* Posts by Rhys

66 publicly visible posts • joined 26 May 2007


Ultimate bacon sarnie scrap starts to sizzle


I do wish that Bacon did not cost a years mortgage payments for a kilo pack here in China. I miss my Bacon Butties.

The REAL bacon is wild pork chased down with dogs and knifed, then carried for several hours from the kill site to the 4wd, then dry cured and cold smoked.

The bread should be home baked, not bought.

City slickers just don't know what REAL bacon sandwiches are...

BOFH: Lock and reload


I wonder where his holiday will be

That he will use all that holiday money for... I bet he won't even have to pay the airfares, It must be junket time again, what convention is currently on in Vegas?

Stormtrooper helmet sales still legal in Britain



"We do not intend to use this ruling to discourage our fans from expressing their imagination, creativity and passion for Star Wars through the costumes and props they make for their personal use,"

Explains why the welsh and Aussies like sheep so much, the subliminals in star wars has them wanting to make their own long haired sidekicks....

My coat's the sheepskin one.

Oz man cracks one off while speeding in drug-packed car


Dunno what the Aussies pay

But here in NZ an ounce of good stuff is between $200 and $350 NZD depending on how close you are to the grow zones (coromandel, northland and the tararua ranges in the north Island, any scarfies basement in the south island) and how long since the cops last raided the neighbourhood tinny house and carried off the stock causing a scarcity situation.

fire icon cause you gotta burn it to smoke it.

BOFH: The Boss gets Grandpa Simpson syndrome


My first computer was dads retired work machine.

Apple IIe running Applesoft basic, no HDD, just a twin 5 1/2" floppy drive dock.

I still have it, it was even still running last time I packed it for a shift.

Malodorous Europe gasses UK


Can't smell anything myself...

But then again, I'm in New Zealand, a safe distance from any french above the high tide mark...

NZ man uses hedgehog as ninja star

Thumb Down

@ Damien G M

Sooner they're dead the better.

Bloody little pommy spikers eat the birds eggs.

The only native mammals are a couple of species of bats, so a lot of native birds lay their eggs on the ground in nests in clumps of long grass, right where hungry egg-loving hedgepigs can find a meal.

US teen cuffed for disposable camera 'Taser'

Paris Hilton

What would they say to the standard 9v battery

They type with two snap cap contacts on the top... The usual way to check they are fully charged is a quick lick across the contacts, which makes your tongue tingle and go numb with the current flow... are 9v batteries now going to be illegal?

Paris Hilton, because she has exactly the same number of braincells as they average US Lawyer and police office... AKA, Nil.

Oregon man stripped by Craigslist looters


@ Roul Miller

same here basicly. I'm in Rural NZ, over an hour from a decent sized town with a nightclub, and over half an hour from a rural service small town with ag supply stores and a pub. We never lock up, the quad bike has it's keys in the ignition all the time, car keys sit on the dash, stuff like that.

where we were up north on the previous farm before shifting in down here last november we didn't even have keys to lock the house with, all the back door keys got lost 10 yrs ago.

We have a number of big vicious farm dogs however, they only get locked up if we know visitors are coming, and are always chained up before we open the deer fence gate to let the visitors into the house surrounds, I'd like to see any buggers trying to carry off the TV with a huntaway hanging on to his balls and a header with her teeth in his butt :D

Swisscom chills to the sound of whalesong


Looks boat-ish to me

Blue spinnaker, red & white mainsail, blue hull and a little blue pennant...

Then I put my glasses on and it looks like someone melted several bits of plastic toys together over a lighter flame. Hence the flame icon

Car net auction trio use GPS to steal back wheels

IT Angle

There are plenty of remote trackers...

My boss had a pair of navman units fitted to the two Isuzu bighorns we ran, they'd send data such as location, whether motor running or turned off, if moving the speed it was moving at... things like that.

One sales rep team leader was so addicted to the coffee that before a month was out the office knew the location of every cafe in the town he was working in since the truck would pull up there and stay there for 30 mins before moving off :D They could even program the computer at the office to warn them every time the motor switched of withing 500M of a logged location, so log in every cafe in town, and when the rep stopped for a coffee, he got a call from the office within minutes :D

Drunken Korean attempts to cook landlady's Chihuahua

Dead Vulture

@ Jon Green.

