Posts by Matthew Glubb

Russian sailors maroon themselves in Bristol Channel after drunken dinghy ride goes awry

Ilfracombe

Correction: Ilfracombe All Weather Lifeboat was also tasked. I know because my pager went off whilst I was doing the school run.

Facebook's Sheryl Sandberg can't remember smear firm, but 'some of their work' crossed her desk

Re: "are octopi jewish?"

In modern English, it's either octopuses or octopodes. Never octopi as the word comes from Greek, not Latin.

ALPHABET TOTALLY LOSES ITS SCHMIDT: Exec chairman Eric quits

Leadership

His name clearly indicates his performance during his tenure. If you separate the shit from Schmidt, you are left with SHIT CMD = Poor leadership.

Royal Navy destroyer leaves Middle East due to propeller problems

Restricted Ability to Maneuver

They may possibly be showing Ball Diamond Ball.

Car tax evasion has soared since paper discs scrapped

No need to crack down on murderers either

> A DfT spokesman said that the vast majority of motorists paid tax on their vehicles correctly.

A Home Office Spokesperson also added that the vast majority of people don't go around murdering others.

Why is it that geeks' favourite enemies are... other geeks?

Because beating jocks is no challenge at all.

UK PM May's response to London terror attack: Time to 'regulate' internet companies

IRA

One can only be grateful that the IRA did not have access to the internet. With it they may have conducted a bombing campaign on the UK mainland and could even have succeeded in blowing up, killing and injuring half the cabinet and the PM.

Male escort forgot pregnancy protection, scores data protection instead

I feel sorry for the child

Not having a father around is always going to be tough on all involved.

GDS gets it in the neck from MPs over Rural Payments Agency farce

Old News

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pQcNKFoIDE&t=55

White House 'deeply disappointed' by Europe outlawing Silicon Valley

Re: Tantrum coming in 3, 2, 1...

Something Russia tries to hide as much as it can

That'll be why my grandfather just received a medal from a Russian officer for being on the Russian Convoys. I've got the video of a polite Russian from Meridian News, if you don't believe it.

My top three IT SNAFUs - and how I fixed them

The Pie T Department

http://thedailywtf.com/articles/Classic-WTF-The-Pie-T-Department

Facebook unveils SECRET logo furtle – in a TWEET

No mention of whale song or josticks? Shame on you, El Reg.

Angry Austrian could turn Europe against the US - thanks to data

Go!

Go Max, Go!

Zuck talks up mobile shift as Facebook money mill rolls on

Goal

I'm genuinely delighted about every day that passes where I don't use FB. Hopefully that makes you delighted too, Sheryl.

I, for one, welcome our robotic communist jobless future

Sounds like automated farming of humans

This article assumes that all humans will be content with leisure, consumption and procreation. It glosses over the fact that some people may want to have influence beyond their domestic spheres. The rules of the game will be carefully guarded by the capitalist robot wielding classes and woe betide any individual who wishes to challenge them. They'll come down on them like a ton of robots.

Girl gang targets Microsoft's Seattle stores for $5,000 theft spree

Recidivist

How do you know the gang have previous convictions?

Cornwall chokes on £300m local gov deal with IT kingpins

Re: Multiple Choice Quiz

I agree with you. Option 2 all the way for me :)

Multiple Choice Quiz

Select one answer:

costs + profit = £N = privately owned and controlled public services

costs + inefficiencies = £N = publicly owned and controlled public services

Answers on a postcard please...

Chinese man's six-ton balls save lives

Prior Art

Just watch Escape From New York.

New lightest-ever material: Ideal power for electric car

Hotblack

This is probably what Hotblack Desiato's stuntship was made of.

Expert: BA doesn't need permission to google your face

Image Author's Consent?

Notwithstanding proposed orphaned works legislation, rather than the subject's consent, I would have thought that BA would be required to gain consent from the image rights holder before 'processing' (ie. copying into their database) the image.

Wraps come off UK super-snooper draft plans

Re: Doesn't Really Help

"you don't send the web-sites name to the web-site you're accessing, you send it a DNS server"

Errr. Most HTTP1.1 clients do:

http://www.w3.org/Protocols/rfc2616/rfc2616-sec14.html#sec14.23

It's why you can host multiple domains on a single IP.

