"Yes. I'm the decoy," I say, as the sound of a heavily loaded shredder...
Sounds like Simon has been to Texas:
From the State of Texas, where drinking and driving is considered a
sport, comes a true story about drinking wisely.
Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a local
neighborhood bar. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man
leaving the bar so
intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the
parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an
eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man
managed to find his own car, which he fell into. He was there for a
few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a
dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn and
then
switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches,
reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes
as more
patrons left in their vehicles. At last he pulled out of the parking
lot and started to drive slowly down the street. The police officer,
having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car,
put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried
out a Breathalyzer test. To his amazement the Breathalyzer indicated
no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded,
the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me
to the Police station. This Breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."