Posts by Locky

So woke: Microsoft's face-recog can now ID more people who aren't pasty white blokes

Clippy ICE

I see you're having a heart attack. Would like some help with that?

Relive your misspent, 8-bit youth on the BBC's reopened Micro archive

Coding inspiration

Will the give out the source code for Elite?

Have YOU had your breakfast pint? Boffins confirm cheeky daily tipple is good for you

I'm not sure I trust health advice from Sally Hawkins

She seems to approve of sleeping with fish and having bears live in your house. A beer seems safer than those

Office 365 celebrates National Beer Day by popping out for a pint

Office 358

Put it all in the cloud they said.

It'll be resilient they said.

Woman sues NASA for ownership of vial of space dust

"Armstrong - who was the first person to set foot on the Moon"

Thanks El Reg, it's these insightful editorial nuggest of information that keep us all coming back for more

British egg producers saddened by Google salad emoji update

Pointless emojis

I did not fight my way to the top of the food chain to eat salad....

Crappy IoT on the high seas: Holes punched in hull of maritime security

This does sound very familiar

Isn't this a combination of Die Hard 2 and Speed 2?

Someone call Willis and Bullock to sort it out

NHS England fingered over failure to forward patient correspondence

Don't be ridiculous.

They put them in storage, and charged back with an inflated admin cost

Un-bee-lievable: Two million Swedish bugs stolen in huge sting

You asked for miracles

I bring you the F Bee I

Boffins: Michael Jackson's tilt was a criminally smooth trick

Re: six-pack

I have an awesome 6 pack, but I've lost the little plastic thing that holds them all together

T-Mobile owner sends in legal heavies to lean on small Brit biz over use of 'trademarked' magenta

Re: Come the revolution

** Squares of ground my go up as well as down

Texas residents start naming adopted drains

Re: @ Locky

Completly missed that, there was me thinking I was being all satirical and everything...

Stormy Drainels

Exclusive to all press: Atari launches world's best ever games console

Dusty

Does it come with an offical ET catridge, now with added New Mexico dust?

Virtual desktops won’t save cash in clouds or on-prem. So why care?

As if the Locky virus wasn't bad enough

It seems I’m now giving advice on Virtual Desktops. But a trip to Sydney though….

Techies! Britain's defence secretary wants you – for cyber-sniping at Russia

Psyops

Will that be run by Judge Anderson?

I'm in...

Win 7, Server 2008 'Total Meltdown' exploit lands, pops admin shells

I'm thinking more goooooooal

Even Microsoft's lost interest in Windows Phone: Skype and Yammer apps killed

End of Yammer support?

Noooooo. You can't

How will I know what Tracey-on-reception's dog picked up on it's walk now?

LESTER gets ready to trundle: The Register's beer-bot has a name

Re: In loving memory

The last thing Lester will be doing is RIP'ing

He'll be cooking a massive fryup on B. L. Z. E. Bub's own BBQ, and then flying paper planes on the thermals.

Sysadmin shut down the wrong server, and with it all European operations

Could be worse

My old boss stood on both the powerleads to our AS/400. They don't like unexpeted shutdowns. 4 hours later it was still booting...

We were very sympathetic and supportive

Slap visibility beacons on bikes so they can chat to auto autos, says trade body

Re: Why not...

There's a simple answer to that. School holidays....

You must be yolking: English pub to launch eggstravagent Yorkshire pudding

Anything south of me while standing on the North Pole, southern.

Elon Musk invents bus stop, waits for applause, internet LOLs

Is Elon "Lyle Lanley" in disguise

Monorail!

Brexit to better bumpkin broadband, 4G coverage for farmers – Gove

Re: Sigh

We don't want him back in the Shire. Send him to Mordor on some quest about a ring

UK.gov calls on the Big Man – GOD – to boost rural broadband

Slow internet connection

Sorry, that's an act of God now. Nothing we can do.

UK mobile customers face inflation-busting price hike

Re: Abuse

The one thing I miss with giffgaff is WiFi calling. Not to save the minutes, but the outlaws live in a phone wilderness.