Road deaths spark crackdown on jaywalking texter menace

Offensive

"Although it's an offence in the US"

Walking is practically an offence in the US. Any time I have walked along a road that isn't in a city centre, I have been stopped by a patrol car and they've asked me what I'm doing.

Or maybe I just have a suspicious gait...

Hanging's too good for 'em - so what do you suggest?

Escape from the Isle of Man

Turn it into a lawless maximum security prison. For an added bonus, crash land your favourite world leader onto it and be thankful that Snake isn't around to save them.

Floppy disk drives jam James Bond theme

That's Nothing

http://vimeo.com/1109226

Google juices Chrome OS with fondleslab smarts

Bad Application of Technology

I can't help feeling that the levitation tech obviously present in the first device would have far greater benefit in other fields of human endeavour...

'Looking and acting like an employee' didn't make him one

Reap what ye shall sow...

All this because he probably wanted to pay less tax...

Falklands hero Marine: Save the Harrier, scrap the Tornado

PLEASE

When you add footnotes, add them to the page for which they apply.

Intrepid Vulture 1 spaceplane pilot arrives at PARIS project

Fake

That moon landing photo is, as any fule kno, a fake.

Germans develop sleepy-driver car 'warning' system

One word

Sunglasses

Raising the roof on the shingled write problem

Unfortunate Terminology

Anything with shingles should be avoided.

US Navy SEALs' new airlock minisub - made in Blighty

Makes me sad

"At any rate, it's a nice success story to round off the week with - and perhaps a further illustration of just why British engineering and manufacturing is so far from dead, and of the type of jobs we should nationally be looking to do."

What? Building hi-tech delivery craft for neoprene clad assassins?

I thought El Reg was above supporting the military-industrial-entertainment complex.

Next from Apple: The Pocket iPad

Joke Alert

Nuff said.

Euro astro biz: It's time for solar panels in Spaaace

Elevators

Just use the elevators as a conduit for the energy. No nasty death star like dangers plus we all get to holiday in orbit...

MS store staff in spontaneous electric boogie

@rogue Ij

I made 1.51. Do we have any advances?

Watford council punts parents from playground

Play

I guess the fact that I might want to do something as radical as actually play with my child is irrelevant.

US cedes control of net governance

@Woo Hoo!

How is that any different from when the US Government was controlling ICANN?

(Former) IT consultant confesses to SCADA tampering

@Juilen

You are right. But it will never happen. Managment refuse to accept that a mere technician could have a similar or higher status to themselves. In Britain we call this the class system. I'm not sure what you'd call it in the rest of the world. Probably just plain snobbery.

Israelis offer unmanned robo smart-missile 8-pack

Unguarded?

Just turn the f**ker upside down.

Gamer embezzles virtual cash to settle real debts

@Richard Drysdall

Haven't you heard of quantitative easing? Real banks print money too...

Opera to take web back to the old days

Planet Saving Technology

One more reason for people to leave their computers on when they aren't using them...

FBI and US Marshals laid low by mystery virus

Really?

If operations are continuing as normal, wouldn't that indicate that the entire computer system affected is redundant?

Women coppers eager to drop trousers

@sarah bee

Presumably that won't be much of a forfeit then?

Microsoft's TomTom patents under scrutiny

@James O 'Brien

Why not just say 'screw everyone'?

Or would that make you seem too much like a sexual predator?

How you pay for tomorrow's scares, today

I'll take my chances

'It's quite a thing to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it means to be a slave.'

'Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death...'

If I'm not legally oblidged to have insurance, I won't get it. I refuse to help maintain an industry that shouts death, destruction and despair at people - just listen to their sales pitches. For the same reason, I won't buy or read the Daily Mail.

Armed robbers take Paris jewellers for £70m

Credit Crunch

Insurance job

Still sending naked email? Get your protection here

Bad Analogy

To the best of my knowledge, I have never used a seat belt that only works if every passenger on the road is also wearing one.

Ballerinas and fish-gutters beat techies in UK immigration race

Lack of officially recognised qualifications?

In the case of most of the other professions mentioned, they all have long standing qualifications that are recognised by law / employers / government. In the case of IT, it's all too easy to claim to be competent in your field, by the time your employer finds out you aren't, you are already in the country.

Concrete-jet 'printers' to build houses, Moonbases in hours

Looks like someone's beaten you to the playmobil mock up

Linked from their site:

http://www.contourcrafting.org/

Apache rules web server landscape

Security...

...through obscurity.

I've heard that before somewhere...