Posts by Locky

I was once one of you, F1 star Lewis Hamilton tells delighted IT bods

Re: What a knob

I give you Helle Nice

Montezuma's Revenge can finally be laid to rest as Uber AI researchers crack the classic game

Level1

Right, give them ET and see how it copes with that abomination

Want to hack a hole-in-the-wall cash machine for free dosh? It's as easy as Windows XP

These black hat hacks are all well and good, but the Lincolnshire ne'er-do-wells prefer a more.... brute force attack

Cheeky cheesemaker fails to copyright how things taste

As we say up here in Yorkshire when things don't go our way

Edam

OK Google, why was your web traffic hijacked and routed through China, Russia today?

Re: Cui bono?

Until next weeks "On Call" submission

So, doing some slow work at an ISP, I was messing around with vi masterDNS one Monday night....

Palliative care for Windows 10 Mobile like a Crimean field hospital, but with even less effort

Florence Nightingale

The definitive hottie from history #thebugle

Huawei Mate 20 Pro: If you can stomach the nagware and price, it may be Droid of the Year

Re: Face-ID

As Keanu foretold in The Matrix

How about I give you the finger, and you give me my phone call

Townsfolk left deeply unsatisfied by Bury St Edmunds' 'twig' of a Christmas tree

Re: Not Technical!

As Aussie commentards would say;

Spruce!

UK.gov to roll out voter ID trials in 2019 local elections

Heresy

The last time Pendle was used as a legal first it didn't end well for some of it's constituents

How a nine-year-old's evidence in a 17th Century witch trial led to the execution of 10 people

Stairway to edam: Swiss bloke blasts roquefort his cheese, thinks Led Zep might make it tastier

These aren't my cup of tea, I'm more of a R 'n' Brie man.

But I do like Ricotta Get Out of this Place - The Animals

Britain's rail ticket-booking systems go TITSUP*

Not all areas

I note that Southern Rail passengers have yet to notice a change to their normal level of service

Manchester man fined £1,440 after neighbours couldn't open windows for stench of dog toffee

Presumably

When the officers turned up they asked What's the Story, Morning Glory?

Congrats from 123-Reg! You can now pay us an extra £6 or £12 a year for basically nothing

+1 for NamesCo

Alibaba pulls dust covers off its new London cloud presence

Secure

Protected by best in class great firewall, unless someone says the magic words

Open Sesame

Don't make us pay compensation for employee data breach, Morrisons begs UK court

Re: English Idio.....

As an elderly, scruffy Yorkshireman, I approve

Self-driving cars may not have steering wheels in future, dev preview for PyTorch 1.0 is here, etc

Turn left here please

I don't want to insist on it, Dave, but I am incapable of making an error. That road does not exist

One Project to rule them all: Microsoft plots end to Project Online while nervous Server looks on

Re: Is it git-based?

I find that most PMs are git-based

Amazon Alexa outage: Voice-activated devices are down in UK and beyond

Apparently my Alexia is feeling "fine" when I asked

God I'm in trouble

Holy macaroni! After months of number-crunching, behold the strongest material in the universe: Nuclear pasta

Re: Always used to be buckminsterfullerene

That pun was soba-d

Like tax? Love networks? UK taxmen have a job just for you

Pay AWS?

Couldn't they just knock the costs off their tax bill?

Oh

Milton Keynes: Come for roundabouts, stay for near-gigabit broadband

Re: Openreach

@Steve K

I'd tell you a UDP joke but I'm not sure you'd get it

An impressive challenge undertaken

To make Peterborough look attractive

Previous efforts have only been made by makers of rear view mirrors

Brit armed forces still don't have enough techies, thunder MPs

Recruitment

Who would have thought they would be struggling to recruit competent techies when they use such stella adverts as this to promote them;

Royal Navy Recruiting Advert - Weapon Engineering Submariner

So what's Microsoft's counter-AWS cloud strategy? Don't be evil

Microsoft's counter-Amazon strategy...

"is to play up its trustworthiness credentials"

I'm sorry, have I been redirected to The Onion?

Cock-ups, rather than conspiracies, top self-reported data breaches

plead ignorance or successfully blame the previous COO

FTFY

Google is 20, Chrome is 10, and Microsoft would rather ignore the Nokia deal's 5th birthday

Ask Google? Ask Microsoft?

