* Posts by NemoWho

38 posts • joined 23 Mar 2010

US military's latest toy set: Record-breaking laser death star, er, truck


Re: Slow moving targets only

No - bear in mind, this tool is only intended for making enormous Swiss cheese.

Microsoft points at Skype, Lync: You two, in my office – right now

Thumb Down

"Carefully skinning"

You mean turning the appealing, formatted square photos into stupid, off-center round ones (which nobody asked for... but you know... DESIGNERS! DESIGNERS!)

Is that what they meant by "spent the intervening months carefully skinning"?

Apple Watch 'didn't work on HAIRY FANBOIS, was stripped of sensor tech'


Penny for the Guy

(Haven't stopped by El Reg for, maybe 3 years or so. Paris Hilton still? Seriously guys?)

So, if the supposed "high end" version of the wonderwatch will cost (according to the Wall Street Journal) "more than Apple's current high-end product"... that puts it in the neighborhood of what? $4000+ USD? For a goddamned WATCH.

Any possible chance that a little philanthropy will possibly get in motion soon, Cupertino? Or are you hoarding it all for something..... else? You guys make Scrooge McDuck blush.

inb4 Jobs' half-assed attempt at RED, or Cook throwing a few coins in the HIV fountain. Something genuine, you greedy inhuman, hipster scumbags. Or will the CEO need to contract full-blown AIDS to become the Gates of that disease?

The world's first Windows Phone 8 hands on – what's it like?

Black Helicopters

Unless Mary Jo Foley is a liar..

She was at a Nokia event on September 5 in New York. She said they agreed to literally place the 920 in her palm, providing she did not attempt to touch, flip, fiddle, or otherwise try to get a realistic view of the phone. She was basically able to ascertain its weight, end of story.

Twitter isn't completely making this behavior up. It's the physical equivalent of not releasing the Win8 Phone SDK. Because, then, a developer might SEE A FEATURE of the phone. And then, of course, the universe would implode in on itself.

Nexus 7 and Surface: A bonanza for landfill miners


"Surface is a Laptop"

Indeed, but only one out of the two announced models.

One's a laptop wherein the keyboard snaps off. The other is pretty much a Windows 8 phone that's not a phone. With a keyboard that snaps off. Little brother only runs RT, and I doubt you currently leverage your office laptop to run Metro apps. But yeah.

AT&T starts dishing out $1bn in radio frequencies

Thumb Up

Hey AT&T... Want a hertz doughnut?

.... hurts, don't it? ^__^

Alcohol DOUBLES LIFESPAN, helps resist stress


I for one...

...am awaiting the hilarious Google Ads that will rotate at the bottom of this article. I bet we'll all need "help".

US spy drone hijacked with GPS spoof hack, report says


Tell me again....

...do these things not contain some sort of contingency thermite or such we can activate remotely? I'd like to be the night guard watching over it when it bursts into a smoldering inferno. Guess not.

Microsoft plans to open 75 retail stores in US


Izzat So?

I worked in a ComputerLand here in the states in 1985.

Guess what? Not an Apple ][ in sight. Ten-packs of floppies for more money than I'm happy to recall... go Verbatim!!

Selling stuff in shops indeed....

Nintendo: no DVD, BD playback for Wii U


Up Yours Nintendo

This was a stupid argument at the release of the Wii, and it still a stupid argument. Take the simplest of scenarios - kid's room with one TV and one Nintendo device. For the 8 dollars or so (if that) it would cost Nintendo to include DVD playback, why insist everyone "already has a DVD player" and act like this is redundant. @ssholes, the device is already in there. Make me homebrew to play DVDs? Seriously? Then Sony and Microsoft must be fools for including the feature, right?

What is UltraViolet™ and why should you care?


Well, I for one...

...am a stupid American, and let me sidestep the whole Ultra-Violet discussion and wholeheartedly thank you for just introducing me to the term "All and sundry". I'll be establishing this idiom here in the States from this day forward, and I promise to send you recurring updates on how it is taking root.

And, with obvious apologies, "The Korova milkbar sold milk-plus, milk plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-VIOLET!"

