Posts by stupormundi

SEX-starved worm can GIVE HEAD to ITSELF to reproduce

I like “stylet” , it sounds at once diminuitive and stylish. Surprised the marketing drones haven't abused it yet.

Samsung offers $90,000 if you can fix California's epic drought with tech

Easy to fix the drought:

Rain follows the plow.

Just plow more.

Tinder Plus charges oldies MORE to ogle young hotties' pics

A more complete version of this can easily be imagined. You could take really a lot from the really old ones. Make it quite cheap for the youngens, but actually PAY the REALLY young ones for signing up to the site. Oh wait, now it starts sounding kinda illegal ...

East Timor was officially removed from the internet yesterday

Thanks for letting me know,

I'll go through all my bookmarks and update the Timuridian ones. Can only take a couple hours.

Canonical goes all Internet of Stuff with Ubuntu for DRONES

If you see ...

... lots of drones falling out of the sky, you know what's up

Bacon-smoking locals provoke noxious Chinese smog

25 micrograms of bacon per cubic metre is def insufficient.

Lies, damn pies and obesity statistics: We're NOT a nation of fatties

Short, British lives

While I agree there's everything wrong with the BMI, you guys are still fat, especially the girls. And getting fatter all the time. Not a big surprise, considering how the shops sell nearly exclusively processed "food". Don't believe the nice man who says it's all not so bad, you're screwed.

Not pro Bono: Apple's audio junk mail made spammers' lives easier

why this happen?

Lovin the Irish Boy Band joke.

As for why this happened. Last year, when they were about to elect a new pope, I was crossing my fingers that Bono would get it, as it was the position he'd been angling for all his life.

Alas, some other guy got the gig, and Bono was left with nothing, having to look for new ways to penetrate people's butts, and voila: suprise U2 downloads.

'Ribbed' for your pleasure: Jony Ive unveils NAKED IPHONE

This means game over for those people who used to assemble frameless aquariums for decades, blissfully unaware that they were infringing on an apple innovation of the future.

The existing aquariums will probably have to be destroyed, like fake swiss watches.

UK.gov! frets! over! Yahoo! exodus! to! RIPA-free! Dublin!

Theresa "May" ...

... is made of pure evil. Every single thing she comes up with is so obviously horrendous. How does she bear the shame?

Samsung: Men, our Gear smartwatch will make you a hit with the sexy ladies

I managed to watch part of the video ...

... muted.

So, a new kind watch especially designed for dicks, what else is new.

Hankering for a Nobel Prize? EAT MORE CHOCOLATE

explanation

Of course Nobel price winners eat more chocolate than other people, they are rich because of the price money they have received. Obviously they buy more chocolate, duh.

OFFICIAL: Humans will only tolerate robots as helpful SLAVES

Eye opener !

"When they were asked about their feelings towards the robot, researchers found they were more positive about the robot when it was helping them."

These guys are proper geniuses. Just where do they take it from? I'd have never come up with that. Breathtaking. Far out!

PSF warns on angry trademark attacks: Python coders, this is not our way

Our chief weapon is civility...civility and restraint...restraint and civility.... Our two weapons are restraint and civility

Can BlackBerry survive? Well, the woods are still full of bear poo

"Company Once Known as RIM"

COK as RIM

brilliant!

GNOME project picks JavaScript as sole app dev language

Since lots of decent languages are available to code for Gnome, lets make the really shitty one official.

Must be because those sparse arrays are so compelling.

Drop that can of sweet pop and grab a coffee - for your sanity's sake

Soda pop

When you're obese, diabetic, and lined up to get arteriosclerosis and alzheimers later, you have much to be sad about. Such sadness if often confused with depression.

Prime Minister on Twitter: Me and Obama, we're like THAT

Who's ma etonian?

You ma etonian, Lots Of Love

Mexico to Apple: You WILL NOT use the name 'iPhone' here

I wish to express my contentment.

_♥_♥___♥_♥_

♥___♥_♥___♥

_♥___♥___♥_

__♥ .____ ♥__

___♥___♥___

____♥_♥____

_____♥_____

Viva Mexico!

Hactivist crew smacks down Russia.gov: Spies are RICH enough

Metalprom

I really like the name metalprom. Hope it really is called that and wasn't a typo or something.

Kinda like pr0n, and Prom, but also metal! Cool.

Steve Jobs' Apple-powered yacht makes belated first trip

It looks as if

... it comes with a built in fun police. Have a martini too many, and they will discretely escort you to your iCabin

Übertroll firm bags DRM patent for 3D printing

This is evidently evil

Maybe boring by now, but: When the revolution comes, guys who take out patents like that will be first up against the wall.

Apple pays up for stealing design from Swiss Railways

rectangle with radius

Leica should sue them. That would be entertaining.

Can neighbours grab your sensitive package, asks Post Office

another bit of bad news in a shit summer

the retarded country i live in just got a nudge shittier. lucky i have work so i can get stuff delivered there. aargh.

Are you a hot BABE in heels and a short skirt? SCIENCE is for YOU

This made my day

"It's a bit like trying to get fat people into science by putting a doughnut next to a test tube. But it isn't even funny like that."

