Posts by David 132

In touching tribute to Samsung Note 7, fidget spinners burst in flames

Re: There's an opportunity here

"The real opportunity is Fidget Spinners: The Movie."

Who would you have direct it? Michael Bay, or Uwe Boll?

French general accused of nicking fast jet for weekend trips to the Sun

Re: Silver Spitfire

On a related note, also worth a read:

"A Higher Call", by Adam Makos - the true story of how a Luftwaffe pilot escorted a critically-damaged USAF bomber safely out of German airspace.

https://www.amazon.com/Higher-Call-Incredible-Chivalry-War-Torn/dp/0425255735

Re: There is a venerable tradition here

"Panzer? I 'ardly knew 'er..."

Bye bye MP3: You sucked the life out of music. But vinyl is just as warped

Re: You. You with the money. Yes you. Go see a live gig.

I really need to get my eyes tested. I read your subject line as "Go see a live pig" and was momentarily flummoxed by the surrealism of it.

But yeah, gigs. They're good, too.

Re: Cleaning dirty records

Yes, that works. There's also the stuff that's used when making a person's face cast (which I can't recall the name of), but glue is likely to be cheaper.

PSA: NOT plaster-of-paris, unless you want the person whose face you're casting to end up looking like a cross between Two-Face and the Phantom of the Opera. PoP generates lots of heat as it sets, and there've been many cases of people foolishly using it to take casts of their hands or other extremities, and suffering amputations as a result.

Re: Hipsters

@404: Oh, you're no fun any more.

Koh-no! Silicon Lucy blocks Qualcomm from wriggling out of FTC's chip monopoly trial

Re: SEP = Standard Essential Patent

You are truly a hoopy frood.

(if iOS autocorrect had had its way, you would be a "hoppy droid". Cupertino philistines.)

Virgin Media router security flap follows weak password expose

Re: Where are the instructions?

I haven't seen any instructions about how to do this, and rather vexingly there's no link in the article. Does anyone have the link / some guidance?

Many thanks,

A Virgin (Customer)

Don't worry, we've done it for you.

-Random Chinese Hacker Collective

Canadian sniper makes kill shot at distance of 3.5 KILOMETRES

Re: Canadians vs Americans

Was he using a Martini-Henry rifle?

Touché. Upvoted.

Wandering off-topic... here in Oregon, the "Don't Drink & Drive" roadside signs use a representation of a martini glass, of all things.

I find this highly amusing - the unavoidable mental image is of plaid-clad burly PNW lumberjacks daintily sipping their martinis in roadside taverns before getting in their logging trucks to weave unsteadily down the highway.

Re: Canadians vs Americans

Flaming gins all round!

Ineffective for sniper work - the bullets are too sloe.

Still, it's a tonic for the troops.

Two Brits nabbed amid probe into global plot to hack Microsoft network

I'd like to think that the original Microsoft denial, before nervous lawyers toned it down, went something like this:

"No customer data was accessed, and we're confident in the integrity of our software and systems... Bob Doe (53) of Boise, Idaho - the video record of the 30 seconds you spent excavating your nostrils in front of your webcam last Tuesday evening is safe with us. Molly Bloggs of Ottowa - that sexytimes note you drafted in Notepad on Monday will remain a secret between you, your boyfriend, us, and carefully-and-rigorously-selected third party marketing partners. And Tim Smith-Smythe - we know which websites you went to last week from your house in Acacia Avenue, Stoke-on-Trent, but fortunately you used Edge's Privacy Mode so only we and the Five Eyes intelligence agencies know... the hackers didn't get that either. But you might want to wipe your keyboard now. Use the yellow cloth that's to the left of your coffee-cup. No, not that one, the other one."

When we said don't link to the article, Google, we meant DON'T LINK TO THE ARTICLE!

Re: Not so easy...

Due dill?

I assume you mean "due diligence"?

"Due dill" is the term for when you ordered a burger but didn't get the pickle you were expecting.

Ooh, goody, the Streisand effect.

Anyone know the name of the company concerned? (on second thoughts, no, let's avoid getting El Reg into similar trouble)

But really, the complainant does seem to be splitting hairs. "We're not accused of criminal fraud, we're accused of investment fraud! Totally different type of fraud! You can confidently invest with the trusted company of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe!"

Telegram chat app founder claims Feds offered backdoor bribe

Re: Secure Chats

I attack the gazebo with my +1 sword!

I put on my robe and wizard hat.

Re: Secure Chats

The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.

But the water in Majorca don't taste like what it oughta.

https://youtu.be/u4VFqbroi1I

Re: Secure Chats

The significant owl hoots in the night.

The good mother makes bean soup for the errant boy.

Sorry, I think I'm in the wrong secret conversation.

Nuns chastise Google and Eric names Larry greatest human alive

Re: Nuns

Perks of working for The Register, #47*:

- You can search the image library for "sexy nuns" on company time, without anyone raising an eyebrow.

*see also: vast amounts of money, groupies, adulation, rock star status among journalists

Re: weasel words are weasel words...