Schmidt: Android will bring DEMOCRACY to the WORLD



"What was Syria?"

"Damascus such silly questions, Pumpkin. Go fetch your android story book and we'll read a fairy story before bedtime."

- Mine's the one with the... oh wait, there's a hole in the pocket. Mine's now the empty one. :(

Heavy coffee drinking wards off deadly cancer in men

IT Angle

I've learned a powerful lesson here today...

... which is a simple observation that El Reg actually has a topic tag labelled "prostate".

Understand that I'm not clicking on it right away - - but I'll sleep well tonight knowing it's out there.

IT Angle? Well, that depends on how good of a multitasker one is, presumably... ^__^

Pre-release Windows 8 code hits PC makers

Gates Halo


Hey Anon...

"Are Microsoft going to resolve the embarrassing little problem of Windows 7 being version 6.1?"

Are you really of the mindset that versioning an OS internally to not break every preexisting app under the sun is a terrible "embarrassment" ? That's a little shallow I think. Applications don't watch TV or see billboards to gain an understand of what marketing has decided to call their operating system.

I believe the total number of people embarrassed by this dynamic, including Dave Cutler, now stands at ONE. Enjoy your fame, donut.

Euro police smash online paedophile ring


Is it safe to assume

that Julian Assange has naturally been brought in as part of this haul?

< mine's the one with candy in the front pocket >

Windows 0day could allow complete hijacking

Gates Halo

Glad I stayed here, then...

Safe as houses... behind good ol MS-DOS.

Verizon backpedals on unlimited iPhone data


Wait, what?!?

Did you say they had cell phones in ITALY now? But, you rest on your laurels for one Earth minute, and....

Cell phone search needs no warrant, say Cal Supremes

Big Brother

OK, But does this mean...

...that along with my right to remain silent, I can say nothing about the phone's password, or other locking measures? "Gee, officer... I right forgot my Android unlock gesture!"

Can of worms, opened for your pleasure.

Mastercard downed by Anon-Assange-fans


Have no fear...

...whatever the costs incurred by Visa and Mastercard, they won't pay cash. They'll just put it on their American Express! Circle of life....

Mine's the one with the platinum-lined pockets.

Diary of a server failure


Another Valued Lesson...

...on the horseshit sense of security one has in running RAID5. Post-crash successful rebuilds? We've heard of them...

Facebook unveils 'next-gen' messaging system

Thumb Down

What Exciting News...

...be sure to wake me when the "Next Generation" arrives. (Or was Zuckerberg supposed to be it?) Either way, here's to spending your Thanksgiving holiday with email-complaining teenagers - - way to zero in on one's key demographic, I suppose.

MS freebie anti-virus scanner auto-downloads provoke more anger

Gates Halo

Pedantic DOS History Alert

The "MSAV" that appeared in DOS 6.0 was actually a stripped-down version of Central Point AntiVirus ("CPAV"). I'm pretty sure someone simply opened a hex editor and replaced the acronym CPAV with MSAV, and called it internal. And yes, I'm ashamed that this nugget still takes up real estate in my head.

I'm going to bravely say the Microsoft Security Essentials is probably the best attempt Redmond has made since then.

AT&T to lead Windows Phone 7's US touchdown


Put the crack pipe down, Sprint

...and get in here. You sat and watched T-Mobile eat your lunch on the G1 Android like idiots. You're not even ON the long-term radar screen for CDMA iPhone table scraps. Just how many models of a Mortorola "tough-enough-to-drive-over-drunk-because-you-obviously-will" DirectConnect flipphone targeting union pipefitters do you sincerely need to offer?

You've got decent plans, good coverage, and yet you sit idly and act like fruit-colored phones made from recycle sneakers are going to win back your share of the pie.

Wake it up, Hesse... Catch at least one boat this decade.

Mine's the one withOUT a Palm Pixi in the pocket, obviously. (Selling much of those, Dan?)


Great Carrier Choice...