ROFLOL

Dinosaurs on a diet shed tonnes

21%

Confused by the 21% -- I understood 21% meat for 100% entire animal -- have I got it the wrong way round? When buyinig 1kg chicken, I expect to see more than 210g of meat I think, even if the head and feet are still on, giblets included. Even with an animal that's not optimized for being eaten 21% seems low.

Confused.

Standing NEXT to an HTML coder is like standing NEXT TO GOD

sure is samefag in here

Andrew is that you?

Apple sued for every touchscreen device by Flatworld prof

Re: The USPTO

AFAICS, they totally don't, and they don't seem to think it's their job to do so. They're more like , 'I dunno, LOL'

Euro climate probe Envisat silenced, boffins baffled

Re: Obviously it was telling the truth about climate change....

evidently, it was the Merkins with their X 37

Apple drops 'thermonuclear' patent bombshell

how very very appropriate

nice one. beautifully sums up apple patent activity

Eric Schmidt flicks INTERSTELLAR TOWEL at top tech fair

Eric Schmidt, being a big H2G2 fan ...

... really irks me, in a big way. If the incarnation of evil likes the guide, doesn't this mean writing sci fi novels is pointless?

As any right thinking person knows, Eric Schmidt will be among the first up against the wall when the revolution comes.

Apple lands slide-to-unlock patent blow on Motorola

Re: But I thought

I second that. Also very keen to hear the answer to this question, having seen none so far.

Sirius Cybernetics Corporation

Darn, I should've patented moving the arm in a circular fashion until the flat of the hand loudly contacts the signal-recipient's cheek to indicate that they're WAY out of line. Seems bit late now.

I stand by my opionion that people who attempt to patent gestures will be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes.

European Parliament prez slams ACTA 'in current form'

reasonable

A very reasonable article. I have no complaints.

I might have much more to say if comments were turned on for the Andrew Orlowski articles about this topic :)

iPad Fleshlight lets fanbois express their love

ROFLOL

This is excellent news. Wonder if Apple's gonna sue or maybe just let it slip? muhahaha

New ATLAS particle part of 'everyday mass'

@will

Exiting stuff! Vexing questions. I have a large Hadron!

Winning new UK pylon design may never be used

Inb4

you need Additional Pylons

Mozilla forces Firefox 7 on memory diet

frikkin FF 7

I was happy when I first read FF7 would use less mem. I've got a slow netbook with a gig of RAM, FF was typically eating most of my ram.

Now that I have FF7, as soon as I have a couple tabs open (like 4 or so), the bloody thing starts to use up most of my CPU cycles for long periods of time. Irritating as hell. First I suspected bad JS on specific pages to be the cause, but after seeing it consistently no matter where I browse, I'm thinking it must be the brower itself.

And I'm not sure it really does use much less ram. It does at the moment, because I don't dare open more tabs. Aaaargh.

Veggies tricked into dating meat-gobbling escorts

amidoinitrite?

I've been variously told that I'm not a vegetarian although I frequently eat plants with my steak.

Dunno, should I eat MORE plants ?? I already eat a lot of them.

Smut domain scores big bucks for not handling smut

Just get the xxx domain instead

... make some extra cash, especially if the name fits well.

If I had dpreview.com, that's def o what I'd do.

Defendant presents Playmobil rendering of court in court

more recursion

A Playmobil representation of The Register playmobile builders in court, presenting a Playmobil representation of themselves creating a Playmobil representation of a woman in court presenting ...

Can you handle LOHAN's substantial globes?

You're doing it wrong.

I can't quite remember which cyberpunk novel I read this in, but isn't the point to swing the rocket back and forth (high five, FORTH fans!) under the balloon until the angle for takeoff is about right?

Swoosh - swooosh - swoooosh - swooooosh - pfffshhhhheeeewww!

Movie-goer punts 3D-to-2D cinema specs

only in the cinema?

can I get those 2D glasses for meatspace as well pls?

Reg reader lost for words over blank HP keyboard

inb4

you can type ROFLOL, maybe it's intentional?

Death threats against 'worst song ever' YouTube teen

First, I was like,

death-threats, ridiculous, then I watched the vid again, and KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL!

Neighbourhood watchers in Reading get speedguns

civilian helpers

Indeed! Such civilian helpers were called 'Blockwart'.

If the motorists end up being fined, why not give the OAP a cut of the fee--say 20%? They'd be so darn motivated.

Oracle and IBM carve up open-source Java leadership

Need larry with horns now

Cowardly IBM traitors!!1! But they know they'll be first up against the wall when the revolution comes. I guess it's back to Commodore BASIC now :(

Catalans to hunt wild boar with bows and arrows

:D <) -->

Bow and arrow is definitely the way forward. PETA, eat your heart out.

Coca-Cola fizzes over pornforacoke.com

* Cola *

Indeed, should've been porn for a cola.

Can't help thinking, if Coca Cola were really serious about preventing misuse of their trademark, they should sue cocaine vendors, where such misattribution is rampant. Oh wait ...

Masked Santas disarm Swedish royal guard

free guns

to spin that thought further: wouldn't it then be better to issue the guards toy guns, which

a) wouldn't make such an attractive target for robbery

b) wouldn't pose a danger to the public once robbed and supplied with ammo found elsewhere?