It's not a star, it's a black hole.

We lost another good one: Mathematician John Conway loses Game of Life, taken by coronavirus at 82


Definitely playing the misere variant

With this, sadly, all three authors of Winning Ways For Your Mathematical Plays have passed away in the last year: Richard Guy last month (aged 103 and working to the end, so you can't really grouse) and Elwyn Berlekamp in April 2019.

Official: Office 365 Personal, Home axed next month... and replaced by Microsoft 365 cloud subscriptions


"either the picture wasn't clear or..."

You don't think Cameron is a dickhead?

Astroboffin gets magnets stuck up his schnozz trying and failing to invent anti-face-touching coronavirus gizmo


"this is what 'magnetic personality' on those dating sites really means"

Please - I have amazing sexual magnetism. That's why I'm stuck to the sexual fridge.

Asterix co-creator Albert Uderzo dies aged 92


"I'm not aware of a Rue Uderzo though..."

That's because it's extremely unusual for a street to be named after a living person. I'm sure there will be a Rue Uderzo soon.

BOFH: Gosh, IPv5? Why didn't I think of that? Say, how do you like the new windows in here? Take a look. Closer...

IT Angle

"Extra internets for knowing what a EDM is"

Electronic Dance Music?

(I don't know, but I have the sneaking suspicion that this may be another redundant M.)

Pope tells his followers to log off for Lent


Show yourself, pontiff

I will never log off.

(with apologies)

If you're struggling to keep new year resolutions, try NGTS-10b, a mere 1,000 LY away. One year is just 18 hrs


"Venus is not a good destination to head for...."

After 44 months, someone finally provides a positive benefit of leaving Europe.

Google product boss cuffed on suspicion of murder after his Microsoft manager wife goes missing, woman's body found, during Hawaii trip


I'd be very surprised if a <job title> ever turns her phone off

If my spouse worked for Google in a senior position and I wanted to get out, the very first thing I'd do would be turn my phone off. Google are not shy about slurping location data, after all.

Come to Five Guys, where the software is as fresh as the burgers... or maybe not



Wasn't he the villain in Stargate SG-1?

BOFH: Darn Windows 7. It's totally why we need a £1k graphics card for a business computer

IT Angle

BMS on Win7 - nope

Yeah, I'm pretty sure one of our BMS systems is still running on XP. It's definitely the only analogue phone left in the building, because the antique modems can't talk to Skype - or at least that's the explanation I've been given.

(No, I don't know where the IT angle is in two tin cans and a piece of string.)

Atari would love to ship its VCS console but – would ya believe it – there's yet another delay. This time, it's the coronavirus's fault


"Coronavirus has become the new one size fits all excuse for delays"

It's not just an excuse, though. I'm waiting on several Kickstarter board game projects that are being manufactured in China, all from companies I trust, and they pretty much simultaneously updated to say the same thing: Chinese New Year celebrations extended slightly this year, then the coronavirus showed up, so they're delayed a bit.

Elon Musk shows world that he is truly awful at something

IT Angle

"Elon Musk shows world that he is truly awful at something"

I'm curious now. When did Musk show the world that he was actually good at something, other than self-promotion and raising venture capital?

(The IT angle is sequential to the SH angle, in the case of his music.)

It's been one day since Blighty OK'd Huawei for parts of 5G – and US politicians haven't overreacted at all. Wait, what? Surveillance state commies?


"it will give the gov' time to explore other avenues"

No, it will mean that the deal the Yanks demand will be even more one-sided. For instance, going from preferential status in NHS procurement to being involved in the decision-making processes.

Looking for a Valentine's bargain? Samsung's next pholdable tipped for 14 Feb release at a trifling $1,400


"Creased me up!"

I hope you're not in the office, or you might have several embarrassing quality control issues. Luckily they are creases, so they can be ironed out.

(Mine's the one with, you guessed it, creases.)

You're always a day Huawei: UK to decide whether to ban Chinese firm's kit from 5G networks tomorrow


Re: "Evaded taxes? Citation needed."

Presented for your entertainment, Vodafone And Juliet: A Travesty in Three Acts.




Dave Hartnett's sweetheart deal with Vodafone is well known, coming as it did just as austerity cuts to the approximate value of said deal were being made to local council services across the UK.

Thumb Down

"Vodafone could lose up to £70m"

Pardon me if I shed no tears for the company who evaded, what, £7bn in taxes and when caught were told they'd only have to pay less than half of it back. They're not short of a crust.

EU've been naughty: GDPR has netted bloc €114m in fines since 2018

IT Angle

"Is now a good time to talk about the RoI?"

That depends. Are you talking about return on investment, or the Republic of Ireland?

(The IT angle is, apparently, an unspecified technological solution in both cases.)

AI of the needle: Here's how neural networks could detect nighttime low blood-sugar levels using your heart beat


"Next up, penis size, will it satisfy her, should patent that."

Patenting a Sexual Satisfaction Predictor would require multiple trials with the same woman and a variety of men with different sized penises. Was this your idea or your partner's?

Flying taxis? That'll be AFTER you've launched light sabres and anti-gravity skateboards



When 900 years old the USA reaches, then can you tell us how words are spelled.

(The one with the Force in the pocket, mine is.)