Are their any (reasonable) simm only with wifi calling? I can't seem to find one

Borked bog forces flight carrying 83 plumbers to bug out back to base

In flight movie

Shits on a plane

83 Plumbers

The collective sound of "What cowboy put that in? I've not got that part on my van, here's my call out charge invoice" must have been deafening

New Sky thinking: Media giant makes dish-swerving move on Netflix territory

Re: TV Licence?

If you can recieve BBC content, live or not, you need a licence

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-37226030

They closed that loophole about 18 months ago

FYI: There's now an AI app that generates convincing fake smut vids using celebs' faces

On the plus side

It will remove the threat of revenge porn

"That's not me, move along" becomes the defacto response

STOP! It's dangerous to upgrade to VMware 6.5 alone. Read this

Upgrading?

For major versions in VMware, I find it's rarely worth it.

Build new and migrate. Then nuke from orbit, it's the only way to be sure

BOFH: Buttock And Departmental Defence ... As A Service

Missed opportunity

We know he can count the number of buttocks he thinks he has, but that doesn't mean that this the actual number he has.

A second, public visible pants down counting session will be required. In front of his whole team

UK exam chiefs: About the compsci coursework you've been working on. It means diddly-squat

Re: So it all hinges on exams

Q1)

You have a roll of carpet, a bag of quicklime and spade

What IT problem are you equiped to solve?

Yahooooo! says! its! email! is! scrahoooo-ed!

The Register has contacted Yahoo! for comment

You did it my e-mail, right?

Skynet it ain't: Deep learning will not evolve into true AI, says boffin

Deep learning?

Don't talk to me about deep learning

Meltdown, Spectre: The password theft bugs at the heart of Intel CPUs

Re: Oracle caught napping ?

They are trying to work out the costing model for the patch. One that is per core effected

Note to El Reg and commantards

Someone has spent a lot of time on the branding of this to create some cool images, please make sure use them. This is clearly more important than actually trying to fix the thing, obviously;

https://meltdownattack.com/

Seems VMware have been sparked into life too, and have released some patches for ESXi Workstation and Fusion;

https://www.vmware.com/us/security/advisories/VMSA-2018-0002.html

Brazil says it has bagged Royal Navy flagship HMS Ocean for £84m

Re: Serious Question

We'll leave it just outside of port, and get the buyers to sign a recipt with "Sold as seen" on it.

Then you just prey it starts up okay and gets out into international waters and cash cheque quick

The North remembers: York scraps Uber's licence over data breach

Uber?

Uber?

We used to dream of catching an Uber....

So you're 'agile', huh? I do not think it means what you think it means

Agile

Project Management shister-speak for "Make it up as you go along"

EE drops packets but retains UK network champ's title

A simple rule of thumb

Comms companies. They are all as bad as each other.

London mayor: Self-driving cars? Not without jacked-up taxes, you don't!

Re: I'd like the public transport to be viable replacement to cars ...

Maybe not in that there London, but Leeds is the largest city in Europe with no mass transport. This is potentially viable here.

Driverless cars reduce the number of cyclists

Indeed they do :(

Googles driverless car confused

Gulp. HPE's InfoSight self-repairs and makes 'proactive decisions'

Deleting that Archive LUN for you

This is how SkyNet started isn't it....

Nathan Barley blamed for global GDP slump

TV Commessionair

It seems that Nathan Barley is also creating programmes again, I'm sure I saw Ant and Dec presenting "Daily Mail Island" last night

Ex-TalkTalk chief grilled by MPs on suitability to chair NHS Improvement

Re: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Oh, I don't know

I mean, she's No Angel....

Yes. I did come here just for that.

15 'could it be aliens?' fast radio bursts observed in one night

Are we sure

it's not just some bloke in Lancashire mowing their lawn?

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/08/24/false_northern_lights_alert_issued_to_entire_uk_caused_by_lawnmower/

Stephen King's scary movie reboot provokes tears from 'legit clowns'

Re: Survey

There are 2 types of people in the world. Those who are scared of clowns

And clowns

Azure Stack will need special sysadmins, says Microsoft

Operationalizing?

What?

TalkTalk fined £100k for exposing personal sensitive info

Oh, they mean there's no proof that those calls came from THIS breech. It could have been from one of many...