Boozy Munchies?

Been there done that... sitting on the balcony to pissed to stand when a sparrow flew into the glass door beside me and fell out of the air... pulled of the head, stripped off the skin and feathers and gutted with a fingernail... chew and was down with more beer. still warm and raw.

Surprisingly good!

especially the beer :D

vulture icon because it's a dead bird too.

Billg quits Facebook

IT Angle

I only have 2 on facebook

And thats merely to make them shut the fuck up and stop sending reminders to all their Email list every other day.

I haven't been to facebook since I first signed up and I've long since lost the password.

On the plus sign I no longer get "XXX wants to be your friend on facebook, why not sign up now" type messages almost daily from them.

Can Facebook really be called Information Technology when theres bugger all information involved? it's just empty egos.

Jane Fonda c-word slip shocks US


The london Tube is just as retarded

No Art thanks...


Mines the coat with the mayfair mag in the pocket, will someone call a cab for soho please?

Enraged vegan spitroasts Reg hack



They could go to a farm and "liberate" the B12 bottle :D I gave the calves a jab of cobalt supplement last week, I'm sure it would do them good too. And rabid PETA freaks are used to "liberating" things from farms so she shouldn't have any problems there.

Just use a clean needle dearie :P

the alien, because they're more understandable than PETA freaks.

Suicidal moose descends on Alaska

Thumb Up

@ Ishkandar

Moose and elk are different species.

Elk and Wapiti are the same.

hope this helps :D

Ferrari-totalling ex-Gizmondo boss out of jail


Whats the latest Gizmondo game going to be then?

"Crash this car"?

My coats the green one thanks

BOFH: What GPS is for

Black Helicopters

I geocache

It's fun, but really, the clues should have lead the boss to try and break into the ECHELON Antenna domes or some other govt installation guarded by humourless paranoids Black Helicopter drivers who would have held him for weeks for questioning :P

Dearly departed to heat Manchester crematorium

Dead Vulture

where do you stack them

to dry and season? thats gotta be the smelly part. wet wood is hopeless, it needs to dry out a bit first, why should people be different?

Warner Bros to remake Clash of the Titans

Paris Hilton


Playboy TV is making movies these days. I'm just waiting for hustler Hardcore to join in too and re-make the Benny Hill giggle fests with even less clothes on the chicks :D

Hopefully paris will still be young enough to star :D

Peter Jackson to lord over 'Rings' prequels



Basicly took a lot of the germanic myths that wagner also used...

and re-told the tale of the rings in his own imaginative style.

BOFH: Balancing the budget...

Thumb Up

New Zealand Ministry of Ag and Fisheries

used that system till the late 90's dad enjoyed going through the catalogues from suppliers deciding which bits he wanted before the end-of-financial-year departmental what-toys-to-get meeting.

$30,000 for a machine that would get used once every 4 years and depreciated to nil and sold off for peanuts to one of the staff after 10 was about par for the course...

BOFH: Xmas party: Get a wriggle on

Black Helicopters

I'll join the MMOG

That'll be me in the black helicopter with the laser mike ;)

BOFH: A tragic accident


@Brian Kelsay

That quote always puts a smileon my dial... I used to have it as my sig line for emails untill the company disabled all sig lines and insistuted a Lawyer-writtern disclaimer as the sole sig line.

Now wheres a tall stairway the manager uses.....

BOFH: You think you know a guy...


Does a working

Apple IIe make me anything? :P

Scots tell ET to eff off


This is one geek

That would be filling the presented posterior with a load of salt.

3 1/2" magnum shell and half charge powder, waxpaper and cotton wad and stuff the shell with rock salt. Keep dry and use a Full choke to ensure the salt is stressed and pulverised upon firing.

Peruvian 'meteorite' strike provokes noxious gas attack


Both of those

were Damn fine books. The Starship troopers movie was a different movie with the same name... I just hope a GOOD director does Heinlein justice when converting his books.