"My father was a nun."

"No he wasn't, Baldrick."

"He was too! Whenever he was in court, and the judge would ask his occupation, he'd always reply 'nun'..."

Phiendish phisher gets phive years in phederal for $2m phlights phraud

Hopefully there's an extra £15 in the headline writer's pay packet this week...

Steady on...it was good, but not 100% pay-rise good...

IBM: ALL travel must be approved now, and shut up about the copter

Re: A ghoul stood on a bridge one night..

"A ghoul stood on a bridge one night..

..its face was all a-quiver.

It gave a cough,

its leg fell off,

and floated down the river."

I have no idea what the relevance of this is to the story under discussion, but thank you anyway for reminding me of a limerick I last heard when I was, ooh, about 9 years old.

Industrial Light & Magic: 40 years of Lucas's pioneering FX-wing

Re: Exactly spot-on!

Oh, and that little project began life as "Adventures of Luke Starkiller, as Taken From the Journal of the Whills, Saga I: The Star Wars"

What an amazingly catchy title. Why on earth did he change it? /s

Also a must-see: "The Escapades of Indiana Johnson, As Related To His Chiropodist, Installment 1: The Temple Of Deadly Doom"

Re: Rogue1

Ditto. The number of people who can't spell Rogue and confuse it with ladies facial make-up is astounding.

Yeah, red faces all round.

'Odour' from AnalTech ramming leads to hazmat team callout

Re: Not a biometric ID thing then

@tedleaf Upvoted for mention of Bleak Expectations. I miss Mr Gently Benevolent.

Re: Not a biometric ID thing then

No doubt there is a developer stoolkit.

I do not want to see the sample library for that one.

Re: Not a biometric ID thing then

Not my fault, it was someone on a forum eons ago suggesting that arse-prints could be unique identifiers and number two factor authentication is a logical step.

Motion detection is already a common part of security systems, unless I've misunderstood the term.

Re: Fnar Fnar

On a related note, I have had to explain to my (previously, baffled) American colleagues that "...as the actress said to the Bishop" is the Brit equivalent of "...that's what she said".

Do other languages have equivalent phrases, I wonder.

Re: Fnar Fnar

All publications have their preferred style guide. The Telegraph has Fowler's or the Oxford Style Manual; the New York Times has Strunk & White... and El Reg has Roger's Profanisaurus.

Vegemite tries to hijack Qantas name-our-planes competition

Re: How about....................

I think you should sit very quietly in the corner and reflect on what you just did.

Re: Ona serios note

Let me guess - you know how to start spelling "meringue" but don't know how to stop?

(Unless there's a cultural reference I'm missing. So many. So hard to keep track.)

"iPlane 2.0"

If they can't use Vegemite...

How about naming a plane "Parwill"?

(look it up).

Re: Honor Australia's Greatest Hero.

Hmm.

This isn't a widebody aircraft, and it'll be flying over vast tracts of Outback. So for most of the time it'll be a slim dusty plane. I feel like there's a connection to an Aussie hero there, but can't quite put my finger on it.

Icon - beer, but bring your own because the pub doesn't have any.

How about Bruce, Sheila, Blue, Mate, Bludger, Drongo, Kylie and Madge - that seems to cover the aussie spectrum, right?

What, no "Skippy"??

And I suppose that naming one "Rolf" would be, uh, in poor taste these days?

Penguin icon because it's cladistically a type of kangaroo.

Re: Call one EMC after the famous Aussie physicist who put bubbles into beer.

What do you mean Young Einstein wasn't a biopic?

You should check by using Google, or Yahoo. Seriously.

Wonky whitelist update blamed for AT&T's nationwide 911 blackout

"This outage could have been prevented," said Pai. "It was the result of mistakes made by AT&T...."

Given that this is Ajit Pai you're quoting, are you quite sure you didn't mis-hear what he said?

I suggest that this would be more likely...

"This outage could have been prevented. It was the result of smothering government regulation passed by the Obama regime, which has for too long held back this noble and hard-working corporation from offering distinctive, value-added services to customers prepared to pay for a premium 911 service..."

Windows 10: Triumphs and tragedies from Microsoft Build

Re: OK, I give

It's not the word "Creators" that has the Aussies riled, but the assumption that the third season of the year is "Fall":

The "Creators" concept is rather tangential both to the new features and to Windows users in general. As for Fall [emphasis mine], I remarked to another journalist at Build that the name was US-centric. "Imagine how it goes down in Australia," he replied.

Imagery of falling leaves and frosty mornings probably won't resonate with those Down Under, who will at that time of the year be more concerned with throwing shrimps on the barbie, adding Vegemite to tinnies, tying corks to their hats, watching out for drop-bears, playing knifey-spoony, tying kangaroos down, wrestling crocodiles, and other traditional local pursuits that I am 100% sure are accurate and not based on clichéd stereotypes.

The icon is a pint of Castlemaine XXXX, which as everyone knows is the only beer available down there.