What about ask Jeeves? How quick we forget

Excuse me, but your website's source code appears to be showing

Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

285? No member of the Corp should report for duty in a ginger toupee?

How would that help

Detroit sh*t shifter's operating costs waste away with Oracle's cloud

Going the wrong way

"DWSD can focus business strategies and priorities toward their number one priority – their customers."

I'm pretty sure most customers want their priorities to go away from them, not towards them

Butcher by name, Butcher by nature? Capita finds new CFO

Pat Butcher?

Duff duff duff duff da da duff

As it turns out, no, you can't just run an unlicensed Bitcoin money exchange

Re: Why not use a Mexican Bank?

The smart ones don't need tax breaks. They just transfer the money every few hours

As long as the sun doesn't set on the balance, you don't pay the tax

Connected car data handover headache: There's no quick fix... and it's NOT just Land Rovers

Good news!

The software on my Fiat is so diabolical even I can't connect. The chance of someone else being able to is minimal

Gartner's Great Vanishing: Some of 2017's emerging techs just disappeared

BS Bingo

Too many CIO's have their snouts in the Trough of Disillusionment I fear.

Most of these projects have been sent to the Abattoir of Ambiguity to be turned into the Bacon of BOFH

Who was it that hacked Apple? Ozzie Ozzie Ozzie, boy boy boy!

Nothing worse

Getting done over by a disgruntled employee - regrettable by difficult to avoid

Infiltrated by a state sponsored cell - Fair enough

Hacked by a 16 year old script kiddie for lolz - FAIL

Three more data-leaking security holes found in Intel chips as designers swap security for speed

Re: Looking at the wrong holes

The important thing here is to quickly register a cool name and image for the media to jump on.

They already have L1FT, so I propose https://ibb.co/ebfPi9

Hi-de-Hack! Redcoats red-faced as Butlin's holiday camp admits data breach hit 34,000

Inside job

My money's on Peggy. She always knew too much

Stress, bad workplace cultures are still driving security folk to drink

Re: Self-medicating with booze is no answer

How about coffee?

It's a phone with a peel, but you'll have to wait a bit more for retro Nokia

Bogus copies to be replaced

Keanu Reeves will undoubtedly find this news most excellent

Greybeard greebos do runner from care home to attend world's largest heavy metal fest Wacken

Don't fear the Reaper

Edge, Azure and Windows Phone receives a Telegram. Yup, it's the week at Microsoft

Re: Sad owner of a Surface 3 tablet here

"Also when plugging in an iPhone, it power cycles the USB every 2 seconds"

That is a fully supported feature. Have you tried a Windows Phone?

Ever seen printer malware in action? Install this HP Ink patch – or you may find out

The only good feature on a HP printer

Changing the "Ready" message to "Out of cheese"

Yellowbrick reckons its all-flash data warehouse array is a wizard idea

Buzzword bingo

A turnkey, hyperconverged, all-flash box

I'm guessing it's admined by Oz the Great and Powerful

Early experiment in mass email ends with mad dash across office to unplug mail gateway

A fine town in Cleckhuddersfax

@Aladdin Sane

And who among us has never used expertsexchange?

Microsoft devises new way of making you feel old: Windows NT is 25

16MB?

I used to dream of 16MB...

All we had was himem.sys and a cardboard box in the middle of the motoway

Put WhatsApp, Slack, admin privileges in a blender and what do you get? Wickr

Re: Two small steps

I was thinking Wickr Man, and you are Edward Woodward in this scenario

AAAAAAAAAA! You'll scream when you see how easy it is to pwn unpatched HPE servers

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

rse

Hardware rumours, goat-spanking search engines and plenty of Azure. It's last week in Redmond

He turned into an annoying paperclip

Drugs are bad, mkay

Bill Clinton's cyber-attack novel: The airport haxploit-blockbuster you knew it would be

Re: Widower

To be fair, he's done worse...

'No, we are not rewriting Office in JavaScript' and other Microsoft tales

Re: Hello to Jermery Irons

Dead amaze and totes emosh

IBM memo to staff: Our CEO Ginni is visiting so please 'act normally!'

When the Big Boss came up from the smoke to the frozen northern outpost we ordered in a fish lunch and went to the local for the pub quiz

He liked the cut of our jib