419er needs $2k to buy portrait of Queen



You silly republican revolutionaries try deposing the monarch and I'll head over from the colonies and join the royalist cause, I'll even supply my own rifle and ammo.

God save the Queen, And if He won't We Will

Ad agency pays Paddington to ditch marmalade for Marmite



Yum... Have you tried Marmite and Chips (Crisps) sandwiches? Nice :D

Great British fry-up under threat


@ lol

Re NZ meat... you'll find theres a lot less truth to the "food miles" arguement if you look at the production systems in the UK and NZ, in the UK, tractors burning diesel plow and plant grain and crops, tractors then harvest grains and silage, tractors then feed that out daily to stock kept indoors away from the weather where they will grow better. Lots of diesel. then they're trucked to the works, the packed meat trucked to the chiller storeage warehouses, and trucked to the supermarkets.

NZ, a guy on a small motorbike whips round the paddocks chasing cows from one paddock to the other every few days. then they're trucked tot he works, packed into containers and loaded on a ship for export, unloaded overseas into chiller storage, and trucked to the supermarket.

There was a study as part of the kyoto agreement data collection on agriculture for CO2 emissions. UK intensive crop feeding meat rearing caused 3 times the CO2 from burning fuel from paddock to plate than NZ Pastoral meat rearing from pasture to plate. even including shipping CO2 emissions from the boats.

Oh yes... You can't blame us for the sausages or bacon either. NZ is a net IMPORTER of pork products, only 40% of our pork consumption is NZ raised, the rest is imported from asian sources as cooked product.

Or was... the goverment has stuck their collective head up their assholes, ignored that Foot and mouth is endemic in asian herds, and decided to allow uncooked pork product in.

I think it's time for a new holiday, Guy Fawkes failed over there, we need a success over here...

Toddler flexibility at risk as rock stars and goats die young


Nil Hedonism and Excess?

They could try the journalists from the Mormon newsletters and magazines they're always trying to give people after knocking on the door, as a second control group, arent the Jehovas witnesses supposed to be sober and well behaved too? :P

Drunk-astronauts doc says NASA is in denial


Who cares if they're drunk

Its the chimps that fly the damn things anyway :D

Irish firm seeks Trainee Assistant Banana Ripener


Trees are perennials

Bananas are annuals (in some climates). the trunk is actually just a thick fleshy stem and bananas grow on a new one each season.

I wonder what would happen if the trainee WASN'T good with excell... read the wrong columns and send out the bananas that arrived the day previous while several tons of mouldering bananas in the back room are busy learning how to make fire?

Nepal fixes Boeing 757 with goat sacrifice


How goat tastes...

depends entirely on what goat you eat.

Shoot an old mangy feral billygoat in mid rut and it'll taste and feel like boot leather marinated in piss. so the dog gets that stuff. A young yearling doe tastes like a cross between venison and prime lamb, Slightly mild gameiness with good texture and flavour. A young kid 3 months or under tastes like gamey chicken.

They make good roasts :D and are a very lean healthy red meat :D

Racist Reg hacks slammed for 'vitriolic hatred'


Welsh as sheep botherers?

Have a look where all the trash got dumped out of the UK many years ago... Aussies much worse than wales ;)

BOFH: Chilling the bearings



I've known one geek making a system source a load of translucent blue goo about the viscosity of cooking oil, non-conducting, non-penetrative coolant. Pull apart a beer fridge and coil the chiller tubes around the base of an aquarium and cover with plastic fake stones and a few plastic plants, set up the motherboard so it looks like a sunken wreck... the drives were sprayed with an aerosol silicon rubber spray, to keep any liquid from entering the inanrds and wer submerged as well. Only the power supply and CD-ROM Drive were not submerged.

With a few plastic fish and a couple of LED lights it looked cool :D

Genghis Khan didn't much like gays


@ the IT wankers.

I'm sure Google was used at least once in the search for documents.


National Guardsman suspended over personal website


I much prefer Mr FreeMarket

Good british humour and always ready to bash the wogs, krauts, cheese eating surrender monkeys and anyone else that gets in the way of his rather acerbic wit.

Plus plenty of posts on famous happenings "on this day" and plenty of firearms.


