Posts by Locky

Hitchhiker shot while researching 'Kindness of America'

Re: Gun ownership.

Bill Hicks had it right;

No one has handguns in England, not even the cops. True or false? True. Now-in England last year, they had fourteen deaths from handguns. FFFFFourteen. Now-the United States, and I think you know how we feel about handguns-woooo, I'm getting a warm tingly feeling just saying the ******* word, to be honest with you. I swear to you, I am hard. Twenty-three thousand deaths from handguns. Now let's go through those numbers again, because they're a little baffling at first glance. England, where no one has guns, fffffffourteen deaths. United States, and I think you know how we feel about guns-woooo, I'm getting a stiffy-twenty-three thousand deaths from handguns. But there's no connection, and you'd be a fool and a Communist to make one. There's no connection between having a gun and shooting someone with it, and not having a gun and not shooting someone. There have been studies made and there is no connection at all there

Japan still in love with the fax

Not just in Japan

We still recieve over 2000 customer statements a day by fax. Lots of small companies don't have scan to email facilities, but a £30 fax printer will do just fine

Barclays online banking falls over in outage riddle

Re: Sir

Nar, they will have done one...

But you don't have to *pass* the DR test

Google unleashes Chrome 19, flattens 20 bugs

19?

Wow. That must be twice as betterer than Internet Explorer. I must install it immediately and declare how fast it is....

Ten... freeware gems for new PCs

Backup

I'd use Crashplan for a free backup system, it let's you backup to remote machines and is as close to TimeMachine for idiotproofness.

Star Wars set to expand into Disneyland

Just make sure you have a tray

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw

TITANIC 'UNLIKELY' TO SINK AGAIN, says prof - apparently

Doomed

The only way he was going to make this now more likely to happen again would be if he added; "The odds of this happening again would be a million to one"

Even if in the Indian Ocean in the summer, never get in any water-bound vessle with this man, he's going down

Mega squid use HUMONGOUS eyes to spot ravenous sperm whales

There is a wooden puppet here, and a sailor who calls himself Jonah

Tesco blunder prices 64GB 4G iPad at 50 quid

IT error?

How could that be an IT error? Do they have shelf-stacking robots setting the prices? Sounds more like an error between chair and keyboard to me

HMRC cuts IT spending in half in 2 years

This I have to see

So they are going to go from call centres where "IT is not available for 120 to 150 minutes a week" to "call centres whose IT is a 100% month after month" with no cap ex spending?

He is truley a genuis. After all, govenment IT projects have such a good track record...

Toyota, Samsung partner on car, phone connectivity

Poisen

Alice Cooper's had some cracking work done

That's the one, with the rubber bat in the pocket. Ta

Hey Commentard! - or is that Commenter?

Choice?

What's all this with giving people a choice of words, this is, after all, a democrocy. Based on the "one man, one vote" system, you just arn't the man with the vote.

HELLISH LOVE INFERNO TO SWEEP LONDON

In order to save the LFB a call out

I'm ordering pizza

Mrs Locky is a lucky woman indeed

Apple vs Amazon in ereader format smackdown

What we need to do

Is find Auther Dent and see which format he is backing, and then choose the other one.

Mines the one with the towel and a pocket that flashes "Don't Panic" every few minutes

Boffins find prehistoric croc species with 'mate-attracting' skin helmet

Long Face

A shieldcroc walks into a bar..

Yeah, I know, the one with the oldest jokebook in the world in the pocket

Mozilla releases Firefox 10, adds developer tools

As Nigel Tuffnal says

Its amazing, its a whole one faster

Apple Beijing store egged in botched iPhone 4S launch

With customers getting violent

I feel like that every time I go to IKEA to be fair....

Footie club sacks striker for homophobic tweet

Steele has declined to make any further comment

Probably wise in the circumstances really

Suicidal Foxconn workers talked down from factory roof

Now that's how to negotiate

That's a seriously militant trade union rep they've got down there. Imagine if our public sector tried this. "Give me a pension, or I jump in the bin lorry"

Boffins glue self-righting ROBO-VELOCIRAPTOR tail to car

What's the worst that could happen?

So they are combining robot design and highly efficeint reptilian killers.

Do these people not go to the cinema?

BOFH: The Explosive Christmas Evacuation

Humm

Not many comments regarding "return to form" here today. Is that because EVERYONE ELSE IS IN THE PUB

Bar humbug employers indeed

Latest El Reg project: Rise of the Robot Sheep

Surely this is the name of the 2nd part of the project, the automatic bush trimmer?