China's first large passenger jet makes maiden flight

On the plus side, instant familiarity

"But the wider aviation industry won't feel competitive pressure, as the C919 includes parts from many established aviation companies"

Indeed - blueprints from Boeing, materials formulae from Airbus, software generously provided free of charge by BAE, who don't even know they did so... this is a Chinese plane, after all...

Chip design chap arrested for using photocopier

Huali will totes obey, absolutely

so TSMC has warned Huali Micro not to use “illegally acquired business documents and information”.

Mm, I'm sure no PRC company would dream of using sensitive commercial information that had been acquired unlawfully.

Apple blocks comms-snooping malware

"a OSX software product"

"from App Store"

"reopen you browser"

We'll be in real trouble if these morons ever learn to proof-read their English. Until then, "please to be fucking off".

Oracle links to LinkedIn so its salesware can sniff you out

Targeted spam is still spam

you'll receive targeted marketing rather than spam.

Aargh, can we squish this right now please?

Despite the best efforts of the ad industry to redefine words to mean exactly what they want... spam is what used to be called Unsolicited Commercial E-Mail. Targeted marketing is still spam if I didn't ask for it (and believe me, I didn't, don't, and won't ever). In fact it's the worst kind of spam, because it shows that the sender has dug into my life, my habits and my preferences like some creepy stalker.

Grrr.

Linux Mint-using terror nerd awaits sentence for training Islamic State

Re: Low tech

UserMcUser And while we're on the subject, who needs help planning the "drive a large vehicle into a crowd" type of terrorist attack? Seems like everything you need to know is in the description.

Indeed. Isn't the sentence "a drive-a-large-vehicle-into-a-crowd terrorist attack" both a factual description, but also more worryingly, technically a terrorism how-to instruction manual as defined by the UK's current hysterical and overly-loose anti-terror laws? I mean, put the words "Step 1:" in front of the phrase and whoops, off to Parkhurst you go.

China launches aircraft carrier the length of 13.6 brontosauruses

Re: badgers

@Nolveys The mass difference between male and female African badgers is negligible, but if we are talking about European badgers then it's a different story.

And of course if it's honey badgers , well, I hear they don't give a ****.

Come to think of it, an aircraft vessel made of 5.7 million honey badgers would certainly send out that certain "don't mess with us" message. Anyone want to suggest it to President Trump?

Re: badgers

Yeah, and the subhead claims it weighs as much as "5.7 million" badgers, yet the third paragraph specifies "5.74 million". That's some rounding error. Do 40,000 adult badgers mean so little to you, Register writers? Are you so callous and inured to the world that a compressed stack of millions of badgers is merely a numerical curiosity? For shame! I shall be cancelling my subscription forthwith, etc.

Re: Bollocks

If you finely slice a adult brontie at an angle (to look classy) and lay the bits end on end, it'll easily reach 100m in length.

Yeah, but you've then got the problem of finding a large enough serving plate, cocktail sticks, and bowl of dip. It never all gets eaten, and honestly, who has fridge space for half a leftover sliced brontosaurus?

@Gene Cash

engineers from Kawasaki and Yamaha, coming over looking at Triumph bikes and learning from them

"ok, now we know what NOT to do..."

"Hmm. This Western technology is fiendishly complicated. What possible advantage is there to having all the oil on the OUTSIDE of the engine?"

Reg reader offered £999,998 train ticket from Cambridge to Horley

Re: More guidance needed

Assuming you missed A level maths

I did, and until your explanation I'd always wondered what the term "an integrated rail network" meant.

LinkedIn U-turns on Bluetooth-enabled 'Tinder for marketers'

What you did there, I see it..

It admitted the delivery of the prompt to enable this feature was a bit off and promised a prompt revision.

Har har.

But seriously. According to the article this update was pitched as including only "general bug fixes and performance improvements". This is one of my pet peeves at the moment - marketroids abusing the update process to foist new features that benefit them, and lying to us about it.

Want us to keep up-to-date with security patches? Want us to accept SaaS-type continuous updates?

Well, that requires trust that the updates are necessary and will benefit us, not annoy us.The way they're going, all they're doing is causing more and more people to switch off auto-update systems (I myself have disabled the Windows Update service on my Windows boxes, for the first time ever - I simply don't trust MSFT any more).

Apple wets its pants over Swatch ad tagline

Re: Daft thing is ...

@tiggity because we like knowing the time easily (e.g. whilst underwater (waterproof), without having to get a phone out of pocket / shock horror might not even habitually carry a phone)

Yes, I hate having to get my phone out of my pocket while I'm underwater.

Re: This is what lawyers do

Am I really the only person here who speaks English?

Bljatlh 'e' ylmev, tlhingan maH!

But on a lighter note, this is an oldie, but worth a read for those of us who don't know how to Talk Foreign:

http://www.zompist.com/phrases.html

Prisoners built two PCs from parts, hid them in ceiling, connected to the state's network and did cybershenanigans

Oops, I see others had already made the "lag" pun on page 2 of this thread - that'll teach me to be slow. Don't upvote me, spend it on people who are more original instead :(