Tracking President Trump with cellphone location data, Greta-Thunberg-themed malware, SharePoint patch, and more

IT Angle

"A virus is malware, you twit."

I remember when Apple were doing their big campaign based on Macs not getting viruses. Some virus author wrote that this was because it wasn't worth writing viruses for Macs, as the market share was so small they couldn't propagate properly. If Macs do now have viruses, it appears this was true and they've been nobbled by their own success.

Email blackmail brouhaha tears UKIP apart as High Court refuses computer seizure attempt


"Suggesting Jess Phillips ... as opposed to (posh sounding) Rebecca Long-Bailey"

Phillips may not have been born posh, but she's the child of two HENRYs [1] and she absolutely aspires to poshness. She's best friends with Jacob Rees-Mogg, for God's sake. She's one of those melty types who only joined the Labour Party because the Tories wouldn't have her.

Also she's a massive TERF.

[1] High Earner, Not Rich Yet. Basically someone who has a six figure salary but feels hard done by because they're not a multi-millionaire.

It's 2019 so, of course, this Wells Fargo employee accused of stealing customer cash posed with wads of dosh on Instagram, Facebook

IT Angle

"Note to self: Don't flash your ill gotten loot on social media"

Note to elvisimprsntr: You're on social media right now, and you just implied that you have ill-gotten loot to flash.

(The IT angle will possibly come from elvis, after I supplied the "Shhhh".)

Careful with that Axe, Eugene: Excessive use of body spray causes school bus evacuation


"breakfast with Alvin"

He would have to have been having breakfast with Alan.

Boffins find proof that yes, Carl Sagan and Joni Mitchell were right, we really are all made up of star stuff


Re: Not right about everything

Joni Mitchell has claimed to be a lot of things in her time, including but not restricted to a man (both a free one in Paris and a black one), a radio and a wildwood flower. I suggest you let it go.

Elon Musk gets thumbs up from jury for use of 'pedo guy' in cave diver defamation lawsuit


"My wife's a nice South African."

You're married to Breyten Breytenbach?

Escobar Fold 1 snort all it's cracked up to be: Readers finger similarity to slated Chinese mobe


"unlike say Samsung"

While I appreciate the point about Samsung bloatware, which we could all do without, what do they have to do with Royole? Royole were slated for NOT spending time or money on software development for the Flexpai.

Pablo Escobar's brother is Medellín in the foldable phone biz, sniffing out new markets


"I'm sure this handset will crack the market"

At that price I wouldn't turn my nose up at it.

Come on people, it was right there.

(And you don't want to know what's in the pocket of mine.)

Vote rigging, election fixing, ballot stuffing: Just another day in the life of a Register reader


"aren't the Dropkick Murphys an American band?"

They are indeed. But this article is about Americans pretending to be Irish, and nobody does that harder than the DMs.


"it would have been more appropriate if the band had been The Horslips"

I had actually assumed that the whole mess-up on both sides was the standard operation of Dropkick Murphy's Law.

(GO, because it's green.)

Stand back, we're going in: The Register rips a 7th-gen ThinkPad X1 Carbon apart. Literally

Paris Hilton

"6 per cent ... sounds more impressive than saying it is .95mm thinner."

True to some degree. On the other hand, saying "6%" provides context for the measurement where 0.95mm does not. Saying something is an inch longer can be insignificant or life changing; it depends on what you're measuring.

(I'll let you use your imagination on what you might be measuring.)

Go champion retires after losing to AI, Richard Nixon deepfake gives a different kind of Moon-landing speech...


"They could also add a fighting element. Then we'll see who's really better."

You make THAT post, under THAT icon? Go computers don't know pity or mercy, and they absolutely will not stop - ever - until both players pass in succession.

BOFH: Trying to go after IT's budget again?


"It feels recycled from the last time the boss tried to buy carbon credits."

*grabs obvious feed line*

Well, at least he's recycling.

Beware the trainee with time on his hands and an Acorn manual on his desk


"Twenty years of booting up your—BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP—Dreamcast."

Oh come on, it wasn't quite that slow.

ICO scammer Maksim Zaslavskiy to miss 2020 Tokyo Olympics over digital currency fraud

IT Angle

"no investments in any sort of real-world asset to back the coins"

Is that not a statement that could apply to all cryptocurrencies? Not snarking, this is a serious question seeking an answer.

Labour: Free British broadband for country if we win general election


"Labor is pro-remain, right?"

No. Labour is pro-will of the people on Brexit, with the caveat that the people should be properly and fully informed of the consequences before they make a decision and thus should have the right to change their minds if they were not. Despite its many benefits the EU is a shamelessly neoliberal organisation, so Labour won't shed too many tears if we do leave as long as the country isn't harmed in the process.

So far as EU regulations go, they of course won't apply if we do leave the EU. However, we may not yet leave. If we do remain, the important thing to note about that regulation is that it says state intervention should be limited *as much as possible*. If the free market and commercial investment were both interested in providing a full national fibre network and able to do so, even paid for by the user, they've had plenty of time to do it. It seems reasonably obvious that if the State wants to achieve the goal of 100% fibre broadband coverage, it's going to have to do it itself.

Lastly: in this modern era the data network should be considered an essential part of national infrastructure. As such it is too important to be privately controlled.



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