...I was just thinking AT&T could use a popular mobile device to really test out its bandwidth and connectivity robustness! WTF?? Can't we, as Microsoft, figure out those who are potential WP7 users MIGHT (just might) not be current iPhone users related strictly to the default choice of retard carrier? Get other carriers on board at launch, Redmond. Don't be stupid on this one....

Monkey squad sent in to secure Commonwealth Games


Playmobil Recreation

...of the Delhi Mayor being overthrown by primates or it didn't happen.

Mine's the one with a pocket fulla feces...

Texan cooks up deep-fried Guinness

IT Angle

If nothing else...

...at least it's earned El Reg a "fried beer" tag. How often it will be used, of course, remains to be seen.

Virginia cops liberate bound goat from car trunk

IT Angle

Whatever the outcome...

...this still beats a World Cup story. We're covered on those elsewhere, thanks.

Amazing 'pulse of darkness' ray tech birthed in US gov labs


"What would you possibly use that for?"

"Un-making enormous Swiss cheese?"

iPhone 3G disappears from cellco sites

Jobs Halo

I wouldn't say completely disappeared....

Wal-Mart is VERY excited to push off a 3G iPhone on you for $97.00 USD. It's as if they've just heard of it! ^__^

Zappos.com's little sister loses $1.6m in pricing cockup


Not shafting customers?

...but you said they sold womans handbags! Which is it?

Steve Jobs issues open letter on Flash

Jobs Halo

Long but sweet

...and to the point. Surprisingly, I find myself one of those incomplete agreement with Steve. All he had to do was kick back in the hammock, toke up, and spend 15 minutes typing out your thoughts (or 2 hours on an iPad keyboard, whatever...) and tell us the story from the heart. Wasn't so hard, was it?

McAfee offers cash for clunkers


Offers CASH ?

Please, Mr. McAfee-

Just send AVG/Avira/NOD32 discs out in the mail instead, at least show some respect to the final skull&%@# of your customers. We know you're not good for the cash anyway.

Last time we could rely on your shit, it came on a 5.25" floppy. Good job on the Michaelangelo battle, and total downhill after that. Turds.

Nothing to see here, we're done.

Leonard Nimoy in 'no more Spock' shock


Upcoming book will be called...

... "I am Spock's pension check". To boldly sit in the mailbox, waiting to be collected...

Cheers to you, Leonard. My money is actually on you to be the last crew member standing...

Google nixes Nexus One on America's largest wireless network?


Certainly not the last time

...the Droid Incredible will be pointed to as an alternative to the Wrecks-us One. I've been doing it for weeks now. (That Verizon is doing so on their website is just hillarious for some reason...)

But don't fear, Google... I see another article here in the sidelines indicating that Vodasomething will offer your prized pig up for customers. Whoever they are. Is that Belgium, or Prague?

I, for one, welcome our new Android 2.1-powered overlords...

PCs, servers push Micron to profits


I did have to go check, of course....

The story is TRUE! right on, Micron. Keep making magic from sand!

Commodore 64 reincarnated as quad-core Ubuntu box

Thumb Up

Dear CommodoreUSA Webmasters:

We, the viewers, feel that your OS Page needs larger OS clipart! Especially the Chrome one. Might not be completely visible from space.

(But your technical snippets on Chrome and Comodo would be pretty hard to enhance any further, I'll grant you that.) And bonus for referring to yourself in the first person on the OSX section. Class.

Is this site truly run by Croatia?


Mystery Solved...

Area code is Broward County, Florida. (For those overseas, you may soak up the culture by watching old reruns of COPS.) Please send us your credit card information straight away...

Hardware biggest cause of HDD failure, says Freecom


What does this mean, exactly?

"The package - described by Freecom as an insurance policy for data - covers sending the damaged drive, which be kept within its host computer; you don't have to remove it - getting the data off, and the return of the recovered information on a brand new Freecom external drive."

What is this statement trying to describe? The damaged drive (which "be kept" in its host computer") doesn't need to be removed. I don't understand. Are you somehow saving yourself a hassle by shipping a whole PC (or enclosure, sure) to these guys for recovery? Is this a remore application and your damaged drive stays put and online (huh?) whilst they do this?



Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2021