Teen sticks Xbox 360 power supply in bowl of water


@ The Jim Bloke & Jason

"Brit" singular and "Brits" plural is the NZ common usage for residents of the british isles, further subdivided into scots, welsh, irish and english, except for when in a pub, whereapon they become scotties, welshies, paddies and pommies.

Yanks is the usual term for those that live in the US, if the south had won their war, maybe Yanks would now be known as Niggers, because if there was a big slave population around in the '60s, the civil rights movement would have been another civil war instead. And with more blacks in the fields than whites in the mansions, I'd be betting on the slaves winning, MLK or no MLK preaching forgiveness. :P

Boys' toys get burned, glued and impounded


"...I'd better shut up before I put myself out of a job"

Don't worry mate... she'll be right ;)

Cadbury bows to 'bring back Wispa' net campaign


dairy milk

IIRC the Cadburys here in NZ use coco butter rather than vegefats.

Taste good, But I tend to get the Warehouse own brand of generic chocolate in 1Kg slabs.. I can go through two slabs in a days SCUBA diving, Swimming against the current a long way down dragging a catch bag with a PPO2 over 80% really gets the metabolisim revving up.

Gunplay fingered for internet slowdown


@ Asian outage

Wasn't that when the local divers tried to obtain copperon the cheap to flog to the scrap merchants?

Chop up and drag uplong lengths of fibre, remove powercable for boosters, tip scrap fibre over side of boat and putt off to sell wire than cost a couple of million to make and lay, for pennies.

El Reg protests North Korean internet domain


I always thought

that .KP was reserved for disney for their Kim Possible website... :P

Any idea if she's chased the evil baddies through the North korean nuclear las yet?

eBay seller nabs $1500 for Jesus-like garage stain


Re the capital J

It's not Blasphemy, it's just good manners to capitalise the firstletter of a proper noun... I.E. someones name.

Now not capitalising the C in Christ, which is his title :D that will send you down to join the ranks of the damned ;)

it's up to you to decide if 'm serious or not... This is the internet after all, I could be any kind of crazy and all you would know is a set of black and white lines on the screen... or white on black or however you've rigged your browser to display things. Now THAT takes care of any IT angle the mention of Ebay doesn't

Thai police strapped with Hello Kitty armbands


Do they get to keep the armbands

To take home to their daughters? Given the prices charged for "branded" items surely a cop will happily dropgum where the boss can see if it will mean they get to take a rand name item home to their kid...

E-voting gets bitch-slapped in Calfornia


@ Glen

Dunno how good the aussie protocols work mate... Howard got in after all.

Then again, I shouldn't call the kettle black, you'd just call me pot, Helen got the job here :(

Laser iPhones shrink your brains


@ Adrian

"While we would all like some links, due to them being as they put it 'stingy bastards' they would not pay the silly New & Improved Labor's Hyperlink duty."

Well... maybe they oughtn't have been on the piss with Mr Dubai, strong rink causes you to shoot at the revenooers... and miss.

Less booze = better aim = more hyperlinks...

Reader succumbs to apostrophe apoplexy


@ andrew

" "Compleat" is still misspelled on all links to BOFH 94-99 "

Compleat is used a fair bit amoungst the literati, Check out Thewells "The Compleat Angler"

The meaning is more along the lines of comprehensive than complete, just one of those subtle distinctions the english language abounds with.

Muffy Mount voted ultimate 'nom de sex'


I don't see

Paris on that cover... sure she's too dum to work in a server room, but surely the staff need a client/victim to tie up for the bondage scene where they torture the user with toys...

Oz convict ancestor database goes online


Re: Kiwis

"Just because some of the above people were born in NZ doesn't automatically make them exempt from what the article was saying - people sent out to Australia in the first half of the 1800s may well find that two generations down the line, the family moves to New Zealand, for example..."

Oi, I resemble that comment. Great Great Great Great... grandad deported for attending a Union meeting. And here I am, who was an elected executive member of a union myself :D

A few years after finishing his term in Van daimens land, my ancestor upped and shifted to NZ to get away from those colonial degenerates infesting Aussie :D