Android, BlackBerry phone owners favour Apple tablet

Not really a shock

The iPads are the premium brand in tablets at the moment, it's like asking if someone would like a all expensise paid car, and to choose between a Ford Focus, a VW Golf and a Ferrari Enzo.

Next week, IT departments, do they prefer to drink beers on Friday afternoons or do complience training?

Terry Pratchett computer sniper-scope: Spec-ops mini version

It'll only work

if they stand on one leg, blindfolded

Lego movie greenlighted by Warner Bros

How long ago?

Rodger Rabbit is 23 years ago? God I feel old now.

BT Tower falls over, crushes X Factor hopefuls

Heaven forbid something may stop cashco... integraty of the competition

Swedish password hacking scandal widens

The last line is wrong

It should read;

The Swedish security service Säpo told The Register. "We heard what you did earlier this week, and Stockholm Police will deal with the matter"

Union enraged by secret driverless Tube plan

Any story involving tube drivers

reminds me of this - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lz0xICzk5NM

Yes, you've seen it a hundred times, but it doesn't stop it from being funny

Anonymous shuts down hidden child abuse hub

I'm Greg Evigan

When Amateurs Attack, a new series for Lee and Herring?

HP to bring 6,000 more TouchPads to UK - for staff only

Ebay ahoy

So that's 6,000 for 10,000 staff. It's a fair bet that many of these staff will see the market value of these things, and flog them

A Farewell to Oates: Adios, El Reg

Good luck

Now pub

News of the World TO CLOSE

Tis a sad day

Mock the Week will have to change their theme tune

Anonymous smites Orlando after charity arrests

Humm

So you need a permit to distibute food in Orlando? Doesn't sound too much of a bad idea, why don't they just apply for one?

MS advises drastic measures to fight hellish Trojan

Don't worry John

I'm sure the readers of the site will not point and laugh at the number of references to your Master Book Record.

After all, the we're known for our sympathetic outlook at people making mistakes

....

Oh

A sysadmin's top ten tales of woe

RDP chain

Note to self - When RDPing from one server to another, check, double check and triple check which machine you're on before clicking Shutdown.

I thought I was on Cape Town's backup server, evedently it was Frankfurts prodution one...

Reg hack cast adrift as Illuminati Online goes off-line

For the princely sum of £5.40

you can have ImNotScaredOfBillRay.co.uk

I've been here too long

Psychology graduates remain poor for life, study shows

The problem with GCSE IT is...

it's genrally not taught by teachers who understand it.

At my daughers school I looked over her first IT homework, and corrected all the questions. The teacher didn't speak to me for the next 4 years.

Portsmouth redefines the Olympic-sized swimming pool

Been done before

The old "Olympic pool" in Leeds (which has just been demolished) was about the same size too small, apparently becuase they forgot to add in the width of the tiles.

Good to see we're getting better at building these things. Lucky that it's too cold and wet in the UK for a month-long outdoor based event, so we'll never have to actually host the games.

Oh

Latvian film fan pops cap in loud popcorn eater

Didn't he know there are rules?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/markkermode/2010/12/the_moviegoers_code_of_conduct.html

How to build your own Watson Jeopardy! supermachine

Missing from the list?

You missed Orac, the smartest Christmas-decoration-in-a-fishtank in the universe

Facebook causes eating disorders in teenage girls

I seem to recall...

that fashion mags used cause these, as did TV stars, and movie stars, and anything else girls like to do.

/sweeping generalisation

Maybe it's just that girls cause girls to have eating disorders....

/end generalisation

Sacked health care BOFH jailed for revenge hack

But

Did she hack in, or did they just not bother to change the admin passwords?

Sarah Palin calls for US to stand by North Korea

Ture

Jimmy Summerville has a lot to answer for

Cisco converts Welsh rugby stadium to HD

Alternativly

People could just watch the action in full HD3D live action, using their retro fitted, optical evolutionary receiver devices

PARIS nursing mother of all hangovers

Playmobile reconsturction

Or it never happened....

Christian group declares jct 9 on M25 cursed

"People were waving and shouting"

He concluded by saying, "I don't know why they were shouting 'Cults' at us though"

Yup, that's mine, the one that's going straight the Hell...

Robots capable of 'deceiving humans' built by crazed boffins

No, it's all fine

We just need to program a Pride Directive stating that the robots can't lie or harm a member of the board.

What could possibly go wrong?

Happy Sysadmin Day!

For anyone reading this

I would like my token gift in a glass, about 568ml in volume.

thanksverymuch

UK.gov abandons 2012 rural broadband pledge

Apologies to the Londoners...

What, both of them?